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That difficult discussion wiith a rider and family

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  • That difficult discussion wiith a rider and family

    I have a family that began leasing a horse last summer. This fall the dad had his hours cut and they were going to have to stop riding. We worked out a deal where he helped around the barn and the daughter would clean the office, bathroom, tack/feed room, etc. for her rides. The horse would go back on lesson rotation but would be her ride whenever she was in a lesson and she could use her for showing.

    They do not do a lot of shows due to money but have had respectable results and did very well at a state level show in June. At that show due to stalling on concrete the mare was a bit ouchy coming out in the morning. We worked it out, they got a call back and made the finals but the young lady let her cool down to much between the classes and she was stiff when they went back in.

    I have had the mare checked, more than once, it is an age and maintaince issue, nothing major, about like me sitting in a meeting to long.

    That was over a month ago. The girl has not ridden but once before last night in that time. Dad has ridden and did a few things around the barn twice. We have a show today.

    With the show in mind I was frank with the dad last night that if they planned to show she had to ride and hold up her end of the deal, otherwise their performance would suffer and then that makes my program look bad. I do not expect wins all the time but I do expect correct riding in addition to the whole it is not fair to the horse issue.

    This is the third time I have tried to help a family out and it is my last. Each time it seems to go bad. The talk with the dad was positive, we will see how things go from here.

    Just putting this out here to see if I am just lucky or does this type of thing happen to others.

  • #2
    No good deed go unpunished. I found a student a horse to lease, from a pony club family I know. After two months, they are moving horse. If I had leased them something myself, I would still have a boarder. You're welcome.
    www.ncsporthorse.com

    Comment


    • #3
      Tip for any horses stabled on hard impact - mix shavings with straw, it keeps the shavings from shifting around and the mix keeps the flooring covered.

      I always experienced let-downs when I helped people, sadly people seem to equate value with how much they pay for something.
      The cue card kid just held up an empty cue card. For a minute there I thought I had lost my sense of humor. --- Red Skelton

      Comment


      • #4
        I will still try and help people out; it is just my nature. I too feel that in the end they got something and I generally got a headache. The last time I was told "we paid you for everything you did". See, that was the impression the receiver had. Something akin to a spoiled teenager?

        Comment


        • #5
          The trouble many times is the kind of people that needs help may be those that need help because they don't hold their end as well as they should.

          When we help those people, there is a fine line between helping and enabling to keep having someone carry part of the weight for them, which they are good at doing.

          I say, the ones that really will work, not only 100% as they agreed, but 110% are out there and worth helping.
          The rest, once "they show you who they are", better believe them and provide accordingly.

          Don't give up helping the good people that need a bit of help for the turkeys that take advantage of others.

          I would nicely disengage of that situation you have there, but don't get discouraged because this didn't work.
          Who knows, next time it may really help someone that truly could use the help.

          Comment


          • #6
            Did you create an actual work schedule, and a rate? Then on paper at least, so many hours of working equates to so many hours of lesson. Break it down to the 1/4 hour if you need to. In verbal contracts misunderstandings happen when things are not spelled out clearly. Everyone should be able to track where they are - what's due/owing.
            Founding Member: Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Luseride View Post
              otherwise their performance would suffer and then that makes my program look bad.
              I think you have some valid points on the deal that was made and the health of the horse, but to be honest this kind of rankles. In context, it just strikes me as what's in it for you instead of sincerely helping people become better riders and horsemen. All I have to go by is this one post, so hopefully I am wrong.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Beverley View Post
                I think you have some valid points on the deal that was made and the health of the horse, but to be honest this kind of rankles. In context, it just strikes me as what's in it for you instead of sincerely helping people become better riders and horsemen. All I have to go by is this one post, so hopefully I am wrong.
                The OP's business is training students to become better riders and horsepeople.
                If the student isn't training seriously enough but still wants to compete, it is normal for the OP to feel that the quality of her business is at risk. The OP's students represent her and her business.

                The OP is no Mother Theresa and has a business to run. Like it or not, the OP tried to help them as much as she could but there is a limit where the ones she helps neep to step up and do their part of the deal.
                ~ Enjoying some guac and boxed wine at the Blue Saddle inn. ~

                Originally posted by LauraKY
                I'm sorry, but this has "eau de hoarder" smell all over it.
                HORSING mobile training app

                Comment


                • #9
                  Beverly what's in it for her is eating, paying health insurance, going to the dentist, stuff like that. Sheesh.
                  www.ncsporthorse.com

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by shea'smom View Post
                    Beverly what's in it for her is eating, paying health insurance, going to the dentist, stuff like that. Sheesh.
                    Sheesh indeed. I gave an honest and polite statement of an honest reaction to one part of what was posted.

