Lesson ideas for the very, very, very timid adult rider?

[Fixerupper]

Back in the day.. I used to teach beginners, kids and adults...I always found it useful to teach them how to 'fall off'...it was a standard exercise. 'Flying dismount' we called it...at the halt, then the walk and for the more confident at the trot. Best to teach the horse first so that it learns to just stand once the rider 'dismounts'...no big deal...the roping horses do it automatically. Of course it really isn't falling off, but it seemed to minimize the fear factor

[ToolTime]

Sounds like a major case of anxiety blocking the ability to think rationally about the situation. Whoever suggested the pharmaceuticals may have the right idea. It may take only one time of a ride with an anti-anxiety pill to show her it's actually FUN to ride.

I think it's at best uninformed, and at worst, appallingly insensitive for posters to suggest that she suck it up. I empathize because I learned to ride as an adult and went through a really long, fearful spell due to in part to increased anxiety in my life in general. It could really be a psychological disorder that should be addressed if it is causing so much conflict -- she wants to ride vs. she's scared to ride.

Someone suggested the book, Overcoming the Fear of Riding. That one is good, but I really, strongly recommend that at least the instructor read the book by Kelly Marks, Ride with Confidence. Really great insights in there. I think what was best about the book is that is tackled the anxiety issue from different perspectives so there is bound to be something that resonates with each reader - beginner to advanced. Good luck.

[Beverley]

Or, instead of needing/wanting something that requires a Rx...go check out the 'what's in your flask' thread in the foxhunters forum.

It could be lightheartedly pointed out to the timid pupil that foxhunters- those crazy, macho/macha people who gallop and jump for hours on end- frequently carry flasks, and the contents are generically referred to as 'liquid courage.'

[ReSomething]

Well I see she had a good lesson. Excellent and thanks for the update. Hoping here that she continues to progress, even if slowly.

[EqTrainer]

I can only imagine the liability one would incur if you told a student to have a drink and then ride

Better to send her to the doctor, for whom which it is legal to prescribe something. We can only suggest - and I have, and I even go so far as to suggest *which* med and why it might work better than another (some have side effects that could make riding very dangerous, unless the doctor actually rides they may have no idea what goes into it - they tend to think it's like being a passenger in a car) - but the final call/prescription/ must come from the doctor.

Anxiety *is* a medical disorder.

[knitgirl]

It sounds like it was a great lesson. The OP says that the student did way more than she had expected,and she even laughed when the horse scooted a bit. I think that's excellent progress. Eponacowgirl, you sound like a wonderful trainer.
I am dealing with my own anxiety on a much less severe level with another saint of a horse. I jumped him for the first time since I've started riding him and also riding with a new trainer. I got a little flustered when she changed a probably 12" X to a vertical, even asked her to lower it, but she made me do it (in a nice way, I just needed a push) and I survived and cantered the back side. I think I am really helped by knowing that my anxiety is caused by me being more out of shape than I have been in the past. I am working hard at remedying it by doing a lot of cardio and some riding specific strength training (The Riders Fitness Program). I have finished week 3.

I will look forward to updates on this rider. It sounds like you've set a good goal for her.

[Ambrey]

Better to send her to the doctor, for whom which it is legal to prescribe something. We can only suggest - and I have, and I even go so far as to suggest *which* med and why it might work better than another (some have side effects that could make riding very dangerous, unless the doctor actually rides they may have no idea what goes into it - they tend to think it's like being a passenger in a car) - but the final call/prescription/ must come from the doctor.

As a sufferer, I can say with full knowledge that a) said medication works MUCH better than alcohol at relieving the physical effects of anxiety, and b) said medication does not alter judgment the way alcohol does. Much better stuff!

[Beverley]

I can only imagine the liability one would incur if you told a student to have a drink and then ride

EqTrainer, obviously you didn't note the little smiley face on that post- and/or your sense of humor is missing!

[Rhond7]

I'm glad you two had a good lesson. Taking it slowly is key. The good advice you've received from this forum has given your student stellar results. IMO, any lesson without a panic attack is stellar.

I'm a nervous rider, too, and I'm not riding now because a long illness threw me way out of shape. Besides, I'm not sure there are instructors around here who would take things as slowly as I need now. Like you're doing with your ultra-nervous rider.

I'm glad you didn't put her on a longe line. She's a very long way away from that. I couldn't even handle that, and I'm not as reactive as she is.

I imagine that a lot of things in her life make her jump. Maybe she'd be helped by the free manual on tapping (EFT), self-administered acupressure?

Also, if she reads blogs, she might enjoy Havi Brooks's Fluent Self. Havi's writings and some of her mp3s have worked well for me. Her sense of humor and way of looking at things have been very helpful. One of her posts about fear is one of my favorites and had tremendous resonance for me. (No, I'm not related or connected to Havi in any way, BTW, except what she says works for me.)

[eponacowgirl]

Wanted to report another GREAT lesson on Monday- she mounted like an old pro, which is a change- no more timid swinging up.

Spent the lesson steering with only a stirrup leather around his neck. Practiced technique and he was REALLY sharp for her- I was so happy with him. Of course, the lack of confusing signals probably really helped. I stayed at his head, as he doesn't really have brakes with just the neck strap, BUT by the end of the lesson, he was halting for her without my help!

She also realized that she was contributing to his speeding up- when she would steer him, he would get faster- as we worked on body position, she was able to adjust his speed without my help.

