Lesson ideas for the very, very, very timid adult rider?

[lcw579]

Sounds like a woman at our barn who had a bad experience riding her daughter:s too big, too strong horse, shattered her limited confidence. She bought a small kind Arab and was still paralyzed by everything. My trainer had several talks with her about the dangers of riding when she was so scared. Just when my trainer was getting ready to stop any lessons, the rider started taking some Xanax. Miracle cure, she actually now takes the mare outside the ring and canters her on the grass! She never got out of the trot before prior to the Xanax and that terrified her and all of us watching. It was a train wreck waiting to happen, My trainer has 30 plus years of dealing with all level of horses and riders, unfortunately no exercise will overcome paralyzing fear, apprehension, yes. Drugs are not the answer for everything but in this case it was truly a godsend and amazing. The woman now enjoys her horse and riding and we can all breath easier. Good Luck!

Better living through chemistry! I think Xanax may be just the thing for your student. I know a few people who are much easier to deal with when they have those little pills handy.

[suz]

wow, i feel bad for her. to have that much desire and to feel so fearful is just awful. good for her that she is still willing to try.
as someone who still occasionally suffers from debilitating anxiety, i can gueess that riding may not be the real issue here. certainly a glass of wine or a xanax could help, but perhaps a jane savoie type approach would get longer lasting results. also have her google t-tap--it's a suprisingly effective way to work through and 'fix' negative thinking.

as her instructor, i agree that breaking the riding into tiny steps may help. maybe start with her just leaning on her horse as he stands next to her. after she is comfortable with this, can she sit on him bareback for a moment or two while you hold him? ask her to tell you what she feels under her as she sits there. if she relaxes enough, take one step. what does that feel like? and on and on until she is ready to ride him bareback at a walk in the arena with you.
fwiw, i was almost as fearful as she at one time. over the years i gained confidence by taking anit-anxiety pills at first, then is started pilates and learnt to control my own body. that helped tremendously.
i started riding a very quiet horse, since my mare scared me. one day, several years later i realised i was bored on that horse and when i next approached my mare, a miracle occurred. she immediatly realised i wasn't terrified of her any longer and behaved herself.
wow,, it was amazing adn i am very grateful i perservered.
i still can get nervous, but have made sure i control what i can when trial riding and prepare the best for what i can't.
i hope this helps your client, and i think that you must be a very nice person for sticking with her and trying to find ways to help her.

[Beverley]

I've skimmed quickly, so apologies for any duplication.

Get her singing. I like the Camptown Races for this. In the arena, have her do basic steering and stopping around cones, stepping over rails on the ground, all while singing loud enough for you to hear. That'll take up some slack in the ol' brain, and she will have to relax the body a bit w/o thinking about it- while using correct aids for steering and stopping. Other ideas- give her confidence boosting tools. Example- I'll bet this horse, in an arena, could be turned and stopped with just a lead rope around its neck. If she'll allow you to give it a try, then when she sees it done, SHE can give it a try (with horse on longe line if she needs that). Over time you can maybe make the link that what the horse reacts to, way more than hauling on the reins and screaming whoa, is rider's relaxed body coupled with shifting weight through her seat.

On the trail, when she perceives a 'timid' moment coming- she should start singing. It'll force her to 'let go' of one or more bad reactions and rely on the learned skills (especially relaxation) to communicate w/horse.

[twofatponies]

I've skimmed quickly, so apologies for any duplication.

Get her singing. I like the Camptown Races for this. In the arena, have her do basic steering and stopping around cones, stepping over rails on the ground, all while singing loud enough for you to hear. That'll take up some slack in the ol' brain, and she will have to relax the body a bit w/o thinking about it- while using correct aids for steering and stopping. .

I knew a woman who rode every class at her shows reciting poetry outloud, to keep herself relaxed! (It wasn't dressage!).

I agree, it might really help this student to distract half her brain with some verbal task - if not singing, then reciting outloud (alphabet, nursery rhymes), even counting the steps the horse is taking - right, left, right, left, halt-two-three-four etc.

ETA: speaking/singing will force her to BREATHE which she is probably not doing.

I also agree - why the heck is she torturing herself with riding when it frightens her so much? Oh well. Lot's of great suggestions in this thread. Keep us updated!

