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Moms Who Ride with Daughters Who Ride

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  • Moms Who Ride with Daughters Who Ride

    I suppose this is more of a personal vent than anything else, but I had a conversation with someone today about a horse I'd dearly love to have. However, I have a daughter who also rides and I've been half leasing a pony for her, so I really can't afford this other horse. My daughter would never ride it, she'd be terminally frightened of it. And as she is the up and coming one, she probably should have a horse/pony that she's comfortable with. End of story. So the person with whom I was talking said to me, well, when you decided to have kids, you gave up all your rights.

    Now, I'm in my 50's and even though I'm not a youngster, I still have my dreams, a bit tattered, but they still exist. So I wondered how many of you are mothers who ride with kids who ride and how much of your horsey dreams have you put off in order for your child to pursue his/her horsey dreams? Or even other dreams?

  • #2
    Well... I'm kind of wondering, how old is your daughter? Is she not old enough (or almost) to pay for her own pony? Maybe she would be willing to pick up a paper route or part time job so that YOU can also have the horse of your dreams?
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**


    • Original Poster

      She is 13, and is a working student at the barn where we ride. I doubt if she could earn the sort of money it would take, at this point. But surely in the future she will. She has in the past, tutored a little boy in order to pay for some of her showing expenses.


      • #4
        I have had horses ever since I was in iddle school. When my daughter was 7 she went into gymnastics. After two years she was competeing nationally and we were traveling so much that I sold all but one of my horses, and we even sold the farm. 4 years later daughter tells me that Gymnastics is NOT her #1 passion, horses are!!!
        She no longer finished that sentence and we went and bought her a horse. we boarde for a few years and have been leasing a farm. Now we are about to move and buy our own farm again.YEAH!!!
        Anyways she rides and shows in the hunters.
        I train young horses and ponies.
        I show the really young ones on the line and she shows all the green ones under saddle.
        Now my mom has started to ride after taking over 20 years off to persue her career.
        3 generations of mother daughter riding.
        I will admit that sometimes it can be over welming to be together ALL the time, did I mention I also train my daughter(a real big No-No), but then I have friends who parents and children are involved and it makes me feel very blessed.
        So long story short we just make it work for us.
        No if we make it thru the BOY STAGE we are doing good!!!
        I think if your daughter is old enough she can contribute. It will make a much better horsewoman outta her.
        Good luck and I hope you fing some balance.
        Worth A Shot Farm
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        • #5
          I have two daughters who ride. A few years ago my riding sort of took a backseat and being horse show mom took priority. That happened about the same time they stopped sharing the pony and each needed a spot in the 2-horse trailer to get to shows. There wasn't room for my beastie anymore Seriously, it was just too hard and expensive for me to try to be serious about riding too.

          I've been a few years without a riding horse I call my own. I do, however have a very nice youngster that should be under saddle as my #2 kid finishes high school. I'm just biding my time until IT'S ALL ABOUT ME again.....
          Y'all ain't right!


          • #6
            My daughter and I ride

            I don't ride as much as I used to. I haven't shown in years but that's not because I can't. It's because I'm too tired to do it all. Both my mares are retired and both are in foal for April. My daughter has her TB hunter. I keep saying I'm going to ride more (have lots of friends with extra horses) but I just don't. My daughter is also 13. I may show again depending on what my two foals turn out to be.


            • #7
              Well...I guess in some small way I agree with the friend that says it goes with the territory. I have three daughters 19, 14 & 13. I'm re-rider who picked it up again when my oldest was 12. Up until this year all three rode, showed and did Pony Club. The 14 year old has just recently decided that friends & boys are all she has time for, but I digress... My riding HAS been put on hold, because of time & $$. There just isn't enough of it to go around to do lessons, events, Pony Club (and now college tuition!!) for all of them, much less for me. I have my horses at home, work at an event barn & sometimes I can get in a hack, but mostly I'm just the groom/stable hand. Honestly...on most days I don't mind. Some days I get a little wistful, but I know that in a few short years my time will be all my own again. I'll have plenty of time for ME, but I know that I'll miss doing the mom thing.
              So.. to address the horse dilemma. I personally would get the best horse for your daughter, whichever one that may be. If you can't find a horse that would suit both your skill sets (and that may not be the case) you can always take lessons or lease. I would not try to have her ride a horse that would make her nervous. Some kids just aren't up for that kind of challenge & it can lead to confidence issues.
              "We're still right, they're still wrong" James Carville


              • #8
                Both my sons event, pony club - showing jumping and Prince philip games - both are national champion ppg riders.

                I show national dressage and breed and show sport horses. It is a family affair - - when the boys show I groom and when I show the boys help with whatever needs to be done.

