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Lost my nerve? Ok to give up?

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  • #21
    Riding is too much of an all-consuming hobby (money, time, emotion, etc.) not to be having fun.

    Good luck finding yourself and your mare the right partners.
    "In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move." -Douglas Adams

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    • #22
      Originally posted by Superminion View Post
      I have to echo everybody else who says that you have nothing to prove.

      I love love love my Willow to death. She's never thrown me ANYTHING under saddle that I can't handle, but for some reason I just never got off of her feeling good about the ride. When she went lame and we made the decision to retire her, I was almost relived to have the "excuse" to not to keep trying to force the relationship to work.

      I didn't really ride much for a bit (kids, job, life, etc), but then I sat on my TB mare and it was instant love. She's sassy and silly and kind of like a 16.2 hand pony. I trust her more than any horse I've ever sat on, even though she's the queen of naughty. I've never felt unsafe and I've never gotten off her without a big smile on my face. THAT'S what I think riding is all about.
      That is one more consideration, you will like different horses for different reasons and it is ok.

      You like your current horse for abc, will like another for xyz, no need to compare them, but enjoy each one for what you had with them.
      If now is time to part with your current one, that is the sensible way to go, then take your time looking around.

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      • #23
        If all you've ever done as an owner is projects, maybe you're not losing your nerve, you just want to buy a horse you can ride and have fun with. And that's not a crime or against the law or anything. I avoid horse shows type barns and such and as a result, the majority of horse owners I know just want to have fun on their horse. They don't want to have to go into each ride with a plan, need to set goals, spend all their ride time thinking about developing and improving the horse with some sort of end point in mind--they just want to get on, have fun, and not worry about it. And it's okay! It's fun, really. Nice to sometimes go out, know you're going to almost certainly have a good ride, and whatever you feel like doing is okay and not playing hooky from Serious Riding You Should Be Doing.

        You are allowed to just ride for fun without having a project horse or a lesson plan. Really. I know it feels weird, but it's true.
        Author Page
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        • #24
          I spent most of my youth riding the horses that people called "Satan" or something similar. NOTHING scared me. Then I passed forty and activities that used to have no effect on me, suddenly left me muscle sore. The ground seemed to get farther away. Neither did I have any reason to feel this way - never got dumped or otherwise injured; just got more aware of the possibility of injury and what it means to my income. I still will ride greenies, but I'm a lot more selective and they tend to be shorter. Life is too short to ride a horse you are not comfortable with, whatever the reason.
          Allah took a handful of southerly wind, blew His breath over it, and created the horse. Thou shall fly without wings, and conquer without any sword, O, Horse!
          Anonymous Bedouin legend

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          • #25
            BTDT, you need to find a horse you enjoy!

            I had a 16.3 registered warmblood gelding with auto changes, scope to jump the moon, and movement to win any hack... I hated riding him. He would be good and I still didn't like riding him because the entire time I felt like I couldn't trust him. I leased him out for a year and a half to the people who eventually bought him just so they could make sure they wanted to keep him. He's got a great home now and he's a really good horse... Just not for me.

            You're doing the right thing. You may even find a greenie you love! My I've had my 11 year old gelding since he was 3 and he's always had the same, great mind. Even as a three year old, I enjoyed riding him more than any schoolmaster.

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            • #26
              Originally posted by Wonders12 View Post
              Yup. What goodhors said. There is NOTHING wrong with saying, "this isn't the horse for me right now."

              So many people seem to feel like selling a horse is giving up or abandoning them. That's not true at all! Unless you're a professional who needs an upper level horse to stay in business, and this is your prospect, horses are supposed to be fun. If you're not having fun on her most rides, sell her to someone who will. Take your time, vet the buyers properly, and find the home that will be excited to get on her everyday.

              Then, find the horse that you're excited to get on every day. Again, take your time, and wait for the right one.

              rs, working with horses for 7, and currently a full time barn manager. I've ridden A LOT of horses. I CAN ride horses with a variety of problems, and I don't dislike it. I was looking for projects that I could ride for a year or two and sell. And then I (well, my trainer) found my mare. I LOVE this horse. I look forward to riding her every day. I end every single ride with a smile on my face. (That's not to say that she's always perfect, but she's perfect for me, and the good outweighs the bad by far!)

              So pass your mare on to someone who will love her like that, and find a horse who you will love like that. It's ok, and very responsible of you, to say this is not an ideal match.
              ^^^^ This 100%. I just sold my little horse of 12yrs because he and I just did.not.click anymore. I've only had my new guy for 3 weeks, went to our first show and I had fun again! That's what it's all about to me, enjoying the horse you're riding. My horse was killing my confidence but my new guy is bringing it back up

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              • #27
                Think of all the time and effort you put into the projects as your "working years", and treating yourself to a safe, sane older schoolmaster as simply "enjoying your retirement".

                Kick back and relax. You've done your share.

