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Overprotective husband!!!

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  • #21
    Ultimately it's your choice to ride the horses. There's no difference between this situation and a husband/BF choosing to do something they love that puts them at risk. (Race motorcycles. Play hockey.) Hubby's over protectiveness has the same roots of a GF/wife demanding they give it up because it's too dangerous. Hubby should respect your desire to do what you love, with the risks that go with it, and you should make prudent choices on where you take those risks. That's a healthy relationship. Your point about the needle is very valid. You can get seriously hurt stepping out of a bath tub for heaven's sake. Anyone that starts dictating what you can and can't do for safety purposes, is just going to go down the road of more and more constraints and restrictions. Where does it end? Hopefully not in divorce court. Go talk to him and find the root of the issue. Maybe the greenies are too dangerous for you. Maybe he needs to come to grips with horses in general.
    This it be all wot we want in life, wenn peoples dey loff us. ~ Willem

    Comment


    • #22
      I know it hurts him to see me hurt, but if I am willing to take that risk to myself (knowing my limits, of course) then he should just back me and be there for me when I do get injured. All horses have the potential to be dangerous. Period.
      Erm, I'm going to respond to this with someone else's well-spoken point:

      Originally posted by BuddyRoo View Post

      While it's true that one can find a way to get themselves killed by even the most docile horse, it does come down to mitigating risk. Taking unnecessary risks--especially when you are not the only one who may be affected by the consequences--may be fun, but it is also selfish. (IMHO of course.)
      Of course one's spouse should back them and be supportive, within reason. Is your marriage able to handle one partner being brutally injured - say, a quadriplegic? Have the risks been discussed? A tragic injury can take a terrible toll on a marriage, what would you do if your partner couldn't live with the outcome? Can your marriage withstand not only the emotional but the financial aspects of such an injury?

      I'd never say don't ride. I would, however, question the logic of getting on a horse that's known for consistently doing idiotic things and putting folks in the hospital, and if my spouse decided to get on one of those and tell me that I should just back him and support him if he does get hurt, I'd find that pretty damn disrespectful of my feelings - particularly if I'd asked him not to get back on that particular (dangerous) animal.

      There are risks, and then there are really stupid risks.
      ---
      They're small hearts.

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #23
        Originally posted by saultgirl View Post
        I'm pretty suprised at some of the posters calling these horses "crazy", and that they have "real issues"... is it just me or did the OP say the 5 year old was the problem?? It's a freaking BABY for crying out loud -- an inexperienced rider could easily fall and get hurt!
        A note on the fall that lost the spleen: The owner's "trainer" at the time had her in a longe line lesson WITHOUT stirrups OR reins when the horse was three. The "trainer" then cracked the whip at the horse. That "trainer" is obviously NOT in the picture anymore, and is damn lucky she didn't get sued regardless of the "riding is inherently dangerous..." laws in Texas.

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        • #24
          Okay, I have a 2 yo that I want to learn how to put under saddle. Never have done it but willing to give it a whirl. And I'm 29
          So, what did I get? A little standardbred off the track. I KNOW this guy wouldn't hurt a fly. He's fairly small and super sweet. He would much rather hang out with us than the horses. He's broke on the ground and of course to drive. He's not going to the Olympics but he's certainly fun.
          And yup, he's young and stupid.
          Would he ever run me down? Hell no.
          I also have a horse with a lot of baggage. He's great to ride but on the ground, he has absolutely no trust in humans. None, zip. He doesn't particularly liked to pet or coddled. Amish, ya know? Anyway, you would definitely consider him not broke on the ground because of his previous life. I don't think he will ever get over it.
          Would he ever run me down? Hell, no. Never has and won't do it. Runs down the road and won't be caught though.
          So again, dump the 5 yo. Leave that horse to a professional with a lot more experience and is getting paid to get beaten up. Don't ever think an issue like that is a challenge especially when you've just been back in the saddle for 4 years. That's not enough to deal with this tougher nut.
          Even duct tape can't fix stupid

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          • Original Poster

            #25
            Well all, I'm basically in tears realizing I need to give up working with this horse, but I value and respect your opinions. He's not "crazy," he's a youngster. Regardless, my husband had to experience me undergoing surgery for broken bones last fall from, once again, someone else's horse plowing me into a stall gate at a horse show. This was before I had my own horse, and all I had to ride were others'.

            Yes, I have excellent insurance, short- and long-term disability, etc. But, NO he shouldn't have to worry unnecessarily about me injuring myself. And it would KILL him to have something catastrophic happen to me. He'll be around a lot longer than the horses, and I respect his feelings and truly love him.

            I'm sad, but, once again, thank you all for your input. It puts things into perspective.

            Comment


            • #26
              My DH was overprotective and got very scared when we started dating. At the time I was a working student and would ride literally anything. I fell off a lot, never anything bad but I had a lot of bruises and sore limbs.

