Lesson ideas for the very, very, very timid adult rider?

[Ambrey]

I just wanted to also say thanks for being a patient teacher, from a member of the wimp rider brigade

[pony4me]

A variation on the singing or reciting poetry theme is for her to tell her horse a story while she's riding. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful horse named ____. He was such a good boy! His mommy, ____ was a bit scared, so they started out at a slow walk. They walked and and walked. Every time mommy said "whoa" _____ stopped. They had a great ride." You get the idea. Talking to the horse should distract her a bit, and stop her from freaking out. Working in "walk" and "whoa" should help too. Eventually, you can add "trot" to the story. Have her think about "trot" for weeks before you actually try it, and have her watch someone ride her horse. Good luck!

[mp]

I think part of her anxiety is related to family. This is her retreat from her husband (who bought her the horse) and I think she feels like she has to be REALLY good to make him feel like its "okay" for her to have the horse. He truly doesn't care that much. She also has two kids and she is afraid shes going to fall off and get hurt.

I also think I need to get on her with ground work, too. She tried to lead him out on the trails one day and, unfortunately, we had some heavy equipment parked right through the gate- he spooked and back they came, together. These are all things that we need to go back to. I'm going to try make her a spread sheet with various goals for her and go from there.

Any more constructive thoughts would be great. I'm so thrilled with this thread!

Awww .... poor thing. "I MUST be a better rider to justify this expense" is a heavy weight to bear.

Have you explained that horses see very differently than we do? As in one eye at a time, so you have to show them things on both sides and they can see just about everything except right in front of them and right behind them. Learning that and why they spook at things we can't see was one of my big aha moments.

Another was learning how to ask my horse to yield her poll, which was the first step to getting her to calm down when she was a little high. I also learned a one-rein stop that I used way too much. Both things are pretty simple, but might help her feel she's in charge.

Again, good luck.

[FlashGordon]

All your ideas are fantastic. I think you've all reassured me that I really do need to go back to square one and STICK WITH IT... even if it takes forever. She is out at the barn 4-5 times a week, so I might suggest 4-5 15 minute lessons instead of 2 45 minute lessons a week.

We're not a lesson barn- unfortunately, her horse is my best lesson horse. Her daughters pony might be just the ticket to teach herself to relax and laugh at herself though. She's about 13 hands tall and 13 hands wide!

I think part of her anxiety is related to family. This is her retreat from her husband (who bought her the horse) and I think she feels like she has to be REALLY good to make him feel like its "okay" for her to have the horse. He truly doesn't care that much. She also has two kids and she is afraid shes going to fall off and get hurt.

I also think I need to get on her with ground work, too. She tried to lead him out on the trails one day and, unfortunately, we had some heavy equipment parked right through the gate- he spooked and back they came, together. These are all things that we need to go back to. I'm going to try make her a spread sheet with various goals for her and go from there.

Any more constructive thoughts would be great. I'm so thrilled with this thread!

The 15 minute lessons sound like a very good idea. Breaking things down into small pieces might be less intimidating for her.

Also she sounds like she may be putting a lot of pressure on herself.... as if she needs to be accomplishing something to justify having the horse. Maybe she setting unrealistic expectations, not reaching them, getting more and more frustrated/timid/etc.

Let her know that riding is a journey, no one ever learns it all, and heck she's only been doing this a few years. If she takes some of the pressure off she may find that she starts to pick things up at a much faster pace...

[Linny]

Eponacowgirl, you deserve a cookie! Bless you for caring so much about this woman. She keeps getting in her car and coming to the barn. She keeps paying the bills.
I agree than more short period lessons may be better. I also think that having a serious talk about her fears, as was proposed on page 1 could help. Make her look at it rationally, while she's on the ground rather than emotionally when she's in the saddle.

[cranky]

I've been really enjoying this thread. I don't really have anything constructive to add but think that there have been some wonderful ideas and suggestions. I would love to hear how some of these approaches end up working for your student. It does seem like she has some amount of pressure to succeed too. I hope that she can learn enough to at the very least relax and enjoy her experience with her nice horse.