                    The instructors and trainers I've been familiar with over the decades would not give 'makes me look bad' as a reason. It might be a thought, but certainly never verbalized. And yes, they were and are earning their livings, too. As I noted in my post, the OP did have plenty of valid reasons. If I were looking for a professional to hire, a statement like that would be a turnoff to me. Just My Opinion. Carry on...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hmm. Every time I show, I know that I am a representative for my trainer's program.
                      pace, path, balance, impulsion and ??

                      Don't panic! Ralph Leroy Hill

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I think that everyone here is right, trainers need to have students that follow their programs.
                        If not, why spend that money with that trainer and why expect the trainer to take money to teach and support a student that is not doing their part?

                        Both are not getting back from what they put into their partnership.

                        First, here it seems that the problem was the student was not putting in the effort and with a horse with special needs that demand that is so.

                        Second, by not doing so, it was not fair to anyone to expect to come in once a blue moon and expect to represent well the care and training the whole stable is known for, with a student and horse that were not prepared to show.

                        How important should that be?
                        I expect that would depend how bad the non-compliance was, something we don't know, although that seems to have been seriously missing.
                        Questioning that as some did was appropriate here, as it is part of all that needs to be considered in those situations.

                        The more ideas bounced around, the more aware and so better everyone can manage, I think.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I don't think it ever works in the long run to keep the family in the program when they no longer think they can afford it. Maybe an older teen or adult on an individual basis, but I think when a family is talking about getting out it's better to just let them go. I've seen it when my trainer has bent over backwards so the kid can keep riding but it's the parents that still have to drive the kid there and do barn work - a lot of times they are at the point where they stay in the program but they don't really, deep down, want to - they could rather stop the riding expense altogether and that includes even driving to the lessons. I think it's a mental thing where they need to just cut out certain things completely in order to regroup, reorient, get a new budget set up.

                          I recall my trainer doing this a couple of times and can't ever recall it working out splendidly. OK ish for some but eventually they all moved on.
                          Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                          Incredible Invisible

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Have you asked the father or the girl why she hasn't been riding as much lately? Maybe something has come up , illness, other activities, etc.
                            I'm a second hand Vegan. Cows eat grass. I eat cows.

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Originally posted by shea'smom View Post
                              No good deed go unpunished. I found a student a horse to lease, from a pony club family I know. After two months, they are moving horse. If I had leased them something myself, I would still have a boarder. You're welcome.

                              I have that happen also but I always figure they might have just moved on from my lease too.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #16
                                Originally posted by high hat View Post
                                I will still try and help people out; it is just my nature. I too feel that in the end they got something and I generally got a headache. The last time I was told "we paid you for everything you did". See, that was the impression the receiver had. Something akin to a spoiled teenager?
                                The dad and I talked again at the show yesterday and we are on a much better footing. I am glad I said something and did not let it just go.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by Bluey View Post
                                  The trouble many times is the kind of people that needs help may be those that need help because they don't hold their end as well as they should.

                                  When we help those people, there is a fine line between helping and enabling to keep having someone carry part of the weight for them, which they are good at doing.

                                  I say, the ones that really will work, not only 100% as they agreed, but 110% are out there and worth helping.
                                  The rest, once "they show you who they are", better believe them and provide accordingly.

                                  Don't give up helping the good people that need a bit of help for the turkeys that take advantage of others.

                                  I would nicely disengage of that situation you have there, but don't get discouraged because this didn't work.
                                  Who knows, next time it may really help someone that truly could use the help.
                                  I will still help, just not to the degree of working off a lease. I do have a young man that works off lessons and he is a gem! When I go out of town I pay him to feed and clean stalls with no qualms as he is that reliable.

                                  He graduated high school this year and for his gift I paid his entry fees at a youth show where he won reserve for the day which had a scholarship as the prize.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Sparrowette View Post
                                    Did you create an actual work schedule, and a rate? Then on paper at least, so many hours of working equates to so many hours of lesson. Break it down to the 1/4 hour if you need to. In verbal contracts misunderstandings happen when things are not spelled out clearly. Everyone should be able to track where they are - what's due/owing.
                                    Yes, one hour of riding for two hours of work and that has been pretty good. It was more of the wanting to show without riding thing that got me.

                                    I also found out yesterday there is another person that is putting ideas in the mama's head about a very inappropriate running horse for the girl to ride. Things are becoming clearer.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Luseride, there is a star for you in Heaven. The world needs more people like you.

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by Beverley View Post
                                        I think you have some valid points on the deal that was made and the health of the horse, but to be honest this kind of rankles. In context, it just strikes me as what's in it for you instead of sincerely helping people become better riders and horsemen. All I have to go by is this one post, so hopefully I am wrong.
                                        You would be incorrect on that point. I let the riders set their goals and her goal was to show. Other riders in my program just want to be able to trot bareback and we work towards that goal.

                                        Part of being a better rider and horseperson is to take care of your horse in all ways and that IS a reflection on my program. Sloppy riding is bad for my business but even worse for the horse.

                                        Comment

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