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Mean girls at the barn (and they are all over 50!)

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  • #21
    I left a trainer because of this. It is bad enough that she made rude comments about me, but she made a nasty comment about my daughter. My problem now is with the jealous old biddies who do dressage. My job limits my riding time, so my abilities on horse back are lacking. I happen to own a really nice horse who can do both hunters and dressage really well. I get comments like "you don't ride well enought to own a horse like that".

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    • #22
      Originally posted by Casey09 View Post
      I just read an article about this type of behavior in nursing homes, so I would say that it is prevalent in all age groups.
      I never would have thought about it being an issue in nursing homes. Wow

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      • Original Poster
        #23
        Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
        I happen to own a really nice horse who can do both hunters and dressage really well. I get comments like "you don't ride well enought to own a horse like that".
        Wow!! Meow, meow. I'm happy for you even though they aren't Happy riding

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        • #24
          Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
          I left a trainer because of this. It is bad enough that she made rude comments about me, but she made a nasty comment about my daughter. My problem now is with the jealous old biddies who do dressage. My job limits my riding time, so my abilities on horse back are lacking. I happen to own a really nice horse who can do both hunters and dressage really well. I get comments like "you don't ride well enought to own a horse like that".
          There's only one correct response to that: "Frack (sic) YOU--AND the horse you rode in on! Plus, earbuds, the Dead rocking "Dark Star," accompanied by THE most astoundingly supple, back-swingingly, over-trackingly, teeth-clattering with relaxation HALF-PASS you've ever done in your life. Topped with canter pirouette, resistance-levade accompanied by sheet-eating GRIN.

          They will keel right over, and devolve into a steaming puddle of witch-acid with their toes curling up, leaving you the Ruby Slippers!

          Seriously--I was once in an event barn with a b*tch pack just like this, and the cure was to go clean X-C; EACH. AND. EVERY. TIME. And make it look like you're having FUN. Those kind can't STAND it if you're having fun; you're supposed to be just as filled with inadequacy, self-loathing and pathological perfectionism as THEY are, after all! Having fun with your horse is the perfect revenge!

          Do it long enough, they MAY even get a clue . . . nah!

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          • #25
            I think it is just an unfortunate part of human nature that crops up from time to time. I just smile and ignore it/them. Life is filled with enough unavoidable drama-- no need to buy into created and avoidable drama. Ignoring them is the one thing they do not know how to deal with-- and it is the best way to put them/their issues into place.
            A canter is a cure for every evil. ~Benjamin Disraeli

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            • #26
              Originally posted by Edith Piaffe View Post
              Also, please don't bake them anything...those b*tches don't deserve your brownies!
              This. Being nice might win you favors but it won't stop them being awful to other people.

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              • #27
                I think it happens at all ages. I was at a State Event and I was there by the skin of my teeth. They put the dressage arenas up in dust and it threw it down that night before and we were competing in mud.

                There was a pack of kids criticising each rider. I just thought I would give them something to criticize about.

                So riding up to the judge I let Pepper's whole 6 foot carpet snake out.

                I couldn't do an extended trot but in those conditions nobody could.

                From there I completely forgot about them. I started the test and OMG. No wonder some of the younger riders had gone over.

                Poor Pepper his hooves would go down through the mud and then hit the slippery stuff underneath. From there his hooves could slide any which way and you couldn't predict which way and it was all we could do to stay upright. Pepper really did try his best, but it was impossible and I just smiled each time his hoof went the wrong way. We came out of that arena drenched in sweat at the concentration and physical exertion to stay upright.

                The next week one of the kids at Ponyclub said he heard what those kids said about me while I was in the arena.

                "Look at that girl. Look at her smile. Now that is someone who should be on a horse."
                It is better to ride 5 minutes a day than it is to ride 35 minutes on a Sunday.

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                • #28
                  Originally posted by Megaladon View Post
                  Good question. I have a coworker that is very nasty, I'm quite surprised how catty she can be. We are a very nice crew around here. The ironic thing about it is when she's reprimanded for the unpleasant attitude the tears start flowing! I don't see her changing her behavior though.
                  I have worked with a woman like that and she's an acquaintance. In each and every job she is in she is very sneaky and catty and deliberately gets others into trouble. When reprimanded or when brought to account by others she cries and asks why people are being so mean. It's uncanny.

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                  • #29
                    Originally posted by maunder View Post
                    I have worked with a woman like that and she's an acquaintance. In each and every job she is in she is very sneaky and catty and deliberately gets others into trouble. When reprimanded or when brought to account by others she cries and asks why people are being so mean. It's uncanny.
                    They do it because it works, there is no cure,what they need is fired.

