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Feeling lost--need career advice/encouragement

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  • #21
    It has been clinically shown that exercise can be almost as effective as medication for mild depression. You need to get out there girl -- get up early and go for a walk, or better yet, run. If you don't like the cold, weather, etc., get an exercise video and play it on your computer and follow along.

    I bet you are sitting, and in the car, and not actually exercising. The other thing is try Flylady's system of organizing your life (google this). Less chaos and more structure will help you. Helped me!

    Get moving, and get your life under control = more happiness. It's about balance.

    If you like the legal thing, what about going to law school?

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    • Original Poster

      #22
      Originally posted by Kwill View Post
      It has been clinically shown that exercise can be almost as effective as medication for mild depression. You need to get out there girl -- get up early and go for a walk, or better yet, run. If you don't like the cold, weather, etc., get an exercise video and play it on your computer and follow along.

      I bet you are sitting, and in the car, and not actually exercising. The other thing is try Flylady's system of organizing your life (google this). Less chaos and more structure will help you. Helped me!

      Get moving, and get your life under control = more happiness. It's about balance.

      If you like the legal thing, what about going to law school?
      I do find that when I'm able to convince myself to get out and about I feel a lot better. I suffer from exercise-induced asthma that gets pretty bad in the cold weather so it's easier to convince myself to just stay inside when it's wintertime. I did manage to ride twice over the weekend and that really helped my happiness level.

      I don't like the legal thing, haha. That's the thing. I started out with all intentions of going to law school and about 2 weeks in I knew I never wanted to work in law.

      Comment


      • #23
        OP I could have written this post with some minor changes. You are NOT alone. When I was young I wanted to be a large animal vet. Then I realized I didn't have the math/science skills. For as long as I remember I've wanted to be a trainer. There was never a moment I didn't want to ride for a living. I changed majors 3 times in college but since I wasn't ever dedicated to any of them I had a hard time focusing. It took me seven years to get a bachelor's degree. I am NOT proud of that. In hindsight I should have done trade school or a vet tech program, but this was "you have to go to college no matter what!" generation. I want to cry when I think of all the time and money I've wasted.

        The happiest I have been was when I was managing a boarding/training facility in college. Even though the BO was worthless, I LOVED my job. I also loved managing a restaurant, but now that I'm married and competing a talented event horse I can't imagine working 65+ hours every week and not having a weekend off.

        I'm now working part time retail and I'm miserable. DH and I can't afford for me to go back to school...we have too many other things we need to pay off, and we're potentially PSC'ing later this year. Honestly I don't want to go back to school. I hated it, and I just couldn't see myself in a typical career. I still struggle with what I want to "do" with my life that will allow me to have the horse lifestyle. I hate that DH not only supports us but also my horse. Part time income, even when "paid well", helps...but barely.

        Like you I feel that I've been battling depression for awhile. Exercise helps, but there are times I struggle to find the motivation to go to the gym. At almost 30 I feel like I've wasted a huge part of my life. The only advice I can offer is get help with your depression, and if you feel like the realtor license has light at the end of the tunnel, then keep pushing through. Realtors around here work their butts off but they're all driving Lexus', Audi's, and Range Rovers.
        runnjump86 Instagram

        Horse Junkies United guest blogger

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        • Original Poster

          #24
          Originally posted by runNjump86 View Post
          OP I could have written this post with some minor changes. You are NOT alone. When I was young I wanted to be a large animal vet. Then I realized I didn't have the math/science skills. For as long as I remember I've wanted to be a trainer. There was never a moment I didn't want to ride for a living. I changed majors 3 times in college but since I wasn't ever dedicated to any of them I had a hard time focusing. It took me seven years to get a bachelor's degree. I am NOT proud of that. In hindsight I should have done trade school or a vet tech program, but this was "you have to go to college no matter what!" generation. I want to cry when I think of all the time and money I've wasted.

          The happiest I have been was when I was managing a boarding/training facility in college. Even though the BO was worthless, I LOVED my job. I also loved managing a restaurant, but now that I'm married and competing a talented event horse I can't imagine working 65+ hours every week and not having a weekend off.

