What do you do when someone who is known to cause drama & steal boards at your barn..

[One Two Three]

The girl came to look at the farm. She is an acquaintance of the BO, I think through mutual boarding before BO owned property. BO was showing her around the farm, and she introduced me & my horse to her. I was on my pony and said, "hey! nice to meet you! How are you?!"...*blank stare* she never said a word. Just looked at me and turned around and kept talking to the BO.

Strike one.

Strike two is when my bodywork/chiro lady messaged me a warning RE: rude girl who looked at the barn. Apparently, she's notorious for barn hopping because she/her horse get kicked out often. She's known for being rude, stealing from others, and just being a less than pleasant person.

I already hate this girl. I haven't seen her since the day she came to look at the farm, BUT her horse showed up yesterday.

Her horse is right next to my horse.

Awesome.

So mind you, I already have it in my head that I'm not going to get a long with this girl. I've made arrangements to lock my tack trunk and putting valuables in it that I don't want to go missing, which you would NEVER dream in a million years of doing prior to this girl, because our barn is SO SO laid back. And small. But I had a bad feeling the day she showed up, and now that I know more information, I just don't feel quite right about her.

So, the horse. Is a mess. I had heard stories about where this girl and her horse came from, but, you know how the horse world goes. You have to take each story and form your own opinion because chances are it's been fabricated or blown up. I am TRYING to tell my brain to give this girl a chance. But honestly, first impressions are everything. My mare is on one side of hers, and the other pony mare is on the other side. BOTH my pony and the other were visibly PISSED when I got to the barn last night. My pony definitely has a say in who she does and doesn't like living next to her. But the other pony has always been super care free and NEVER reacted to horses next door. This one was kicking, biting at the metal on the stall, etc. My mare is recovering from ulcers and weight loss, in addition to a swollen DDF in her RH. OF COURSE my mare spent the better part of her time from 2:30pm to 5:00pm kicking that RH out at the stall wall closest to the new mare. It's swollen again after 24 hours of it looking great. AWESOME!

The horse wouldn't eat last night, wouldn't eat grass, and just kept squealing and laying down and getting it's legs caught up in the fence boards, literally every time it laid down. It was stressed.

I totally understand horses needing to figure their sh*t out, but I also happen to know that if a horse doesn't make a good first impression on my mare, she won't change her mind. The BO wants to rememdy the situation by moving stalls. She was talking about moving my mare to the other pony's stall, and the rotten new mare to my pony's stall. However, my stall has perfectly level ground with perfectly aligned matts. The stall she's talking about moving her to has only one matt, in the back where my mare pees and poops, not where she lays or stands. I don't want that stall. I honestly don't want any stall but the one I'm in. Why can't this new horse be moved? It's not my fault that seemingly no other horse likes it.

So basically I'm just being snarky and bitchy because I had a bad experience with horse's owner.

What should I do? How do I keep my emotions at bay and let this girl have a fair shot? I'm an adult and I don't have time for childish games, but I am also a young adult, so I can see an 18 year old still trying to stir up trouble with someone my age. Seriously, if she had just said "HI!" back, none of this would be in my brain right now. The girls dang horse can't even be turned out because the other horses hate it that much. She's stuck in the round pen.

My barn owner is known to kick people out who cause issues (SEE: "can you cut down that tree? my horse spooks at it. If you don't cut it down, I'm holding my board check until it is" RESPONSE: "BYE!") but see, I do all the work around the farm in exchange for a decrease in board. SO I feel like though I've been here longer and do a LOT for the BO, that this full board girl technically has more right than I do to dictate where her horse goes vs mine. So I won't bring it up to BO unless she brings it up to me first and asks what I think.

How can I control myself from passing judgement on this girl until I actually get to know her more? I am all for giving people the benefit of a doubt, and even when rumors fly that they steal and are just generally an awful person, I still give the benefit of a doubt. But when my horse hates her horse, I dislike her, and it's just a big ball of stress, I feel like I'm going to have a really hard time being friendly to this girl.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent, COTH. Now come forth with advice on how to not be a whiny beyotch until I really know what this girl is about.

[SillyHorse]

She's "notorious for barn hopping" so take deep breaths, bide your time, and she'll be gone soon enough.

[OveroHunter]

MYOB and protect your things for now. I wouldn't leave a barn or ask the BO to kick someone out without proof that this woman is a bad person. We all know how news travels in the horse world.

As far as the horses not getting along, just give it time. I'm the owner of a witchy mare who has far fewer friends than enemies when it comes to the other horses. She's in a corner stall so she is only next to one horse, which is my carefree gelding. They have a love hate relationship, but they get along well enough to carry on with their normal, healthy lives.

If after a week your pony is still upset, perhaps you can talk to the BO about moving her, but I don't think I've ever met horses that couldn't be stalled next to each other harmoniously in safely made stalls.

