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Feeling lost--need career advice/encouragement

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  • Original Poster

    #41
    Originally posted by OveroHunter View Post
    I guess what I'm getting at is don't be afraid to do a 180 and look down career paths you never originally considered. I'm a long way away from dude ranch office manager and financial advisor!
    That's super advice. I grew up with this train of thought that I had to pick a major, and get a job in that field, and stay there. Luckily the more people I talk to the more I realize how unrealistic that idea can be. I'm so glad you've found something you enjoy more than previous jobs...I had actually considered being a financial adviser at one point and I am certainly glad I didn't go that route..would have been miserable!!

    Comment


    • #42
      I called my doctor and got a referral to another dr...only have to wait 4 months!!!! I called mine back and left a message to see if any other referrals. That's the frustrating part...I'm trying to get help, and I can't even get it. By July, it will (hopefully) be sunny, warm and my life will be roses!!! :-)

      Comment


      • #43
        Do you have some friends with horses and busy lives you could just borrow from for now? You have enough experience that seems like a very reasonable option to me. I would be more than happy to just let you ride when you had the time if you were nearby here, and I don't really care about schedules as long as you have the experience not to overwork the out of shape ones, which you do. Unfortunately you appear to be selling horsey real estate as a viable market so I gather you aren't in northern Indiana, where I don't think there would be enough of that to support yourself on. Ask around your horsey connections...I bet there are some people who would LOVE to have you ride whenever you felt like it. And everyone knows horsey therapy is the best medicine!

        Comment

        • Original Poster

          #44
          Originally posted by fordtraktor View Post
          Do you have some friends with horses and busy lives you could just borrow from for now? You have enough experience that seems like a very reasonable option to me. I would be more than happy to just let you ride when you had the time if you were nearby here, and I don't really care about schedules as long as you have the experience not to overwork the out of shape ones, which you do. Unfortunately you appear to be selling horsey real estate as a viable market so I gather you aren't in northern Indiana, where I don't think there would be enough of that to support yourself on. Ask around your horsey connections...I bet there are some people who would LOVE to have you ride whenever you felt like it. And everyone knows horsey therapy is the best medicine!
          You are so kind. I wish there were more people like you here! I am not in Indiana, but I would take you up on the offer in a heartbeat if I were Luckily, I contacted a friend yesterday to see if she still would like me to exercise her gelding (I rode him a lot last fall, before I lost my daylight after work!) and she was delighted, so I got in a great first ride back on him last night. I feel so, so much better today. You're totally right about horse therapy being the best medicine.

          Comment


          • #45
            (hug) Whoever said you were in the same boat with a million other 20 somethings spoke truth.

            I just turned 36 (just as a reference). I enjoyed a lot of things about my 20's but stability was something I sought for a long time. I didn't know what I wanted to do & my advice I give now to the kids I hire who are about 22 or so -- just be open to the unexpected & take opportunities if the door is open. I'll always remember when I was nearing the end of my undergrad, someone wisely told me, that post-graduation was the most difficult period in many people's lives. I read that 20-something angst a lot online; I didn't recognize it in myself then, but hindsight...

            If you had told me when I was 18 or 22 or 25 (which is when I finished my Master's thesis ON FISH) that I would be a freshwater fish/mussel biologist, I would have laughed in your face. I did get my BS in Zoology & went out and worked, I didn't want to go back to school, but if I wanted to stay in biology, the MS is the new BS (on so many levels, ha).

            The one thing I DID know, even after one summer running a teaching barn at a summer camp, was that even though I grew up taking lessons & always loved & wanted horses, I did NOT want to make them my career. Because even though wildlife conservation is my passion & my career, it did teach me that no matter what it is, if your job is something you love, that's a good thing, but it will become WORK. And I did not want that for my riding. Heck, I did not even have my own horse until I was 26 & then it was only because he was a gift.

            I know your past job & things & I know you've experienced a lot of change. That's hard. I've lived a lifetime with clinical depression (a whole new barrel of fun than situational depression, even more when you stack them together!) & there is no easy road there either. But that doesn't mean there isn't a road.

            My job has somewhat regular hours during the winter (8-5), but spring to fall is our field work season, so I can be on travel status 3+ days per week whenever it's not raining. The plus side is that it gives me so much comp time I have a very flexible schedule most of the time.

