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I am having a hard time

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  • I am having a hard time

    I sold a gelding on Jan 18, 2014, the lady I sold him to said all the right things. I had breed, raised, trained this horse for 14 yrs.

    I sold him low but not meat price low, because he had been sitting in the field for over a year doing nothing. He had a 1/4 crack on him back foot that need work and he would need about 3 months to get back into shape.

    The lady that bought him had him up for sale in a month (Feb 22, 14) for4 times what I sold him for and had taken him to Spruce with in the month and was showing him at .90cm (3') jumpers there, he was nowhere fit enough for that, in you could see it in the results.

    I have just found all this out in the last month. I am so upset, not that she sold him but that she would have so little regard for a horses welfare (she is a trainer). He was not fit enough to be doing what she had him doing when she sold him. You can't get a horse fit in a month. She stopped returning my emails, changed his name and info about him like age and breed. I know she has sold him as her website ad says SOLD.

    I am having a hard time. I keep beating myself up over what I did. I thought he was going to someone that would get him fit and then resell him. I am worried that the new owners don't know about him and his little quarks.

    Help me come to terms with what I did.
    My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

    Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed

  • #2
    You sold a horse. It sucks.

    You don't have any more control over what happens to him, once he's sold. Selling him, you give up those rights. You shouldn't be texting the next owner, or following her. You sold the horse to her. Its her horse now.

    It sucks that she didn't do what you felt should be done with the horse. But frankly, most horses can handle a little pushing. Would I have done what that trainer did? No. But its not your horse any more. You have no say about what happens to him. It really really sucks.

    Its why I won't sell my gelding, if I end up taking him home from his lessor, even if I don't have time to give him and he sits in a pasture when he should be getting into shape etc. Its becausue I wouldn't have control over how his new owner managed him, and I am opinionated enough about how he should be managed that I would feel incredibly guilty about it for the rest of my life.

    The only way to deal with it is to deal with the fact that you sold the horse, he's not yours any more, and it sucks.

    And stop trying to contact the person you sold him to.
    My warmbloods have actually drunk mulled wine in the past. Not today though. A drunk warmblood is a surly warmblood. - WildandWickedWarmbloods

    Comment


    • #3
      There is no point thinking about this unless you are prepared to do something. If you want him back, send an offer to the new owner and be sure to indicate how long the offer is good for. Be tactful in your letter. You might want to let the new owner know that you will be there as a retirement option if they are not interested in selling now.

      I am sorry it turned out this way and I hope your gelding's new home is a good one.
      "Random capitAlization really Makes my day." -- AndNirina

      Comment


      • #4
        I have been there too and it is very hard. You sold him based on what you knew and had no idea she was dishonest in her intentions. Unless you can somehow buy him back you will just have to let it go. There is a very good possibility that his new owner treats him wonderfully.

        Comment


        • #5
          If the name has been changed, post it somewhere along with his OLD name, BREED, AGE, and history. Maybe mention his quirks, too, or how you can be contacted.

          'Most everyone I know wants to 'google' his or her new horse and find out as much as they can about it...
          "Oh, sure, you may be able to take down one smurf, but mark my words: You bonk one smurf, you better be ready for a blue wave."---Bucky Katt

          Comment


          • #6
            If I were the new owner, I would NOT be happy if the horse's breed and age had been changed and would certainly want to know that information. Why would the seller lie about such basic information?

            This is why I hate selling horses. You think you can control where they are going, but the reality is that you can't. Fortunately, most people are honest in their intentions, or I least I like to think they are!

            Comment


            • #7
              I totally feel for you...but...

              I can totally understand how you would be distraught if you thought you were selling him to his *forever* home. I mean, you sold him as a *re-sale* project. It didn't occur to you that this horse would be placed yet again? And then to who? Someone who may do something worse than overwork him?

              I also think it can be hard on us when we have a horse sitting in the pasture being a puff, to watch them go on to a new home and doing stuff (competing) and then seeing that there are people out there willing to spend big bucks on them.

              Comment


              • #8
                You sold him! You lose the right to decide what happens to him. If you had any concerns about the horse's future welfare you should have kept him period.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Gee, way to gang up on the OP. OP, I feel for you. You did the best you could for the horse. It's on the trainer if she doesn't treat the horse right. That is TOTALLY her responsibility. We will all be held accountable for how we treat God's creatures.

                  Sorry everyone here is being so harsh. I don't feel that way.

                  PKN

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #10
                    Sorry guess I didn't give enough details.