[peedin]

I love the fact that you are so like me. "I've decided I already hate this girl." I did that with every boarder who showed up at my barn. Eventually I came to tolerate, and even like, most of them. But if this girl is a drama causer and barn hopper and if your BO is known not to put up with foolishness, relax. She'll be gone soon. In the meantime, is there another stall you could move your recuperating mare to?

[xeroxchick]

Your chiro called to bad mouth someone you just met? Wow.
Sounds like you are spending a lot of energy on this before anything has happened.

[One Two Three]

Your chiro called to bad mouth someone you just met? Wow.
Sounds like you are spending a lot of energy on this before anything has happened.

I totally am. But that wasn't the only reason she called :-) we were setting up a time to meet, and she happened to mention that she heard the girl was heading to my barn, and gave me a fair warning, because, as it usually goes in the horse world, she was burned by this girl.

You all are right, if she causes trouble, she'll be gone soon.

I just need to keep my sanity until that point. There is another open stall, but it happens to be directly behind my pony (shedrow barn, 3 stalls on each side, back up to each other). So unless the whole barn did a shift, it wouldn't help the circumstances. I spent a LOT of time and energy perfecting her stall to work for her. I guess I just feel a little annoyed that this girl's horse puts up a fuss and I am the one who has to move. You know, that whole, "I don't care for you, so I am going to be annoyed by anything that involves you"

Thankfully, I'm not the type to take out my feelings about someone on their property/horse, so she's lucky she's boarding at a barn where the help cares for each horse as their own, regardless.

It's just one of those things that gets me all worked up before anything happens. I just don't do well with change! Let alone when the change doesn't even acknowledge when I say HI!!!

[red mares]

I already hate this girl. I haven't seen her since the day she came to look at the farm, BUT her horse showed up yesterday.

So basically I'm just being snarky and bitchy because I had a bad experience with horse's owner.

At least you're honest about being a bitch.

Right now the drama is all on YOU. You've met her once.

I'm shy & quiet and my first impressions aren't always fantastic. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know. When I do get to be friends with someone, it's for years. But if faced with someone who I've just met who has already decided they don't like me? Screw you & the horse you rode in on. But that's just me.

[One Two Three]

At least you're honest about being a bitch.

Right now the drama is all on YOU. You've met her once.

I'm shy & quiet and my first impressions aren't always fantastic. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know. When I do get to be friends with someone, it's for years. But if faced with someone who I've just met who has already decided they don't like me? Screw you & the horse you rode in on. But that's just me.

But see, Im the same way. I am SO shy and SO quiet. But I can muster up a HI in response to someone saying hello to me. I guess I'm old fashioned, but that's called respect, and she had none. She went on chatting carefree with the BO, so it felt VERY personal. I'm trying to give this girl the benefit of a doubt, and totally will, the next time she comes out. But seriously? can't even muster up a Hello? really?

[gloriginger]

To the new boarder- kill her with kindness, watch your stuff and your back and smile right through those gritted teeth.

To the barn owner: I do not want my pony moved to another stall, I spent a lot of time getting it level and I would prefer her to stay as is.

You may work off a part of your board, but you work darn hard and are just as much an equal to a full paying boarder. Your time and energy is also money. Stop that mentality right now.


Take a deep breath and wait for the storm to pass. Oh and popcorn helps, you should know that by now if you have spent time here.

[Ambitious Kate]

Yeah, no, I don't think you're trying very hard. You're spending a whole lot of energy creating alot of problems which aren't really there yet. You need to learn to let go and pick your battles. The visit when walking around may have been stressful and she may have been thinking of a hundred things. So what if the introduction didn't go well. There's always a second chance. Or better yet, if I were you, I wouldn't want to interact with her, based on how I would probably project my own antisocialness, as you are describing yourself to us. If there's a problem, your best bet is to stay out of it, and let it be dealt with by your BO. But so far, there isn't any problem.

Really. So far, the only problem is you and your attitude towards new people in the barn. If she's a problem boarder, let it rear its ugly head and deal with it then. So far, she's a new boarder your BO has approved. Deal.

[One Two Three]

Yeah, no, I don't think you're trying very hard. You're spending a whole lot of energy creating alot of problems which aren't really there yet. You need to learn to let go and pick your battles. The visit when walking around may have been stressful and she may have been thinking of a hundred things. So what if the introduction didn't go well. There's always a second chance. Or better yet, if I were you, I wouldn't want to interact with her, based on how I would probably project my own antisocialness, as you are describing yourself to us. If there's a problem, your best bet is to stay out of it, and let it be dealt with by your BO. But so far, there isn't any problem.

