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Almost HR ; Anyones marriage break up becasue of the horse thing?

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  • #141
    About 18 years ago I thought I had met the love
    of my life. Both of us were working, had
    gotten a house, trucks, cars, and Harley's.
    the only thing missing was the ring. We started
    having problems when he was going to the bar every night he even started playing pool legue at the bar and vollyball everynight he was gone. I would go do something with my horse
    one night a week at my parents house and had
    to be home by the time he got home or we always
    faught. well then the ring came and the wedding
    plans started. Then I got sick. really really sick I came very close to dying. It was the start of deer bow hunting season I had been
    taken to the ER by a friend was being admitted
    he called the ER drunk passed out on the phone.
    I went into emergency surgery about four hours later. this all happened on a very early sunday
    morning. he had sunday monday off was notified
    about my surgery and never even showed up
    till after 9:00 pm on tuesday. I got out of the
    hospital after about a week was out for seven
    days then back in on my death bed again having
    emergency surgery again he did the same thing.
    During my recuperation time I still got payed
    from my job but he didn't know that so I had
    14 weeks of pay stached away. As I got better
    I told myself he didn't care or love me or he
    would have been at the hospital when I needed him most and that he wasn't gonna tell me that
    I could NOT have my horse. He went to work
    I started packing and an hour before he got home
    threw the key to the house on the table walked
    out and never looked back till he came hunting
    for me was arrested for assault, I got an emergency order of protection five years later
    I get a call from my brother telling me that
    this person had gotten killed in an auto accident. He was drunk. Yes I do still ask
    myself from time to time if we had married would
    I be a widow right now but that's what if's. I know now I have a wonderfull family, husband
    daughter and farm a great job and hubby lets
    me do what ever I want with the horses. I pay
    intranet bill, credit card bill, heating bill,
    and groceries. he takes care of everything else
    and what ever else I have left I divide in half
    for the daughter and the horses. so life is good.

    Comment

    • #142
      My husband & I split almost a year ago now. He swore up and down they were just friends. After we split he spent the next month saying they were just friends. Strangely enough after another month his parents bought them a house. And GEE after we had been split for 9 months they had a one month old baby??

      He blamed the horses and my illness. I blame him not telling me there was a problem so I couldn't be part of the solution.
      "Marty, Quarter Horse Extraordinaire, Most Pleasant Packer, Companion To The End. May his suffering be little, his passing be easy and may we find each other again, drawn by love and kindred spirit."

      Comment

      • #143
        Well, it isn't marriage but I did leave a long termed relationship for several reasons, one of which was jealousy over the horses. I worked Mon/Wed/Friday evenings and all day Sat at my barn. Part of having horses at the time. All I heard where complaints that I made the house messy (dried mud from boots, coming in exhausted at 10pm and wanting to shed clothes and fall into bed, etc), didn't spend enough time with the SO or valued the horses more. It got to where I didn't want to answer the barn phone because four or five times on Saturday, yup, you got it. Ugh. "What are you doing? Who all is there? Having a good time? When are you ready to leave?"

        So after 3.5 years, living together, etc...I gave up the cats and worked at the barn even more. Was I happy with the trade-off? Sure was. Tho I did miss the cats But I was never home, it would have been unfair. The SO, last I heard, was living with good ole Mom and working at a correctional facility .
        COTH's official mini-donk enabler

        "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

        Comment

        • #144
          I have read a majority of the posts. And while I cannot offer advice b/c I'm only 21 and have never been married I hope my post can give you some comfort that even what seems impossible can happen.

          As I said, I'm 21, no college degree. I work 50+ hours a week...sounds great right??? Well my average annual salary is only $18-20k a year, AND I live in NJ, the most expensive state to live in. My car insurance is $2400 a year alone. My mother, who is only 43, has had 4 major operations in the past 6 years, one which was cancer and a round of khemo. Since I was 17 and I could work 40 hours a week legally I helped support my mother financially and emotionally and it's a MAJOR part of my life. She is now on fixed income, and rather than mooching off her (like most 20-somethings in the area) I have been paying rent for the past 3 years -let's just say 1 week's pay check every month. I also pay for ALL of the house utilities, the food and care for our 3 dogs and 1 cat, and 1/2 of groceries.

          Meanwhile going through all this, I've had the same boyfriend (significantly older than myself) for the past 3 years, who still mooches off mom and dad, who still can't afford his own car - I bought it for him, who can't pay rent. Plays video games and goes out drinking with "the guys" as if he's still in college. We talk about getting married but I refuse all "offers" until he has got his own place, pays off his car, and realizes that life is not just something you walk through. ... Oh did I mention he makes more than 2x as much as me??

          What's my point to all this?? I know your probably thinking, well she's just a responsible girl, good for her right? Well I've managed for the past 3 years to be able to afford two of my own horses as well. And I actually have another on the way with my mare-in-foal. They aren't at fancy facilities, but they are happy and healthy and I enjoy them as much as I can. I told him straight up going into this relationship, I will always pay my own bills, I will always have my horses, and I will always never NEED him in my life. - Though he kinda gets insulted with that last one.

          If this meesly, girl who BARELY made it through Highschool, makes dirt money (for the state I live in) supporting 2 people, 2 horses, and 4 pets can do it without complaining (too much ). Then I bet my next pay check that you can too!!!

