• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Odd Request - Horse-related sympathy gift?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Odd Request - Horse-related sympathy gift?

    I live in TX and my best friend is in Bucks County, PA. We met at horse camp (Natalie Johnson's) in 5th grade, and have been close for decades now.

    She just lost her 9 month old baby to AT/RT, a rare type of brain cancer.

    I want to send her some sort of sympathy gift... that is horse-related - maybe containing a stuffed pony, or something.

    I might have to just pull it together myself, but before doing so, I was wondering if any of you COTHers might know of a place that does what I'm thinking of, and can deliver or mail the gift. tia!

  • #2
    Perhaps a donation to a therapeutic riding group in her baby's name?

    I can't imagine the loss.

    Comment


    • #3
      Maybe a donation to an equine rescue. I guess something to give hope during such an incredibly difficult time. I am so sorry for your friend.
      http://thepitchforkchronicles.com

      Comment


      • #4
        sympathy gift

        I give to Morris Animal Foundation earmarked for equine or Best Friends Animal Sanctuary or the local/state Large Animal Vet School hospital.

        Comment


        • #5
          Does she own property large enough to plant a tree? Not really specifically horse-y, but many horse folk do also plant a tree or flowering shrub, for remembrance.
          Jessi Pizzurro ~~ Pennyroyal Stables
          Racehorses, OTTBs ~~ 330 383 1281
          Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. -- John Wayne

          Comment


          • #6
            My DH bought me a stone that reads "I will listen for your hoof beats in Heaven" I treasure it! In my case it is on my Guy's grave, but it would be wonderful in a garden or landscape. I also have memory stones with the names of kitties and dogs I have lost scattered through my garden. Every time I see the stones I smile with happy memories. They are gone but not forgotten!

            The stones are available through most horse/pet catalogs.
            "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there"

            Comment


            • #7
              Oh, how awful!

              I vote for flowers with a small horse ornament or charm, or as you suggested, a little stuffed horse. I'd call some florists and ask them. Perhaps you could send the horse-y item, and they could work it into the arrangement.

              Geez, I am so sorry for your friend.
              I have a Fjord! Life With Oden

              Comment


              • #8
                I would think that any stuffed animal would be in exceptionally poor taste. I would be mortified if I lost a child and someone gave me a stuffed toy. JMHO. Donations are always appropriate and, now more than ever, desperately needed.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Donation to an equine rescue in the baby's memory.

                  Like Coreene, I feel a toy might be too painful for your friend to receive right now.
                  *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
                  Steppin' Out 1988-2004
                  Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
                  Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    As a mother, my heart goes out to your friend. I can't begin to imagine her pain.

                    Please don't give her a stuffed animal or anything baby- or child-related ---- too painful. As others have suggested, a donation in the baby's name or a tree to plant would be an appropriate gesture. If she has other children, doing something that would benefit them (gift certificate to do something fun) might be a nice gesture.

                    A few years ago a friend had a terrible loss. Her childhood best friend sent her a card or note once a week for an entire year. Sometime she sent a silly drawing, or funny card, or just a note with a few words. I later asked the best friend how she did it, and she said she kept a stack of cards/notes addressed/stamped and ready to mail, and every Friday she put one in the mail. The woman who was grieving told me many times how that got her through her grief.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I was tempted a few times to send hugs to friends who needed them (not as bad as the OP's friend though)

                      The original idea I had picked up on TV some place, a trace of both hands connected with a strip of paper, the length of the arms.

                      Personally I would substitute gloves and a scarf...but then again, it needs a lot of explanation...

                      I love the idea of the regular cards as well.

                      If you do go the route of a tree or shrub (I planted a rose bush last year to honor my sister) try to find a nursery near her place, it helps getting pants hardy to her area that way.

                      My thoughts and prayers to the grieving parents!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I don't think a stuffed animal is a hurtful remembrance. ?? Often you see teddy bears on a child's grave. Sometimes they are covered with teddy bears and other similar toys. ?? So, OP, if you did send a stuffed pony, don't feel bad.

                        People grieve in different ways. There's really no telling what might comfort the mother's heart vs. what will hurt her. I think, though, that a general rule of thumb is -- any effort made out of genuine compassion will probably be appreciated.

                        My dad passed away a few weeks ago. My mom received a lot of flowers, and she did appreciate them. I (personally) thought it was sad as the flowers faded away and had to be thrown away. But that didn't seem to bother her. She also received donations to a charity that had been important to my dad. (The charity was specified in his obit -- "In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to...") When the charity received a donation in his name, they sent an acknowledgement to my mom; and those meant a lot to her too. But it wasn't just a random charity that the sender picked out; it was an organization that my dad was active in and cared a lot about.

