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Lazy parents..Don't take you to barn?

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  • I think it had to do with the comments you made to me earlier today where you mentioned your dog.

    Like I had said, as parents, we all start out with starry eyes and plans for how it will be when we raise our children, and what we hope for them. Sometimes, no matter how we do as parents, they don't always react the way we hope. I wish you luck when you have children Elizabeth. My friend is a psychologist-she kept telling me how things were going to be with her two sons, when the second one was born. I quietly smiled to myself and chuckled "right"...she'll see. And now that she's in the thick of it with two young children, she doesn't make those boastful statements any longer. My take here is just that it's hard to see the side of the parent when you are not one yourself-and being a dog owner doesn't count.

    I can't speak for what Belladonna Lilly meant, but that's my take on it.

    Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

    "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

    Ellipses users clique ...
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    • I suppose I was slightly offended by your holier than thou approach to childraising when you haven't a clue as to what you're talking about. The thought that you would give your child EVERYTHING he/she wanted and expect that by example only, everything would work out just peachy is just, wow...

      I shouldn't have been mean but I personally know people with parenting "ideas" along those same lines that actually HAVE children. These children are selfish little monsters and will have so much trouble when they enter the real world. Very sad, actually.

      Comment


      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by breezymeadow:
        Wanderlust - let's just cry on each others shoulders - & let this stupid brat figure out her own problem. . . . .

        My body is a temple - unfortunately, it's a "fixer-upper".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

        Are you kidding me???

        Do you know what it feels like to be called stupid?? I couldn't care less if this is the internet, words hurt and can have damaging effects. Honestly breezymeadow, you are one of the posters on this board that I respect the most and I can't believe some of the things I'm reading from you.

        Brat? Sure. Twit? Stupid? What right do you have to name-call?!

        Yes, BTF needs a reality check. Not a huge slap in the face.

        Kudos to all of the posters who are trying to help her see the other side of things. From what I've read from BTF's posts she has a lot to learn but is willing to listen.

        **Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**
        **Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**

        Comment


        • But breezy...

          what if they really ARE too lazy? When my parents have asked me to do something for them that is twice as out of my way then it is theirs... is that not lazy? I'm not your servant, and I don't ask you to be mine. I appreciate the roof, food, etc. but I try to show it in other ways like helping out... is this really needed??? I always thought it was supposed to work something like the real world; Talk to me how you'd like to be talked to; treat me like you'd like to be treated.


          Maybe I only have an interest in this because my house has many, many underlying "unspoken" rules, such as: I'm not allowed to have an opinion that disagrees with a parent's. I'm not allowed to treat parents the way they treat me. AND.... I am part of the bellhop/maid service/room service/waiter/house keeper. I'm also not allowed to treat my sister the way she treats me, but thats a whole different, un-needed story.



          Point being, Some parents ARE too lazy. Some parents say they are too tired, and then go out for a night on the town. Maybe BTF's parents are like that, and maybe not.


          Like I said, she will grow into a time where funds lack, and she will have no horse. Then, she will find all the humbling she needs, and more, without name calling, put downs, and stereotypes. She will find it only within herself, not through any of us.


          I miss the time when my parents would support a horse. Some things, you just can't replace.

          Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
          *Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

          Comment


          • ohh, rodeo, off the subject, but how nice to see the clique that I started...I took it off my tagline, opted for the "bowed tendon" clique instead ....if it's not one thing, it's another. Just wanted to say how nice that was to see...southern sister and I had a helluva time naming that too! ...


            *ok, back to the regularly scheduled rant*...a lot to learn is right

            Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

            "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

            Ellipses users clique ...
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            • Well, you wanted my opinion... here is is, fresh off the presses.

              I don't think you're a spoilt brat. I think you're a kid, just like me. Kids are moody by nature... the fact that you recognize that it's not all your mom's fault is a big step!

