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What was the moment you knew you needed a different trainer?

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  • #21
    When my very first lesson stable called me in the winter wanting me to be a camp counsellor next summer. I had had 2 weeks of summer camp and a few weeks of weekly lessons at that point. And, I was 12.

    I hung up and said, "I think we need to find a new place for riding lessons, mom."
    Ahhhh, spring is here. The birds are singing, the trees are budding and the paddocks are making their annual transformation from cake mix to cookie dough.

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    • #22
      Eh - my parting did not involve drama. And it wasn't really anything against the trainer. I still think she is quite talented, taught me a bunch, and provided me with amazing opportunities.

      I bought a horse she didn't like. She advised (not strongly, but did not endorse) purchasing him.

      They never really "clicked" - she helped us with our jumping which did improve, but "her way" when it came to flat work and dressage just did not work with this horse. Rides started turning into battles - which is something I ever want...

      It was usual for me to drop out of full training when winter came - and to move to a cheaper barn down the road.

      I started riding with an H/J trainer there - and switched sports for a few years! Jumpers were a better match for my horse, as was this other trainer. No hard feelings towards my old event trainer - horse and her just weren't a good match.

      That said - horse and *I* were a good match, and I had a lot of success and happy years with him. So - while I value trainers opinions, I felt that SHE knew that SHE would not click with the horse - but for me, he was wonderful. I am so glad I didn't pass on him because he wasn't the horse for HER - but he was a great horse for ME.
      Last edited by Appsolute; Mar. 6, 2015, 12:29 PM.
      APPSOLUTE CHOCKLATE - Photo by Kathy Colman

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      • #23
        About the time her husband cornered me in the empty barn and tried to force himself on me.

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        • #24
          Originally posted by ArabDiva View Post
          About the time her husband cornered me in the empty barn and tried to force himself on me.

          EW! EW!EWWWWWWW!!!! Is he still alive? YUCK!

          I left my second trainer when she stopped showing up for my lessons and couldn't even be bothered to give me a reason. When I noticed that the only people whose lessons she made an appearance for were her wealthy clients. C ya.

          Another trainer - told her not to grab my horse's reins and hang on. My horse was very fearful of having someone walk up and take hold of the reins - one of his trainers had thought it a great idea to walk up to him, grab him and beat the living shit out of him for his "mistakes." I asked her not to do this and she would not let go. Poor Shiloh is backing up with his eyes bugged out, I'm asking her more and more loudly to let go and she is still refusing. Horse finally rears up and nearly goes over backward he is so desperate to get away. I finally screamed at her to let go and actually had to hit her arm with my whip. My poor Shiloh was a trainwreck after that - shaking and sweating and completely spun. I can remember only a few times being that absolutely incandescent with rage and that was one of them. Needless to say, out the door she went.
          "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
          - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

          Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.

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          • #25
            When her personal life began interfering with all aspects of the barn. The level of care would plummet for weeks, then be ok for a few days (usually after someone said something to her), then would plummet again but even worse then before. She was a constant roller coaster of emotions and stress and didn't deal with it well. She used to come into my lessons and drink the entire time. I had also outgrown her teaching abilities and was no longer progressing; I was no longer learning anything in lessons and was basically paying for someone to set fences for me. She was very defensive when you would approach her about something and would always blame everyone else but herself.

            Unfortunately there were very few options in the area so we ended up staying with her for probably 1 year too long, but we eventually got out. There weren't any hard feelings, because she was aware of the reasons we were leaving and understood that she wasn't the trainer to take me to where I wanted to go. She still has some clients from that time and none of them have progressed any farther. But from the sounds of it she has gotten some help and has gotten her life together, which I'm really happy about because deep down inside she was really nice and meant well, but just very troubled.

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            • #26
              Previous trainer told me "you can never hold him too much." I think that was my last lesson with her.
              Born under a rock and owned by beasts!

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              • #27
                When my former dressage trainer, who had helped me buy my horse, pulled me aside and kindly called out that my mare really didn't want to be a full time dressage horse, and I really needed to consider if I wanted to change disciplines to something more jumping focused, or find a different horse.

                The trainer I moved to did a wonderful job of getting us going in jumping/eventing, but we hit a bit of a wall after a few years (she took us from bolting over ground rails to Novice, schooling some Training and doing our first 3' rounds - I can't complain!) so I've moved on. No harm no foul!
                "Adulthood? You're playing with ponies. That is, like, every 9 year old girl's dream. Adulthood?? You're rocking the HELL out of grade 6, girl."

