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Feeling Discouraged

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  • #1

    Feeling Discouraged

    I've had a pretty rough year this year and woke up feeling down and out and thought this might be a place I could vent. Friends and family, while they feel for me, aren't sure what to do to cheer me up and are also probably a little exhausted with me feeling so bummed.

    The long and complicated chain of events:
    December 2013 I bought a lovely 3.5yo American WB mare. The horse is growing up to be an awesome mare and will really be a killer hunter/jumper some time soon. Unfortunately I had minor knee surgery in May 2014 to have pre-existing hardware removed which left me out of riding much longer than the surgeon anticipated. Plus adding surgery bills. I moved the horse to a good trainer friend who helped me ride for a few weeks before I could return to work. In June my Jeep (which I owned outright) died and the cost to replace the car exceeded the value of the repairs, so I had to purchase a new car and took on a (modest) car payment. July 1st I moved into a new rental home that I had already put the deposit on and the same day my mother (who is fairly young 54) had a TIA. In October I finally got out of the awful corporate job I had where there had been massive downsizing and got a great new one with a much bigger commute (1 hour each way). Trainer friend's lease on farm ended so I had to also move the horse last minute and found a farm 45 min away with acceptable pricing/facilities. THEN on the way home of my 2nd day at new corporate job 1st week of November I was rear ended (no fault of my own I was at a stand still in traffic and the car behind me didn't stop). I had whiplash and a mild concussion and continued to attend corporate job training but with increasing pain. Flash forward to mid December I ended up going to the ER, MRI's, doctor, lawyer etc and have bulged discs in my back and neck. Found a really nice boarding facility closer to home and the horse is moving about 15 min from home in about 3 weeks.

    All of this being said... the horse is coming along pretty well and is really a joy. She is a coming 5 in March and is just an honest horse and a good worker. No stop/spook/buck/nonsense. She hacks out alone when the weather is nice. We are working on finishing her lead changes and were I able to do more jumping I would have my sights set on one or two C rated h/j shows this spring. So my problem is not the horse. With all of the new car/surgery expenses from earlier this year plus the unpaid time of missing a few days of work to go to ER/doctor from this accident and the out of pocket expenses (since I am in the 90 day probationary period without benefits), having this horse is a financial hardship. I love riding more than almost anything in the world and was a working student for many years. I have always been a very driven rider and value knowledge and horsemanship above all else. I love riding and training and this horse has the potential to be the rated 3'6" horse I could never afford to replace. To top it off, she is just a well mannered cool individual. She won't stop at a fence even when you make a mistake, and when you have a bad day she is a good trail horse. I know a lot of horse people are happily horse poor, and to a degree I was. But now I am in pain and increased pain from riding (not during riding but by the inflammation of bulged discs afterwards) so I find myself being able to manage 2 maybe 3 rides per week. Me, who rode 4-6 days for the last 10 years... I don't want to short change myself by selling this horse (plus I can't afford to send to a trainer or make a jumping video myself) and then feel better in a few months and regret it?? What if there are injections or physical therapy they can do?? I am frustrated and just all around drained and it is a huge expense and I am hardly able to enjoy it. I find myself worrying about her getting ridden enough to stay in shape and feeling guilty

    Sorry this was so long. If you got through this thanks for reading.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    take some time to recover. The horse is young, it doesn't matter if she has a slow year. She sounds lovely and nice, I remember your videos. Hang on to her and take the pressure off of yourself -- consider turning her out for six months of field board, even, and give your back a break. Who cares if she gets a little vacation? It's not a race. She'll just last longer. It's OK. Give yourself some space to feel better and get into your new routine.

    Lots and lots of working adults can only ride 2-3 times per week, it's called reality! and it pays for the horse!

    Comment

    • #3
      I am questioning your doctor's okay to you riding if the aftermath is so painful for you. I had a friend who had a single disc bulging/herniated in her back and she didn't ride for well over a year. In the end her disc didn't shrink back to normal and she had surgery a year later (after which she got better). Regularly pissing off the injured discs is not condusive to healing.

