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Moms Who Ride with Daughters Who Ride

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  • #41
    Thanks flea

    I am truly sorry if I sounded rude. I did not mean to sound that way and, in fact, do not see it. However, thank you for actually responding to a question I have asked SO many people. I have never had anyone give an answer before (lol). They usually just roll their eyes, so I have always been mistified (sp?) by this choice. But you have explained your feelings in a way that I can understand (well, sort of, it certainly does not change my mind). So thank you.
    I guess it's just really hard for me to read threads like this and not think - well you don't have to be in this situation if you don't want to.

    Comment


    • #42
      Originally posted by BeastieSlave View Post
      I have two daughters who ride. A few years ago my riding sort of took a backseat and being horse show mom took priority. That happened about the same time they stopped sharing the pony and each needed a spot in the 2-horse trailer to get to shows. There wasn't room for my beastie anymore Seriously, it was just too hard and expensive for me to try to be serious about riding too.

      I've been a few years without a riding horse I call my own. I do, however have a very nice youngster that should be under saddle as my #2 kid finishes high school. I'm just biding my time until IT'S ALL ABOUT ME again.....
      Yup, just wait for empty nester time. I have two daughters and when we got back into horses we did pony club, 4-h, also sheep 4-h then FFA. The first horse we bought after long hiatus was supposed to be for me and to share. My oldest daughter "stole" him from me. Eventually I got a horse just for me, but even that one had to do double duty in pony club. That horse really wasn't what I wanted to ride, but it jumped for the kids.

      Over time, I got my arab gelding, he's almost 25 now. We still have the youngest daughter's horse, he's 28ish. My main horse is all MINE. A fjordX that I do everything on from dressage to working cattle.

      My girls are now 22 and 25. Both graduated from college and the oldest is married.

      It will come...

      Comment


      • #43
        I have never been a pony fan. They are cute and all that but they come it two types in my experience.
        1. evil rotten little bastards
        2. insanely expensive because they aren't evil rotten little bastards

        My daughter and I share a 16.1 hand TB. When she started showing him her legs didn't even come below the saddle pad. She took him to pony club camp and he was the star of the show, towering above all the ponies in the drill team routine. Both of us have competed in and won our first events and she won the pony club dressage regional rally on him twice.
        Sharing was the perfect solution for us, I see no reason why either should have to give up their passion for the other.
        McDowell Racing Stables

        Home Away From Home

        Comment


        • #44
          One other thing...it was never a competition between me and the girls with the horses. I loved every moment of being a horse mom, 4-h leader and even birthing the lambs. That time with our kids was priceless, for them, and for us.

          Neither girl is gung ho over horses, but they are patient with me. Both are very good riders and enjoy the horses we have, but it isn't their passion. That is ok.

          I love the horses and my hubby is patient. He hunts and fishes, we do all kinds of things together, but he understands the horse thing.

          Comment


          • #45
            Originally posted by Bearhunter View Post
            My story is a bit different. My mother grew up riding. She always had horses as a child but quit riding when she got married. When I was about six, she decided to pick it up again. She bought several fancy show horses and I remember how amazing I thought these horses were as a child. I would accompany her to the barn every weekend. I was completely horse crazy but aside from a few sporadic lessons, my mother refused to indulge my passion. The horses were only for her. Now as an adult (with children of my own; twin boys who have no interest in horses whatsoever), my horse habit is very important to me. Perhaps I am making up for lost time.
            That's sad. Did it make you resent your mother? I can't imagine not wanting to share something I love to do with my child. My daughter vacillates between being interested in horses, then tennis, then dog training (she wants to do those agility tests with her dog) back to horses. She recently started taking lessons again, so we'll see if we're going to be back looking for a horse for her. She's really in love with this Haflinger at our barn.

            I guess it's a balance you have to find.

            Comment


            • #46
              Miss T...yes, I guess your post really didn't have a rude side after I read it again...sorry. Must have been reading something into it that wasn't there. Oh, and one good thing abour raising a horsewoman, she can ride the bad ones for you as you get older! My mare has some kind of hormonal problem and is wonderful most of the year but in Dec/Jan/Feb she wants to buck me off and hurt me. She is ready for the spring eventing season by March but the winter schoolings are not fun. So it is nice to send her to my daughter in January and save my aging bones! As an eventing mom I will admit it was odd to put a crash helmet on your child, put a protective vest on her, attach her blood type to her arm then say have fun as she took off on cross country! I question my parenting skills but we sure had fun!

              Comment


              • #47
                Originally posted by Laurierace View Post
                I have never been a pony fan. They are cute and all that but they come it two types in my experience.
                1. evil rotten little bastards
                2. insanely expensive because they aren't evil rotten little bastards
                I couldn't have said it better - we did ponies for about 2.5 seconds - long enough for one to swipe DD out of the saddle by running under a tree (obviously that one was under category #1)!!

                When she was 11 I got her a 16.3 horse and everyone laughed at me for getting such a big guy for a kid when all of her friends had ponies, but there has never been a horse I could have trusted more to take care of my DD.

