Two separate points to make here:
1) VWS - I wouldn't read too much into the blow up following his damaging his car. I hadn't damaged my car but I had done something equally stupid and took it out on my boyfriend. I told him that I hated that when I was around he played computer games (I was watching TV) I hated that he didn't treat me like his last girlfriend (they had broken up because he couldn't live that way anymore) and that I hated that I sometimes said things to him and he didn't even acknowledge me (he's quite deaf in his right ear from skeet shooting as a kid)... I didn't have a right to say any of those things. Nor did I mean any of them because clearly they all had excellent reasons for occurring. I just needed to blow up and he was the one person that I knew I could yell at for all of the stupid little things that I could think of, that would forgive me. I literally just thought of the quickest things I could and yelled, if he had thought that there was some sort of belief behind those things, we would have been in trouble. Instead, he got up, took my wrist and dragged me outside and to get ice cream... Within 30 minutes I was apologizing and realizing how completely stupid it had been...
2) As far as divorcing with kids. Same boyfriend's parents started divorcing when he was three. Finished when he was 7. Bankrupted eachother, stayed with his dad in teh stall of a barn, then stayed with his mom in a homeless shelter... (neither had family in the area)Slowly life worked itself out, his mom was able to buy their house back from teh bank, dad got a new house and a new wife. Custody was split 50/50. He has forgiven them all of that, what he has not forgiven them for is that during high school and college, every time he saw one of them, he had to see the other. Every time he spent a weekend at one's house, he had to spend a weekend at the other. To this day (14 years after last day in court) they still don't speak at events (such as his graduation)and they get angry with him when he can't devote perfectly even amounts of time...
What I've learned from all of my friends with divorced parents is that you will be forgiven for the divorce, what you won't be forgiven for is anymosity towards the other parent afterwards. So if you do divorce, as hard as it may be, bite your tongue instead of critisizing the other parent and NEVER use your kids as spies...
Okay, I'm done
1-800
1) VWS - I wouldn't read too much into the blow up following his damaging his car. I hadn't damaged my car but I had done something equally stupid and took it out on my boyfriend. I told him that I hated that when I was around he played computer games (I was watching TV) I hated that he didn't treat me like his last girlfriend (they had broken up because he couldn't live that way anymore) and that I hated that I sometimes said things to him and he didn't even acknowledge me (he's quite deaf in his right ear from skeet shooting as a kid)... I didn't have a right to say any of those things. Nor did I mean any of them because clearly they all had excellent reasons for occurring. I just needed to blow up and he was the one person that I knew I could yell at for all of the stupid little things that I could think of, that would forgive me. I literally just thought of the quickest things I could and yelled, if he had thought that there was some sort of belief behind those things, we would have been in trouble. Instead, he got up, took my wrist and dragged me outside and to get ice cream... Within 30 minutes I was apologizing and realizing how completely stupid it had been...
2) As far as divorcing with kids. Same boyfriend's parents started divorcing when he was three. Finished when he was 7. Bankrupted eachother, stayed with his dad in teh stall of a barn, then stayed with his mom in a homeless shelter... (neither had family in the area)Slowly life worked itself out, his mom was able to buy their house back from teh bank, dad got a new house and a new wife. Custody was split 50/50. He has forgiven them all of that, what he has not forgiven them for is that during high school and college, every time he saw one of them, he had to see the other. Every time he spent a weekend at one's house, he had to spend a weekend at the other. To this day (14 years after last day in court) they still don't speak at events (such as his graduation)and they get angry with him when he can't devote perfectly even amounts of time...
What I've learned from all of my friends with divorced parents is that you will be forgiven for the divorce, what you won't be forgiven for is anymosity towards the other parent afterwards. So if you do divorce, as hard as it may be, bite your tongue instead of critisizing the other parent and NEVER use your kids as spies...
Okay, I'm done
1-800






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