• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Suddenly we have (HE has) money...now what?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #21
    Originally posted by Seven-up View Post
    I'd point my heels to Jesus and think of Butet's.
    Never heard that before No comment about the rest of it.
    Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

    Comment


    • #22
      Originally posted by Candle View Post
      Never heard that before No comment about the rest of it.
      I'd love to take credit for it, but I stole it off a tv show and tweaked it a bit to fit this discussion.

      Comment


      • #23
        Originally posted by Seven-up View Post
        I'd love to take credit for it, but I stole it off a tv show and tweaked it a bit to fit this discussion.
        You can take credit for bringing it to my attention and providing me with amusement while I'm supposed to be studying, and for that I thank you
        Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

        Comment


        • #24
          Leave it to COTH to call a spade, well, a spade!
          Very funny

          So, when's the wedding?

          Comment


          • #25
            I can't help myself, I just have to give the op a little hint. In a lasting, healthy marriage, both parties thnk that the other partner does way more than they do.
            Lots of studies to proove this.
            So, for example (I am VERY happily married), my husband would do anythng for me. What's mine is mine, and what is his is mine He would, and does, give me the shirt off his back.
            The thing is, he says the same thing about me. I spend lots of time thinking about the little things that would make his life easier. I wouldn't, and don't, question when he needs or wants something.
            And yes, we both have the same view of money.
            This is normal in a good marriage.
            You sure you want to have a future like what you are describing?

            Comment


            • #26
              Goodness, this forum is way better than the soapies on tv..........
              Now which soapie does this one sound like.................

              Comment


              • #27


                All the other things would make me jump up and down ignored, I can not get over the comments about the mother of his child and that piddly child support payment (compared to what he makes) and it being an issue to the OP.

                Get over yourself.

                It sure sounds like you think he is a total jerk, etc, etc. But for some reason you call him a fiance.

                Comment


                • #28
                  I hate to say it but there is an up and coming trend of relationships that are heading the way the op is describing. "you take care of your things and I take care of mine." OR "I will take care of your things as long as XYZ conditions are met".

                  Now I take care and may for the majority of my horsie things but when my hubby helps out he tends to be very resentful. That could very easily escalate into "these are my horses b/c I spent X number of $$ on them"

                  In an ideal world it is a give take relationship however the world is not ideal.

                  If you love this man either A) take care of your horses yourself and if he wants to help B)have him do things like buy a home where you can keep your horses or buy a truck to haul them with or C) have him set a monetary value and write a contract ensuring that it is a gift.

                  I actually understand the gold digging ex comment and the thought process that goes through his head. My husband often falls back into the " your just like my ex/all women are the same" mode. However he is learning.

                  Good luck and remember to enjoy your horses and don't let them become an "issue". Relationships have enough issues without adding more.
                  Proud Mama of a BOY rider

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    OP:
                    It's nice that the guy has money, but these horses are yours and so are the responsibilities. I agree with your intuition of not wanting to take the money.
                    You pay the bills, the shots are yours to call, If he gets involved, maybe not.

                    Take the help in the form of a loan, insist on paperwork, and pay it back when you are on your feet, regardless of whether or not you get married. That way, then financial stresses occur later on in the marriage (and they do in all marriages), it is one less thing that can get tossed up into the breeze.
                    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

                    http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Lord, where to start!! Perhaps some premarital counseling is in order before you take the plunge? Seriously!

                      As far as the child support goes, that child did not just happen to come along. Believe it or not, he had an active role in the creation of the child, not just "the gold digger." People who complain about supporting their children should learn about the many very effective forms of birth control available or just not have sex if the risk of becoming responsible for a child is just too much for them.

                      People who begrudge their partner paying child support should not date, and certainly should not become engaged to people with children from previous relationships.

                      To spare you the mental distress of your man paying for your horse I would suggest you do one of these two things: 1) get a job or 2) utilize the "Giveaway" forum on this site.
                      Problem solved.

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        IMO both the OP and her fiance need help from a financial counselor about their attitudes wrt money. Don't take it personally! Most of us come with "baggage" that shapes our spending and financial habits, and often not for the better. As an example, look at all of the lottery winners who have blown through millions in a few years, only to end up worse off than before because their expectations have changed.

                        Many of us tie our self-worth to our employment. I've been laid off twice, and each time it was like a kick in the gut. Fortunately DH was employed at the time, so we didn't suffer. DH has also been unemployed, and is now a SAHD. He's working (much harder than I am as a FTE!) but for a long time felt like a slacker because he wasn't in a cube from 8-5.

                        I suspect part of the OP's problem is that she doesn't feel like she's pulling her financial weight in the relationship. In a marriage partnership you will find there is a tradeoff of roles over time, especially once the kids arrive! There is no "your" money and "my" money, it's "our" money.

                        I suspect that your fiance knows that since you were willing to put up with him when he was broke and programming in his underwear (BTDT!!) that you're not a "gold digger" and you're not just in the relationship for the $$$. So, let him help you out like he helped you out, and keep looking for a job.