                Comment


                • #48
                  Originally posted by Miss T View Post
                  Why, oh why, you choose to have children? Whether you are into horses or not, but especially so then. I never hear people talk about their kids other than to complain about them! I just do not get why anyone would needlessly complicate their life in that way. And, by the way, I am in my 50's, in case you think that I will "grow out" of this way of thinking.
                  Add me to the list of people that thought this was rude. If you re-read the posts prior to yours there was NOT a lot of complaining about having kids, just discussing how to make kids & riding work.

                  I CHOSE to have a child because I wanted to love, nurture & raise another individual to be a productive member of society. It was all I expected it to be (and more!) so I chose to have two more! It's hard work, the hours are long, the pay is non-existent, but the rewards are incomparable. It's certainly not for everyone & those that think it's not for them are probably right. Through parenting, I have become more compassionate, flexible and patient. I have grown quite familiar with the difference between wants & needs. I've become a better person since becoming a parent, but that doesn't mean that it's not a sacrifice at times.
                  "We're still right, they're still wrong" James Carville

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Miss T

                    I thought of something, you know how people will say horses are so much trouble and expensive, why do you want them. Or they will say you always have to worry about the dogs and make arrangments for them if you want to leave town, they are too restricting. But as animal people we know the pleasure we get from them and the relationship with them is worth the downside. Kids are kind of like that but magnified, the pleasure you get out of them outweighs the multitude of trouble they do bring! Of course, you can't board them in a kennel or stable and leave unfortunately! I am waiting to see about grandparenting. I am not aching for a grandchild like other people. But everyone says it is great and an experience unlike any other, so I will see and report back someday!

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      I was so where you are now... buying 'prospects' for me so that I could afford better horses for DD, and it totally wrecked my riding. In hindsight, I would have been better off getting a more suitable horse for myself as she really never was passionate about it. So now, I have a horse that's perfect for DD and too big for me, but I have to ride him because she's away at college, and a green prospect, who is my 'dream horse' that I have a trainer working with. But my riding has suffered badly in the last 10 years.

                      I don't resent it... these are the decisions I made, and DD is a great kid. Just be sure that before you sacrifice your own dreams, that your child is passionate about their riding. Then, I think, its worth it.
                      Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
                      Witherun Farm
                      http://witherun-farm.blogspot.com/

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        Originally posted by chism View Post
                        Add me to the list of people that thought this was rude. If you re-read the posts prior to yours there was NOT a lot of complaining about having kids, just discussing how to make kids & riding work.

                        I CHOSE to have a child because I wanted to love, nurture & raise another individual to be a productive member of society. It was all I expected it to be (and more!) so I chose to have two more! It's hard work, the hours are long, the pay is non-existent, but the rewards are incomparable. It's certainly not for everyone & those that think it's not for them are probably right. Through parenting, I have become more compassionate, flexible and patient. I have grown quite familiar with the difference between wants & needs. I've become a better person since becoming a parent, but that doesn't mean that it's not a sacrifice at times.
                        And to think the only reason I wanted my daughters to get into horses was to keep them out of trouble while growing up. I failed to consider how their experiences with horses will lead them to be better mothers as well.

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by FillySire View Post
                          And to think the only reason I wanted my daughters to get into horses was to keep them out of trouble while growing up. I failed to consider how their experiences with horses will lead them to be better mothers as well.

                          It's funny, substitute horses for parenting & it's pretty much the same gig, except for all the back talk (kids, not horses). Anything that inspires you to put another's needs before your own is character building.
                          I have three girls so I get what you mean. My oldest (now 19)is now in college and never once did I worry about who she was with or what she was doing. She was far too busy with her horse, pony club, events and ice hockey in the winter to have the spare time to get into trouble. Unstructured down-time is the devils work as far as teenagers go. lol My 14 year old on the other hand has been riding since she was 6, but now has a quite active social life and it appears her horse time is over. She's decided quite suddenly that horses are dirty & smelly and she wants to look clean and pretty all the time. I fear I may need to worry more about her. So....Dad, keep those girls in horses as long as you can!
                          "We're still right, they're still wrong" James Carville

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            Originally posted by Bearhunter View Post
                            My story is a bit different. My mother grew up riding. She always had horses as a child but quit riding when she got married. When I was about six, she decided to pick it up again. She bought several fancy show horses and I remember how amazing I thought these horses were as a child. I would accompany her to the barn every weekend. I was completely horse crazy but aside from a few sporadic lessons, my mother refused to indulge my passion. The horses were only for her. Now as an adult (with children of my own; twin boys who have no interest in horses whatsoever), my horse habit is very important to me. Perhaps I am making up for lost time.
                            Wow. I'm hoping that my DD, who is only 3, will share my passion for horses. So far she loves coming to the barn with me and helping me groom them. I'm praying for an excuse to get a pony in a few years...

                            Comment


                            • #54
                              Yeah - it's long..but it is worth the read!

