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Suddenly we have (HE has) money...now what?

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  • Suddenly we have (HE has) money...now what?

    My fiancee just announced to me he will be clearing almost $600k per year. I am currently out of work and supporting my one horse who is boarded.

    He is always offering to pay for this/that for my horse, but I was brought up with the belief you have to pay for what you bought. He is always offering to help with my horse expensese...but he is the kind of guy that..."won't forget" if you know what I mean.

    I am already doing the cooking/cleaning/laundry in the house...he helps out but mainly I am responsible (which makes sense, besides night school it's not like I'm doing anything else).

    He says he wants to help with my horse bills (among other things) but I somehow don't think it will pan out as planned. I am planning on getting a full-time barn job to pay off my own bills/debts while I am out of my current "office job".

    I'm glad he's in the 5% of people in the US that earn that much....but I'm not sure if I'm willing to pay the emotional price of accepting "help" while unemployed.

  • #2
    OK, aside from the initial response of If only I had that much money and a willing donar to help out with the horses...
    Did he give you some kind of contract that says your (his) money comes with strings attached? What makes you think "he won't forget" or that there will be a high "emotional price"? If he's your fiancee, it doesn't sound like you're planning on ending your relationship soon, so furthering your attachments shouldn't be a problem. What exactly are you asking here?


    • #3
      Here's a bit of unsolicited advice: If you are that uncomfortable with him and money issues, you should probably move him from the "fiancee" category into "boyfriend", or something even less than bf.

      Really, if he's the type that will give you money and then give you grief about taking that money, you should look elsewhere for your soulmate.
      "It’s a well-documented fact that of all the animals in the realm of agriculture, Bulls have the highest job satisfaction rate."~~Ree Drummond, AKA the Pioneer Woman


      • #4
        If he is your fiance I'm not getting the "he's the kind of guy that .. won't forget if you know what I mean" I'm hoping he's the type of guy who is going to be making gobs of money in a time where this financial crisis won't affect his income and therefore is willing to support his soon to be wife with her hobby. If he is going to toss this support back at you at a later date, I would say buh bye to his 600K salary and to him

        You're engaged - you said fiance? so what's the deal w/ the "I'm not sure if I'm willing to pay the emotional price"

        I'm also wondering = what did honey-pie come home one day and announce "hey sugar i'm going be making 600K now.. that kind of salary just doesn't happen like that... I mean he's had to been making a pretty good chunk of change = like did he just make partner at a law firm? Salaries like that are either commission based ( he can earn up to 600K if he makes is quota) or he's a C-level professional - which then he should have been making a good chunk of change prior to being promoted to C-level


        • #5
          I can tell you that if my husband cleared that amount, he would happily cover my horse expenses and would probably even buy me another horse/perhaps even myown place.

          If you are planning on getting married and he wants to help out.....really, I don't see what the problem is. You can always give back to him....ie meals, household clean, etc. And when the day comes that you are employeed, cover it yourself again.

          If he's clearing 600K per year, I doubt a board bill is going to make that big of a difference in his monthly income.

          I'm envious....just be glad that you have someone who is generous with his wealth...there are those out there who would NOT support your horse habit/I have met many women in my life who have said that their spouses (wealthy ones) would not support their horse expenses at all). And keep in mind too, he may seriously WANT to help you......if I made that kind of money, I would want to do things for my husband....ie, golf lessons, etc.....it wouldn't be a burden, I would enjoy giving him things that he enjoys.

          Ohhhh had to edit, just saw the "He won't forget" comment. Well, I dunno then, if he will hold it over your head, then he is using it as control....I would have to say buh bye on that one. I can honestly say that mine would never hold anything like that over my head. ...ESPECIALLY over something that they know is near and dear to your heart.


          • #6
            I'm hoping this post is a joke. If you don't think his helping you out financially until you find a job will "pan out as planned", do you have a plan for how your marriage to him will "pan out"? Also, it's very tacky to publicly mention income, and it's especially rude if it's not your own.


            • #7
              Originally posted by MikeP View Post
              Here's a bit of unsolicited advice: If you are that uncomfortable with him and money issues, you should probably move him from the "fiancee" category into "boyfriend", or something even less than bf.
              Exactly my thought.


              • #8
                Originally posted by ynl063w View Post
                I'm hoping this post is a joke. If you don't think his helping you out financially until you find a job will "pan out as planned", do you have a plan for how your marriage to him will "pan out"? Also, it's very tacky to publicly mention income, and it's especially rude if it's not your own.


                • #9
                  Why would you be willing to commit to spending the rest of your life with a man when you are afraid to let him help you out with your expenses? You are engaged so presumably you will be married soon, won't your finances be combined? Will you have to justify all your expenses in the future? What happens if you stop working at some point to raise children, will you need to request spending money?

                  The big red flag to me is the fact that you are afraid to accept help from the man you are going to marry. My husband is the only one who brings home a check and he has never ever said anything about my spending "his" money on anything. Money can be a big issue between couples - make sure you two discuss your expectations and work out any problems before you walk down the aisle. You could save yourself some heartache in the longrun. JMHO from an old married lady.