                    I sold the horse to a trainer that was going to keep him as her personal horse. I knew that she could sell him on and told her if she did to please let me know. I also asked her to keep me informed of how he did at shows as I was the breeder and have two other horses from the same lines.

                    I do not know whom owns him now as the lady/trainer I sold him to has sold him on.

                    I know that I no longer own him and anything can happen to him. I just feel so bad for him and his new owners as they don't know that the horse they bought is older and not the breed they think he is. They also most likely don't know his health problems, as it is not something that would come up with a basic PPE and the ad said he was 100% sound and healthy.

                    And Yes I would take him back from anyone that was not able to look after him if for any reason he became no longer safe/sound/rideable. Not many people can say that if their riding horse was no longer use-able they have a place for the horse to go for the rest of said horses life.
                    My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

                    Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Eleanor View Post
                      Sorry guess I didn't give enough details.

                      I sold the horse to a trainer that was going to keep him as her personal horse. I knew that she could sell him on and told her if she did to please let me know. I also asked her to keep me informed of how he did at shows as I was the breeder and have two other horses from the same lines.

                      I guess I misunderstood. You said in your first post you thought she was going to get him fit and then sell him...

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #12
                        Yes, But I am not dumb, I had a feeling that she would sell him. But I didn't think she would have him listed for sale so fast.
                        My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

                        Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          There's a difference between ganging up on the OP and being really frank about the realities of selling horses.

                          The only way any of us can guarantee an animals future is to keep them. OP, you took a risk selling the horse, the same risk any of us take. Once that contact is signed, you can hope that the buyer will hold good on their promise to update you, but there is no guarantee. You got had. Nothing anyone here says is likely to make you feel better.

                          This is harsh reality of the horse world. What the trainer did was crummy and miserable and totally a scum move. No one will disagree there. I'd feel like shit, too. But this is reality. Stop torturing yourself.
                          Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not. Remember that what you have now was once among the many things that you only hoped for.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Is he in a good home now?

                            If so, would it be wiser to let it be?

                            So long as they take good care of him and handle any issues with his best interests in mind, his age and breed are just owner-ego attributes, imo.

                            If they are good horse people they will understand his quirks very quickly. All horses have them, it's part of being with horses. Even if his are a bit, well, particular and personal.

                            If the trainer aged him down 5 or 10 years that might matter, but if it is just a little shading it probably doesn't. That is, so long as the new owner goes by his condition and fitness for whatever they want to do. It really doesn't depend on the age number, it depends on the individual horse.

                            There are thousands of horses out there that are not the age or breeding the owners think they are. It happens. It's not that important in the great cosmic scheme of things, especially for geldings.

                            IMO

                            What's done is done.

                            Go from reality as it is now, for the horse. It's not about how you feel any more, or about what the trainer did. It's about his best welfare, and for him nothing else really matters.

                            It might not hurt just to let them know you are a prior owner who would give him a cush retirement if he needed it. IF he's in a good place, I would leave out the breeder part, to forestall any questions about his breeding, age, etc. That also means you don't tell this story around, either.

                            Just imo

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              This is why I can't sell horses. Once one come to my house, he's a lifer. This would kill me.
                              I have a Fjord! Life With Oden

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                OP, I feel really bad for you. You trusted the trainer, she betrayed it and now the horse is with a new owner. The most I think you could do at this point is try to contact the new owner to say you are his breeder and if he does not work out for any reason, you would be happy to take him back. Other than that, I don't think there is much you can do other than hope he has a happy life with the new owner.

                                At least you know one person to avoid doing business with in the future. I don't know if I could be a breeder because finding homes for the horses I bred would be really hard I think. That is, wondering if I sent the horse off to the right home.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Sadly, as others have said, that is the consequence of selling. You give up all control of what happens. Perhaps you can keep your eye out for him, since he's a show horse, and then contact whatever person has him if you find him. I think it would be the right thing to do, actually ... since he has some problems. But that would mean you might get an older horse back who is now worse off for wear and still has health problems.

                                  Letting go and hoping for the best may be your best option, here.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Most people can only afford so many horses, and that's as true, or more so, of trainers as it is of anyone else. If it is apparent that this horse is not going to work out as hoped (including as a "personal horse"), he's taking up space and money needed for a different horse.

                                    Any transfer of ownership opens the possibility the horse will change owners again sooner or later, despite all the good intentions and promises. Horses can be a very expensive keep, especially including all the vet/farrier maintenance, so people are not so likely to keep one 'just because'. And if fate brings unfortunate financial changes the horse is especially vulnerable, even if the other pets stay with the owner.