            I'm about to hit 10 years with my agency (eek) and while I sometimes ponder other things (I'm damn tired), I couldn't NOT do what I believe in, plus health insurance is NOT optional (also have back arthritis, hole in my knee, & other issues). It's pretty much impossible for me to get fired & I do love the work, just not the paperwork & the political crap.

            I think I'd still be ok with all that, except my entire future got ripped out my hands by tragedy two years ago. What do you do when you have everything and then 2 minutes later...nothing? I still don't know the answer & it took my BFF several yrs to drag me my current awesome dr. He is amazing, but it's still a process. I had to figure out a new future.

            I bought & built a farm a year ago, something I never really wanted to do. But it's a damn good 30 year distraction & the mortgage is the same as my old house, only I don't have to pay board or commute & can keep things simple.

            TL;DR -- Life can be cruel & sometimes it feels too hard to breathe. But you're not alone & stability takes a long time. Although the nature of life makes the term "stability" kind of joke, more like...slightly fewer uncontrolled variables?

            Yeah, I don't really have any money & have no idea what the future will bring. Everyone just takes one step at a time. Everyone has challenges, some people just don't talk about them or they cover it up. The most important lesson I learned from tragedy though, is don't waste time. Live in the now, take every moment you can, because NOW is all we have. We can work towards our goals, but don't let it be at the expense of ALL quality of life. Everyone expects to have a tomorrow, but no one can predict when there won't be.
            Life doesn't have perfect footing.

            Bloggily entertain yourself with our adventures (and disasters):
            We Are Flying Solo

            Comment


            • #46
              Originally posted by HeyJealousy View Post
              That's an awesome success story to aspire to! I think the hardest part of real estate is getting started when you're clueless. I learn a little bit more every day but I'm certainly not a house expert at this point. That derails my confidence a bit. But I like hearing that someone else is doing great in it, coming from a horsey background. Thanks for sharing
              The very fact that you have gravitated closer and closer to horses through your career - you said you were into equine real estate - means you ARE on the right path.

              You've gone into a field with considerable risks, but also potential large payoffs - and that also means you are on the path to horses again.

              This could be VERY big for you. Yep, there is this thing called DUES that no one wants to pay, but they will make you more than you would be without them. You are in there paying and trying and learning ... keep going, keep going!

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #47
                Originally posted by OverandOnward View Post
                The very fact that you have gravitated closer and closer to horses through your career - you said you were into equine real estate - means you ARE on the right path.

                You've gone into a field with considerable risks, but also potential large payoffs - and that also means you are on the path to horses again.

                This could be VERY big for you. Yep, there is this thing called DUES that no one wants to pay, but they will make you more than you would be without them. You are in there paying and trying and learning ... keep going, keep going!
                Thank you so much. Hearing that has a huge effect on me..sometimes I need to hear things from others, rather than myself. I don't trust myself to not lie to me sometimes.

                And Brena...*hugs*. Thanks so much. I know you've been through a tremendous amount of pain and sadness and I admire you so much for your positive attitude and your perseverance. Thanks for sharing your perspective from the next decade...it's good to know this feeling won't last forever.

                Comment


                • #48
                  Originally posted by HeyJealousy View Post
                  That's super advice. I grew up with this train of thought that I had to pick a major, and get a job in that field, and stay there. Luckily the more people I talk to the more I realize how unrealistic that idea can be. I'm so glad you've found something you enjoy more than previous jobs...I had actually considered being a financial adviser at one point and I am certainly glad I didn't go that route..would have been miserable!!
                  Some people do well in that job, but omg it was the worst job ever for me. I'm a people person, but it didn't take long to realize that people didn't want to trust a 23 year old girl, who looked like she was 16, with their money!

                  In a recent turn of events (as of lunch yesterday) I may be changing my career path again here shortly... I'm all anxious and nervous about it, but we'll see!

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Reading through this post is somewhat a relief. I could have written it myself.

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Originally posted by wildlifer View Post
                      (hug) Whoever said you were in the same boat with a million other 20 somethings spoke truth.

                      I just turned 36 (just as a reference). I enjoyed a lot of things about my 20's but stability was something I sought for a long time. I didn't know what I wanted to do & my advice I give now to the kids I hire who are about 22 or so -- just be open to the unexpected & take opportunities if the door is open. I'll always remember when I was nearing the end of my undergrad, someone wisely told me, that post-graduation was the most difficult period in many people's lives. I read that 20-something angst a lot online; I didn't recognize it in myself then, but hindsight...