I thought I was a timid re-rider, but not like this!

[mp]

What colored horse said.

Start over from the very beginning, make sure she's over any fear before you progress to the next level and absolutely no trail riding until she can handle her horse trotting and stops screaming WHOA WHOA WHOA. I'd also second whoever rec'd anti-anxiety drugs.

I used to be a timid rider. The thing that helped me the most was learning how to ride, which involved taking many steps back, working on my balance and gaining an understanding of the mechanics of the horse. But I was never, in my worst moments, as tied up as this poor thing.

Good luck.

[ReSomething]

Well, she does come to lessons, which shows that she is trying. She's bought the horse, she's riding him, you're being paid to help her make it work. But I will bet you that she does need just a little bit of tough love to stiffen her spine and stop her from being some shrieking passenger who is going to spoil a good horse and turn her into a partner who knows when to lead and when to follow.
You've got some good advice here, no more trails, lungeing without reins, short term and long term goals and positive thinking, including the woo-woo stuff. Although if I were a riding instructor I don't know if I'd have to nerve to inquire about counseling - phrased as sports psychology might work.
Xanax - works well but I have co-workers that wait too long to take their pills and can be miserable a**holes. Gets old.
As stated previously, sometimes people have gotten attention by declaring how scared they are, shrieking, etc.. Maybe a way to deal with this is to tell her she may never enjoy riding if she doesn't change her attitude, and you are going to help her by starting this new program where she can prove to herself through positive focus and repetition that she can do it. It'll take a long time and she will have to stop thinking in terms of "just trail-riding", but it would be great thing if she could do it.

Best of luck and keep us posted (I'm can be a terrible coward sometimes, and I would love to read of someone else overcoming their fears!).

[SoCalChick]

I feel bad for this rider...she's taken lessons for a while now and has her own horse. She hasn't quit yet, so she must find some enjoyment in it.

I think she's having trust issues with her horse. Perhaps just start off at square 1 with her and just go really slow. Re-teach the basics. Talk to her a lot. Ask her how she's feeling and why she feels that way.

I skimmed through the posts, so my apologies if this has been posted before, but maybe have her do fun things with her horse that don't involve being in the saddle. If she's so timid, does she have any problem grooming her horse? Getting him from the stable/pasture? Does she handwalk him on days when she doesn't ride?

Until she has that lightbulb go on where she thinks: hey, I can trust my horse that he'll take care of me and won't just take off with me on him, I truly believe she'll still be fearful.

Or maybe all it takes is for her to fall off and realize: "hey, i'm still okay!" for her to get over her fears.

[FatDinah]

Forget all this tough love and stiffening her spine. This woman has real fears. That's like taking someone who's afraid of water and throwing them in over their head to teach them to swim.

The most informative post was the one who said it took them, as an instructor, two years to get someone to trot without fear.

The lunge line is scary to someone without confidence. Instead, I'd do the same work without reins with you leading the horse by its head. She can do the exercises (round the world, leaning to the side and back, etc., no stirrups) and still feel secure. Do the same out in the field, you walk beside her on the horse.

[Penthilisea]

I worked with a therapuetic riding center for a while and saw a lot of fearful riders.
My tips:

Make sure you have a HIGH, broad, STABLE mounting block. 4 feet high and with a 2x2 platform is NOT too big.

Once she is standing on her safe block, have her confirm her own balance- stand on one foot, arm circles etc. She may feel silly but it will cement her confidence in the block.

Next she can lean on the horse, lean one arm, rest a foot gently on his rump, and work up to being goofy and reaching for his tail while leaning on him, or for his ears. But the whole time her feet are on solid mounting block. He's just an aid. Don't even put a saddle on the horse, he won't need it. Maybe a neck strap.

The next step is getting her to sit on him like a bench. One hand grabs a fist full of mane, the other flat palm on his butt and her feet still on the mounting block. You hold the horse from the OFF side so she will feel that you are behind her is she were to fall backwards.

The goal is work up to getting her on him bareback standing still and teaching her to feel how he balances her. Feel how he shifts his weight around to compensate for her movements, etc.

