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Lazy parents..Don't take you to barn?

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  • Not to ring my own bell or anything but I still think my post (middle of page 7), along with very few others, are the only ones that make an attempt to be constructive here. The rest of you are absolutely not addressing the issue, you are attacking the poster.

    Nyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

    C'mon guys, give my post a read. Feedback welcome.

    And BornToFly, if you are still with us (brave girl!) let us know how you are weathering this storm.

    "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."
    -Louisa May Alcott
    "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." ~ Jack Layton

    Comment


    • MyShadeOfPink - If I live to be 100 I don't think I will EVER read a post more intelligent or better written than yours.

      I bow to your kinder nature.

      My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

      Comment


      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lilblackhorse:
        ask nicely, help around the house, and someday TALK to your folks and let them know how much you appreciate them and what they do for you and tell them how much the riding means to you---how can you compromise or help out the situation? Can you organize a carpool or something? Earn money for gas? Just thoughts...

        <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


        well Hitch, here you go, I posted this one page ONE...I think this was pretty constructive. No, I didn't give her a script, I figured she's almost 16, so she should be able to find the correct words to speak to her parents. What did you find the matter with this? This certainly didn't attack the poster--it was said to show the parent's point of view, and give her some honest, doable things that she could follow through on to gain the respect and admiration of her parents.

        Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

        "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

        Ellipses users clique ...
        TGFPT,HYOOTGP

        Comment


        • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hitchinmygetalong:
          _Not to ring my own bell or anything_ but I still think my post (middle of page 7), along with _very_ few others, are the only ones that make an attempt to be constructive here. The rest of you are absolutely not addressing the issue, you are attacking the poster.

          Nyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

          C'mon guys, give my post a read. Feedback welcome.

          And BornToFly, if you are still with us (brave girl!) let us know how you are weathering this storm.

          _"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."_
          -Louisa May Alcott<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

          I tried

          -Kelsey-
          It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
          http://www.gottaride.net/forums

          Comment


          • BTF, I'm trying to ignore the last nine pages and just offer a suggestion: if you ride after school, perhaps one reason your mom is reluctant to drive you is because it interferes with dinner preparation. Maybe you could offer to prepare (or help prepare) some meals over the weekend that could be frozen and then easily reheated during the week when you get back from the barn. I know I would have LOVED this kind of help back when I was driving a taxi for teens.

            And a second suggestion: you might diffuse some of what's going on here if you were to rewrite the title of this thread.

            Agedbayhunter, an aged mom who has seen it all!

            Comment


            • Hey guys, I think this thread could seriously win a "Best of COTH" award with just a little more effort

              elizabeth...don't give me too much credit. My house is a disaster, my hubby is cranky and my horses had to stay up tonight (they HATE that) because hubby doesn't do turnout blankets and I was too tired to get to the barn and he had to feed. And my 10 yo daughter has already asked me how old she had to be to move out. Of course I responded that I would be happy to help her look for an apt on her 11th birthday. Seriously, I will say she's a really good kid and I'm lucky to be her mom.

              Hitch, I think constructive criticism was lost on this kid, at least in the beginning. Calling her stupid did seem a little harsh, but I personally thought "brat" WAS fitting.

              Comment


              • I think you are right Belladonna...there was a lot of very constructive ideas in the first few pages that were lost on her. C'est la vie.

                Your kid wants to move out, eh? LOL--and people laughed at me (Now I don't remember who it was,it's probably due to the drinking), but I highly recommend keeping a box of wine on the backporch for these evenings. It may not be cold enough in VA for your to have it cold, like mine, but I highly recommend it. After the second glass on night like you have had, you can barely hear the screaming and complaining coming from the kids. Makes cooking dinner that much more exciting too ...worked for Julia Child

                Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

                "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

                Ellipses users clique ...
                TGFPT,HYOOTGP

                Comment


                • LBH Fortunately all 3 kiddos are tucked away nicely. I'd love a good glass of wine now, but I was unfortunately "blessed" with an overactive hangover response. No drinking for me during the week (even 1 glass) or I won't be rising in the morning. And mom worried when I was a rebel teen that I'd become an alcoholic.. She should have just worried that I wouldn't survive my teenage years and left it at that. She always was a worrywart.

                  Comment


                  • Well, I could nominate this thread for Best of COTH... since at first I was just interested in what y'all had to say to BTF... But after hearing everyone's stories, I'm realizing how much luckier I am/was than I thought (and I did know I was lucky).