              It helped to explain the way in which most falls occured and the way that I most usually fell (in detail). I think he had this vision of a horse grabbing me from its back and slamming me to the ground like it was spiking a football. I always went into lots of detail on the jumps, how they fall down (I ride jumpers) and that rotational falls are very rare in my experiences. He made the mistake of watching the HBO thing on eventing accidents and had this whole jumping=twirling horses=dead rider idea in his head.

              He still gets nervous when he watches me jump around anything over 3', but he at least knows that I have worked my way up to it and I am absolutely prepared.

              I think your DH is right to be worried. He is new to this sport, and to be fair you are new to it as well (even if it's a rerun for you). We all know accidents can happen to anyone, but as an adult you have to be able to look at a horse and calculate if it's worth the risk. If it is, then you owe it to your DH to explain it to him so he understands exactly what you are getting in to.

              Comment


              • #27
                Pick & choose which extra ones you ride. I know you are trying to help others, but if they buy these untrained goofy (crazy?) animals, they must of known they were going to need to pay for training somewhere along the line too. Ride the ones that need easy tune-ups (like the cranky 18 YO) & let the "trainers" handle the bigger problems.
                "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"

                Comment


                • #28
                  I don't think you have to "give up"....just retool your plan.

                  It sounds like you're very sad indeed...and getting into very black and white thinking. It doesn't have to be "NO RIDING ANYONE ELSE'S HORSE" vs "RIDE ALL THE NUTTY HORSES"

                  There IS a middle ground. I think if you can find that, you'll both be happier.
                  A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

                  Might be a reason, never an excuse...

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    He's not "crazy," he's a youngster. Regardless, my husband had to experience me undergoing surgery for broken bones last fall from, once again, someone else's horse plowing me into a stall gate at a horse show. This was before I had my own horse, and all I had to ride were others'.
                    I mean this absolutely without snark, but how does that keep happening? Him being a baby just isn't an excuse. A 5 year old horse can very easily learn to not plow people over, and SHOULD know that by now - and it needs to stop. If his beginner owners are exacerbating the problem, they need to be working with a trainer.

                    I'm sorry you're upset. I think all of us have hated realizing that we aren't invincible at some point.
                    ---
                    They're small hearts.

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Sorry to the OP of being saddened to have to give up a youngster....but....the hubby (who loves her) would be devastated if anything serious happened or (heaven forbid)was killed. Not saying to give up what she loves just choose more carefully.

                      Sometimes in life we have to give up things we love for our loved ones...yes it hurts at the time....

                      I asked my hubby (years ago now) to give up his daredevilish motorcycle (think crotchrocket) as I was scared he would kill himself on it. We fought argued cursed at each other...in the end he sold the bike...and guess what...the guy who bought it ended up in the hospital for 3 months because of it...lesson learned.

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        This is kind of ironic... Now if the thread was my husband wants to ride and wants a horse what would the comments be? It's natural for spouses, and significant others to be concerned for the others well being.
                        The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Heh, I guess I understand your husband's point of view. My husband is determined to go sky diving next year, and I'm trying not to freak out about it.

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            Originally posted by Carnelian View Post
                            ... my husband FREAKS out and pronounces that I will never touch that horse again. .
                            Yeah, THAT would go over great with me. I can sort of understand the freaking out part. In my case DH can REQUEST that I do or don't do certain things, but I wasn't raised to let any man dictate what I can and can't do with my life.

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                            • #34
                              The bottom line is (for me at least) I love my horses dearly. But I love my SO more.
                              But more importantly, I RESPECT that love and it's the most important thing in the world to me.
                              No horse is worth risking that.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #35
                                On giving things up...

                                Actually the "term" of the recent horse purchase was that I give up jumping (regardless of the fact that I broke my arm at a dressage show not even on a horse).

                                So I had to break it (no pun intended) to him that a dressage horse with PSG protential was going to be more expensive than an event horse that I could bring up the ranks. I really had no desire to revisit my Prelim days--just wanted to go Novice and Training level.

                                Bottom line: I think I have my PSG potential horse now, and am having a lot of fun working to get there even without the jumping.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by Carnelian View Post
                                  On giving things up...

                                  Actually the "term" of the recent horse purchase was that I give up jumping (regardless of the fact that I broke my arm at a dressage show not even on a horse).
                                  IMHO, I would have stayed single. There should be a reasonable balance between being concerned with another's welfare and taking away what another breathes for, and this is all sounding to be a bit much, at least to me. But, everyone's different.
                                  "And now . . .off to violin-land, where all is sweetness and delicacy and harmony and there are no red-headed clients to vex us with their conundrums."