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                    • #30
                      There was a study done a while back (not spending the time to dig it out and post) that concluded that girls who were mean at a young age remained mean throughout their adulthood. Toss in the clique factor, and they get downright nasty. I don't bother with them. Not worth my time.
                      "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

                      http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/

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                      • #31
                        I was at work one day and walked away from a group of ladies (in their 30s!) to answer a question for assistance by a supervisor. I came back unexpectedly to find one of the ladies doing this weird shimmy walk and imitating me kissing up to the supervisor and walking funny.

                        I said "Oh, I guess if you want to talk about me behind my back you should really make sure I'm gone first. Now how was that walk that you say I do? Did it go like this? Can you repeat that for me so I can get a good picture of what I look like?"

                        Took the fun right out of their moment. I would never bake cookies for people like that, I shouldn't have to buy my way into their club or buy their friendliness.
                        http://weanieeventer.blogspot.com/

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                        • #32
                          Originally posted by st_francis View Post
                          They do it because it works, there is no cure,what they need is fired.
                          Before she found her current job she was fired from three places in a row and all for the same reason (not playing well with others, not a team player and etc...)

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                          • #33
                            A lot of people who act that way (mean in packs) are very insecure, and they build up their own sense of who they are by constantly criticizing others. If they do it in a pack they form their own little self-reaffirming society.

                            I wouldn't bring food, because that might simply allow you to be in the pack, and others (outside of the pack) will simply assume that you've gone over to the dark side.

                            Just smile at them and be consistently pleasant, regardless of how they act. Don't get involved in the drama. They may initially snark at you as being aloof and thinking you're too good for everybody else, but when you don't retaliate, they'll probably lose interest.
                            "The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions." --Dostoevsky

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                            • #34
                              Originally posted by laskiblue View Post
                              Unfortunately, there seems to be a certain percentage of women that have never left those old middle school relational aggression "girl games" behind. I would nod, smile, be superficially cordial, and steer the way the hell away from a group like that.
                              Exactly. When my children were in school and I was active as a room mother and PTA mom I came across lots of these grown up mean girls. Usually their daughters were mean girls, too. I've met my share at barns, too. Ugh. I just ignore and avoid them. Life is too short to waste on such negative and nasty people. The beauty of being in my late 50's is that I truly do not care what other people think.

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                              • #35
                                Don't feed them. The last thing you want is for them to seek you out! Ear buds and selective hearing (when you don't have them in). We has a mean girl at our co-op barn. she seemed completely normal when we interviewed her but within a few months the rest of us agreed that we were staying away from the barn for fear of running into her. we voted her off the island because that behavior NEVER changes. She was in her 50s. I still cringe when I think about her.
                                Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
                                EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.

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                                • #36
                                  It is sad how some never grow out of the mean thing. When I was in college, I drove my grandmother to a ladies club luncheon that she was part of and as we ate lunch, I heard the elderly ladies around me being catty. My heart sank, and I thought, "uh oh, seriously? This stuff keeps on going well past middle school?" Now I just swim along life with the mantra that life blows by pretty quickly--and there are too many good, kind amazing people in this world. My mission is to keep finding them. No time for the others. Not. One. Minute. Good thing it's easy to throw myself into the immediate needs of my horses when at times I find myself swimming in the tank with pirahanas (sp?)

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                                  • #37
                                    Originally posted by Edith Piaffe View Post
                                    Also, please don't bake them anything...those b*tches don't deserve your brownies!
                                    SURE THEY DO! Bake them extra-fatty ones so those b*tches have something else to be insecure about -- themselves. Then you REALLY have something to smirk to yourself about!
                                    AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012

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                                    • #38
                                      They need the kind of "medicinal" brownies that will cause them to chill out and stop their bitchin'.
                                      Frost Bite Falls

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                                      • #39
                                        Or you can try changing up the vibe-- offer each one a sincere compliment when you see them--there is always something you can compliment ( I like the stitching on your bridle, is one if you are at a loss for anything else). Although, with the pack mentality you are describing, perhaps not worth the effort-- but another strategy that might work.
                                        A canter is a cure for every evil. ~Benjamin Disraeli

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                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by beowulf View Post
                                          SURE THEY DO! Bake them extra-fatty ones so those b*tches have something else to be insecure about -- themselves. Then you REALLY have something to smirk to yourself about!
                                          Straight from the movie, Mean Girls. If you keep watching, you'll learn the life lesson that repaying nastiness with nastiness isn't a good plan.

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