                              First of all - let me say that I am 46 and just now starting to ride sidesaddle. Do not give up on your dreams - EVER!!!

                              Second - I think who has the horse greatly depends on who is more serious...and you have to really look into this before you decide. We could only have 1 show horse and that horse was mine. My daughter rode academy horses. At the point when I wanted to get her her own horse - the price was too far above our budget. Instead, I gave her my show horse for that last year. Another thing to remember is that while you would use the horse for who knows how many years - your daughter is likely to only use hers until she leaves for college.

                              Do not under estimate her abilities either. Maybe at age 13 the horse you are looking at is too much for her, but in a short 2-3 years, she could become a better rider than you...as did my daughter!

                              Someone sent me the most wonderful e-mail today. It started with these lines:
                              To have a horse in your life is a gift. In the matter
                              of a few short years, a horse can teach a young girl
                              courage, if she chooses to grab mane and hang on
                              for dear life. Even the smallest of ponies is
                              mightier than the tallest of girls. To conquer the
                              fear of falling off, having one's toes crushed, or
                              being publicly humiliated at a horse show is
                              an admirable feat for any child. For that, we can be
                              grateful.

                              Horses teach us responsibility. Unlike a bicycle or a
                              computer, a horse needs regular care and most of it
                              requires that you get dirty and smelly and up off the
                              couch. Choosing to leave your cozy kitchen to break
                              the crust of ice off the water buckets is to choose
                              responsibility. When our horses dip their noses and
                              drink heartily; we know we've made the right choice.
                              Learning to care for a horse is both an art and a
                              science. Some are easy keepers, requiring little more
                              than regular turn-out, a flake of hay, and a trough of
                              clean water. Others will test you - you'll struggle to
                              keep them from being too fat or too thin. You'll have
                              their feet shod regularly only to find shoes gone
                              missing. Some are so accident-prone you'll
                              swear they're intentionally finding new ways to
                              injure themselves. .......
                              Julie
                              www.equusvilla.blogspot.com
                              www.ridingaside.blogspot.com
                              www.miniaturecheviot.blogspot.com

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                My mom quit riding as I got more involved.

                                She is the best groom, cheerleader, grounds person, horse manager, you name it that anybody could ask for.

                                I feel guilty though. She's ridden some, but nothing like she used to. I offer to tune up the horses for her to show--she says she doesn't want to. She will get on & we go riding togther, but not as often as I'd like. She's a braider so she's working practically every week May - October. She says she loves watching & being a part of it, but I still feel very guilty. If I hadn't come along, who knows what she could ahve done?
                                "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"

                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  ahhhh no. I could be your mother and the other side of that coin is "who knew I'd love braiding and grooming so much? It's much easier for me to do that than to ride. I would never know the enormous pride of watching my daughter sit her mare if she had not come along".

                                  Hug your mom and tell her how much you love her.....it's worth more than gold to her.

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    Miss T wrote: I never hear people talk about their kids other than to complain about them!

                                    I seldom have anything to complain about with my three. Only one is into the horses but each brings their own joy into my life. In fact, just this last week, as I listened to the three of them hold an adult conversation with intelligent (if not similar) viewpoints I was thinking how proud of them I am. They have all grown up to be kind, supportive, articulate young people.

                                    I had kids because I wanted them, and I am ever so glad I did.

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      Originally posted by FancyFree View Post
                                      That's sad. Did it make you resent your mother? I can't imagine not wanting to share something I love to do with my child. My daughter vacillates between being interested in horses, then tennis, then dog training (she wants to do those agility tests with her dog) back to horses. She recently started taking lessons again, so we'll see if we're going to be back looking for a horse for her. She's really in love with this Haflinger at our barn.

                                      I guess it's a balance you have to find.
                                      I forgot to mention, which I guess is important, that my mother and I did finally share the horses and ride/show together but not until I was almost 30. I don't know if I am resentful about the fact that she kept the horses for herself but it now makes me very protective of my horse time. It would be great if my kids wanted to ride but they have no interest. Yet, I am always awestruck when I hear of moms who give up their dreams of horses so their kids can ride.

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        Ahh "Empty nester" time Yes, I'll be back and in the 50+ divisions then!
                                        "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there"

                                        Comment


                                        • #60
                                          Originally posted by FillySire View Post
                                          Wow! A lot of sacrificing going on out there for your kids. As a father of young daughters who are becoming horsey, I guess I can kiss my boat goodbye.
                                          Yes, you can probably kiss the boat goodbye for awhile. But as I always say, horses are expensive but they're cheaper than drug rehab. No horse will ever try to get your daughter into the back seat of a car. No horse will give her a joint or a vodka shooter. No horse will give her an STD, or lie to her, or cheat on her, or beat her up. If your daughters perform the labor of having horses and have to come up with some of the money to support their horses, they won't have time or energy to get drunk, take drugs, screw around, or succumb to any of the other myriad temptations our culture offers them. They will learn how to sacrifice, defer gratification, work toward a goal, and just generally to be great mothers. Isn't that worth more than any boat?

                                          Comment

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