      Would you ask your horse to work with an injured neck and spine?

      Are you getting anything from an insurance personal injury claim to help with the financials?

      Comment

      • #4
        What does your doctor say about you riding? It seems to me that if you have neck pain you shouldn't be riding until your neck injury is healed.

        If you had a fall would it have serious repercussions with your bulged discs?

        You neck needs to come before your riding. Get that healed, do what you need to do there and then pick riding back up. It's been three months since your car accident if I'm understanding the timeline correctly. Even if you need a break of six months to a year, riding will still be there for you. You also just started a new job that might benefit from some time to focus on. You sound like an excellent multi-tasker and a hard, driven worker but you've had a lot going on and I think you should give yourself permission to temporarily cut something to catch your breath so to speak.

        Can you find a person to lease or part-lease your mare to help with the finances side of things?

        Comment

        • #5
          Horses last longer when used sparingly in their younger years.

          Take the time to heal up! Sometimes, life throws us the mother of all curveballs.

          I wish I could tell you more great things.
          Instead I send you big (tender) hugs and massive jingles!

          Comment

          • Original Poster
            #6
            Originally posted by showhorsegallery View Post
            What does your doctor say about you riding?
            Can you find a person to lease or part-lease your mare to help with the finances side of things?
            The current order from the doctor is "light riding no jumping." Which I am finding means a light 15-20 minute w/t/c hack with no heavy sit trot/collection work is really what is most appropriate at this time if I ride at all. I have been trying my hardest to find a 1/2 care lease on my mare (heck, I'd even reduce the price if the fit was right) but I guess it's the time of year? Cold here in SE PA... I was always the rider where the horse comes first. It doesn't matter if you are sick/tired/sore/knee hurts you have to ride, put goo on boo boos, check blankets, water etc... A half lease would be ideal. I feel an obligation to keep the horse going and guilty that the money is such a hardship and I'm not even riding her.

            I am pursuing a personal injury claim but I don't know how much/when/if money will be awarded. Thank you all so much for listening, it really means so much to me today.

            Comment

            • #7
              I echo everyone else.

              It sounds like you need some time to heal mentally and physically from a challenging set of circumstances. You're made of tough stuff!

              Listen, your beautiful horse won't mind riding twice a week. She won't even mind standing in a pasture with her friends for three months, with no riding at all. You're not wasting her and she won't be ruined. Nor will she forget her training.

              Horses bring you joy. Let her do this for you...at the rate that your body and your schedule can take. Exhale. Breathe. If you can't ride one afternoon, go stroke your horse and know that you'll be on her back when you're rested and ready and healthy. She'll understand...and she'll be there waiting!

              Comment

              • #8
                Originally posted by tua37516 View Post
                The current order from the doctor is "light riding no jumping." Which I am finding means a light 15-20 minute w/t/c hack with no heavy sit trot/collection work is really what is most appropriate at this time if I ride at all. I have been trying my hardest to find a 1/2 care lease on my mare (heck, I'd even reduce the price if the fit was right) but I guess it's the time of year? Cold here in SE PA... I was always the rider where the horse comes first. It doesn't matter if you are sick/tired/sore/knee hurts you have to ride, put goo on boo boos, check blankets, water etc... A half lease would be ideal. I feel an obligation to keep the horse going and guilty that the money is such a hardship and I'm not even riding her.

                I am pursuing a personal injury claim but I don't know how much/when/if money will be awarded. Thank you all so much for listening, it really means so much to me today.
                I am very much with you on the philosophy there, but if the horse has turnout, you can space the rides apart.
                Back in the day, we boarded in barns with zero turnout, we had to go ride every day. (but the network was tighter)

                Comment

                • #9
                  First *hugs!* Sometimes it does seem like all the shit happens at once. But at least the only way is up!

                  Take your time! Don't ride if you're in such a pain. You can lunge your horse, do some training at liberty, just a lot of ground work, whatever. If she doesn't already have a lot of turn out, go to a place where your horse can be outside more or less the whole day. She can rest, doesn't really matter. My friend/trainer jumps up to 140-160 GP trails, and her horse rests the whole winter. Just gets ample turn out and some light lunging.