          I'm now working part time retail and I'm miserable. DH and I can't afford for me to go back to school...we have too many other things we need to pay off, and we're potentially PSC'ing later this year. Honestly I don't want to go back to school. I hated it, and I just couldn't see myself in a typical career. I still struggle with what I want to "do" with my life that will allow me to have the horse lifestyle. I hate that DH not only supports us but also my horse. Part time income, even when "paid well", helps...but barely.

          Like you I feel that I've been battling depression for awhile. Exercise helps, but there are times I struggle to find the motivation to go to the gym. At almost 30 I feel like I've wasted a huge part of my life. The only advice I can offer is get help with your depression, and if you feel like the realtor license has light at the end of the tunnel, then keep pushing through. Realtors around here work their butts off but they're all driving Lexus', Audi's, and Range Rovers.
          Thank you so much for sharing your story...it really does help to know I'm not alone in this. I didn't change majors in college but I certainly changed career paths...a LOT. One week I wanted to train racehorses, the next I want to be a bloodstock agent, then a stallion manager, then....etc. I just couldn't find anything I really and truly wanted to do...except riding. And I couldn't make a living riding, and got burned out quickly. So yeah. It's frustrating but I guess we just have to keep plugging along!

          I see a lot of realtors driving nice cars, too! One can dream!

          Comment


          • #25
            OP, if you think you'd enjoy it, a good career change could be to train as a farrier or trimmer?

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            • Original Poster

              #26
              Originally posted by 4THEHORSES View Post
              OP, if you think you'd enjoy it, a good career change could be to train as a farrier or trimmer?
              Unfortunately, I have a very, very bad back and knees

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              • #27
                Originally posted by HeyJealousy View Post
                Unfortunately, I have a very, very bad back and knees
                AND you will be a slave to others regarding app'ts. Thrown shoes, emergencies too. My farriers love to ride but had to cut their biz back to do so -- and could only do that when they were older.

                The bottom line. Unless you become a top knotch trainer, instructor and have paid housing (and board for a horse of your own), it's tough.

                An outside job, if you can think about it and psych yourself up this way, when you get up in the a.m. -- even if you pine for your horses -- can give you the income to get one again and board and enjoy like others have to do.

                I feel for you. But a reality check is in order so you can plan your life and try to get the best of both worlds. It's a balance thing.
                www.littlebullrun@aol.com See Little Bull Run's stallions at:
                "Argosy" - YouTube and "Boleem" - YouTube
                Boleem @ 1993 National Dressage Symposium - YouTube

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                • #28
                  OP, if you are working these long hours because you are working two jobs, then I understand. I worked two jobs for a period of time when I was younger because I wanted extra money to buy nice furniture. I always knew it was time limited and it worked for me.

                  I don't know if you'll like sales or not. Some people do, some people don't. The best real estate people I have met are pretty engaged by the very topic of buying and selling property. It's like a passion for them. I think you have to feel that way about your work when you are self-employed.

                  Being self-employed gives you more choices, but it also means you have a direct responsibility for getting yourself paid.
                  Where Fjeral Norwegian Fjords Rule
                  http://www.ironwood-farm.com

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                  • Original Poster

                    #29
                    Originally posted by sid View Post
                    AND you will be a slave to others regarding app'ts. Thrown shoes, emergencies too. My farriers love to ride but had to cut their biz back to do so -- and could only do that when they were older.

                    The bottom line. Unless you become a top knotch trainer, instructor and have paid housing (and board for a horse of your own), it's tough.

                    An outside job, if you can think about it and psych yourself up this way, when you get up in the a.m. -- even if you pine for your horses -- can give you the income to get one again and board and enjoy like others have to do.

                    I feel for you. But a reality check is in order so you can plan your life and try to get the best of both worlds. It's a balance thing.
                    Thanks for your reply...you are absolutely correct. I do need that reality check, and the way you phrased things makes a lot of sense to me. I appreciate your honesty

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                    • Original Poster

                      #30
                      Originally posted by IronwoodFarm View Post
                      OP, if you are working these long hours because you are working two jobs, then I understand. I worked two jobs for a period of time when I was younger because I wanted extra money to buy nice furniture. I always knew it was time limited and it worked for me.