                      TL;DR -- Life can be cruel & sometimes it feels too hard to breathe. But you're not alone & stability takes a long time. Although the nature of life makes the term "stability" kind of joke, more like...slightly fewer uncontrolled variables?

                      Yeah, I don't really have any money & have no idea what the future will bring. Everyone just takes one step at a time. Everyone has challenges, some people just don't talk about them or they cover it up. The most important lesson I learned from tragedy though, is don't waste time. Live in the now, take every moment you can, because NOW is all we have. We can work towards our goals, but don't let it be at the expense of ALL quality of life. Everyone expects to have a tomorrow, but no one can predict when there won't be.
                      I took the liberty of doing some editing on Wildlifers post, to clarify my thoughts, which are close to hers.

                      All of us when in our 20s wished we had a crystal ball to see what the future will be, so we could choose the best path. Sometimes you choose the perfect path right out of school, sometimes it takes a few tries. Sometimes it take more than a few tries.

                      The most important thing is to TRY. I really hate hearing how this current 20s generation expects to have everything handed to you, because from where I'm sitting in my middle 50's it seems to me that it is harder than ever. Maybe it is because I have 3 children in their twenties that are, like you, working their hindquarters off to get to where they want to be in life. I admire it so much when people don't take the easy outs given to them, expecting others to some how support their dreams. There is immense satisfaction in conquering your problems yourself, and making your way in life thru your own hard work.

                      I love that saying that "Sometimes Opportunity is disguised as Hard Work". I know a lot of young people willing to work hard, they just need a direction.

                      Yeah "uncontrolled variables" is a good way to put the uncertainty of life.

                      Like Wildlifer says, none of us is promised a tomorrow. I don't want to be dying and think that I wish I had done _____. So far I'm good in that sense, are you?
                      Facta non verba

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        I've suffered from depression most of my adult life. I've been on quite a few different meds before I found one that really worked for me. Every so often I need to switch up the meds because they don't work as well. Keep trying different things, it's amazing how much better you feel when you find the right one. Also, please make sure you're taking vitamins - Vitamins B and C can really help your energy level. Also, most people don't get enough Vitamin D. Have you had bloodwork done lately to see if you're anemic ?

                        The shorter days and craptastic weather doesn't help with depression, either. But the days are getting longer, the snow will be gone soon and the sun will feel good on your back.

                        Also don't forget, things are sucky right now but you are working towards long term goals. You sound like you've thought out this change in careers carefully and laid a plan to accomplish your goals. That's great. But sometimes things don't progress as quickly as we'd like. Things will get better, you just have to work through this rough patch for a while. In the meantime, try and fit in some ride time when you can - maybe you can find a horse or 2 to ride when you have a minute to breath.

                        You're going through a rough patch. It won't last forever. It will get better.

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster

                          #52
                          Originally posted by Roxyllsk View Post
                          I've suffered from depression most of my adult life. I've been on quite a few different meds before I found one that really worked for me. Every so often I need to switch up the meds because they don't work as well. Keep trying different things, it's amazing how much better you feel when you find the right one. Also, please make sure you're taking vitamins - Vitamins B and C can really help your energy level. Also, most people don't get enough Vitamin D. Have you had bloodwork done lately to see if you're anemic ?

                          The shorter days and craptastic weather doesn't help with depression, either. But the days are getting longer, the snow will be gone soon and the sun will feel good on your back.

                          Also don't forget, things are sucky right now but you are working towards long term goals. You sound like you've thought out this change in careers carefully and laid a plan to accomplish your goals. That's great. But sometimes things don't progress as quickly as we'd like. Things will get better, you just have to work through this rough patch for a while. In the meantime, try and fit in some ride time when you can - maybe you can find a horse or 2 to ride when you have a minute to breath.

                          You're going through a rough patch. It won't last forever. It will get better.
                          My bloodwork doesn't show any issues, although every new doctor I go to is convinced bloodwork is the magic answer to my problems. I always get my hopes up, but it always comes back normal. :-/ I do need to be better about my vitamins.