                  Go to the barn, pat your horse, give her plenty of treats, maybe do some work on the ground and kiss those bobos, if needed, and both of you will be fine and happy. If you're up for it, go WALK with your horse, on or off, not more.

                  Take it easy for a bit. Nothing bad will happen, trust me.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    You said something about the horse being a financial hardship right now? Can you just go to field board for awhile?
                    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      You mentioned having hard time finding a half-lease situation. Would you list her as a full lease? I remember looking at leases on and off many years ago, but shied away from half leases because I didn't want to deal with all of the "shared" time, rides, responsibilities. I wanted the horse to be mine (well, not mine but you know what I mean). Good luck, and jingles!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        I've been there, truly.

                        My husband got stationed over seas, I had to leave my horse behind, I had two emergency surgeries (one for a severe disc herniation) and my mom died, all within 6 months.

                        I networked and found some trust worthy people who took King and put him in their pasture for a very fair price. I saw him once a year for three years.

                        When I got back I was SO glad I had not sold him. He hadn't been ridden in 3 years except for my rare visits stateside and he hadn't forgotten his training. He was a healthy happy horse.

                        Your girl won't be hurt by you "only" riding 3 days a week. Heck, I can barely do that myself right now.

                        Take care of yourself. Heal up. Spend lots of time with her on the ground when you can and don't bully yourself when you can't.

                        If money is a factor consider a half lease and don't be afraid to be very picky.

                        Best wishes to you.

                        Don't sell her, there is nothing down that road but regrets and what ifs.
                        My herd for life:
                        King: 21 year old Foxtrotter gelding
                        Ruais: 8 year old Friesian/Arabian mare
                        http://imgur.com/a/LSPiJ#0

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster
                          #13
                          I think I have a standing offer at a fairly reputable lesson facility for her to go live there and be leased by clients but like 1.5 hours away. However she is only coming 5 and not "fully trained" in her job. She is very rideable and broke (not wiggly and no young horse nonsense) but my fear is that a full lease on an unseasoned horse is that she will come back having learned bad habits/unlearned what she knows. She doesn't have a few years of miles on her so what I send out now in 6 months could be gone. This honest horse that will jump anything and take a joke in front of the fence and leave from anywhere? Get someone who buries a horse at a fence every time or yanks/pulls/pisses her off? Or someone who doesn't know how to set up the greenie for the lead change? *sigh* I definitely prefer her to get ridden 2 days a week. The half lease is more for me to keep an eye on her to be honest.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Originally posted by talkofthetown View Post
                            You mentioned having hard time finding a half-lease situation. Would you list her as a full lease? I remember looking at leases on and off many years ago, but shied away from half leases because I didn't want to deal with all of the "shared" time, rides, responsibilities. I wanted the horse to be mine (well, not mine but you know what I mean). Good luck, and jingles!
                            I agree. I'd put feelers out there for a (discounted?) full lease. Be honest that you will probably stop by 2-3 days a week to treat and snuggle, and you would like to hack/trail ride one weekend afternoon every week. It shouldn't interrupt their schedule at all, because any reasonably fit horse can do 2 rides in one day, especially when one is short. Decide what you think is fair and then see if anyone is interested.

                            Otherwise is she sane enough to be a lesson horse? It's not for everyone, but you can put her to "work" teaching 2-3 lessons a week as income to offset her board. For us, that would be $220-350 a month in your pocket.
                            Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Hope things improve soon, really sorry to hear about all the bad news one after another and I hope your mom is ok too.