These can be little mini lessons, 15 minutes is all you need, end on positive notes, even if it means going back to a previously learned skill.

I'm also curious as to how she handles him, does she lead him with the same issues? That could be another way on- showmanship type patterns leading the horse through obstacles etc.

Best of luck, thank you for trying!

[FlashGordon]

Lots of good ideas on this thread. BuddyRoo was right on target as far as helping her talk through "worst case scenario."

I think the trick is empowering her. If she knows and understands some of the risks, and how to mitigate them, she will be less fearful.

Have you taught her (and let her practice) an emergency dismount? What about a pulley rein?

How is she at handling the horse on the ground? Can she longe? How does she interact with him in general? Is she confident on the ground? (I suspect not just from the

I was recently helping a woman at the barn who has a been-there-done-that, 4-H superstar. She just got the horse 6 weeks ago. She was afraid to crosstie the horse, afraid to longe her, afraid to lead her, afraid to walk her through certain parts of the barn, and basically treated this dead broke pony like it was a 2 year old TB. So the horse ACTED like a 2 year old TB. It was not my place to step in, so I let it go... but the other night she asked me for some advice.

All it took was the owner watching me groom, crosstie, tack up, longe, etc. for her to realize her fears were totally unjustified. She got on, horse did the usual 5 steps backwards (at which the owner usually got off) but once I convinced her to throw her hands forward and ask her to walk on, the horse rode like a dream.

She admitted she gets nervous and always thinks the horse might do something "bad" but I just kept reiterating... hey this horse is 21, she's been shown all over the place, trail ridden, done clinics, knows verbal commands, SHE KNOWS HER STUFF. Don't treat her like a baby, and don't let yourself think she doesn't know what she is supposed to do. SHE KNOWS.

Owner has had 3 rides since and is over the moon. All it took was showing her that she needed to treat the horse like the sane, safe, kind-hearted horse she is instead of always worrying the horse might misbehave.... you know.. the whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing...

[pony89]

A couple of things:

1) Start with where she is comfortable. Stay there until she is bored to tears and initiates the next level.

2) Have her spend some time at home and on her way to the lesson, envisioning her perfect ride. Imagine a ride where everything goes right. Imagine a ride where the horse spooks, and she just relaxes, sits up, and brings him nicely to a halt. Have her think intellectually about some of those worst case scenarios, off the horse, and how she would handle them. If she doesn't know, she can bring the questions to you at her lesson.

I once handled my show nerves by asking my instructor what the correct protocol was if I fell off in a flat class. Do I get back on and keep going? Wait in the middle of the ring until the class is done? Leave the ring? It wasn't that I was worried that I would fall off, it was that I was scared that I wouldn't know how to handle it if I did.

3) Does she really have the skills to handle forseable problems on the trail, apart from her fear? If she couldn't handle a spook or a little bolt, even if she was relaxed, then she should be afraid.

4) Build up to it. When I was working to get over a confidence issue on both my and my horse's part, I took it agonizingly slowly. We didn't canter more than once or twice for nearly 6 months after she was done at the trainers. I didn't canter until practically every ride, I was wishing I could canter, contemplating throwing caution to the wind. By taking all of the pressure off of myself, I spent all of my time thinking "I wish I could, I really want to, I think we could probably do this," instead of "I am scared, I hope nothing bad will happen, I hope he/she doesn't make me..."

When I was ready to start trail riding, I had never ridden outside of an arena, and found myself petrified. Even though my mare wasn't giving a lot of indication that she was going to be a problem on the trails, she acted nervous. I ended up taking her for hand walks on the trails. We would stop periodically and do ground work. We would walk and trot, back up, sidepass, play red light/green light, yield shoulder and hip. We saw dead animals, walked across bridges, saw geese fly up next to us, came across deer at the edge of the woods. I got comfortable with seeing how she reacted in different situations (which always looks less dramatic from the ground than it feels when you are tense and on a horse.) I determined that a lot of the nerves that she had were being transmitted directly from me, and came to the conclusion that I could handle any of the reactions and behavior that she displayed from the ground, while I was on her. From there, I was able to suck it up and go out in groups with the knowledge that I could handle what she was likely to dish out. I am still a little nervous riding by myself, but that is my project for this summer.