[lonewolf]

For a long time I helped an older rider who was also very nervous. She took up riding late in life (in her 60s), did not have an athletic bone in her body, and was not used to being out of control (she was a university professor). Riding was very frustrating for her because she really wanted to get good at it but was very fearful and unbalanced, especially after falling a couple of times HARD early on. She had a very wonderful horse who was happy to walk and do a tiny shuffly trot with her.

The thing that made the biggest difference to her was moving her to the dressage arena and working on basic dressage tests with her. I pulled a test off the internet, modified it to her level, and we worked on it (or elements of it), for much of our lessons. Eventually she we moved on to a harder test, and she could perform it in front of people who came to watch her. She really improved, and enjoyed riding much more. It helped her for the following reasons:

1) It kept her busy and focused on riding a set pattern and performing certain moves. By paying attention to the test she didn't have any time to worry about her horse and freak out unnecessarily if he twitched an ear.

2) It challenged her in a way which was safe for her. It helped her to measure her progress. Improving her test was more interesting for her than just struggling to follow my instructions all the time. She could work on straightness and precision, a good halt, a serpentine -- all things she could work on and improve without having to do 'more.'

3) It really helped her feel better about herself to tell people that she was a 'dressage' rider, working on a specific test. We were a hunter/jumper barn, and she was not going to be able to ever canter, much less jump. It helped her to convince herself that she was a 'serious' rider, and she was progressing and accomplishing something with her riding.

If you think this might help your rider, you can put up some letters and find a dressage test which can be ridden entirely at the walk if need be. If she gets better she can add in little bits of trot, say just from 'C' to 'B' at first. Put in some serpentines, some half circles, some extended and shortened walk, a halt or two, some two point. Maybe it might even help her confidence with her husband, so she doesn't have to keep telling him that she is a 'failed' trail rider. She is a dressage rider (or if she prefers western, perhaps a showmanship rider?)

I'd just let her know that you need to stick to the arena for a bit before she tries a trail, and this will give her something to do in the meantime. As her confidence grows, perhaps she can try walking him around outside the ring with you at her horse's head.

[amastrike]

Maybe she could do little tiny things that are a little bit daring. She takes one hand off the reins and you ask the horse to take a step forward. Switch hands, take a step. Take two or more steps. Move up to no hands.

Sit on the horse with her eyes closed for just a second. When she realizes that's okay, try two seconds. When she can sit on him all day with her eyes closed, ask him to take one step forward. Take two steps. Keep moving up.

Have her drop her stirrups and just stand there. When she's comfortable, take one step. Keep moving up.

Then, try combining some elements--take one hand off the reins, close your eyes, and when that's okay we're going to take one step forward.


She has a phobia. She needs to gradually be exposed to tasks that are increasingly difficult, never moving up until one step is mastered.

You could also try asking her: What is the worst that could happen? "I fall off and die!" How many riders here have ever fallen off and died? "None..." How many riders do you personally know who have fallen off and died? "None..." When do you think people are most likely to have a serious accident? "Jumping cross-country." Do you think people often fall off and get badly hurt just taking a couple walk steps while their horse is being held? "I guess not." So do you think you can try letting me lead Dobbin forward a few steps? "Okay."

[nightsong]

Not lessons, but OBSERVING. She's afraid because she doesn't know what the horse is going to DO (i'm the same way about llamas). Spending time watching OTHER PEOPLE's lessons will give her the information she NEEDS without the anxiety. Cheaper, too!!!

[S1969]

Lonewolf, that is an excellent post and a great suggestion!

I do think those who start riding as adults (including me!) have a hard time "giving up control" and it's frustrating. My trainer often tells me to "stop trying so hard" which is very, very difficult. In combination with the pressures this woman seems to have of trying to do well to prove that she "deserves" the horse she's been given. That is really hard, and especially if people [the dh] have an image of her galloping on trails or jumping...those are some pretty high expectations!

I don't think this woman has "a phobia"....she just hasn't gotten to the point where she believes she IS in control.

Excellent ideas and I may just use some of these ideas myself!

[magnolia73]

When I get nervous, I either count, talk or sing. At least for the horse it relaxes my body.

And ditto- let her watch others ride her horse. The fear of the unknown is so strong. Seeing the horse be good with others (or spook a little and see the rider stay on) is such a difference.