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                • #28
                  I have a saint of a schoolmaster who thankfully is still going strong at age 27. I bred my mare 5 years ago in hopes of creating his replacement. The resulting filly is now four and is everything I could have hoped for and then some. Except for being a saint of a schoolmaster. She has a wonderful temperament and so far has taken everything in stride but I still have my doubts. She has so many "firsts" in front of her like her first cross country school and her first hack alone in the fields and first show under saddle. I just don't know if I am up for it. And there is nothing wrong with that. We will see how it goes but I too am finding myself longing for a 15 year old schoolmaster when my 27 year old schoolmaster is no longer.
                  McDowell Racing Stables

                  Home Away From Home

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                  • #29
                    BTDT too. Had an Arabian for 21 years. We knew each other inside and out. Read each others minds.

                    Then a friend and I got a pinto together. Nice guy, she rode him far more than I did. Sold her my share. I hadn't really enjoyed riding him, so it wasn't a big deal.

                    After my Arabian passed away and we had moved to TX, I got a HUGE TWH mare. Super sweet and beyond green. She tried, though. I rode her a total of THREE times in 18 months. I felt she needed to be used and sold her.


                    Now I'm into driving Minis and LOVING it. Riding just doesn't hold the thrill for me it once did. I've lost my confidence, I've grown stiff and balance just isn't there anymore. The shorties are fun, my gelding is AMAZING and I don't worry about dying every time I drive him.

                    I think you'll be so much happier finding her a new home, and then going horse shopping for your new schoolmaster.
                    Field of Dreams Miniature Horses

                    JEM Canadian Sunrise HOF: 2007 Res Nat'l Grand Champion WCPD
                    Redrock Lots O Spots HOF: 2014 National Grand Champion WCPD

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                    • #30
                      OP, I have been in your shoes. In fact, I was in your shoes a year ago, when I bought my first horse in 30 years. I got to the point where I really dreaded riding that horse. I just couldn't get comfortable with him. And I had always been a very confident rider in the past. Maybe it was my age (56), or maybe it was just a bad match, but I wasn't enjoying my horse very much, although I really tried.

                      Anyway, after six months of trying to make it work I sold the horse and started over. I bought a 14 year old ex goat roper. This horse is safe, sane, BTDT, but has lots of go, so definitely not a push ride. I just can't tell you how crazy I am about this boy. Every ride is a good ride - not perfect, perhaps, as no horse is perfect - but still a good ride. I just enjoy that horse. I trust him. He trusts me. We have a ball together. We just click. I can't really explain it. I can relax and have fun with him, which is exactly what I wanted. I'm thankful every day that I have such a great horse to ride.

                      Life is short. Your riding life is even shorter. Don't waste it riding a horse that you don't enjoy. Your horsey match is out there - go find him.

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                      • #31
                        I understand - I, myself would love to have a 'packer' !


                        I understand ~

                        * I would love to own a 'packer'' BOMBPROOF PACKER !

                        YES I WOULD !!!
                        Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "

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                        • Original Poster
                          #32
                          Thanks again to all the opinions. I'm sure some day I'll want another project, but not now. My husband and I are trying for a baby, and I have a special needs step daughter that I'm full time mom for right now, and I just need the barn to be my happy place for the next couple of years.

                          I've been more excited in the last 24 hours at the prospect of going out to try a bunch of cool, been there done that horses than I have to ride my own mare in over a year... that tells me all i need to know. She will make some other person very happy, and she's at the perfect point to sell as she's got a strong foundation, has been started over fences, and is ready for someone else to put in the finishing touches and take her out to all her firsts.

                          Thanks again for the support, everyone. I know in my soul that this is the right decision.
                          Strong promoter of READING the entire post before responding.

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                          • #33
                            Having lost my nerve in the past with a horse who was just too much/too large for me, I totally understand. I ended up buying a baby and with the help of trainer getting her under saddle. I bought a baby because I wanted something fancy, but could not afford a made horse. Many times in the past, I had problems with nerves, but when I quit showing that eased up a bit. I moved horse away from trainer's barn, joined an active riding club, and just played. The riding club had different clinics, play days, etc. This kind of helped me try different things with my redheaded TB mare. If I got nervous, I got off and did stuff with her in hand. I ended up with a horse who looks to me as the leader, rarely shys ,and is the horse everyone wants to take their green beans out with. Maybe back off on your expectations, do things with mare at the pace that doesn't bother you. If you still are uncomfortable, sell her.

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                            • #34
                              I commend you for being self aware and making a good decision for you and your horse. She's at a very sellable age with the right start.
                              ~Veronica
                              "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                              http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

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                              • #35
                                Selling her to someone who will tap her potential and giving a been there done that horse a gentle life would benefit everyone.

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                                • #36
                                  I totally understand your feelings. And if you don't love being with her than find her a home where she will be understood and appreciated.

                                  The pool of horses that are truly sound is not as large as I thought. I've had horses that stayed rideable their whole lives, but I see lots of people dealing with issue after issue. Recently I got crazy lucky, I was given a sound, rideable horse. An older guy, but age doesn't mean anything to me, I look for sound and sane.

                                  Best of luck to you, horses can bring us so much joy.

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