              Me, I've got a great mom. (Dad's another story... heh.) She paid for my first horse, paid for his care, et cetera... and never gave me crap about it. I love her to death. I know that money can get thin, so I don't ask much... she gives too much as it is. She's understanding, listens even when she doesn't agree... and does all she can for me. I appreciate her and try to make things as easy as I can...

              That said, yes, I get frustrated with her. Mothers and their teenage daughters will fight! There are times that, try as I might, I can't see where she's coming from... times when I'd be prone to thinking her closed-minded, or even... gasp... lazy! And sometimes I need to talk about it. There's nothing wrong with that! When it comes right down to it, though, a public BB full of mothers isn't the place to do it.

              I know you keep your parents' best interests in mind 90% of the time (ex. the post you made about your dad), and that everyone lapses/gets frustrated. Don't take the harsh stuff to heart, Raech. Debating things that could lead to judgements of character on a public forum is ALWAYS touchy... and while the majority of these people are trying to help, you'll find some cranky ones in every bunch. Take it all with a grain of salt -- you know your mother and yourself better than the rest of us, and if you feel that you're working towards the improvements that need to be made, well. We can't much bash you, can we?

              I don't think you deserve some of the responses you've gotten, but hey, that's okay. Chalk it up to a learning experience... you'll find that 99% of the unpleasant things you'll face are just that!

              I'm with the ones who've said that you could try to make things a bit easier on your mom. Mine gets migranes; I'm constantly offering to get her stuff or just get the kids out of her hair for a while. Other than chores (huge plus!), maybe offer to give her a massage on one of the days she's sore?

              I know chores aren't fun... boy, are they ever NOT fun! But do 'em anyway. If just plain making your mom smile (and it will if you do enough... I promise!) isn't reason enough, consider this: an unhappy parent is gonna be MUCH less pleasant to deal... and less likely to take you to the barn.

              Comment


              • Okay,

                not attempting to condone this kind of behavior that BTF has demonstrated. but unlike most of you i remember very well what it felt like to be 15, it wasn't very long ago for me.

                First of all, i HATED high school, especially freshman and sophomore years. i used to beg and plead to not be made to go and when i did go, i was miserable. the only light at the end of that tunnel was the thought that at 4 o' clock, i could go see my mare. if i didn't get to go, not only was i worried about the care she getting and upset about not getting to ride, but life was meaningless! seems silly now, but at 15, that's how it was.

                if any of you are psychology students, you'll recognize that adolescent years are the years when children have a very self centered view of the world. if my mom couldn't take me to the barn, my brain didn't follow the same logical channels it does now, i was just really unhappy about the situation.
                NOW, this condition (adolensence) is remediable, i certainly grew out of it. give the kid a break and try to remember what it felt like to be 15, i wouldn't want to go back to that age for ANY amount of money.

                On top of that, i hear a large amount of jealousy that this girl owns a horse and maybe doesn't have to work for it. it's not her fault that her parents can afford one! for those that had to struggle for everything they got, that's great and i'm sure that they are for the better having done that. but there are some of us who maybe didn't have to struggle as a kid, to afford horses and whatnot. it's not fair to be hard on someone just becuase they had a more privledged upbringing anymore than it fair to be hard on someone with a less priveledged upbringing.
                some parents need their kids to help pay board, some honestly don't and think that it would be best for the kid to concentrate on schoolwork and just riding, not barn work.
                one is not better nor worse, just different.

                i think i was probably a lot like this at 15. but yeah, i'm not anymore. i think it's a 15 year old thing, honestly, not a horrible, bratty kid thing. i'm eternally grateful for everything i've been given, both currently and when i was growing up. but it took some time to realize that the world does not revolve around me.

                http://community.webshots.com/user/lskel84
                http://community.webshots.com/user/lskel84

                Comment


                • Heinz-you bring up a good point, but the fact remains that it is your parent's house...their house, their rules. (I'm not saying that's right, just how it is)....parents should allow differing opinions and such, but while my kids are living in my house, and I am feeding, clothing and educating them, then it's our rules. It's cliche, but true-when you grow up, you can have your own house and run it the way you want to.