We trotted 2-3 steps at a time with me at his head, just trot three steps, halt, turn and trot back. She had stirrups and neck strap, but no reins. Let her feel that she could halt him from the trot (his "spook") without any problem.

At the end, I gave back the reins and let her walk on the end of the longe. Walked, turned, halted- all very clear signals and he was SO good for her.

Yay, yay, yay!

[jetsmom]

That's great!!! Thanks for updating.

[Ray]

eponacowgirl, you ROCK. this woman is really lucky to have you. And kudos for her to not give up.

I was a darn scared rider for years after an accident. Being scared blocks learning - and blocks your body from doing what you are trying to tell it What helped me was to work with an excellent sports psychologist that specializes in equestrians. I did EMDR with her (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing; good description on Wikipedia if you are interested). It was completely effective. Just amazing.

And I would encourage you to keep taking baby steps towards lunging this rider. Although I am not afraid, I still get tense thru my body and to progress in my riding, my next goal is to learn to sit the trot and canter better. My trainer is lunging me using a vaulting surcingle. basically, a bareback pad+surcingle with big handles. The handles are great at first so you can pull your seat down onto the horse, and for the security. Of course we are working on more and more time w/o touching them.

Lunging w/o stirrups or reins is THE classic way to teach a proper seat and control of body position. I have a friend that was lucky enough to learn to ride this way - from first time on the horse, up to at least 6 months, and she has made amazing progress. I completely disagree with the posters that say that giving up control is the worst thing for your student -just take it slow. Both you as her instructor and her horse ARE slowly gaining more trust from her. As a beginner, it is SO hard to co-ordinate all the different parts, the hands, seat, balance, body position. Once she is a bit more confident, lunging at the walk, by taking away the reins, gives one less thing to co-ordinate, and I have to say that since I have learned to halt my horse from walk to halt and then trot to halt w/o reins, that is a very very cool feeling

do let us know how its going, I so admire both you and your student.

[slpeders]

HUGE congrats on getting a few successful lessons in her memory banks! I've been following this thread with great interest since I'm pretty anxious about my new mare and implemented a few of the steps with success this week. So your student is not the ONLY one benefiting -- and I'm sure there are others too. It helped me to celebrate the little successes and build. There's some part of my brain that does not seem to retain muscle memory well or quickly, so if I haven't been in the saddle for a while, my brain tries hard to convince me that getting on is a Bad Idea. Usually once I'm on, I'm way better, at least until gait changes.... so I got on. Win. I walked off. Win. I halted when maresie started walking off without permission and she stopped as requested. Win. We wandered around at a walk, changing within the gait and halting, turning a lot. More wins. Steeled my resolve and trotted a quarter circle (going into a corner so I could use the wall if she decided to take off) and lived. Big win over my little pea brain there! The next ride was exponentially better - getting on and walking were nearly no-brainers and I trotted figures, worked on changes within the gait in trot and enjoyed my ride. I think I'll need a few more like that before I'm cantering again, but with the help of the great advice on this thread and the knowledge that I'm not the only one that struggles...I WILL be cantering.
Thank you for being willing to be so patient with your student and tell her she's SO not alone.

[Rhond7]

I'm so psyched for you and your student. And it sounds like she's having fun and not stressing, too. Win, win. It's a beautiful thing.

[caradino]

i have been following this story, and i have to say you're doing an AMAZING job with this student!!! it makes me so happy to read about her progress!

WAY TO GO!!

[#1Gunner]

I had a student just like that. She has ridden for many years, fear is always in her backseat. But it had evolved into near panic. She used to show, ride out, etc. then, she had freaked herself into a 15 meter circle in the indoor. Come to find out, best advice to give her was to seek professional mental health treatment. Drugs, yes, and they worked. As well as therapy. Will she ever be totally an Annie Oakley? No, but she is riding out again, and even will drink a beer and ride. Wow, better living through chemistry.

jane

[MelantheLLC]

She also said her husband has been talking about coming out to watch her ride (he probably never will...) but I think that is adding to her anxiety. I told her to tell him the arena is too wet, and we have to go on the trails, and we gallop a lot, so he wouldn't be able to see anything!! (HAHAHA)

LOL I think you are a long way from needing Xanax when humor can do the trick.

I love it. I love this thread. I've had tears in my eyes reading several posts here--the patience, the kindness, the wisdom, the courage of both teachers and riders. What a rare combination in life.

Women and horses, we are da bomb.

[zagafi]

Ditto BuddyRoo.

Another thing that helped me when I was being irrationally fearful about some stuff was watching another student ride my horse. When I saw how slowly she really was moving, and how little drama there really was going on, it made me much calmer. Sounds weird, but worked for me. It's important that it be another comparably skilled student, not a trainer.

+1 to this. Fear does funny things to a person mentally. Even when cognitively you KNOW there's nothing to fear, fear takes over anyway. Sometimes seeing what's really going on helps to change the "video" in one's head.

[Wellspotted]

What a wonderful, helpful thread! I am really glad you started it, Eponacowgirl. I hope you will continue to update it.

I think part of her anxiety is related to family. This is her retreat from her husband (who bought her the horse) and I think she feels like she has to be REALLY good to make him feel like its "okay" for her to have the horse.

I think you've just hit on one reason for my own anxiety. I think I feel like I have to be really good to make my family (read "myself") think it's OK for me to "waste time and money" riding "since I'll never be a National Velvet."