                                    Trainers are quicker to assess the long-term future than an amateur might be so things happen faster. And, if someone else comes along that could use any horse a trainer has, most trainers are already more prepared to let it go onward, even if the horse is a favorite. It's what they do.

                                    Part of horse ownership is knowing that if a horse is passed along to another owner, regardless of what is said/written at the time, there is a significant change it's going to have more new owners after that. Multiple new owners. It's what happens to horses.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by SnicklefritzG View Post
                                      OP, I feel really bad for you. You trusted the trainer, she betrayed it and now the horse is with a new owner. The most I think you could do at this point is try to contact the new owner to say you are his breeder and if he does not work out for any reason, you would be happy to take him back. Other than that, I don't think there is much you can do other than hope he has a happy life with the new owner.

                                      At least you know one person to avoid doing business with in the future. I don't know if I could be a breeder because finding homes for the horses I bred would be really hard I think. That is, wondering if I sent the horse off to the right home.
                                      How exactly did the trainer betray the former owner's trust?

                                      Per the OP, she expected the horse to be resold. The horse was resold.

                                      The OP expected it to take 3 months to get the horse fit, but she's not a trainer. The trainer got the horse going well enough to be resold in a shorter time frame than the OP expected. That's the only thing that happened. As others have said, most horses can easily do more than what most ammy owners expect of them.

                                      The horse may not have done as well showing as the OP would have liked, but the trainer got a good enough show to impress someone enough to pay 4X what she did.

                                      To say that the OP was "betrayed" is a bit much. The new owners will learn the horse's quirks. Often many horse's "quirks" are just bad behaviors that trainers won't put up with. Thirty days of discipline can turn around a lot of "quirky" behaviors. The buyers liked the horse enough to buy it & presumably spend money to show it.

                                      I think assuming the worst at this time is completely unwarranted. The time line is shorter than the OP expected, but the chain of events is not.

                                      Last week's Big Bang episode was about letting go. OP needs to watch it.
                                      Visit my Spoonflower shop

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by red mares View Post
                                        How exactly did the trainer betray the former owner's trust?

                                        Per the OP, she expected the horse to be resold. The horse was resold.

                                        The OP expected it to take 3 months to get the horse fit, but she's not a trainer. The trainer got the horse going well enough to be resold in a shorter time frame than the OP expected. That's the only thing that happened. As others have said, most horses can easily do more than what most ammy owners expect of them.

                                        The horse may not have done as well showing as the OP would have liked, but the trainer got a good enough show to impress someone enough to pay 4X what she did.

                                        To say that the OP was "betrayed" is a bit much. The new owners will learn the horse's quirks. Often many horse's "quirks" are just bad behaviors that trainers won't put up with. Thirty days of discipline can turn around a lot of "quirky" behaviors. The buyers liked the horse enough to buy it & presumably spend money to show it.

                                        I think assuming the worst at this time is completely unwarranted. The time line is shorter than the OP expected, but the chain of events is not.

                                        Last week's Big Bang episode was about letting go. OP needs to watch it.
                                        Well I was a trainer for over 25 yrs, only give it up after a very bad auto accident. I also know what was said to me on the phone and in email, Just because I knew in my heart that she was going to resell doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt that she lied to me. She told me that she was going to keep him for her personal horse and would use him as a lesson horse for her more experience riders. At no time did she say she would sell him. Just being a person that has been in the horse world for over 35 yrs I know how it works.

                                        And for the record, I only use the word trainer about this person as that is what she calls herself. I would never in a 100 yrs call this person anything more then a catch rider or horse trader now.

                                        And SnicklefritzG, has it right by saying I was betrayed, if the buyer was so honest and forth right, Why would she change the horses age and breeding? I get changing the name many do that, but really the age and breeding of the horse. The only reason someone would do that is to hide something and ask a higher price for the horse because she sure wouldn't have got the price she was asking if she had posted his real age.

                                        When the horse has the training that my guy had and you take 3-6 yrs off his age then you can ask a higher price then if you are honest about the horse like I was.

                                        I did watch Big Bang and it is hard to let go what I put my horse through when I have to look at myself in the mirror.

                                        All I want is to know that my horse is now in a good home, with some kid/adult that loves him.

                                        The person I sold him to can rot in hell for all I care.
                                        Last edited by Eleanor; Feb. 28, 2015, 11:36 AM.
                                        My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

                                        Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed

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