                  My son wants us to have the houses he sees on Cribs---I tell him the same thing-he wants Cristal in the SubZero. I told him I'd visit him when he grows up and that comes to fruition

                  Hang in there-I am sorry there is some lack of communication in your family--I think good rousing discussions are wonderful for families-and if nothing else, I try to be very very fair in my parenting as to what kid does what. It's hard, but that's only fair to them. Sometimes parenting sucks-definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's an ongoing thing. When do we find out if we did it right?

                  Elippses Users Clique........"I hate stall rest" and Grammar Nazi Cliques

                  "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

                  Ellipses users clique ...
                  TGFPT,HYOOTGP

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                  • Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

                    Everyone is going NUTSSSSSSSSSSSSS

                    I don't think she's stupid BUT I do think she is ungrateful.

                    I also think this post is getting her thinking- and that, in the longrun is a good thing.

                    BTF I have advice for you- read each one of these posts, and write a list of each (EVERY!) suggestion that has been given.

                    Then toss out the bad and keep the good...Maybe show the list to your parents- I think they would be surprised that you would go online to look for ways to help them out.

                    Seriously, I do think you're ungrateful...but a lot (NOT every) of girls your age are...I am not excusing it, but you KNOW the problem, so fix it.

                    -Kelsey-
                    It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
                    http://www.gottaride.net/forums

                    Comment


                    • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>She obviously doesn't have a clue as to what might be going on in her "family unit" that might premeditate "barn" shuttles. Nor does she seem to care.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                      We must be reading different posts, because I'm seeing improvement in her, caring and trying to help her mom. She's trying, so cut her some slack! She's a typical teenager, and a lot better than SOME I could mention, that's for sure!

                      And I really think the "stupid brat" comment was waaaay over the top. That goes beyond constructive criticism right into just plain mean.

                      *****************************************

                      "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like." - Captain Mal
                      *****************************************

                      Book: If you take advantage of her, you\'re going to burn in a very special level of Hell, a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. Firefly

                      Comment


                      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BelladonnaLily:
                        The thought that you would give your child EVERYTHING he/she wanted and expect that by example only, everything would work out just peachy is just, wow...

                        I shouldn't have been mean but I personally know people with parenting "ideas" along those same lines that actually HAVE children. These children are selfish little monsters and will have so much trouble when they enter the real world. Very sad, actually.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                        As to the notion that I'd give a child everything, I most surely would not. I can't imagine that that would ever be feasible. I mean, I'm sure my kid might want a Porsche when they turn 16, and perhaps I'll be so lucky as to be able to afford one for the kid, but I wouldn't BUY the child one - that's just asking for trouble! Too much power, too much speed, too little judgment. No good comes of that. But if the child wants a horse, and I have the money for the horse, and I KNOW about the studies that show that horses are good for women (if I have a daughter), and if I know about the studies (or anecdotes) indicating that animal exposure is good for children, why would I deny my child that or condition it on my subjective assessment of her level of gratitude or condition it on how *I* feel on a given day?

                        And I didn't comment on it at the time because I didn't want to belabor the point with you, but I don't think that giving kids material things is what makes them monsters. I think that failing to teach them good values and failing to model for them ethics and such is what gets you in trouble.

                        Lots of my friends were raised by super-wealthy parents. And these friends turned out just fine - no "entitlement" issues, good workers, self-motivated, etc. I imagine it was because they watched their very wealthy dads work hard, they were taught about money and responsibility, they were taught about respecting employees, they were taught about being polite and doing the right thing, etc. etc. The friends who readily come to mind had parents who became financially successful, in part, because they WERE hard-working, kind, respectful, gracious, ethical, etc.

                        I'm not trying to sound holier-than-thou, nor do I profess to know much about parenting. I am just trying to convey my views on how I would try to avoid being in a position where I felt like I had nagging, demanding, ungrateful kids. I don't know - I guess I got lucky in seeing some examples of parenting that didn't result in that or where the parents didn't feel that way.