                      I don't know if you'll like sales or not. Some people do, some people don't. The best real estate people I have met are pretty engaged by the very topic of buying and selling property. It's like a passion for them. I think you have to feel that way about your work when you are self-employed.

                      Being self-employed gives you more choices, but it also means you have a direct responsibility for getting yourself paid.
                      That's the truth. It's been a bit of a rude awakening for me to be responsible for going out and getting clients and making things happen! In a way it's terrifying...but on the other hand, it motivates me to get my butt in gear. So I'm hoping I do have that desire and drive to make it work. I think eventually it will give me a chance to do the things I want to do, but I have to learn this thing called "perseverance" in the meantime. Something my brain wants to reject.

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        HeyJealousy - I'll share a good friend of mine's career path. She did go to college and got a degree but ended up working as a barn manager/groom/rider/trainer for a fellow who had fox hunters and some show horses; when he died she stayed in the horse business for awhile by buying and selling. She hit a wall and got her real estate license. She specializes in high end properties - mostly horse and farm/land. She has a great reputation and is the go-to person for those wanting to buy or sell these types of properties. She works hard but does enjoy the flexibility of her schedule. It does take time and depending on the company you sign up with can be hard on the wallet initially.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Originally posted by Callista17 View Post
                          I'm going through depression too. I know this is a stupid question, but after going through meds & therapy...how long does it take before you feel better if anyone knows?...I was on meds for two months, and saw a psychologist for a year with NO difference. None. I stopped both, and I've been better but...with the weather especially...I'm miserable again. People in my life are starting to notice I'm never happy, and they don't know why, but I shrug it off pretty well.
                          Different people respond to different drugs. My daughter has depression. The first drug she tried didn't help. The second one helped within two weeks (even at low doses). She still needs to talk to someone and it took us awhile to find the right person.

                          The first therapist she saw wasn't great. I found her current psychiatrist through a friend who is married to someone with "connections." I doubt that we would have gotten in to see him without the referral. One of the downsides of healthcare -- the really good doctors are fully booked.

                          If you don't think someone is helping you, keep trying!
                          Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
                          EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.

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                          • #33
                            Thank you Bogie :-) I was thinking about it tonight actually. I was home today because I couldn't, I just couldn't go to work. My job isn't bad, but guaranteed to be stressful daily, and I was so depressed today I couldn't face it. (The majority of people in my job are hitting a wall and taking time off. It certainly does NOT help my career, but I do have a lot of time off.)
                            I am calling my primary Dr for a referral or trying another Dr tomorrow. I don't think this is how life should be. I tried my all last time, and I seriously couldn't spend time with friends because I had weekly appointments, felt embarrassed, and felt like a pill popper, and I felt like I was faking being happy. I feel myself slipping into it again worse. It all started when my horse passed away the first time

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              Originally posted by HeyJealousy View Post
                              Thank you so much for sharing your story...it really does help to know I'm not alone in this. I didn't change majors in college but I certainly changed career paths...a LOT. One week I wanted to train racehorses, the next I want to be a bloodstock agent, then a stallion manager, then....etc. I just couldn't find anything I really and truly wanted to do...except riding. And I couldn't make a living riding, and got burned out quickly. So yeah. It's frustrating but I guess we just have to keep plugging along!

                              I see a lot of realtors driving nice cars, too! One can dream!
                              I think the turning point for me was giving up on dreams. That was a very tough, bitter pill to swallow, and I don't think I've really "recovered" from that, if that makes sense. Of course that makes me feel like a total pansy and I should just get over it, which makes me feel worse lol.

                              I also don't know what I'm passionate about, which also sounds ridiculous. I have several fields I'm interested in, but nothing stands out to me like "Hey! You!! Do THIS! You'll love it!" Not knowing if we will be moving in a few months is stressful as well. I want to be putting out resumes and searching for a better job, but I want to know if we're sticking around or moving. If we're moving it would be completely pointless, so....yeah. Plugging along is exactly right.