I don't know if she is the type of person to self motivate, but I suspect she will. She certainly seems like she really wants this. She may just need to go even slower. You might as well stay in her comfort zone. Either she will get bored and expand it, or she will stay in it, even though it might seem "boring" to others, and enjoy herself. If she can't bring herself to expand it even with no pressure, but is unhappy with her lack of progression, or if her comfort zone seems to get even smaller over time, her anxiety might need some more professional assistance. The screaming does seem a little over the top, I don't think I ever did more than whimper and cling, possibly muttering something like "I want off"

[LessonLearned]

RESCUE REMEDY!!!!

Seriously, I bought the stuff for my hyperactive dog. I had heard that you could use it for horses and humans as well.

I am certainly not to the level of this woman, but I have been known to get nervous when jumping is mentioned. I take the stuff before a jump ride and it is enough to take the edge off without making you completely numb.

I feel for her as well but I am glad that she is working with a responsible trainer. There is a woman at my barn who has some fear issues and she has made some questionable bitting choices because she doesn't have anyone to tell her otherwise.

Good luck to you both!

[JohnDeere]

Has this gal fallen yet? I have to admit that I have fallen a lot. Its scary to think about it, esp. if your hose is running away. Mine did

Since my balance is poopoo I fall some, though not as much as I could. Adults are usually in control. Not on a horse. Add that with possibly getting hurt and having poopoo balance (is that a word?) I can see her point. But at least she willing to try.

Yep, get her a seat. Leading the horse around while she does stuff without stirrups (even bareback if you wish) will help. She will gain muscles she didnt know she had. Once she sees that she can stay on (a big thing in my book) she will be more able to worry about being in control of her saintly horse. Then worry about being on the lunchline.

[Donkey]

If she can handle him on the ground...

If she wants to enjoy her horse an the trail now she could put on the bridle, skip the saddle and lead her horse on a trail walk. No riding, no pressure, just a relaxing walk with her horse outside. As a bonus she gets to have her feet on the ground while she observes her horse's reaction to the outside world (which proabably looks a lot more mild than it feels).

I did a lot of this to build my confidence in my greenie before I rode her out.

[S1969]

Some great advice here and also, a lot of people who seem to think that a timid adult should just not bother. That is sad. Yes, the sport is inherently dangerous but that doesn't mean you should encourage someone to give up if they are afraid. Obviously she really wants to get better!!!

I really agree with the groundwork issues. I think the best thing I did for my own riding was having unrideable horses at home. Tons of interaction, lots of having to be "in charge" and confident, without combining those things with undersaddle work. If the horse is game, maybe even arena obstacle courses or showmanship patterns, just to get this woman more confident about being in charge and giving good cues and commands.

And I'd also suggest maybe a lesson every week or every other week on a schoolmaster. Even though her own horse sounds very kind and truly not dangerous, most older schoolies are used to being "mishandled" and don't jig or crow hop [I'm not blaming her horse, but lesson horses are generally more tolerant]....and in my experience they stop dead when they hear the trainer say "and now halt your horse".... Maybe just having a few experiences that are very safe and slow would help, not to mention not adding the pressure of "my horse hates me" or "everyone rides my horse better than me".

Good luck, and glad to hear you're trying to stick with it! I know a couple of timid adult riders who started riding in their 60s. It must be very different than teaching children, but I can't imagine it would be any less satisfying.

[littleum]

I knew a woman who rode every class at her shows reciting poetry outloud, to keep herself relaxed! (It wasn't dressage!).

I agree, it might really help this student to distract half her brain with some verbal task - if not singing, then reciting outloud (alphabet, nursery rhymes), even counting the steps the horse is taking - right, left, right, left, halt-two-three-four etc.
!

Oh my gosh, is THAT what I'm doing?

My last pony liked to engage in dramatics, but the bad thing was if the human part of the equation fell for it, he'd get horribly anxious ("oh god, I was just joking! Really, it IS going to eat me?! AHHHH!!!") And once his cage got rattled, it didn't take much to keep rattling it.

I realized I started humming when I'd sense the "sparks" coming down the reins. Usually just humming. Sometimes things like "Oh we're not going to act stupid today..." in a singsong voice, LOL.