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    I start a few colts here and there and 'fix' grown horses here and there. I don't deal with either of those pools of horses if I'm home alone. That means he's my audience if and when things get western. And sometimes they do. He hasn't said 'you can't ride THAT horse'...because my first responsibility is to stay in one piece. So I have said that, so he hasn't had to lay down that law. I have a colt here now who is a PRCA bucking prospect, I swear- he bawls, he squalls, he snaps his teeth and his heels. Nice. Real nice LOL. If I don't see ground work make that disappear and be replaced with honest forward responses- he'll go home. I won't ride him. It's not my job to ride 'em all, be anyone's hero. To the best of my ability I need to stay in one piece, AND get to ride babies and fix adult horses.

                                    What's my point? Are you in over your head? Do you know when to quit? Why is this mare who is going well for you, still running over and pancaking you? He may be thinking you are, and he's just worried about your neck. If he's SO concerned that he's ruling you off jumpers...there's something amiss. My SO could never rule me off anything...but then, I'm not putting him in a position where he feels he needs to do so.

                                    PS there is NO excusing a 5 YO running over anyone, EVER. BS that's a baby. Baby my foot. That's a spoiled 1000 lb piece of meat that needs her clock cleaned to clarify people are NOT for running over. That's a 100% lack of respect. Good luck fixing the horse b/c as soon as you turn her back over to her peeps and they let her shoulder into them and allow it- she loses her respect all over again.

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Originally posted by Carnelian View Post
                                      Well all, I'm basically in tears realizing I need to give up working with this horse, but I value and respect your opinions. He's not "crazy," he's a youngster. Regardless, my husband had to experience me undergoing surgery for broken bones last fall from, once again, someone else's horse plowing me into a stall gate at a horse show. This was before I had my own horse, and all I had to ride were others'.

                                      Yes, I have excellent insurance, short- and long-term disability, etc. But, NO he shouldn't have to worry unnecessarily about me injuring myself. And it would KILL him to have something catastrophic happen to me. He'll be around a lot longer than the horses, and I respect his feelings and truly love him.

                                      I'm sad, but, once again, thank you all for your input. It puts things into perspective.

                                      give up- lets get down to bear facts------- your husband loves you get that into your head
                                      2nd your not expreinced enough to bring on these horses
                                      and dont say that you are,as by judging by what you said your not, your also a re rider after having a break either way the lenght of time you have had on a horses back isnt enough to do these horses

                                      3rd your not being apid for such work but are doing it as a favour

                                      so let me say this and its in capitals to get in to your brain
                                      FAVOURS DONT COME CHEAP THEY CAN COST YOUUR LIFE WHEN FUMBLING INTO STUFF THAT YOU DONT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT

                                      you on another thread was looking for lessons------ thats a novice rider
                                      these horses arnt for the novice rider just becuase you can wtc doesnt mean that you can automatically ride or trian horses that need to be reschooled or re habbed
                                      the horses in question ahve given other riders severe injuries theses horses arnt for you nor the owners and if you were a better rider then you should advise them to sell or get them send to a proper trained of whomes qualifed and expreince in working with horses with issues
                                      they should nto have been sold these horses as all of you are novices

                                      so listen to your husband before you end up in awheelchair for life

                                      enjoy your own horse only

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        OK, maybe there is solution possible. In our case I'm the overprotective one and still somehow frightened of the horses. OK, not frightened, but I know that even the best, calmest horse can create an accident, and each time when DH is alone with horses, I WORRY.

                                        I'm still a novice with horses, it is not even a year when I touched the horse for the first time, and I do WORRY (DH is former racer - bikes, cars, died twice, had been paralysed for half year, has no bone in his body that has not been broken at least once, and he is nearly 57, so I presume I do have some reasons to worry).

                                        So we made agreement that we always do things together with horses - so if something happens, other is there for help. And it works - he rides, I look, I clean, he looks, we feed, water, brush - always together, and it gives me that needed peace and safety feeling. We are not bad team (all our horses except one are nice, sweet, and quite well trained).

                                        So maybe in your case doing things together would give your DH that safety feeling if he is with you when you are around horses. Or at least convice him that you are never alone, that there is always somebody who would give you help if needed.

                                        Invite him for example to take pictures - he will be with you and busy with camera, thinking about best shots, and thus - not so worried about you.

                                        And about dangerous horses - others had said it very well already.
                                        ** I LOVE PUIKA FAN CLUB*** member

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by katarine View Post
                                          PS there is NO excusing a 5 YO running over anyone, EVER. BS that's a baby. Baby my foot. That's a spoiled 1000 lb piece of meat that needs her clock cleaned to clarify people are NOT for running over. That's a 100% lack of respect. Good luck fixing the horse b/c as soon as you turn her back over to her peeps and they let her shoulder into them and allow it- she loses her respect all over again.
                                          Well said!
                                          This it be all wot we want in life, wenn peoples dey loff us. ~ Willem

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