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Mean girls at the barn (and they are all over 50!)

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  • #41
    Originally posted by arapaloosa_lady View Post
    Straight from the movie, Mean Girls. If you keep watching, you'll learn the life lesson that repaying nastiness with nastiness isn't a good plan.
    um, if it gets these catty women hit by a bus?? i'm for it. (jk, that'd be horrible cosmic justice)
    AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012

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    • #42
      I think, unfortunately, people don't fundamentally change unless some big life event impacts them enough to start the process. I have found people who start out mean usually stay mean, though they may get a little better about disguising it as they get out of high school.

      I also think most barns with more than a handful of boarders have this issue - a group of two to four that think they are the best of the barn and have no compunction about making others feel bad or badmouthing anyone and everything they feel is beneath them. The only reason I can imagine for this is that they are insecure people who only gain a sense of self worth and value by tearing others down so they feel like they can be on top.

      I wouldn't invest a ton of time in trying to befriend them, and you can't change them. I've gotten "in" with groups like that in the past by killing them with kindness and bringing treats to the barn, etc, only to find that while they started being nice to me in person I am still being shredded behind my back.

      It is far easier to put them on mental ignore, go on about your life and know you are comfortable with who you are without letting these folks impact your self esteem. They are the ones with the problem, not you.
      If you love me let me go....

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      • #43
        Originally posted by maunder View Post
        I have worked with a woman like that and she's an acquaintance. In each and every job she is in she is very sneaky and catty and deliberately gets others into trouble. When reprimanded or when brought to account by others she cries and asks why people are being so mean. It's uncanny.
        There are two ladies exactly like this where I work. And they both hate each other, oddly enough. I won't talk to either of them unless their office door is open and/or I have a witness. Best thing to do is to completely ignore their existence.
        PA Hi-Ly Visible [PA Hi-Noon (by Magnum Psyche) x Takara Padrona (by *Padron)]

        Proud member of the Snort and Blow Clique

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        • #44
          Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
          I left a trainer because of this. It is bad enough that she made rude comments about me, but she made a nasty comment about my daughter. My problem now is with the jealous old biddies who do dressage. My job limits my riding time, so my abilities on horse back are lacking. I happen to own a really nice horse who can do both hunters and dressage really well. I get comments like "you don't ride well enought to own a horse like that".
          And I would reply to the comment about you and your horse by saying "Eh, maybe so, but it doesn't suck to be me and own this horse!"! They sound jealous!
          "You can't fix stupid"- Ron White

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          • #45
            The older I get I find this more and more. Life is to short.
            My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

            Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed

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            • #46
              I used to board with a couple of these Betty Badmouths. Betty Badmouth 1 managed to damage her saddle ( I forget how) and I offered her the loan of my spare that fit her horse for an upcoming show. She was so speechless, it was hilarious. The idea of someone making a kind or altruistic gesture was beyond her imagining. I did not offer it out of any calculated move to befriend Betty 1-- it was just a spontaneous gesture. She did use the saddle. I think she was deeply suspicious of then somehow being beholden to me... it did not change her Betty Badmouth ways.

              Betty Badmouth 2 had a horse come up lame before the local unrated show. She wanted to show in an adult eq class. I had already qualified for the final, so was not riding in that class. I offered Betty 2 a ride on my horse for that class. Betty 2 again was so flabbergasted she could hardly speak. But she did ride my horse. Betty 2 won the class at that show and qualified for the final. Betty 2 did manage to temper her Badmouthing about my horse after that... imagine!!! Again, the offer of the ride on my horse was a spontaneous, not a calculated, one.

              I did not offer to be kind with the hope of changing these Bettys.

              And it did not, really-- because somehow in their world-- that kindness was a real threat to them in a way that is hard to describe. It must be sad to live in that sort of world.

              I just made these offers because it felt like the thing to do in the moment.

              There is no changing Betty Badmouths-- and they are not worth the time or effort to engage, unless on your terms.
              A canter is a cure for every evil. ~Benjamin Disraeli

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              • #47
                It's a girl thing. I'm an elementary school teacher and I see it from the beginning w/ the little ones. The last school I taught at, which I loved, could be pretty interesting at times w/ 40 plus women all crammed together in one building.
                Last edited by teal tea; Apr. 6, 2015, 06:21 AM. Reason: Spelling

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                • #48
                  The Mean Girl syndrome comes from low self esteem and lack of confidence and jealousy and trying to assert some ounce of control in their unfulfilled lives by tearing other people down...

                  Their private lives are a mess and they are a mess... they are miserable and not really happy and pretty shallow people...

                  It is one thing to throw some shade or have some attitude but the mean girl or boy thing is really pathetic....especially in adults...sure they can be cruel and snide and hurtful. lie and spread gossip but once you figure them out and they know it they will stay out of your way
                  "All life is precious"
                  Sophie Scholl

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                  • #49
                    Originally posted by beowulf View Post
                    SURE THEY DO! Bake them extra-fatty ones so those b*tches have something else to be insecure about -- themselves. Then you REALLY have something to smirk to yourself about!
                    Or you could bake some chocolate Ex-Lax in to them.

                    (It's possible that I once did this as a teenager - for the most evil bus driver on the planet. And it's possible she deserved it. Not saying I did - but it's possible )

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                    • #50
                      When I meet women like this I enjoy thinking of the following Don Marquis quote:

                      Straight-laced, prune-faced, prissy-mouthed sisters of uncharity.

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                      • #51
                        Originally posted by Sunflower View Post
                        And it did not, really-- because somehow in their world-- that kindness was a real threat to them in a way that is hard to describe. It must be sad to live in that sort of world.

                        I just made these offers because it felt like the thing to do in the moment.

                        There is no changing Betty Badmouths-- and they are not worth the time or effort to engage, unless on your terms.
                        I think for this type of person, kindness is seen as weakness, and they have a horror of being perceiving as weak.

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                        • #52
                          I moved into a barn who had a bunch of railbirds. Thank goodness, they keep moving out. But, whoever said life is short is spot on. I don't have time for people like this anymore. But, I do like my revenge !! Every time they tear a person down, I give the person a compliment. They soon move on from me or stop talking trash near me about the other person. I'm close enough to 50 to not care what people think of me and work on improving myself. I think its a choice, you can either see the positive in people or the negative.

                          Its funny but the really catty people don't talk to me much anymore and the geninue, positive people hang around me who are the people I want as friends.

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