                          Thanks for the encouragement. I think sometimes depression can make you feel that it's ALWAYS going to be this way. I have to try to remember it's not permanent, it's going to be okay.

                          I went for a ride yesterday and was bouncing around the rest of the evening. So there's hope for me, as long as I can keep getting out to the barn!

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            Originally posted by HeyJealousy View Post
                            And Brena...*hugs*. Thanks for sharing your perspective from the next decade...it's good to know this feeling won't last forever.
                            Thanks, Ry -- I almost came back & deleted a bunch of my post b/c there is a lot of contradiction, but then...life is that way too. I decided to leave it because I felt that you & I had enough in common that you could see what I was trying to say (which is more than I can do these days!).

                            I'm lucky to have an amazing BFF, I swear we're like twins, only she's about 15 yrs older than me, heh. But we've had many conversations about the nature of things, as her life has its own share of unending crises. We agreed that my generation, and yours, were just pounded with what was really a terrible message in disguise: "Follow your dreams, you can have anything you want if you just want it bad enough, and you will be happy."

                            Not to say we shouldn't dream nor should we stop trying to achieve what is important & gives meaning to us. But the message was delivered almost as an order & left many people feeling like they had failed if they weren't among the lucky whose desire crossed paths with opportunity & means.

                            Which couldn't be farther from the truth. The truth is that as we get older, really, that just means more time has passed in which things happen to us. Some are beautiful. Some are shattering. Many fall somewhere in between. There's a lot we can't control or ever anticipate. One of my life mantras is "nothing lasts forever." NOTHING. Nothing in the universe. Things can suck for a REALLY long time, but everything comes to an end. Great things come to end too, which is why it is so important to try & remember to relish those moments.

                            Just like eventing, it's a journey. Or a book. There are many chapters. But there is no Table of Contents (dammit.). Or index or map. Which is probably a good thing, because I'm not sure any person's brain could even face the enormity of it.

                            Ok, so that's not really career advice, per se, heh, but someone's got to pay the bills & my cats are useless & my caretaker was stolen by time. I guess it'd be better summed by saying that there is a balance. Constantly-shifting perhaps, but we just have to feel it out. And we get better with practice. And experience. Even experience we don't particularly want.

                            At the moment, I'm a human wasteland, exhausted, with 400 impossible work deadlines that go all the way up to Congress. But for 40 minutes yesterday evening, a pomegranate sunset escorted Solo & I around the farm bareback & he lifted his back into a soft trot up the neighbour's long drive. In today's ice rain, it was hard to believe I was wearing a t-shirt & jeans, but for those 40 minutes, it was me & my best buddy, with him saving me yet again, & I couldn't suppress my laugh when he pulled at the bridle for more.

                            Not exactly proportional, but...balance. Ish.
                            Life doesn't have perfect footing.

                            Bloggily entertain yourself with our adventures (and disasters):
                            We Are Flying Solo

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #54
                              Brena, you have a beautiful way with words

                              I think you're absolutely right about the message my generation has been fed. I honestly have felt like all my college friends are off living their dreams where I only failed and have ended up in this place that doesn't really feel like ME. Then I start second guessing all my life decisions, as if I could go back and change them...which is quite tormenting, by the way. Then I panic, start to think of any way out of my current situation and into the magical situation I believe is out there if only I could find it...it's enough to drive someone mad.

                              Your 40 mins of bliss the other night were similar to mine, as I rode in a t-shirt *gasp* on the handsome chestnut I'm privileged to be allowed to ride, feeling how eager he was to be back in work after a long cold winter in the field. I felt so, so happy. Of course, that lends to thoughts of "This is what I'm meant to do. I should quit my job and find a horse job immediately. I won't be happy unless I'm doing this." And that's where I start to question my own reasoning. My brain ALWAYS leads me down this path. No matter what I'm doing (and this happened when I worked w the horses, too), it convinces me I should be doing something else. Then when I do that something else, it convinces me that's not right, either. So I'm hesitant to trust my brain at any point anymore...but at the same time, the feelings that the horses are "it" for me is overwhelming sometimes.

                              I don't know. Sorry for the novel. Trying to just get thoughts out of my head so I can attempt to not dwell in them all day.