                        And, I'll say, if I haven't already, that I bet parenting is a million times harder than I could ever imagine. No doubt. No doubt. So I don't mean to at all be seeming as though I KNOW how to do it, and it is easy. I fully expect, when I have kids, that I'll be reading books and asking for help non-stop and struggling more than I could ever imagine. Kudos to those who parent well and are sending kind, good citizens into the world.

                        [This message was edited by elizabeth on Jan. 20, 2004 at 08:22 PM.]

                        Comment


                        • lol lilblackhorse! With Southern Sister being MIA and you changing your tagline, I was beginning to think that I got promoted to president!

                          But the bowed tendon clique is probably a better one to be part of, at least tendons can get better.

                          **Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**
                          **Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**

                          Comment


                          • And one more thing...

                            Medicine or not, depressed or not, that is NO EXCUSE to be irresponsible and ungrateful...I am not calling you irresponsible so don't take offense and go cry, but it does NOT give you an excuse...

                            There was a time when I thought this and now I realize that it isn't. It's not an excuse for people to feel sorry for you because I have another bit of news for you: like half if not more of the population is on SOME KIND of medicine for depression, etc.

                            Get over it, you're not the only one, and I guarantee MANY, MANY more people are worse off than you.

                            -Kelsey-
                            It is so easy, in the presence of horses, to appear foolish or incompetent.
                            http://www.gottaride.net/forums

                            Comment


                            • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heinz 57:


                              what if they really ARE too lazy? When my parents have asked me to do something for them that is twice as out of my way then it is theirs... is that not lazy? I'm not your servant, and I don't ask you to be mine. I appreciate the roof, food, etc. but I try to show it in other ways like helping out... is this really needed??? I always thought it was supposed to work something like the real world; Talk to me how you'd like to be talked to; treat me like you'd like to be treated.

                              <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                              Families are not like the real world. Kids are not mini-adults. That is why all the tension occurs in adolescence. Kids are trying to become adults, wanting to be treated as such, but are not yet fully taking all the responsibilities (nor should they have to). It's about growing up...it's why kids want to leave home.

                              Parents shouldn't treat their children as little slaves, but some things are just part of being a kid. Helping each other out, maybe when it's twice as far for you as for them, is part of being a family, not something to be logged in the "I did this for them so they should do this for me" notebook. Everything is not equal for kids and parents...nor should it be.

                              My Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/slorugbug
                              Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
                              Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

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                              • I know, lilblackhorse....

                                I'm just happy to be here. There were some years in there where life was much different; the "evil stepmother" syndrome. My day went like this: School, volunteer, cook dinner, do dinner dishes, do homework, practice piano for an hour+, do chores, go to bed. Repeat. Weekends just involved getting up at 3:00 to go help my dad deliver newspapers, eat breakfast, dishes, chores until 1:00 or 2:00, free time. No TV, locked cabinets so no snacking. My priveledges were a $12 piano lesson every other week. Thats it. Books were tbe best friend I had, putting me at a 12.9 reading level in grade 7. Also didn't have many friends...


                                Which is why I say, BTF will come around when life gets harder, but until then, no one can make her. The rules in my house may royally suck, but I follow them. As my dad, whom I love dearly despite the mistakes he's made, says, I got my mother's temper and my father's demeanor, even though they couldn't stay together. Borntofly will have to see things on her own.


                                I'm looking for a best friend to replace the one I had from my lease... and I think I'm on to something.

                                Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
                                *Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

                                [This message was edited by Heinz 57 on Jan. 20, 2004 at 08:02 PM.]

                                Comment


                                • But RugBug, I thought that when your parents taught you to do things for yourself, no matter how small...


                                  that it was supposed to transfer over into adulthood. We aren't taught to do things for ourselves just as children, and, if we're going to teach our children to do things for themselves (like get a job, work for your horse, etc), then why not set the example. No one should have to say anymore, "Do as I say, not as I do".