                    Thanks guys. It's time to phone home and thank my parents again. (4th-year Univ. student whose horse is finally for sale. I'm still a bit stunned I made it this long with a horse - and it never would have happened without my parents, coach, and barn-owner who is more like a second mom to me. Barn/house chores to do for her this weekend too I guess!!)

                    Blugal

                    Anything easy has its cost. -Barenaked Ladies
                    Blugal

                    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng

                    Comment


                    • Ride your bike.

                      My parents drove me to my horse's barn ... let's see ... perhaps three times in six years. I was there seven days a week, 365 days a year despite their "laziness." I never missed a single day. During the winter, I got cold. During the summer, I got hot. During the rain, I got wet. It was worth it.

                      Kandace

                      The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlive it -- William James
                      The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlive it -- William James

                      Comment


                      • Oh my goodness what has happened here!?!

                        Breezy, what kind of responses were those. You are showing the same maturity level as the teenager with the name calling and such. Jeez, lighten up.

                        Now I am not a parent, thank goodness, but I work with teenagers all summer and maybe it is the area I live in but she sounds pretty typical. She is a good kid that is obviously being a teenager and is writing on a forum with her version of her life. I can guarantee she is probably a sweet and thoughtful girl in person with typical teenage angsts. Jeez, for my area she is still more thoughtful than most but then again this is Northern Virginia.

                        I remember that all I had to do to lease a horse in high school was to have A's and B's well every semester I would have a C or such and there would be a long lecture and I would moan and cry and beg that just do it for me and I would keep those grades up. Well I only was able to do it one semester and how I blamed my parents for being mean and stingy. Well hindsight has shown me that it is my fault. It was so easy to fix, the grades wouldn't have been that difficult if I had really tried but I didn't. She is the same. I also think her generation is much more likely to do most of their daily "talking" on line. So no I don't think she is anymore awful for saying her parents are lazy here. That was her perception at that moment, obviously an exageration but still her opinion. Please everyone who is bashing her, are you telling me way back when, when you were a teenager, there was no teenage rebellion, no snotty behavior, no complaining to friends about your mother!?! PLEASE. I know I complained, I know I still complain. Most of my friend's parents were just as screwed up as the teenagers. Sure I get along very well with my parents, especially my father now, but even 5 years ago there was alot of unresolved problems that got in the way.

                        BTF, I know what it is like to have a mother who is clinically depressed. My mother is finally taking meds now but was not when I was growing up. I can tell you we all know when she goes off of them and know to warn the others. I think you have been given some constructive criticism here as well as some rotten insults. Take from here what you need ot better your situation. And just an FYI, though I completely agree with you and say the same thing about my husband, don't say you are training or conditioning your parents. I know where you are coming from but I don't think others are appreciating it. You are on the right track and I use the same training tactics for people as I do with horses. Works every time!

                        Good luck and don't take the insults to heart. No one here really knows you so no one can really insult you. They are only insulting the "image" that has been portrayed here, not the real you.

                        Grab mane and kick on!
                        www.shadowgatefarm.com
                        Grab mane and kick on!

                        http://www.ashleykriegeleventing.com/

                        Comment


                        • Sorry guys. As mean &/or cruel as you may feel my posts have been, I refuse to rescind or apologize for "stupid", "twit", or "spoiled brat".

                          If my grandmother were still alive today, I would STILL be ready to kiss her feet for getting up at the crack of dawn to drive me to my once-a-week riding lesson. My dad went to work at 5 a.m. & didn't get home until after 8 p.m. My mom never learned to drive. Grandma was it. Not only did she take me to my weekly lesson, but always treated me to breakfast afterwards, & always bought me little treats - like horse/riding books, riding gloves, crops. You know, nice little things that meant an awful lot to a horse-crazy little girl.

                          All of you here who continue claiming that "we're getting through" to this initial poster apparently aren't reading all the posts. You must have missed the one where she says "how hard can it be to drive a car with a dislocated shoulder"? Is this young woman REALLY this callous?? And then the claim that her "mood" turns for the worse if she "doesn't get to see her horse when she wants to". And throws fits if she doesn't get her own way? That's just downright scarey.

                          I can't believe that I am the only one here who finds this person's mindset - horse or no horse - VERY disturbing. VERY, VERY disturbing. "Stupid", "twit", & "spoiled brat" don't even begin to describe how disturbing these posts are.

                          My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

                          [This message was edited by breezymeadow on Jan. 20, 2004 at 11:06 PM.]

                          Comment


                          • breezy, I for one, do not feel you should rescind your posts. It's the way you feel. I happen to lean way closer to your side of things. I tend to be pretty blunt about these things, and I certainly have an opinion too. On the other hand, I'm attempting to not alienate this kid either. Who knows what her life is really like, and scarey as it may seem, we could be the only voice of reason she has.