                Now that their eventing is really talking off we have quit pony club so that will take some of the pressure off.

                My husband also has a horse and we go on a lot of family hacks.

                I gave up horses 20 yrs ago to get married and have a family. In 2004 we got into horses and have not looked back.

                We all work the farm and all look after the horses.


                • #9
                  you both CAN do it if

                  anything is possible in life if you are willing to make choices. nothing lasts forever and life is too short to look back and say ' i should have....' i was a single working mom for many years and luckily had a horse crazy daughter who shared my passion for showing. i gave up many other things to keep the horses and it was a magical time for us!
                  we each had a show horse and for a while even competed in the same division, i recall other show moms at our barn making snide comments about it. maybe if i had other kids or husband and household it would have been selfish since it was ALL we did for years.
                  today daughter is grown up and moved on but we both still show my horses every summer when she visits!
                  soon you may be able to find a nice horse to share. good luck and enjoy your mom-daughter bonding.
                  track trash
                  resources for recycled racehorses


                  • #10
                    My youngest daughters riding direction took us into a whole new world of horses which I look back upon with fond memories. Since hubba doesn't "do" horse's it meant my riding interest was put on hold so I could haul her around- Youth Rodoe and Rodeo Queening- and help her with her horses. I don't regret it one moment.

                    We emptynested last year and I have more than made up for the 5 years where my interest was not the focus. In fact, kiddo is thinking she'll join me out on the hunt field later this week.


                    • #11
                      My 15 year-old daughter and I both ride. However, we can only afford one horse. Our first mare ended up not working out for my daughter, and so we found a great local home for her. We shopped long and hard for the horse we now have. She is a bit small for me, but is such a great fit in so many ways for us that size was an easy compromise. I wish I had my own horse so I could ride more frequently and ride with my daughter, but I do get a lot of enjoyment watching my daughter ride. And when boys and college come in to play, I'll get my time with the horse!


                      • #12
                        After 8 YEARS of trying

                        We were finally able to have another child - our Daughter.

                        We had been told we could have no more than our one beloved Son. We built an indoor arena and went deeply into debt so that I could expand my business. Within a year our DD was born!

                        For her first tender year I continued the frenzied pace of a full time show horse trainer - then I hit the proverbial wall HARD! Everything I had spent my adult life on was in the balance. In the end the desire to be a better parent won out. I cleared my barn of over bearing under appreciative clientèle and settled into a more genteel life as a BO with a less demanding crowd.

                        I sacrificed my show ring ambitions for that of motherhood and I have never been sorry. I was "somebody" in the horse show world. Now I am a parent first and foremost.

                        DD shows, but as a "can chaser". How on earth I could have raised a can chaser is beyond me!

                        I have a pretty nice horse. He is more talented than I have time for. DD's rodeo's take priority over my own show time. I do not "train" her or her horses, I have to hire someone for that as I have no expertise to share. In fact I have been considering selling him as he deserves more than the pittance of time I give him.

                        Would I be sad? No! Being a parent is a completely and joyfully selfless act! I do indeed live through her and my love of horses lives on in her! Within just a few years she will be away at college and out of her youth division and there will be time enough for me to make my way back to the show pen! For now i am content to be her "step and fetch it" "haul me here and pay there" Horse Show MOM!
                        "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there"


                        • #13
                          I have two girls, ages 11 and 13, both of whom are very horsey and do Pony Club. Yes, it's definitely cut into the time/money for me to pursue horses.

                          I don't mind so much. My girls are having fun, and we share this hobby together. I figure it's payback for all the weekends my father happily took me to horse shows, and for all the sacrifices I know my parents made so that I could ride and show.

                          Yes, we are parents, and yes, we are supposed to be selfless, but it's all about keeping balance --- and caring for ourselves so we don't feel depleted. When I found myself feeling angry inside that my riding was taking a backseat to being a horse show mom, I snapped out of it, and told my girls that the next show would be ME showing and them helping. Know what? They LOVED it, and another great tradition was born. In this photo, one of my favorites, you can see their happiness at helping mom:


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Starda01 View Post
                            So the person with whom I was talking said to me, well, when you decided to have kids, you gave up all your rights.

                            Now, I'm in my 50's and even though I'm not a youngster, I still have my dreams, a bit tattered, but they still exist. So I wondered how many of you are mothers who ride with kids who ride and how much of your horsey dreams have you put off in order for your child to pursue his/her horsey dreams? Or even other dreams?
                            NO, NO, a thousand times DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.