                        Anyway, OP, I'm very sorry for your friend, and kudos to you for trying to do something kind for her.
                        I have a Fjord! Life With Oden

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Coreene View Post
                          I would think that any stuffed animal would be in exceptionally poor taste. I would be mortified if I lost a child and someone gave me a stuffed toy. JMHO. Donations are always appropriate and, now more than ever, desperately needed.
                          Agree 110%. The loss of a child is touchy territory. I like the idea of a rosebush or a flowering tree, and/or a donation in the child's name to a rescue or therapeutic riding organization.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Wow-- the letters is a great idea. It's so simple and so thoughtful.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm so sorry for your friends loss - and it's lovely that she has friends like you who feel for her.

                              Personally I'd go along the lines of a weekend away together - sometime a month or several into the future - something you can talk about looking forward to when you need to get her back on a positive footing. Often people are very sympathetic for the first month or so but then everyone else's live goes back to 'normal' leaving the bereaved person feeling very alone. Giving something to look forward to after everything else has calmed down might be just the thing - it can always be horse related - a trip to Rolex? A weekend rounding cattle... It isn't necessarily permanent - though you will always have the pictures - or you could make it an annual event to celebrate the life of her baby.

                              Here in the UK our biggest equine rescue charity enables you to buy a tree/trees that are planted in and around the rescued horses fields providing shelter for the vulnerable horses that need it and you can go visit any time and sit under your tree and see the horses who benefit. They also have plaques etc commemorating the person, or pet the tree was donated for.

                              Is there something equivalent? However, just like if you give a tree to your friend and she moves home, there is a risk the charity will outgrow their premises and you may no longer have access to the tree.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by Jessi P View Post
                                Does she own property large enough to plant a tree? Not really specifically horse-y, but many horse folk do also plant a tree or flowering shrub, for remembrance.
                                "Horse" Chestnut Trees do well around here. I'm not in Bucks County but if you need some help with finding a nursery or anything let me know - I'd be happy to lend a hand.

                                Originally posted by Misty113 View Post
                                Wow-- the letters is a great idea. It's so simple and so thoughtful.
                                I also think this is a lovely idea - as is the mailed "hug" - who doesn't like to get mail? A funny card or a quick note could be just the pick me up she needs to get through her day.

                                As a mother, I couldn't even begin to imagine how devastated I would be to lose a child. I agree with the others who have said to stay away from stuffed animals. I think something like that would just tear my heart out - imagining the lost child clutching it. Morbid, I know but sometimes you can't help where your mind goes and if her baby loved stuffed animals her mind may very well go there.

                                If you decide to make a donation, Ryers Home for Aged Equines is a well established place that has been around for around a century. They own their own property and won't be going anywhere. They also let people visit. Maybe you could donate an apple tree - I'm sure the residents would approve.

                                Thorncroft is a therapeutic riding program that has been around for a long time as well. They also own their own property and would be happy for donations.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #17
                                  Wow, thank you all for your thoughtful help. It's amazing how my brain is sidelined by shock/sadness/grief... not being able to think creatively here. Such wonderful, wonderful ideas.

                                  My friend and I are the type to always send each other "playful" sorts of gifts... so, a My Little Pony as a 30th birthday present, Barbie Show Horses for Christmas... not to mention stuffed animals at every turn... it's just what we do... so I guess I just went there out of habit.

                                  But I have to agree that a stuffed animal at this time might be too tear-inspiring. Perhaps not as in such "poor taste" as it seems to others, since we frequently give them to each other... but I definitely do not want to cause more sadness. So I appreciate your opinions, very much... that hadn't crossed my mind.

                                  Thank you as well to people who have PMed me... ya'll are so caring. I'm really blown away by the wonderful ideas. I'll have to let you know what I do.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by Nin View Post
                                    I think, though, that a general rule of thumb is -- any effort made out of genuine compassion will probably be appreciated.
                                    This is the absolute truth. What always shines through is the love and caring.
                                    www.specialhorses.org
                                    a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Your caring enough to so something will say it all.

                                      I don't think a stuffed horse would be inappropriate, especially considering you 2 have always given gifts like that to each other.

                                      Perhaps send her a sweet, heartfelt card, with letter inserted, if you wish, and a stuffed horse, or flowers, or food. (food is always a good way to go) And then in a couple of months, when the pain isn't so fresh, I'd take her away for a weekend of riding or spa-ing, etc.

                                      Just being there for her and offering her things to do to move on with life will be a huge help. Everyone that is grieving needs a friend stable enough to see the rest of the world out there, rather than just focusing on the tragedy.
                                      Strong promoter of READING the entire post before responding.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I agree that a stuffed animal might not be the best idea, although it might be different since it is a common gift between the two of you.

                                        I liked the idea of flowers with a keepsake charm attached. Something like this, maybe? http://www.equestrianjewelry.com/Pro...ductid=EQE0061

                                        A tree, personal letter, or donation to a charity are also nice ideas.

                                        Someone I knew wrote a card in which they promised to take the person to a nice dinner at some time in the future when the bereaved person was ready.

                                        I think anything heartfelt will be appreciated.
                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                        "I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." --Vincent Van Gogh

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X