                            This kid asked for advice and she got it. And I've been called stupid before, primarily because I was acting that way.

                            Comment


                            • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by b0rntofly:
                              She is also very sore from a shoulder injury but I've just thought...How hard is it to drive when your shoulders hurt?
                              <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


                              Hey Breezy...I support you, but just for the record, I think she meant that she was trying to condition and train the HORSE.

                              However, in all this hubbub, I missed that line that I quoted above. Good grief, that takes the cake. I've been reading how some people are saying that "we're getting through"...yeah right. There are several young posters here who have had some lovely, thought provoking posts. I hope BTF really reads these and puts some serious thought towards them. Then again, the words of my mother come floating back to me "Honey, you're pissing up a rope." Somehow that's what I see in this thread.

                              I am just as disturbed that all the good ideas and comments from kids her age, and from parents alike haven't made a dent. I've yet to read anyone saying "Hey, those nasty lazy parents, how DARE they not drive you out to see the horse that they bought for you!" Maybe that's what she's holding out for....support for her side. Somehow, I doubt after 9 pages that's gonna happen.

                              I have shared this thread with my two children. FWIW, they are apalled at the behavior and comments posted by this poster. I still say she should be ashamed of herself.

                              Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

                              "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson
                              Ellipses users clique ...
                              TGFPT,HYOOTGP

                              Comment


                              • THANK YOU!!!!! I knew that I couldn't possibly be the only person here who finds this young woman's behavior shocking, to say the least.

                                (Oh, & you're right & I stand corrected. She WAS talking about "training/conditioning" the horse. My error & I apologize for apparently getting caught up in the frenzy of the moment. . . .)

                                My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

                                Comment


                                • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
                                  Now I'M confused. What name calling? "Twit"? Is that what you all are talking about? Must be, because that's the only thing I can find in my posts.

                                  And I REFUSE to retract it, if that's what the brouhaha is about. This poster has the nerve to post on a public board that her parents are too "lazy" to drive her to the barn to see her horse????<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                  I agree with you. This person hasn't shown any clue that she understands how she's coming across.

                                  I was so tired today after work that I was thrilled to get the horses fed and get back inside with a glass of wine and a blanket (I was cold - lol!). I can't imagine having to cart some ungrateful kid around after a day like I had today. These kinds of posts make me happy I can't have kids; otherwise, I might throttle one
                                  "Dogs are man's best friend. Cats are man's adorable little serial killer." -- theoatmeal.com

                                  Comment


                                  • i find it interesting that i posted that i too am in mn and asked BTF where in mn she was-that perhaps i could help her out

                                    havent heard a word in response

                                    signed---- ME
                                    (toned down sig as to not offend others
                                    Co-founder of White Trash Dressage (WTD)
                                    http://www.lulu.com/mavw1971
                                    also available on Amazon.com
                                    http://www.cafepress.com/wtdressage

                                    Comment


                                    • Horse Poor, I believe there was a post a few pages back where BTF said she would return in the morning. So she must have had to sign off. Most people can't just sit on the computer all night you know.

                                      We probably all agree that BTF's initial post and the title of the thread weren't very nice, but it may not have been at all as it sounds.

                                      FWIW, I think all these suggestions have merit. Some may be useful to BTF, but not all will work in her case.

                                      And to whoever said all mommies and daddies are forgiving, sadly, this is not always the case. The only qualification for being a parent is to simply possess the right biological equipment that is in working order.

                                      I was a teenager living in a very abusive environment. In dysfunctional families people often have assigned roles. Mine was the "scapegoat". As an adult I know that my dad could not stand the sight of me. Why I don't know. I probably reminded him of some part of himself he could not accept. I was never allowed to be successful at anything. Ever. Horse? Most of the little riding I did was an occasional visit to the local hack barn, and then only if I was not on the "bad list", and I had to pay for it.

                                      Even then I knew that I could not speak of what was really happening without coming across as a spoiled brat. It was written off as "typical teenage angst"--we all "know" that teenagers are: unhappy, think their parents are monsters, are "spoiled and indulged" as my mother would say, etc. So what do you do when your parent IS a REAL monster. I learned to suck it up and try to act "cool". I clammed up and wouldn't say anything to anybody. I almost died as a result.

                                      Of course, if I could do it all again, knowing what I now know, things would have been very different. Young people are at a disadvantage this way.

                                      So I believe giving BTF some benefit of the doubt as to what she is really saying might be a good idea. At least she remained on the board for some time and responded to the suggestions, maybe not always appropriately, but at least she started to open up about the real issues. But only to have them slammed back in her face. If it had been me, I would have gotten the heck off the BB and never come back.