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                • #28
                  when she had me get on a bronco she got from the auction... not once but three times (yes, I was stupid). Then, she sold said bronco to an older lady to start as her foxhunting horse (this mare had a MEAN buck...). Last straw was that she was selling a gelding and I was the rider. This gelding would almost fall down when you got on him. She never told the people and they saw me out and about one day.

                  The asked me about him because they knew I was honest. Their friends had purchased my gelding I sold a year before and remembered me from that. Well, I told them about his issues (more than one issue). They young girl wanted to event prelim and he wasn't going to work out....
                  Draumr Hesta Farm
                  "Wenn Du denkst es geht nicht mehr, kommt von irgendwo ein kleines Licht daher"
                  Member of the COTH Ignorant Disrepectful F-bombs!*- 2Dogs Farm

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                  • #29
                    Oh boy, as with most things, there were a few "defining moments" that caused me to leave my last h/j trainer. Here are a few highlights:

                    1. Screaming at me and another adult woman during a lesson, and treating us both so disrespectfully that we both cried after the lesson. We are both tough women, too. I really never cry about such things. This was severe, and involved the trainer at one point slamming a jump rail to the ground, which spooked both of our horses, and screaming "JUMP IT!!!" to my friend. During the same lesson, my horse almost bucked me off after a jump, and she screamed, "HE'S DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TELLING HIM TO DO!!!"

                    2. During a lesson, I asked for advice on getting my young horse off the forehand and she told me, "He doesn't do that with ME! I can't explain it to you - you're just going to have to figure it out."

                    3. Disparaging me to the clinician during a clinic I was riding in.

                    4. After arriving back from a winter in FL, during which I had amazingly productive rides with the assistant trainer and was successfully jumping full 2'6"-2'9" courses with a few 3' jumps tossed in on my young horse, the main trainer returned and gave me a lesson during which she made me trot on a 10 meter circle to the left for 45 minutes while screaming, "Get his hind leg UNDER him" without offering any additional guidance, and then acted surprised when he finally lost it and took off bucking. This was a five year old OTTB that had been off for a year with an injury as a four year old.

                    5. Although I stopped riding with this trainer after #4, I continued riding at the barn with the assistant trainer. I left the barn entirely after my horse got hurt (badly) at a horse show and the trainer (who was also the barn owner) refused to help me get him home (to her barn, which was less than an hour and a half away) for necessary treatment and was completely rude to me about the entire thing.

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                    • #30
                      A trainer I had as a teenager basically begged my mom for a couple thousand dollar loan for new footing in the arena... Shortly after my mom loaned her the money she went out of town for a week and forgot to leave the board check. Trainer sent her a nasty gram about late board and my mom blew up on her. We had been there for about a year and had never been late... yes, the loan was supposed to be worked off in lessons, not board, but a week late check from a lady who you owe a large sum of money to does not warrant that kind of behavior!

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                      • #31
                        My first instructor was a technically good rider, who did very well in eventing and dressage and had ridden under a top trainer for years. I was a working student for her for a long time, but our time together ended when I realized the following:

                        1. She put down every other riding instructor in the area, saying that nobody had the experience she did. Her students (none of whom had ever ridden with anyone else) completely agreed, and you were both a traitor and an idiot if you left the barn.
                        2. Her students were downright vicious to each other. I'm not sure she knew everything that was happening, but every single young student was critically judgmental of the other students' riding (without having the faintest idea of what they were talking about, they assumed they knew enough to be instructors).
                        3.When she moved permanently to NC, she left two of her students as instructors at our barn - neither had ANY experience teaching, nor did they have credentials to attract new students. Neither had trained under anybody but her, or competed above Beginner Novice.
                        4. After six years with her, I knew nothing about horse care/first aid. I could muck a stall and ride decently, but healthcare/first aid was a mystery. I couldn't wrap a leg or feel for a pulse/respiration until I moved to my next barn.
                        5. She was not willing to help my improve my riding form! I used to look at photos of me over jumps and knew something was wrong. 'Nope, you jump just fine, relax!' Next trainer was not thrilled about that.
                        6.She started pushing young students too early. Before they had their basics, she had them jumping. She took one to a show and sent the girl out on a jumping course. Said girl was pretty unsteady even at the trot and control was always questionable. She was also a nervous kid. Pony promptly stops at first fence, dumping young girl, who now has a broken arm and even more nerves.
                        7. Her training style was very rigid, and she was not willing to consider how to deal with horses as individuals. They all followed the same routine - which fit some horses better than others, leading to mental breakdowns in some animals. My current mare would not do well there - she is quite sensitive and said trainer would already have broken her mentally.
                        8. She was not good at communicating body language between horse and rider - I had zero idea how my body influenced the horse's. Her method to getting a horse round was to saw on its mouth until it put its head down. My poor pony dealt with this so well, but I was just clueless.
                        9. She started traveling back and forth between her main barn and one in NC. I had a standing lesson at 4:30pm with her on Tuesdays whenever she was home. One day I showed up for my lesson - my name had been erased and someone else's put in my place. No warning, no call, she just left me to find out when I got there. When questioned she said, "Well I have to get to all of my non-regulars!" ????