                  • Original Poster

                    When we met he was unemployed...it was me that had the steady job. Over the last five years the tables have turned. He didn't just majikally hit this number, it started with him being hired by the right company, he had the right skills, and over time it escalated to him being a VP and written up in Forbes magazine, not to mention blogged about in various industry websites. When we met he was making websites in his underwear!!!

                    Obviously I'm thrilled at his success.....but in some ways weary of this "new" money (aka, his pays his X $3k/month in child support) and also a tad jealous.

                    Due to "the gold-digger" he is weary of spouses and financial matters (they were never married but BOY has she taken him for a ride!) which I understand.

                    OTOH, I have been the one pushing for a more conservative housing situation, a more conservative lifestyle (on the basis of are we "really sure" this lifestyle is sustainable?) but of course my previous expenditures on the horse made my point moot.

                    I'm willing to spend every last penny on my horse but I hate to see him waste money on a fur coat or $10k vacation. Does that make sense?

                    I can't help it, I feel badly about spending someone else's money. His paranoia (which has been EARNED by his ex-gf, followed up by his lawyers/parents) is definitely real, and I can certainly sympathize.


                    He wants to help with the horse, with my bills....on the basis "his" is "ours".....but I get the feeling "his is ours" until we disagree on something, and then suddenly it will be all his. Know what I mean?

                    Anyways, I've been with some nasty SOB's and this guy is far from it. I'm trying to reconcile personally "going under" for the sake of my horse, and accepting help regardless of the potential consequences.

                    Is taking out a loan from the mafia an option?

                    This is not a huge deal, but I'm certainly mulling it over. He is partying in NYC tonight with his clients/colleagues, I'm at home with the dog in your average suburban neighbourhood while hanging out with a bottle of white wine.


                    • #11
                      Oh jeeze, you deserve each other. He makes $600k a year and you're begrudging his CHILD $3000 a month?


                      • #12
                        his ex is a "gold-digger" who "took him for a ride"?
                        uh--he impregnated her.
                        He's going to make over 600K this year, and is going to send 36K in child support.
                        Wow. That's going to break the bank.
                        You don't mention any other parental involvement. He appears to resent paying child support.
                        What a prince.


                        • #13
                          And of course he didn't offer to give his child more money when he started bringing home big bucks (although he DID offer to support his fiancee's horses), so when the ex-GF had to actually sue him for it it made her a gold digger.

                          Lovin this person more every minute.


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Alternate Realityyy View Post
                            He wants to help with the horse, with my bills....on the basis "his" is "ours".....but I get the feeling "his is ours" until we disagree on something, and then suddenly it will be all his. Know what I mean?
                            Um, if this is how you think he is, perhaps you should reconsider the relationship.


                            • #15
                              You knew he had a child and an ex when you hooked up with him. Now he's making over half a million dollars a year and you're upset he's paying child support for a child he helped create? That's what I'm hearing; please correct me if I'm wrong ("golddigger" comments, etc.)

                              He may resent his ex, but the child is an innocent party and he has a duty to pay support till the child's of age. That part of his life really has nothing to do with you, in a way.

                              Maybe you need to rethink this relationship. Perhaps the extreme inequality of finances is too much for you to handle. Nothing wrong with that, better to admit it and do something about it.

                              I loff my Quarter horse clique

                              I kill threads dead!


                              • #16
                                I don't see this as being horse related. I mean seriously.

                                It appears to sound more like as much as you may not wish to admit it, you are unhappy with his success. while your previous success have spiralled downwards so you aren't big man(woman) on the totem pole.

                                My ex was like that. All was fine when he was the one 'with' it all. Once I became just as successful (well paid) our marriage began it's slow death.

                                I call sour grapes on your original post.

                                So you have 2 choices.

                                Suck it up and grow up and enjoy his success, or dump him and go find someone less successful then you so you can be happy. And I'm not saying this to sound harsh - thats the reality of your choice kiddo.

                                As to the child support- Anyone who refuses to support their own child, or anyone who complains about a spouse/fiance/bf/whomever supporting their own child, ..ugh..low class. Really.
                                Originally posted by ExJumper
                                Sometimes I'm thrown off, sometimes I'm bucked off, sometimes I simply fall off, and sometimes I go down with the ship. All of these are valid ways to part company with your horse.


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Alternate Realityyy View Post

                                  I can't help it, I feel badly about spending someone else's money.


                                  He wants to help with the horse, with my bills....on the basis "his" is "ours".....but I get the feeling "his is ours" until we disagree on something, and then suddenly it will be all his. Know what I mean?
                                  Are you sure you're not transferring YOUR feelings/fears about what's yours/ours/his onto him?

                                  The guy wants to pay for your horses - I say LET him. Those are rare birds, I tell ya.


                                  • #18
                                    Two big ass red flags flapping in the breeze. His. And yours.


                                    • #19
                                      I'd point my heels to Jesus and think of Butet's.

                                      Seriously, if you smell a rat, there's probably one around somewhere. Maybe you could get a badass prenup and when the shizz hits the fan in a few years, you could be clearing 300K a year.


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by Coreene View Post
                                        Two big ass red flags flapping in the breeze. His. And yours.

                                        Marry the jerk, you deserve each other.