                            I sincerely believe that it is GOOD for kids when their parents have their own 'thing'. Even if it happens to be the same 'thing'. This shows your kid(s) that you should ALWAYS persue your goals. This is a positive thing, becuase it will ENABLE them by your example. So, there may not be the money to do it a certain way. There is always a way.

                            I say this for this reason: I have a friend who has a child with CP. This child is 12 years old, and has all the things she needs to develop to her fullest potential. Talk about a stressful parenting situation!! My friend rides, it is her "thing". She NEEDS this in her life.
                            A month ago my daughter was born. She is absolutely perfect in every way. She, however, has Down Symdrome. Big shock to all us, but we are coping and will be better for it (it is not the worst thing in the world!!) Anyway, I KNOW I need to give my daughter everything I can, to help her develop. And I will. I most certainly will. But I also know I do not need to give up on my dreams where it somes to horses. I will make it work. You can too!!!
                            I beg you please, please, please NOT to give up on your dreams, it will be like giving up on yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, not ones like the one who gave you that crappy advise.

                            Oh, by the way, I have to also tell you my Mom, at 67, took her first lesson 2 months ago. She loves it. It is never too late, you are never too old
                            Used to be "mygenie"



                            • #15
                              My mom was a re-rider and started riding again when I started lessons (at age 8 - the only age I was allowed to start, since that is when she started as a kid). By age 9 I had a pony and within a few months she had a horse. Granted, my pony was not a fancy or expensive one and her horse cost $1. I worked my way through a medium pony, large pony, and onto a horse until about age 15 - doing the hunters on the schooling and B circuit. My mom showed the occasional dressage show (1-2 a year) and taught (and still teaches) in the school at that barn. I am not sure if she only did 1-2 shows a year because thats all she WANTED to do, or because she was putting her own riding on the backburner for me. At about age 15 she retired her mare and coboarded a few horses while I showed full fledged in the Childrens Hunters, Junior Hunters and spent a few winters at WEF (though I was a working student while down there too).

                              When I was in college, she took over my hunter and turned him into a dressage superstar. I rode occasionally but the last few summers have been for her to focus on her riding and showing. I go to all of her shows and help out and am her moral supporter and cheering section, like she was for me for so many years. They bought me a 3 year old when I graduated last year, so this coming summer will be the first in awhile that we will show together again (though at different venues, and my horse on my dime...growing up is hard to do, lol).

                              Having a horsey mother has been hands down THE BEST thing that has ever happened to me. She is and always has been one of my best friends. I never went through the "I-hate-my-parents" or "I-love-boys-more-than-horses" teenage years. I am so so blessed to have a mother and friend in one that I share such a big passion and part of my life with. Even though we aren't at the same barn and ride different disciplines, we are each others' biggest fans. And because she rides dressage and has taught the lower level hunters for 15 years, it is GREAT having her as an extra set of eyes on the ground, though she has never been my official coach - which, IMO was a big reason in why we got along so well.

                              I am also lucky in that my dad is very supportive as well and has been the financial backer for most of it. He doesn't ride but is happy to come watch a horse show or clinic and video tape and hold the water bottle, especially if there is a round of golf in it for him after.


                              • #16
                                I had a plan when I bought my mare as a yearling.
                                I was going to show a lot again.
                                I slowed down a bit when my kids were born.
                                And then, the most wonderful thing happened - my 6 y/o daughter started wanting to ride.
                                I decided to sell my training project show quality but not trustworthy mare and buy something easier going, so I can still ride but can focus on my daughter.
                                We are leasing her the perfect pony and we haul to my trainer for weekly lessons (unless its too cold ).
                                We trailer to the parks and hack together - thus my wanting a horse partner I can trust instead of worry about.

                                On the outside, I am very nonchalant about my daughter's interest in riding, but inside I am WOHOOOOO!


                                • #17
                                  My youngest daughter and I are both horse crazy. I got her a pony about 3 years ago when I realized I had 2 horses and a pony and nothing she could ride. We now have 2 horses (one for each of us) and 2 ponies. Sharing my love for horses with her has been the very best. I don't care about showing for myself. The only shows she does for now are 4-H shows. The annual 3 day 4-H show is now our annual summer vacation. I couldn't think of a better one.

                                  I do agree that you have to think about your children in every decision you make, but that doesn't mean that you have to give up the things that give you joy. In our case, we (mostly me) work weekends at the barn where she rides to help support our two horses. I fully expect this summer that she will clean stalls daily to help support her horse.