                        That was when I FINALLY left. Talk about red flags! Her students still can't believe I would leave for someone who 'doesn't know as much'. They seem to think you can't learn from anyone else. I think that learning riding is a like a good essay; it doesn't stand up well when you only have one source. Pardon my academic viewpoint But wow when I think back, she was really awful. Not even intentionally, but she was not good at explaining things, nor did she think things needed to be explained.

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                        • #32
                          When I was a teen my coach helped me find/buy a young TB. We then found out he had a history of bucking and was likely drugged when we bought him. (but his owner thought being bought by a young girl would cure his issues....).

                          My coach would NOT get on him and I was getting bucked off regularly. Her sister and a more advanced student would ride him for me so I wanted to switch to ride with her sister, but felt that my coach should help me find a home for the TB rather than make a new coach deal with him. She had no ideas on what to do with him, fortunately another coach/barn owner saw my struggles with this horse and offered to take him and $3500 on trade for one of her young horses (a poorly conformed, but very sweet warmblood arab/qh filly). $1000 of that was paid by her my coach to pay for training (the seller told me this directly...my coach had kept this oddly silent). This was about 25 years ago, so $1000 was quite a few lessons.

                          New horse was awesome, but very green, so of course I needed lessons...but coach would always be late or a no show for lessons. Sometimes she would come so late she would bump me back to ride with her adult ladies on their experienced horses...fortunately the filly had an awesome mind and we did not blow her mind!

                          I finally gave up, kissed my money good bye, and switched to riding with her sister. It was a good move for me and my horse and we did very well.

                          I think old coach felt she could take advantage of me that way as my parents had zero involvement with the horses...but it sucked as I had to work very hard to come up with the money for lessons, board, vet and so on.
                          Freeing worms from cans everywhere!

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                          • #33
                            I was stopped in the middle of my jumping lesson and told that he didn't realize our group only wanted to trail ride and if that was our goal we could do that, but to stop wasting everybody's time with mistakes.
                            Which is obviously the best approach for motivating someone who has confidence issues. I was humiliated and resentful. And I asked to be switched back to my previous instructor after that.
                            Last edited by LawsofMurph; Mar. 11, 2015, 09:38 AM.

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                            • #34
                              I ride Arabians, and over the years I have dumped several trainers when they said "I have just the perfect horse for you"...meaning they had a warmblood for sale that was much more suited to dressage than my Arabs. If I get even the slightest inkling a trainer isn't committed to helping me improve with the horse I have in front of them I'm gone.

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                              • #35
                                Mistreatment

                                The last trainer I left, I was very close to as a friend and would try to go above and beyond to help her out. I started college and got busy with my school work that I couldn't be there all the time (if any). New people joined the group that weren't familar with me and it was like she let them run her barn. One of the lesson ponies that I was very fond of was rumored to be some horrible monster by one of the new people - like really? A pony that does a dressage test with a six year old and stays on the bit willingly the entire time? Another rider she let assist her with the lessons and she saw me ride for the first time in at least a year and felt entitled to tell me what to do - NO. I show up one day around 10AM and one of the students was just then feeding the horses their grain. I noticed none of them had hay and I had to remind them to hay the horses. I was starting a horse undersaddle and bought a new girth to fit my saddle. As months went on the girth was too big. It was hard to tell with the horse's winter coats but their ribs were starting to show. One day all the horses on the property were turned out in one large pasture, I helped the student feed them but she just threw them hay (no grain). She then told me that they haven't been grained for three days! People were paying her board and providing Smartpak supplements - the horses were not getting the right care. I started talking to some other boarders I trusted and it just made me look like a drama starter. A different day my husband and I went to get the horse I was working with out of the pasture and he noticed the horses had no water at all in their trough. He turned the hose on and the horses were fighting over the water. Needless to say I did not ride. We had a barn meeting and my trainer was saying they were putting the grain on top of the hay flakes. What a load of BULL I was personally there. I offered to buy the horse I was training from his owner but she declined. I was no longer comfortable there and although the horses had lost weight - it wasn't enough to report. I was majorly disappointed by my "friend" but I saw her true colors. I was replaced with other students. I picked my tack box up and left. Never went back. I was shunned from the group but the horse I was working with she eventually tried to "repo" from the owner and ended up in court. That's when all her minions decided to leave her.