                              Originally posted by tua37516 View Post
                              having this horse is a financial hardship.
                              No matter how amazing the horse is or any of the "what ifs," if this is really true-- selling is the responsible thing to do. For you and the horse. Period.
                              ~Veronica
                              "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                              http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster
                                #16
                                Originally posted by Wonders12 View Post
                                I agree. I'd put feelers out there for a (discounted?) full lease. Be honest that you will probably stop by 2-3 days a week to treat and snuggle, and you would like to hack/trail ride one weekend afternoon every week. It shouldn't interrupt their schedule at all, because any reasonably fit horse can do 2 rides in one day, especially when one is short. Decide what you think is fair and then see if anyone is interested.

                                Otherwise is she sane enough to be a lesson horse? It's not for everyone, but you can put her to "work" teaching 2-3 lessons a week as income to offset her board. For us, that would be $220-350 a month in your pocket.
                                I've tried to clarify a few times. While she is sane, she is a 4yo coming 5 green show hunter. She is very sane but not finished. Intermediate lesson kids who don't know how to ask for a lead change would miss behind, and then horse would learn to miss.

                                I'm really not trying to be a naysayer, I feel like a 1/2 lease for her training level is already me "letting go" some control of her training during what is to me a key developmental stage. I worry about her losing fitness/training if she sits. I have been brought up in big show barns about how you "have to do everything right." They never teach you what to do when you can't ride other than pay a trainer lol

                                I guess other than advertising on FB I need to figure out good half leasing strategies? I have reached out to local pros I know but I think the time of year and relative greenness (horse isn't ammy ready w auto changes) makes her less desirable.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster
                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by vxf111 View Post
                                  Hope things improve soon, really sorry to hear about all the bad news one after another and I hope your mom is ok too.



                                  No matter how amazing the horse is or any of the "what ifs," if this is really true-- selling is the responsible thing to do. For you and the horse. Period.
                                  I don't disagree... and I have been proactive trying to do this too..

                                  I suppose I could slash her price and "give her away," but then comes in the regret if I get better etc...

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster
                                    #18
                                    In summary:
                                    - I don't want to fire sale the horse
                                    - I don't want to full lease because of the risk of a green horse coming back in a different condition than she was sent
                                    - I feel guilty that I an unable to continue the training program I believe she should be in like it is my own failure
                                    - I hate how costly it is when I can't ride and enjoy her
                                    - She won't care if she gets ridden less only her fitness level will decrease and it will be harder for her to use her hind end

                                    Comment

                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by tua37516 View Post
                                      I don't disagree... and I have been proactive trying to do this too..

                                      I suppose I could slash her price and "give her away," but then comes in the regret if I get better etc...
                                      I'm not going to sugarcoat that all of the options are less than ideal, but you're REALLY hurt and you're REALLY strapped and you have a bunch of stuff going on that deserves full attention. If you were giving advice to someone else in your shoes, would you tell them to keep the horse just because she's great?

                                      I'm sorry, I know it's blunt but I am trying to be realistic. She sounds awesome. Sell her to a good home, get yourself back in order, and when the time is right you'll find another horse. I don't think you'll regret selling under these circumstances even if you don't get top dollar. I really don't. What you will regret is getting more hurt or getting into a financial hole from which you cannot escape.

                                      You might make a miraculous recovery tomorrow. You might win the lottery. You might stumble upon the next Rox Dene for $1000. I wouldn't be so focused on the regrets given that you have a pretty unworkable situation now. If you improve and she's been sold-- you'll buy another, right? It won't be the end of the world. If you fall off and end up crippled... you'll really have regrets
                                      ~Veronica
                                      "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                                      http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

                                      Comment

                                      • #20
                                        The bottom line seems to be that you have to cut costs in some way. I disagree with those who think you should sell her; there are other options you could learn to live with if she is truly special to you. However, your top priorities should be taking care of yourself physically and financially.

                                        I would recommend doing a full lease to either an experienced individual or an approved trainer with a program for advanced riders. That way, she is less of a financial burden, you won't be responsible for keeping her in shape (thus allowing you to heal), and you don't have to worry about ammys ruining her training.

                                        If you really want to keep her, you're going to have to let go of the control you want to have over her. Honestly, it's either that or sell her.

                                        I'm sorry that you've been put in this situation. I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with all of these things at once!

                                        Comment

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