[Doodlebug1]

How does she respond to the horse when she is not on it? Does she think her toes are going to get stood on/she's going to get pushed over when she is handling her saint or is it just when ridden??

I'd say taking her back to complete basics - how to handle the horse, how to understand the horse, how to anticipate what the horse is going to do/may react.

How to lead the horse in an authoritative but kind way.

Most of all how to build trust between her and the horse. Naively I'd like to think that if there was any kind of emotional understanding/trust she'd be more confident...

Does she care for her own horse? Heck, if she manages to care for it/load it in the trailer; surely on the horses back is the safest place to be. I've had more minor injuries caring for horses than I've ever had riding...

[lcw579]

Wow, guys, this is one of the most constructive threads I've ever been a part of...

All your ideas are fantastic. I think you've all reassured me that I really do need to go back to square one and STICK WITH IT... even if it takes forever. She is out at the barn 4-5 times a week, so I might suggest 4-5 15 minute lessons instead of 2 45 minute lessons a week.

We're not a lesson barn- unfortunately, her horse is my best lesson horse. Her daughters pony might be just the ticket to teach herself to relax and laugh at herself though. She's about 13 hands tall and 13 hands wide!

I think part of her anxiety is related to family. This is her retreat from her husband (who bought her the horse) and I think she feels like she has to be REALLY good to make him feel like its "okay" for her to have the horse. He truly doesn't care that much. She also has two kids and she is afraid shes going to fall off and get hurt.

I also think I need to get on her with ground work, too. She tried to lead him out on the trails one day and, unfortunately, we had some heavy equipment parked right through the gate- he spooked and back they came, together. These are all things that we need to go back to. I'm going to try make her a spread sheet with various goals for her and go from there.

Any more constructive thoughts would be great. I'm so thrilled with this thread!

Wow! Poor thing is putting a lot of pressure on herself.

I like the idea of frequent shorter lessons. It will give her a chance to succeed and quit on a high note, hopefully giving her a greater feeling of accomplishment. Maybe if she watches someone else take a lesson on her horse after she rides, it will give her a chance to see just what a steady Eddie he is and will encourage her bravery.

Putting her on the pony is another excellent idea. I have two friends who are currently going through confidence issues of their own. They are trying a new barn/trainer and were put on ponies for their first lesson. It was amazing how much more confident they felt knowing the ground was so much closer.

Some of my nervous older women have enjoyed riding in lessons with the little up/down kids. They like doing around the world and some of the other excercises the kids enjoy at the standstill/walk. Somehow seeing the teeny kids doing things made them more confident. Another COTHer suggested a game called "Pony Treasure Island" which involves collecting stuffed animals from jump standards and dropping them off in a bucket. Do you think your woman could play a game like that with her daughter? She may still be too nervous but there might be some kind of game you could modify so she would get into the spirit of things and just possibly forget her nerves for a bit. A longshot but maybe?

Eponacowgirl, you really deserve a medal for being so patient and working so hard to help this woman overcome her issues. It must be frustrating for you. I really hope that she makes a breakthrough and it is smooth sailing from there on out - for both your sakes!

[equineartworks]

I would suggest looking into some of the techniques used in therapeutic riding. And lots of work on the ground with horse...touching, talking, grooming. Perhaps that would be the key to help her really build the trust she needs to ride confidently.

[aspenlucas]

Tell her to take up crochet Sorry not real advice.

Or get a stick horse...or maybe one of those FurReal Ponies from Toys R Us? I've had students like this and it pains me that they want to try so hard but are just so scared. It's very hard to convince someone something is ok. I had a young girl like this and I explained why horses are safe at the walk, there are always two feet on the ground. Didn't that pony trip and dump her 10 minutes later. AT THE WALK!

[Valentina_32926]

In the arena put her on the lunge line, NO reins but has a bucking strap - them W/T/C.

When she can do that start with the arms to her side at Walk, then trot then canter. When she can do that W/T/C with bucking strap no reins, no stirrups.

Then she'll be ready for trail because she'll feel secure in the saddle. Right now she doesn't hence her over use of reins and voice.

[VCT]

In the arena put her on the lunge line, NO reins but has a bucking strap - them W/T/C.

When she can do that start with the arms to her side at Walk, then trot then canter. When she can do that W/T/C with bucking strap no reins, no stirrups.