                                Happy to say - lesson learned, keep trainer relationships professional! And if you're wondering the horses are OK now but she has other people out there slaving for her. The pony I was fond of had passed away (unexpectedly for me) and I'm not sure why.

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                                • #36
                                  Oh man, I think everyone has at least one of these stories

                                  There were multiple factors leading up to my big move. I moved to a different part of the country for college, so had to ride with different trainers which opened my eyes to what I had been missing. My horse and I had been schooling 2'6-3' at school all year pretty successfully (complete with photographic evidence- which trainer did see). I came home for the summer and my first lesson back, the trainer scheduled me in a lesson with a short stirrup kid and an adult beginner, left the jumps as crossrails and would not put them up for me. That was the big revelation for me. At that point, I had to unexpectedly retire that horse (and she tried to convince me to dump him when I fully intended to give him a retirement home!!). I rode with her a few more times on my mare and decided that I wanted to switch disciplines (from hunters to eventing- which this horse was clearly better suited for). I hadn't intended to leave since I figured she could still help me with my stadium, but she was 100% unsupportive, made several disparaging remarks about my new discipline, and tried to convince me to sell the horse I loved so I could buy a new project I did not want. That was the end of our professional relationship.

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                                  • #37
                                    Hadn't seen any signs and was just trying to learn to ride western with a new horse so I could ride the same style as my kids. Nothing fancy, no shows, just wanted good habits, good posture and gain a bit of confidence in western riding. Anyway. The second it clicked for me that my best interest was not at heart was when I casually mentioned wanting to do a despooking clinic. She was immediately offended and started with questions, what do you hope to gain there that you think I can't accomplish here? What is it you think I am not teaching you? Is it really imperative your horse walk through fire and across a tarp?

                                    If she had just let me finish my statement...all I was saying was I wanted to take him to a clinic because I wanted to haul him somewhere. But hey, now I know, she isn't looking out for ways I can get better.

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                                    • #38
                                      I took ONE lesson with a trainer at my barn who yelled and screamed. Absolutely not. Ended up trailering out 16 miles to work with a trainer who was kind, knowledgeable, and respectful. Turns out the second trainer was buddies with the screamer but she was fine about that- I think she had mentioned to screamer that she might be more successful if she didn't scream. But I think the first trainer was a died in the wool screamer. If I listen carefully, I think I can hear here screaming now! In my book, life is way too short to tolerate anyone who yells and screams.

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                                      • #39
                                        I went from knowing nothing to having lessons with an instructor. I went from coming last in everything to coming 5th (White ribbons) in everything. She used to get on Pepper and do the Spanish Walk.

                                        One day we rode to the pony club and she was not there. It turned out that she had broken her leg and another instructor was there instead.

                                        A very loyal child I was upset and if I had known in advance I would have waited for her to return.

                                        One lesson from the new instructor and not one person returned to the old instructor. She taught us communication with a horse. I realised that Peppy was doing the Spanish Walk out of anger and frustration. He never did the Spanish Walk again.

                                        We came 3rd in everything that year. (They changed colours so I was still bringing home white ribbons! )

                                        She taught that if the horse was in the frame you wanted you kept still as a reward.

                                        The next year we won every single event we entered in all disciplines.

                                        A few years later I trained a horse with my seat , (or so I thought) and passed my EFA Instructor's Level I Certificate and went to work for a Grand Prix Rider.

                                        I had never ridden a trained horse before. I had broken in and trained and won on my own horses.

                                        I couldn't ride! I was told that my hands were dead. My legs were dead and I wasn't using my seat.

                                        I could do walk canter transitions but not trot canter transitions. I was ttught to use my seat and to have a constant communication with the horse.

                                        That was a lifetime ago.

                                        I am now a rerider and have started training two horses.

                                        Once I get them up to elementary I will be looking for an instructor.
                                        It is better to ride 5 minutes a day than it is to ride 35 minutes on a Sunday.

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                                        • #40
                                          I left my trainer/barn manager when he bred my aged mare without my permission.

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