          Comment

          • #145
            GT Filly...you go girl! I was the same at your age...except the moochy BF thing. If I remember correctly my BF at that time was a jerk but not a mooch, LOL!
            You're going to appreciate this more and more as you get older. I'm now 36, have 3 wonderful children, a fabulous hubby and my own farm with 2 horses currently. You get to know how to work for exactly what you want...and you get it.
            You jump in the saddle,
            Hold onto the bridle!
            Jump in the line!
            ...Belefonte

            Comment

            • #146
              Oh, GT! The BF doesn't DESERVE someone as together, mature, driven, and dedicated as you!

              Run, don't walk, away from this guy! You deserve someone as "with it" as you are, who will fully participate in your family, your horses and your life - without draining your emotional energy or hard-earned $$. Devote all of your "go" to family, horses, life and shuck this dude like a pair of parachute pants!!

              Please take care of yourself. Your hard work and responsibility will pay off in ways you've never imagined....

              Comment

              • #147
                I'm so sorry I missed this post originally but, looking at the date, it's because I was also in shell-shock then as my relationship of nearly ten years ended on May 27 due to, of course, "I love you but am not in love with you and oh, by the way, I've developed a new relationship over the past six months."

                For me it was more relief than anything. The past six months were somewhat of a Hell for me - as Sophie B. Hawkins sang "that old dog has chained up up all right, give you everything you need to live inside a twisted cage, sleep beside an empty rage ..."

                I am still linking it all together, firmly convinced I will never ever love again, and have this to say ...

                Many times on this very BB I told a lot of women that I would give up the horses but, the truth is, I didn't. And I wouldn't. But I accept that the passion of the horse is both a blessing and a curse.

                I am very fortunate in that it would actually be quite easy for me to find another guy who is passionate about riding and horses but the truth is, I am a man and I know how men think. They lie and they cheat and they fail to succeed because they are typically motivated by nothing and place little value on personal relationships.

                It's all easy-come, easy-go.

                Bitter much? I guess I am. But the truth isn't always sweet.

                I hope you are doing better. I am doing great and I positively love being single.

                Robby
                When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

                Comment

                • #148
                  MistyBlue and HTT - Alot of people have been telling me that for a while now! My thing is since I'm not in a rush to settle down I'll give him all the time he wants (until I do start to want more) as long as his mooching and immaturity don't affect me and my life. Which so far they pretty much haven't. We have been going to couple's counseling for the past 6 weeks or so. He has ALOT of issues re: his family and the way they treat him - which leads alot to his need to depend on them. He's also learned to depend on me too much for stability, like reminding him to pay certain bills and get the car fixed, etc. Which I don't mind so much as long as he doesn't mind me nagging him to do things.

                  I'm actually in the process of buying my own farm, with my mom who is selling our house as a down payment. We've been approved for a loan so all we need to do now if find THE farm. Which is going to be a long process as we have a tight budget and want to stay in a certain region. We also want to find a 2-house farm, one for me and one for her, or I may just be building my own. I told the B/F he can either come, and pay 1/2 the mortgage (since I'll be paying it all) or stay here, but not to expect me to do the "long distance thing".

                  My priorities go as follow: My horses, my dogs, watching a Yankees game, then him. And he might actually be tied with a good shopping spree when I can afford it

                  Comment

                  • #149
                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Robby Johnson:

                    I am still linking it all together, firmly convinced I will never ever love again

                    </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    I wonder if some of us true horsepeople don't, at some point, find it easier to say this simply because of the horses. You, do, in fact, have another love in your life; in some ways, it's pretty one-sided and limited, but in other ways, it's everything you wish your human relationships could be. Perhaps it warps our standard.
                    "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

                    Spay and neuter. Please.

                    Comment

                    • #150
                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Robby Johnson:
                      I am still linking it all together, firmly convinced I will never ever love again, Robby </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                      NEVER say never.

                      Comment

                      • #151
                        but you do love or you would not be doing what you are doing... life is not sex (sorry) I you are passionate and happy with horse sweat and maunure.. its just a diferent love .. much mor honast in the end ..._
                        When I bestride him, I soar, I am a hawk. He trots the air, the earth sings when he touches it, the basest horn of his hoofs is more musical than the pipe of Hermes...When bestride him I soar, I am a hawk...
                        ~ William Shakespeare

                        Comment

                        • #152
                          I'm CONVINCED you were all married to my ex husband!

                          It's awful what you all have been through. One year after marriage my hubby (now ex) was in the basement, drinking, playing video games, watching football and barking at me for food... On top of it all it was my 24th birthday.

                          I told him I was going out to see my horse he said "If you go out to see that horse, we are getting a divorce". That was the breaking point for me. I went to see my horse and I filed for divorce the following week. That was 6 yrs ago.

                          Unfortunatly I am stuck co-parenting with him for the next 11 years.

                          I am blessed now to have a wonderful fiancee whom I've been with for years. He's a corporate pilot so he's gone quite a bit (meaning more time at the barn for me).. he doesnt like horses, but he has his own hobbies so it works out well.

                          So gals, there is hope! Honestly, I don't think I'd have made it through my divorce without my horse. (excuese the rhyme)

                          Chins up ladies - we're stronger than that!

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