                        Good luck.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Originally posted by Chief2 View Post
                          OP:
                          That way, then financial stresses occur later on in the marriage (and they do in all marriages), it is one less thing that can get tossed up into the breeze.
                          No, they don't! I have been married for 22 years. While money can sometimes be tighter than others, it has never been an "issue" in our marriage. It has never come between us. We have never accused one another of creating a problem. We simply agree.
                          I will council all of my children to go into a marrige without financial strife. The reason we don't fight about finances is that neither of us are on a power trip about it. You give me a couple fighting about money, I will give you a couple who:
                          a. Doesn't have the same financial values. (devastating to a marriage) or
                          b. Fighting for power over one another. Also devastating to a marriage
                          It is possible to have a marrige free of financial fighting.

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            Sounds like some doubt here -- proceed with caution!

                            It's not how much you make, it's how you manage it. Far too many of the 6-figure incomers are among ones now over their heads in debt.

                            One suggestion: Subscribe to this magazine, read, and heed what it says, as much as you would any horse magazine. It's the best $12 you'll ever spend!
                            The inherent vice of Capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of Socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
                            Winston Churchill

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              Originally posted by MikeP View Post
                              Here's a bit of unsolicited advice: If you are that uncomfortable with him and money issues, you should probably move him from the "fiancee" category into "boyfriend", or something even less than bf.

                              Really, if he's the type that will give you money and then give you grief about taking that money, you should look elsewhere for your soulmate.
                              I completely agree. If he's going to hold money over your head, I (IMHO) would seriously think about whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with him. To use money as a control mechanism is just wrong, because when you're married, what's his is yours and what's yours is his (the law in many states)! I am like you, though, I like to pay my own way because that is how I was brought up. But, my husband and I share our money and, yes, he grips about all the board/vet/supplement/training/saddle expenses and I gripe about his four-wheeler/snowmobile/hunting/fishing expenses! This is something you both need to work out WAY before walking down the aisle. Resentment is a terrible thing in a marriage...it will eat you up inside! Good luck to you!
                              A tough day of riding is always better than an awesome day at the office.

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Doesnt sound good to me...Mr Jeano was making some nice money when we met, and I was living paycheck to paycheck. Mr Jeano bought some nice courting presents when we were newly engaged-one ton dually, camper, little things like that. He was able to make these purchases with cash and he put them and the FARM he also purchased BEFORE we married in BOTH OUR NAMES. I'm just saying.

                                Since we wished to marry in the Catholic Church we had to go thru annulments and there was a small chance we might not have been able to wed. I was well protected in case of his untimely death or any change of affections or conditions for the year we were engaged before we got hitched. No prenup or other such nonsense, he doesnt believe in 'em.

                                Keeping it horse related--he does roll his eyes from time to time over horse expenses, but he NEVER holds $$ over my punkin head. Never.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  My advice? Ask him to start banking 2/3 to 3/4 of that income because it may not last and you most likely will accrue large ticket items that will require income to keep going. (houses, horses, etc) And don't go hog wild like those folks who win the lottery and are broke again in 2 years.
                                  There isn't a whole lotta space between "we're on top of the world" to "we're living in a cardboard box."
                                  But do enjoy being financially secure...no need to feel guilty or bad about it. And never ever begrudge a man taking financial care of his child. What I would begrudge is that the ex needed the court and an attorney to get him to do so. Support is based on a percentage of income...completely normal that he would be paying $3000 per month at his income. And despite popular belief...his ex and child will not be living "high on the hog" on $36k per year unless they live in Botswana.
                                  You jump in the saddle,
                                  Hold onto the bridle!
                                  Jump in the line!
                                  ...Belefonte

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    Let's see when they met he was unemployed developing websites in his underwear (no wonder he has a child out of wedlock) and OP was the breadwinner (sounds like they've been together for sometime) apparently now honey-pie is making decent good money (since he's a VP and interviewed by Forbes & presumably wearing clothes) so ex-gf w/ child recently sued him for child support (apparently GF found out he was now capable of paying) and it could be the $3000 per month is back or money owed that he was supposed to be paying all along - who knows...

                                    at any rate - if you don't feel comfortable w/ him making $600K and sharing it with you - what's the big deal - just do it on your own then as you planned.

                                    And since you are engaged to a V-level person you might want to spell check from time to time - majikally is spelled magically -

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      I'll play! How bout you allow him to help you a little bit!

                                      Try to put some money you may have into some stocks. Shares on some blue chip stocks are pretty low. (great time to buy some) Reinvest dividends, and before you know it, you will have a nice little investment that you can ear mark "horse fund!"
                                      Collector of fine ponies.

                                      In loving memory of Mr.Zipp 3-25-72 / 11-4-08

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #39
                                        Thanks everyone, I have the answers I need.

                                        I will accept help for immediate horse-related needs (vet bills and such) but perhaps do some barn work to supplement my lack of income until I get another office job. In reality, despite everything, we are just lucky to have a roof over our heads and that and his income will be able to keep me from losing my horse while I'm unemployed.

                                        And since you are engaged to a V-level person you might want to spell check from time to time - majikally is spelled magically -
                                        (Yes, I know, I was just applying the "majically" as people seem to do when something seems ridiculous.... )

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          OK, so it's an odd situation. But sounds like the OP knows what she's going to do, just had some concerns. Either way, good luck.

                                          Originally posted by Alternate Realityyy View Post
                                          (Yes, I know, I was just applying the "majically" as people seem to do when something seems ridiculous.... )
                                          As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X