                                      Also, I think modeling is the best route here. Why would anyone respect someone who calls them bad names or writes them off as spoilt. What BTF probably wants the most is validation that her problem is real, and then ideas for how to address it. Bear in mind that what worked in your case might not work in hers.

                                      Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique
                                      Snap Dragon's mom.

                                      Comment


                                      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scootie:
                                        Horse Poor, I believe there was a post a few pages back where BTF said she would return in the morning. So she must have had to sign off. Most people can't just sit on the computer all night you know.

                                        <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


                                        no we cant sit on the computer all night but considering i made the offer on the 19th----ie 3 DAYS AGO....

                                        doesnt matter to me-----i am siding with breezy on this one-----i rode my bike to the barn when i was a teen---for gawds sake i even chose to buy a horse over a car----my parents told me i could use my savings account for either a car or a horse. i rode that bike, begged rides from friends, and was at the "mercy" of my parents to get me to the barn. i was thrilled when my parents even inquired into my horse's well being--i cannot imagine them actually buying a horse for me or supporting it. i paid for everything, worked 2 jobs to pay for it, went to high school and even got good grades.

                                        i am a parent now as well and if my kids even so much breathed that i was too lazy to take them to the barn/tae kwon do, hockey, etc, whatever activity they were whining about would be gone justlikethat. and if i found out they posted about the said laziness on a public forum, their butts would be sitting at home doing NOTHING.

                                        i have very little tolerance for ingratefulness.

                                        signed---- ME
                                        (toned down sig as to not offend others
                                        Co-founder of White Trash Dressage (WTD)
                                        http://www.lulu.com/mavw1971
                                        also available on Amazon.com
                                        http://www.cafepress.com/wtdressage

                                        Comment


                                        • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
                                          Sorry guys. As mean &/or cruel as you may feel my posts have been, I refuse to rescind or apologize for "stupid", "twit", or "spoiled brat".

                                          If my grandmother were still alive today, I would STILL be ready to kiss her feet for getting up at the crack of dawn to drive me to my once-a-week riding lesson. My dad went to work at 5 a.m. & didn't get home until after 8 p.m. My mom never learned to drive. Grandma was it. Not only did she take me to my weekly lesson, but always treated me to breakfast afterwards, & always bought me little treats - like horse/riding books, riding gloves, crops. You know, nice little things that meant an awful lot to a horse-crazy little girl.

                                          All of you here who continue claiming that "we're getting through" to this initial poster apparently aren't reading all the posts. You must have missed the one where she says "how hard can it be to drive a car with a dislocated shoulder"? Is this young woman REALLY this callous?? And then the claim that her "mood" turns for the worse if she "doesn't get to see her horse when she wants to". And throws fits if she doesn't get her own way? That's just downright scarey.

                                          I can't believe that I am the only one here who finds this person's mindset - horse or no horse - VERY disturbing. VERY, VERY disturbing. "Stupid", "twit", & "spoiled brat" don't even begin to describe how disturbing these posts are.

                                          My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".

                                          [This message was edited by breezymeadow on Jan. 20, 2004 at 11:06 PM.]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                          You are NOT the only one who is thinking that this girl has got to be joking.

                                          And like I said previously- I don't care what kind of medicine she is on, or what she says, your mood being affected because you cannot go to the barn EVERY DAY is not normal. I don't get out there every day, sometimes I don't get out there often, and it bothers me, yes, but does it depress me even further? No.

                                          The longer this thread gets, the less likely she is to read it.

                                          And as I suggested to her earlier- go thru and read EVERY SINGLE POST and write down EVERY idea...then throw out the BAD (after you have considered it, REALLY given it a chance) and keep the decent.

                                          Everything anyone has said to BTF on this thread is valid- she is ungrateful, she is a brat. And if she really doesn't want to be seen this way, she needs to shape up- NOW.

                                          You know, I want to have as many kids as I can dish out love for, and afford to have. This makes me think about changing my mind.

                                          My boyfriend's parents raised three kids on $30k a year- on average- there were years that his dad was unemployed. All three kids were in a private school, and they had everything they ever NEEDED, and then some things that they wanted. But they seriously never asked for much because they are NOT materialistic. They know what they had and are grateful for it.

                                          I tend to be a bit more materialistic but I am growing out of it. BTF you need to think about this. The world does not revolve around THINGS (horses). There are a lot bigger problems out there for people to be dealing with than you.

                                          -Kelsey-
                                          And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.

                                          Comment

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