Then she'll be ready for trail because she'll feel secure in the saddle. Right now she doesn't hence her over use of reins and voice.

Student apparently "won't do that" ...

I would just be straight with her about how her behavior is exacerbating the situation and explain that in order to achieve xyz she has to do abc. If she won't do abc then again, be straight and say, "Well then I'm not sure how to help you. These techniques are widely used to create blahblahblah (better seat, security, whatever). Do you have any thoughts on what would make you feel more comfortable?" If she doesn't have any and won't do your ideas... then she is creating a self fulfilling prophecy about her lack of skill and being in danger when on the horse. And, unfortunately, it will come true eventually.

What about a western saddle on the lunge line? Then she can at least hold onto the horn. I don't like neck straps all too much for this type of rider because it encourages leaning forward, so they can grab onto it. That won't help her be balanced and learn to use her seat.

[goeslikestink]

That may happen in the future- but there is NO WAY she'll go for that. NO way.

That was what I was hoping I could do, too, but I'm not seeing it happen.

urm why when you have the the lunge rein or lead rope exercises improve balance and position and your the anchor so tell her that so horse isnt going to run away when your on the end of the rope now is it

[tpup]

Do you have a round pen? I started off as an adult timid rider. The round pen was my friend. When I was comfy walking/trotting in there, we went into the ring. I learned to canter and do canter departures in the round pen too.

I am a BIG fan of the one rein stop. My teacher teaches it - we practiced it at W/T/C. If I get nervous about anything, it's always a tool in my pocket to use. If she had that tool, she might not be as scared. Instead of her "whoaing" her horse to death, she can just ORS and start over.

I agree - trails are risky right now. No WAY should she be out on trails. Can she canter? If not, she has no business being on the trails. If her horse takes off (and yes, even the most steady-eddy will one time or another) she is screwed and it could ruin her for life, or worse.

She needs to take BABY BABY steps.

You may also want to videotape her. What she THINKS are big movements (a.e. her horse acting up) probably FEELS big to her when she is on top of him, but when you see them on the video she may say, "oh that's not a big deal". Videotaping helps me alot. My horse used to do little cow kicks or take some side steps and I used to think, OH MY GOD he's bucking or going WILD...when I saw it on the video I laughed.

Also agree about the vest! I wear one on trails. Feel much safer and it protected my lower back/tailbone once on a fall.

Use safety stirrups to lessen her fears. I wear them. And yes, I've had the rubber bands pop off on more than one occasion. I'm glad I have them and don't care if I look like a kid or a dork!

Another idea is a western saddle to give her more security to START.

I disagree about the pony IF he/she is alot smaller. I find riding much smaller horses throws my center of balance way off and I feel way less secure. I am only 5'3" and petite and feel much safer on my 16 hh horse. I rode a 14 hh pony on vacation and felt completely out of sorts and like I was riding on her neck!!

Have you had the "scary" conversation with her? At my FIRST lesson - my teacher spent a good 15 minutes warning me. Things like, "It's not IF you're going to fall, it's WHEN." and "Your foot WILL get stepped on". Both have happened and at least I was prepared.

"Fear books", round pen, no trails and baby steps. It can be done and you are patient and kind for trying to get her over it. I used to be TERRIFIED to canter. Now I do it all over the place and on trails. I also have 2 small kids - my horse is my "refuge" away from family obligations and stress - if I feel myself tensing up on the trails, I SING, or talk to my horse, or tell my riding friend, "Hey - this area has me a little tense." and she talks me through it. If I can do it so can she. Good luck!

[kayandallie]

Agree with lots of the suggestions in here.
I'm a timid rider. It is a control issue.
But, I think timid riders are also very sensitive to the needs of their horse. Doing a bit of concentrating on helping her see the effects of what she does on her Saint of a horse might help. When I ride, I do anything I can to not hurt my horse. Focusing in on the horse/rider relationship would be good. As in, "this is a very special horse you've found, who is doing his best to make sure you both are safe and is wanting to know what you want to do; you are learning how to communicate with him and he can understand even the softest of instruction" is the kind of approach I'd take. Addresses the control issue, the reason for learning to ride, and gives her the reassurance that he is not going to run off with her. (Now, I must use that approach for myself).
Good luck.