                                  "The captive bolt is not a proper tool for slaughter of equids they regain consciousness 30 seconds after being struck fully aware they are being vivisected." Dr Friedlander DVM & frmr Chief USDA Insp


                                  • #18
                                    One of my greatest pleasures as a Mom has been to raise two daughters through Pony Club, through University and into successful careers, people who are happy and well adjusted. However, that being said, they took my good horses, they showed and had ponies (we have the land) and I loved being the horsey Mom. However, my hunting was put on hold, eventing likewise, the young horse took time, etc. and now I am just a happy recreational rider. I have no real regrets, and achieved all I wanted so do not look back with regret AT ALL.

                                    But --- time went on, I grew older, I had less energy, lost some of my fitness and reaction time, took some falls, got injured, blah, blah, blah. I have a young horse to bring on, and a foal after that, but sometimes I think it is a bit beyond my ambition or ability to stick to a program.

                                    What the OP is needing to address, is that she still does have ambitions, and I believe if that is the case she should give them a go before time runs out. It is just that much harder to start over than keep on going. If you are a goal oriented person, it is hard not to be on a program and making progress. Nothing worse than regret --- if only I had done this or that in my life ...

                                    So many daughters ride, cost a fortune, and then go on to chase boys. Perhaps you could find the perfect horse you could both ride. Money only goes so far. If she truly has the horse sickness badly, she and you will find a way. Nothing more fun than riding together, very bonding!
                                    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by Starda01 View Post
                                      INow, I'm in my 50's and even though I'm not a youngster, I still have my dreams, a bit tattered, but they still exist. So I wondered how many of you are mothers who ride with kids who ride and how much of your horsey dreams have you put off in order for your child to pursue his/her horsey dreams? Or even other dreams?

                                      There needs to be balance in all things. They are only little children in our care for a short portion of our lives, so it is natural and right that we focus on them and put them first. But it is bad for them - and bad parenting on our part - if we raise them to believe that they are the center of the universe.

                                      Of course, the "best" answer is for both of you to have horses and ride together. But it sounds like you have determined that for your personal situation, you can only have one horse. In that case, I agree that it would be dangerous to put her on a horse that was wrong for her. The next "best" solution would be to find the horse that is perfect for both of you. However, this is not a perfect world and if you have to choose, at this point I agree it is appropriate to have the correct horse for your daughter.

                                      It needs to be clearly communicated to everyone in the family that you are making a conscious family choice to do this, and that if she ever loses the desire to show competitively at this level that she needs to let you know right away. You will not be at all upset with her - you do not want her to ever feel that she has to keep going to achieve your dreams: kids do pick up on this - but if that time comes, it will be your turn to show and she can ride casually, help out, or just be your cheering section.

                                      She is 13. You are looking at a maximum of 5 years, which is not an impossible wait (60 is the new 35, right? I know I'm counting on it ) . As she gets older she should be able to take over more of the financial burden each year, which should allow you to increase your riding and then to start showing again.

                                      My daughter is now 16. Her horse addiction as a younger rider is what got me back into horses in the first place. We did buy her a nice show horse several years before I got my youngster. But she has now decided that competing is not any fun for her, and that's fine with us. Riding and showing are still family activities; the focus has just changed.

                                      And at least you still get some horsey fix; getting to be around the barn was a big help for me even before I was able to get my own horse. It would be worse if her passion was for some other sport or activity that ate up all your spare $ and time AND kept you away from the barn altogether.
                                      Incredible Invisible


                                      • #20
                                        My mom started riding lessons with me when I was 7 or 8 years old. She had always wanted to ride as well, so we did it together.

                                        I got the first horse--a going children's hunter (though not an expensive horse by any means)--when I was 9. We sold him to pay for my project horse (who became my junior jumper/grand prix horse) when I was 11. While I was working through the levels on my horse, my mom had a whole string of <$1000 horses. Some were great schoolmasters, some were totally-inappropriate-for-a-timid-amateur horses. She would never say it in front of me, but I can say that she definitely got the short end of the stick while I was still home and riding.

                                        The flip side of it came when I went off to college. We took my cheap project horse and sold him in the high five figures (which paid for a big part of my college) and a partial trade for a REALLY nice winning adult amateur hunter. She showed him for 5ish years before he was diagnosed with cushings and then foundered. But she was able to buy another REALLY nice horse with the insurance money from the first and showed her for another 8 or 9 years before quitting.

                                        Anyhow, my point is that she focused on the riding time that we had together rather than aggressively pursuing her goals while I was a kid (and I ALWAYS came first....not sure I would have been okay with that if I'd realized it at the time). Then went back to her goals when I headed off to school. I wish I had been less of a shit and realized how valuable that time was. She quit riding a couple of years ago and though she still comes out to help me at shows occasionally, I hugely miss having her there showing with me.

                                        With all of that being said, the person who said that to you was tactless and rude. Your priorities are obviously different when you have a kid, but you certainly don't have to give up everything.
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