                              For now.
                              runnjump86 Instagram

                              Horse Junkies United guest blogger

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by Callista17 View Post
                                Thank you Bogie :-) I was thinking about it tonight actually. I was home today because I couldn't, I just couldn't go to work. My job isn't bad, but guaranteed to be stressful daily, and I was so depressed today I couldn't face it. (The majority of people in my job are hitting a wall and taking time off. It certainly does NOT help my career, but I do have a lot of time off.)
                                I am calling my primary Dr for a referral or trying another Dr tomorrow. I don't think this is how life should be. I tried my all last time, and I seriously couldn't spend time with friends because I had weekly appointments, felt embarrassed, and felt like a pill popper, and I felt like I was faking being happy. I feel myself slipping into it again worse. It all started when my horse passed away the first time
                                Do keep trying. No one should have to feel like that all the time.

                                And don't feel embarrassed. Depression is an illness. You wouldn't think poorly of someone who has diabetes, right? Tell them the shouldn't have insulin? Just getting some relief from your depression will give you more energy to deal with your job -- and potentially to deal with your depression. But there's no shame in seeking out treatment. I hope you find someone who can help you. My DD's doctor told her that we would keep trying until we found the right medication for her.

                                Yes, exercise can help and it's a good place to start. But as DD is a varsity athlete, I don't think there's much more exercise she can do. She didn't want to take medication for some of the same reasons. Then she realized that she had the chance to not feel terrible all the time.
                                Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
                                EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.

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                                • Original Poster

                                  #36
                                  Originally posted by gottagrey View Post
                                  HeyJealousy - I'll share a good friend of mine's career path. She did go to college and got a degree but ended up working as a barn manager/groom/rider/trainer for a fellow who had fox hunters and some show horses; when he died she stayed in the horse business for awhile by buying and selling. She hit a wall and got her real estate license. She specializes in high end properties - mostly horse and farm/land. She has a great reputation and is the go-to person for those wanting to buy or sell these types of properties. She works hard but does enjoy the flexibility of her schedule. It does take time and depending on the company you sign up with can be hard on the wallet initially.
                                  That's an awesome success story to aspire to! I think the hardest part of real estate is getting started when you're clueless. I learn a little bit more every day but I'm certainly not a house expert at this point. That derails my confidence a bit. But I like hearing that someone else is doing great in it, coming from a horsey background. Thanks for sharing

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #37
                                    Originally posted by runNjump86 View Post
                                    I think the turning point for me was giving up on dreams. That was a very tough, bitter pill to swallow, and I don't think I've really "recovered" from that, if that makes sense. Of course that makes me feel like a total pansy and I should just get over it, which makes me feel worse lol.

                                    I also don't know what I'm passionate about, which also sounds ridiculous. I have several fields I'm interested in, but nothing stands out to me like "Hey! You!! Do THIS! You'll love it!" Not knowing if we will be moving in a few months is stressful as well. I want to be putting out resumes and searching for a better job, but I want to know if we're sticking around or moving. If we're moving it would be completely pointless, so....yeah. Plugging along is exactly right.

                                    For now.
                                    Hang in there! I went through the "are we moving or not?" phase last year and that was when I was trying to switch careers. It was so draining to not know what was happening. Hopefully you will find out one way or the other and will be able to move forward with looking for something new I wish you the best of luck! We may just be plugging along but I think eventually that means we'll get somewhere, right?

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      I went to college and got a degree in Finance. I couldn't find anyone at first to hire me out of school so I worked for DH's family's dude ranch as the office manager... Long story short - I don't recommend working for family!

                                      I always thought I needed to get a job in Finance so 6 months after I graduated I found a job as a Financial Advisor Apprentice... Don't let any of those places fool you, Financial Advisors are salesmen with a few licenses that mean they know a little something about investing. I hated sales, but I felt like I would be a complete failure if I quit two jobs in the year after I graduated from college. I finally couldn't take it anymore and quit with no other job to replace it because I just couldn't do it another day. Luckily, I was living with my SO, now DH, and he supported my decision to be a job hunting bum.