Really. So far, the only problem is you and your attitude towards new people in the barn. If she's a problem boarder, let it rear its ugly head and deal with it then. So far, she's a new boarder your BO has approved. Deal.

To say I have a problem with new people in the barn is totally inaccurate. The last new boarder turned out to be a VERY good friend who I love riding with. Know why? Because though SHE was stressed out looking at the barn (flew all the way from Michigan to pick out her mare's barn before she moved) but still had the respect and decency to say Hello back.

Everyone is right though, I'm totally making it a problem in MY head because of all that I've heard, and the first impression.

Someone made a good suggestion of killing her with kindness and gritting my teeth and just letting it ride out. I'll just keep spoiling my horse and busting my butt and I'm sure, as most have said, it'll iron out to either her leaving, me leaving (im kidding.) or us having a mutual understanding, and perhaps a friendship.

I just have never been faced with a "warning! such and such sucks as a person" in the barn setting. Kind of brings me back to my Junior years in a big EQ barn. Drama around every corner. I ended up being the one who retreated and left though. Not this time. Im a big girl. I guess my brain is just stuck on "but she was mean"....not very big girl like, huh?

[Chall]

My deepest friendships with people have started with a snap impression/thought "what a witch" and an instant dislike.
People who are nice, on first impression, usually don't become good friends.
Maybe it's my expectations, but now if I instantly dislike someone it's a positive thing.

Give it a try, it's exciting to move beyond ones artificial boundaries and challenge imiting beliefs.

[mkevent]

Just wondering- do the stalls have bars where the horses can see each other or is it a solid divider?

If there are bars, would the BO let you temporarily set up a solid divider such as plywood between the stalls so you wouldn't have to move your horse?

Personally, I would just keep my stuff safely locked up and try to go about my business if possible. If she continues to be rude, I would just ignore her.

[RedHorses]

You might try putting up a visual barrier between your pony and the new horse and see if yours calms down. You could put up some kind of kicking cushion, but if the visual barrier stops the kicking that would be the better solution. Even a plastic tarp or two from the dollar store would give you an idea if the visual barrier would work.

As far as personal interactions with the new human, give her a polite "hi" when you see her and carry on with your own stuff if she ignores you. It's unlikely to be personal yet, so don't take it personally. If you do act like a bitch towards her, it will be personal and earned.

As for working off part of your board goes you need to set very firm boundaries in your mind and with others. When you are not actually working your hours, you are a boarder and no one should be asking you "barn staff" type questions or giving you "barn staff" directions. These should be redirected with a polite "That's something you'll need to talk to the BO about." You are paying the same as the other boarders, you just happen to also have a job at the barn. Don't put yourself into a lower class of boarder in your own mind.

[One Two Three]

GREAT IDEA! Yes the stalls are built half way up with wood and the top half with a galvanized type metal bar. I could put a tarp up easily, and see if that helps. Come to think of it, there was a mini horse in the stall behind my mare and we could NEVER figure out why she didn't react to the mini, but reacted to the Clydesdale when he was in it. Probably because she couldn't see the mini. Interesting! Thanks for that idea, I think two of you mentioned that! Awesome!

I'm just going to try to put what I've "heard" in the back of my mind and continue on like I normally do at the barn. See how it goes.

[mkevent]

If you end up doing plywood, I drilled four holes in each corner of the plywood sheet and zip tied them in place (baling twine works well too).

I had metal bars between all my stalls and ended up doing plywood between at least the first 1/3 section of stalls so the horses wouldn't get aggressive during feeding time.

Some horses really like their privacy.

[pony grandma]

If you end up doing plywood, I drilled four holes in each corner of the plywood sheet and zip tied them in place (baling twine works well too).

They do this with tarps in stalls at shows, esp with stallions. Some horses at shows need it just to get some rest. We also put plywood up at home when the foaling stall is in purpose use.

[5]

Take your stuff home at night, lock up what is left, ignore her and all associated drama.

Life is too short and as someone said she won't be there for long.

[macmtn]

cover the bars...check. Bet that helps..
Now..do you have a spare rubber mat or chunk of mat that you could cover/cushion the wall with?

[Heinz 57]

One of my best friends is a girl who stole hay from me when she first moved into the self-care barn we were both at. I didn't see it, management did, mentioned it to me and talked to her about it. I probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise and I guarantee she took it because she didn't have the money to buy more hay at that moment.

That was 8 years ago, and I really wish we didn't live so far apart now. First impressions aren't everything - give her a shot and don't play into the gossip train. If she steals from you, then write her off, but we know how many crazy BO's there are out there that like to bend the truth and trash talk previous boarders. Hell, there are probably a few facilities in town here that would have nasty things to say about me, just because I left - and I never stole, paid my bill on time, took good care of my horses and never made any enemies. Some take it as a personal insult when you leave, especially if its because of substandard care or facilities.