I always wondered why I did this.... but I felt a lot better doing it.

Now that I know, I hope it keeps working.

[dogchushu]

Is there a sports psychologist in the area that she could work with? I think some relaxation/breathing and visualization exercises would help her greatly.

Also, you mentioned that she lessons 1-2 times per week. How often is she out with her horse other than that? I've had my own battles with fear issues, and nothing works better than time with your horse and in the saddle. It may be too early to get her riding outside a lesson, but she could come out every day and hand walk, graze, or otherwise work with her horse. If she's not coming out at least 5 days a week to work with her horse, she should. Really, nothing beats spending time with your animal to learn to trust them, read their moods, etc.

[Flying Hearts]

I didn't read all the replies, but I'm working with a similar student right now. One thing that helped a lot was having him learn to feel the front legs and be able to tell when each one is moving forwards, and to learn to feel the back legs as well. Focusing on something like that and taking the focus away from riding "too much" helped a lot. Then we worked on changing the horses speed at the walk just using his body with rein and leg as reinforcements only when really needed. And learning to ride with his body and not just "kick/pull" helped a lot. And also just being honest - you HAVE to RIDE your horse, not (name fault here, whether it's scream, tense up, drag on the reins, or whatever). Have her think about relaxing her neck, shoulders, back, hips. Make sure you point out whatever she's doing well... "nice leg," "nice soft back," "good, your eyes are up and looking ahead, very nice" or whatever small thing it might be. As long as you think it's safe, make rules like "you are not allowed to halt unless I say halt" and things like that. If she thinks poles are really scary, walk over poles raised 3 inches off the ground. Make her start trotting a little with you running next to the horse and her NOT using her reins at all. And I'd probably say something brutally honest like "quit being a wimp" with a smile on my face and then move on with the lesson so it isn't a big deal if she seems like she can take it, at certain times. Good luck.

[pony89]

And I'd probably say something brutally honest like "quit being a wimp" with a smile on my face and then move on with the lesson so it isn't a big deal if she seems like she can take it, at certain times. Good luck.

I don't know...I suppose some people may need some tough luck. When I had an instructor that told me to suck it up, my horse and I really were being asked to do things we were not 100% ready for. I probably could have just bullied through it, but the two of us really needed things broken down better, and to be allowed to gain confidence. I really lost some respect for the instructor when she refused to let me work up to things (like cantering poles before asking a green horse to canter a small jump). Sure, I should have been able to suck it up and let the horse figure it out. But working up to it would have taken my nerves away and helped me to be confident and supportive for my green horse. Instead, we had a track record of failures that gave justification to my fears and made my horse a little more neurotic that she was when we started.

As an adult, I don't like being told to suck it up if I perceive a risk and would like to practice a prior step a little longer. I'm the one who needs my limbs intact so that I can get to work and do my job so I can pay board. There are so many exercises and things that you can do to build skills and make sure that the person has confidence due to solid basics and a history of success. I just think that unless an adult specifically wants a "bad cop," as someone put it, the dismissal of people's concerns should be kept to a minimum.

[eponacowgirl]

Wow, guys, this is one of the most constructive threads I've ever been a part of...

All your ideas are fantastic. I think you've all reassured me that I really do need to go back to square one and STICK WITH IT... even if it takes forever. She is out at the barn 4-5 times a week, so I might suggest 4-5 15 minute lessons instead of 2 45 minute lessons a week.

We're not a lesson barn- unfortunately, her horse is my best lesson horse. Her daughters pony might be just the ticket to teach herself to relax and laugh at herself though. She's about 13 hands tall and 13 hands wide!

I think part of her anxiety is related to family. This is her retreat from her husband (who bought her the horse) and I think she feels like she has to be REALLY good to make him feel like its "okay" for her to have the horse. He truly doesn't care that much. She also has two kids and she is afraid shes going to fall off and get hurt.

I also think I need to get on her with ground work, too. She tried to lead him out on the trails one day and, unfortunately, we had some heavy equipment parked right through the gate- he spooked and back they came, together. These are all things that we need to go back to. I'm going to try make her a spread sheet with various goals for her and go from there.

Any more constructive thoughts would be great. I'm so thrilled with this thread!