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Talk me down!!!! LOL

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  • #1

    Talk me down!!!! LOL

    I know this is dumb for coming to the enablers of CoTH but I just need to vent and toss ideas out to like minded folk....aka not my very smart and awesome BF, who makes total sense but really isn't helping my horsie addiction....

    I have been leasing my boy for a year, he is 95% what I want in my future horse.
    He has been moved to a new location and no longer up for lease...I was given 1 mth notice, but with no contract I had no leg to stand on, and I do not ever burn bridges in the horse world (too damn cramped) so I stayed friendly and nice through it all. Owner offered me her fairly young, did have prof training at one point QH.
    He is a good horse with a lot of bad habits, due to too many young inexperienced riders (IMO) being on him.
    He makes me nervous is what it boiles down to. He had hospitalized one girl from going bucking bronco on her, and she was the best rider he had on him lately, and the last time I rode him he was wired for sound and blowing and head higher then my shoulders the whole way..spooked a couple times too...just did not enjoy the ride.at.all

    So long story short..........I have been looking on sale/lease sights for my next long term lease...or possible sale

    I would off property lease at my barn as I love the people, location, facility, everything!! I would bring my own hay as I don't like their hay as much as another friends hay (who I would buy from) and its part co-board (everyone has their day to do all chores, in exchange your boards cheap as hell)

    My dilemma is my BF says we should wait the 1-2yrs until we buy our own farm, then we can get the heart horses we want and keep them at home. In the mean time, I should go back to weekly lessons so I don't lose my skill.

    I like lesson as much as the next person, but I loved leasing as I could go out whenever I wanted. Not once a week at a schedued time, rain or shine. and sometimes I just want to walk...for a long time...sight seeing....you can't get that with lessons (at least I don't think)

    So the BM offered me a stall for leasing if I brought a horse in, but the window for holding the stall is end of August.

    So do I do the sensible thing and wait until I have my own barn, or look for a off property lease at my barn.....

    The other thing weighing on me is the fact my BF and I don't live together yet....when we do that will open a bit of $$ to go towards saving for a horse or outright purchasing it.

    And what if I lease a horse and its perfect fit....and its gets pulled out from under me again??
    Or looking on the positive side, if I lease a horse for a while, then we get the farm...maybe the owner will sell me the horse and I would be reassured that this guy/gal is the horse for me as I already know it....

    UGGGGGGG! too many variables and I am stressing out!!!

    So more of a rant then question, but what would you do??
    if you havent fallen off a horse….then you havent been ridin long enough
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Well.... to start, if you aren't sure what you want or need to do, then don't do anything just yet. Sometimes sitting on a question will present the answer.

    Your situation sounds frustrating. When I'm having a horsey related problem, as much as my hubbie means well, his opinions/advice are not usually the answer that I need. He just isn't a horse guy. He doesn't always get it.

    Keep us posted on how things go though.

    Also, I can sort of related with the horse frustrations. I had a perfect guy. My perfect guy. Lost him to his high demand as a lesson horse. Moved on to a very green 12yo. It took me a long time to get past the bitterness. I didn't get over the bitterness until we started having some good rides, until she started *enjoying* the work. I almost left my trainer/situation entirely. We still have hard rides. I still doubt if I'll ever get to a point where we will show. I don't know. This thread is for your problems, not mine. I guess I'm just trying to say that I can kind of relate. good luck with things.
    "I am but a passenger on this ship"
    -- Stendal (epitaph)

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    • #3
      Are you sure you even want your own farm? Sounds like you have a good deal now, AND friends to ride with. I found riding at home lonely and I would sometimes worry about riding a silly horse if there was nobody around.

      I guess I would look at either a lease or purchase now and see what comes up.
      Freeing worms from cans everywhere!

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      • #4
        You were leasing already, don't know why that would be a problem to continue but maybe I am missing something. If you want to start off on the right foot with your BF, who, I assume, once you move in together you may want to get married or I am just old, old school? If you do, (want to get married possibly), take into consideration the other half's concerns re: money. Can you find a situation with someone who is willing to take that board spot but who needs you to ride regularly, maybe someone who needs their horse in a better spot, or needs to be brought back into condition? You have time, much better to have respect for his wishes as well as yours, especially as it sounds like he wants to have a farm and horses also so is at least on the same page.
        "We, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit." JFK

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        • #5
          Originally posted by jessiesgrrl View Post
          He has been moved to a new location and no longer up for lease...I was given 1 mth notice, but with no contract I had no leg to stand on, and I do not ever burn bridges in the horse world (too damn cramped) so I stayed friendly and nice through it all. Owner offered me her fairly young, did have prof training at one point QH.
          Originally posted by emipou View Post
          Lost him to his high demand as a lesson horse. It took me a long time to get past the bitterness. I didn't get over the bitterness until we started having some good rides, until she started *enjoying* the work.
          I don't understand at all why lessees find it hard to stay friendly and/or feel bitterness when the owners want to move their horse or want to use them in another manner?