                                      Two and a half months later I fell into my current career. Back then I never would have thought I would be doing what I do now, but they were hiring and didn't require much experience other than a college degree. I'm 27 now and have been doing this for 4 years.

                                      I guess what I'm getting at is don't be afraid to do a 180 and look down career paths you never originally considered. I'm a long way away from dude ranch office manager and financial advisor!

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                                      • #39
                                        32 year old here.

                                        I went to college and got a degree in Math. My life is 100% invested in my horses- they are my passion and my "calling" I guess. BUT, I established early on that between some health issues and the reality of the horse world that working with horses as a career was not for me. I tried working in an office after college- that was a no-go. Hated it, no extra time to see horses, commuting a long distance, blah blah blah. Tried working as veterinary assistant, which was great- I loved it! But, I knew I would never make enough money to support myself plus a couple horses comfortably in the lifestyle I wanted. So, I took the state licensure exams and became a teacher. Looking back I was always on that path- I tutored in high school, was a TA in college, was always helping friends with math, etc. And I love my job, although currently I'm extremely frustrated with the state of education in general. I get paid enough to support myself and a couple horses and am working towards paying off some debt I uncurred before teaching.

                                        I didn't read every single other post- sorry. But I think you are in the same boat as about a billion other twenty-somethings. I think the saying is that your 20's suck but your 30's are great? I'm happy now, but my 20's were just nuts. I also second the suggestion to get thee to a Dr. to seek treatment for depression- that can be a huge factor. With your other health issues I do not think going back to the horse world is going to be a realistic goal long-term. I actually think it sounds like you have a pretty good plan- and I do think selling real estate, especially as a horse person, is going to get you the lifestyle you want. A friend of mine did it, and granted I'm in an uber pricey area, but she said while her hours were crazy (off and on kinda stuff), she could usually fit in a ride, and it enabled her to buy her horse, her trailer, etc. Working the other part-time jobs are a reality right now, but not long-term, especially if you hate it. But, I think you have a good plan, you just need to stick it out, and get yourself treatment for the depression!

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                                        • Original Poster

                                          #40
                                          Originally posted by Ruth0552 View Post
                                          32 year old here.

                                          I went to college and got a degree in Math. My life is 100% invested in my horses- they are my passion and my "calling" I guess. BUT, I established early on that between some health issues and the reality of the horse world that working with horses as a career was not for me. I tried working in an office after college- that was a no-go. Hated it, no extra time to see horses, commuting a long distance, blah blah blah. Tried working as veterinary assistant, which was great- I loved it! But, I knew I would never make enough money to support myself plus a couple horses comfortably in the lifestyle I wanted. So, I took the state licensure exams and became a teacher. Looking back I was always on that path- I tutored in high school, was a TA in college, was always helping friends with math, etc. And I love my job, although currently I'm extremely frustrated with the state of education in general. I get paid enough to support myself and a couple horses and am working towards paying off some debt I uncurred before teaching.

                                          I didn't read every single other post- sorry. But I think you are in the same boat as about a billion other twenty-somethings. I think the saying is that your 20's suck but your 30's are great? I'm happy now, but my 20's were just nuts. I also second the suggestion to get thee to a Dr. to seek treatment for depression- that can be a huge factor. With your other health issues I do not think going back to the horse world is going to be a realistic goal long-term. I actually think it sounds like you have a pretty good plan- and I do think selling real estate, especially as a horse person, is going to get you the lifestyle you want. A friend of mine did it, and granted I'm in an uber pricey area, but she said while her hours were crazy (off and on kinda stuff), she could usually fit in a ride, and it enabled her to buy her horse, her trailer, etc. Working the other part-time jobs are a reality right now, but not long-term, especially if you hate it. But, I think you have a good plan, you just need to stick it out, and get yourself treatment for the depression!
                                          thank you SO much for the encouragement. it is appreciated more than you know

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