                                  I guess this all ties into BornToFly; we want to teach people to work for what they want and do things themselves... then hopefully we'll all do the same.

                                  I do try..you can't hold that against me.



                                  Dé Chéadaoin Iolar
                                  *Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach.*

                                  Comment


                                  • elizabeth, I apologize for being mean and nasty. I should have found a more mature way of getting my point across and realized that we obviously have two different approaches to and/or ideas about parenting.

                                    I can't delete what you've quoted, however.

                                    Comment


                                    • Alright. I've skipped like.. 7? Pages cause I need to go to bed. Sorry. Anyway...

                                      Stop. Sit back. Look at your life. In 6 monthes you can get a job or two, you can go and buy yourself a car, start paying your own vet bills and board bills. And THEN you can call your mom lazy. Maybe.

                                      Being a teenager is rough. We're all for the most part on occasion horrible to our parents. Here's one of yours Hopefully you just didn't say that to your mothers face.

                                      How about you get one of those ribbons that you got at a show that you put all that sweat and work into getting, write number one mom on it and give it to your mom, who helped pay for the lessons and the horse that helped get you there?

                                      I'm sorry but everyone is right. You were being a brat. But guess what? Your mom will forgive you. Mommies always do. Cause she loves you, today, tomorrow and forever. How about calling your trainer/barn owner and offering them some stall mucking in exchange. And in the meantime, help your mom out.

                                      As much as your poor soul hates housework, try helping her around the house. Surgery sucks, and you should thank your lucky stars that nothing happened to your mom during surgery (minor or not surgery is ALWAYS dangerous) and do what you can to help her.

                                      Your horse will be there tomorrow and next week. I'm sure your smart enough to work somthing out.

                                      In the meantime, give your mom a hug. Gently, avoiding her shoulder.

                                      And don't make me out to be mean or insulting. Cause i'm also a mean teenager. And I've pulled the same crap before. But I've learned the hard way and have a bad relationship with my mother, who is bi-polar. I'd give anything to take it back. Don't make the same mistakes.

                                      Jennie
                                      "all these lines fall short of what i had in mind
                                      a failed attempt to capsulize a feeling
                                      so i just try fail and try and try again"
                                      See my albulm Updated 11/11
                                      Jennie
                                      \"If you\'re a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.\"-Deep thoughts by Jack Handy

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                                      • Wow...

                                        borntofly, I hope you realize this conversation isn't really about you anymore and people are just generalizing about child-rearing. Teenage-dom is tough, I was a miserable, cranky, unhappy teenager. My parents would call me ungrateful from time to time when they were annoyed with me. I never intended to be so, but it also never struck me to lay down at their feet and kiss the ground they walked on for what I had. I just didn't know any better.

                                        But I've got to admit- when you are a kid and things are given to you without you begging for them, you tend to take it for granted. I can now appreciate how hard it was for my parents to provide me with a barn, horses, a truck, a trailer, etc, etc. When I was 15, I didn't have a clue how difficult and draining it was for them financially.

                                        I now give them things that they wouldn't buy for themselves... nice bottles of wine, electronics (I shoved them into the 21st century when I bought them a DVD player last year), gourmet hot fudge sauces for my mom. I'm a confidant for both my parents- they now call me when they have something they need to decide about. I'm sure some day in the future, my brother and I will have to start making decisions for their welfare as they age. I think it all evens out in the end.

                                        breezy, I understand where you are coming from, but calling someone 'stupid' is just plain mean.

                                        belladonnalily, I know... what to do when I'm 75 and infirm and have no kids to take care of me.

                                        ~formerly Master Tally~

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                                        • Thanks, Belladonnalily. I went back and edited my post to cut the quote out.

                                          And, quite frankly, I've really liked hearing your views on here, since you are in the trenches, so to speak . (You know, I think you are only a year or two older than I am, and, I'll tell you what, I give you credit for being able to raise your kids and manage everything and simultaneously have a job and farm animals and all that. . . . Dear God.)

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