          If I were a lessee I would be happy to have had the chance to ride the horse and thank the owner.

          What's up with the sense of entitlement, difficulty in not burning bridges and bitterness?

          Reading these posts assures me that I would never want to lease out any of our fully trained horses if this is how it ends when we want our horse back even with notice.

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          • Original Poster
            #6
            Macimage, I do not feel entitled nor bitterness (that was another poster feeling in their specific situation) it just wasn't expected.
            There were a lot of other issues that came up with the owner and the BM, but that has nothing to do with this specific topic, so I won't get into it.

            It just wasn't expected as we had discussed riding the horse all summer long, and what to work on through the fall/winter.

            Calamber, leasing this QH is night and day to the guy I had leased before. He can be dangerous and a handful if not ridden with consistant leg and aids and anticipating his moves before he makes them.
            My old guy I could relax and enjoy and focus on my riding and not have to worry about if he was going to blow (like the QH has done)...its just very different and not exactly what I was planning on for my summer trail rides. Also my old guy was a jumper and this QH is not...we are just working on trotting poles.

            I will be patient and wait....just keep my ears open and eyes open for when opportunity knocks

            Thanks everyone
            if you havent fallen off a horse….then you havent been ridin long enough

            Comment

            • #7
              When in doubt, don't. There's doubt over each scenario you listed, so wait.

              Also, while you may think BF is THE ONE, I've seen way too many go south after buying the house/farm together and then it's really really bad. Wait.
              <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by jessiesgrrl View Post
                Owner offered me her fairly young, did have prof training at one point QH.
                He is a good horse with a lot of bad habits, due to too many young inexperienced riders (IMO) being on him.
                He makes me nervous is what it boiles down to. He had hospitalized one girl from going bucking bronco on her, and she was the best rider he had on him lately, and the last time I rode him he was wired for sound and blowing and head higher then my shoulders the whole way..spooked a couple times too...just did not enjoy the ride.at.all
                Owner needs to pay a professional to put some miles on this horse - at the least, you should be paying no lease fee & owner should be responsible for a good portion of the costs associated with this horse ... as I doubt this is going to happen, just STOP RIDING this horse - even if you have excellent medical coverage, it's not worth the time & injury (which may have longterm residual effects).

                It sounds as if you don't have the skills to get this horse down & relaxed AND it sounds like it's not a ride you enjoy, so why are you riding this horse



                My dilemma is my BF says we should wait the 1-2yrs until we buy our own farm, then we can get the heart horses we want and keep them at home. In the mean time, I should go back to weekly lessons so I don't lose my skill.
                I don't know what fees you are paying out for your lease vs lessons, but there is really no comparison between riding less than 4 hours a month vs daily horse time - as you are neither living together nor engaged, I'd not weight this opinion too heavily ... consider why your BF is asking you to give up something you love, to change something that you do daily into something that you do once a week - would you ask him to do the same?

                (I like your BM more than your BF at this point )

                And what if I lease a horse and its perfect fit....and its gets pulled out from under me again??
                This is always a consideration when leasing but there are also many advantages, do you have horsie friends to talk with?

                Comment

                • #9
                  All I know is that 1-2 years is an awful long time to put something you clearly love so much on hold. And, that's IF it happens. It may not - what if it becomes 3-4 years? The longer you have to wait, the more you may resent BF's idea.

                  When my BF and I were still in the dating, but not living together phase, we ran ideas by each other, but ultimately b/c we weren't financially together yet (as in housing costs, paychecks, bills, savings, etc.), if I wanted to lease a horse, I could go do it. Now, it's a decision we both have input on and we have to honor how the other feels (dammit too, b/c I really want a new car lol).

                  Stop stressing about what you can't change and focus on what you can. Yes, you could lease again and the owner could sell the horse, but think of what you learn on that horse and the relationship you have with him/her and it will all make you a better rider. After the normal sadness of leaving said horse of course. I'm thinking of getting a new coach right now, but I LOVE my lesson gelding and really wish he was enough of a reason to stay.

                  Also, really, really hope your BF knows horses are a part of you and will always be there and it's not like, "If I make her wait 1-2 years, maybe it will be long enough for her to 'forget' about it." Horrible, but it happened to a friend of mine. He got kicked out and she bought a horse again lol!

                  Best of luck to ya!

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