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                I honestly have felt like all my college friends are off living their dreams where I only failed and have ended up in this place that doesn't really feel like ME.
                                It's not you...it's the fantasy perfect lives people make for themselves on FB. I promise. The type of people who are secure enough to (a) admit their lives are not magical, (b) share their stories & support other, & (c) ask for help when they need it...are the ones who are real & worth hanging on to. You are one of those people, so give yourself some serious credit for that!

                                No matter what I'm doing (and this happened when I worked w the horses, too), it convinces me I should be doing something else. Then when I do that something else, it convinces me that's not right, either.
                                Oh, that only happens to me...in reference to every aspect of my life, including standing in front of the kitchen counter & deciding which item to pick up. LOL w/ simultaneous repeated *headdesk*. My family was so wonderful, they passed on their genes for the depression and the ADHD, although I only found out about the latter a bit over a year ago. Diagnosis was both maddening & freeing, via EXPLAINING MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE, but the most powerful thing, that I thanked my dr for (and this doesn't just apply to ADHD, but anyone who struggles to hold on to the big picture) --

                                Because he figured that out, he enabled me to shift my entire life paradigm from decades of "Why can't I be a better person?" to "What tools can I use to manage things better & set myself up for success?" Mind. Blown.

                                So I totally get chasing your tail & beating yourself up, they are my specialties!! The best thing you can do...is just keep talking to people & don't be afraid to ask for help. There are a lot more people out there with very similar stories than you can imagine. Thanks for your kind words, hang in there, you know where to find me if you ever need to talk (although I don't recommend my random rambling without full mental preparation, LOL). <3
                                Life doesn't have perfect footing.

                                Bloggily entertain yourself with our adventures (and disasters):
                                We Are Flying Solo

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #56
                                  Originally posted by wildlifer View Post
                                  It's not you...it's the fantasy perfect lives people make for themselves on FB. I promise. The type of people who are secure enough to (a) admit their lives are not magical, (b) share their stories & support other, & (c) ask for help when they need it...are the ones who are real & worth hanging on to. You are one of those people, so give yourself some serious credit for that!



                                  Oh, that only happens to me...in reference to every aspect of my life, including standing in front of the kitchen counter & deciding which item to pick up. LOL w/ simultaneous repeated *headdesk*. My family was so wonderful, they passed on their genes for the depression and the ADHD, although I only found out about the latter a bit over a year ago. Diagnosis was both maddening & freeing, via EXPLAINING MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE, but the most powerful thing, that I thanked my dr for (and this doesn't just apply to ADHD, but anyone who struggles to hold on to the big picture) --

                                  Because he figured that out, he enabled me to shift my entire life paradigm from decades of "Why can't I be a better person?" to "What tools can I use to manage things better & set myself up for success?" Mind. Blown.

                                  So I totally get chasing your tail & beating yourself up, they are my specialties!! The best thing you can do...is just keep talking to people & don't be afraid to ask for help. There are a lot more people out there with very similar stories than you can imagine. Thanks for your kind words, hang in there, you know where to find me if you ever need to talk (although I don't recommend my random rambling without full mental preparation, LOL). <3
                                  Yes, I have my family genes to thank for my "issues" as well...although a few tragic life events did not help things!

                                  Thanks again, and *big hugs*, I hope we get to see each other soon...and I'll be texting you if I feel like I'm losing my marbles again!!

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    Originally posted by HeyJealousy View Post
                                    I do find that when I'm able to convince myself to get out and about I feel a lot better. I suffer from exercise-induced asthma that gets pretty bad in the cold weather so it's easier to convince myself to just stay inside when it's wintertime. I did manage to ride twice over the weekend and that really helped my happiness level.

                                    I don't like the legal thing, haha. That's the thing. I started out with all intentions of going to law school and about 2 weeks in I knew I never wanted to work in law.
                                    I also have exercise-induced asthma. Do you have an inhaler for it? If so, does it control it or not in the cold weather? Mine came on at 20, and it wasn't until I saw a new doctor when I was 29 that he finally took a hard look and sent me to an ENT doctor because he suspected I also had, "vocal cord dysfunction."

                                    Sure enough, I do, and after learning the biofeedback exercises to open up my vocal cords, I'm able to exercise in cold weather again. It's awesome.

                                    Hang in there. Figuring out what you want to be when you grow up is never easy, but the real estate path you're on could develop into something great. Getting there will take hard work, but based on what you goals are, this really could work.

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