Am I losing my love for horses????? :-(

[JanWeber]

You sound depressed - losing interest in things that were once vitally important to you (and not replacing them with another interest) is a prime symptom. Is school challenging enough? Were your grades good enough to get in somewhere else? If not, perhaps the thing to do is to work hard and transfer somewhere more suitable. Do you have any life goals? If you were my duaghter (who IS a freshman in college and has her horse and my car up there), I'd tell you to send the horse home and have your trainer (somebody who knows the horse and doesn't have to deal with everything you have to deal with right now) find a lease situation so that the horse is in work and you can focu on regaining your perspective. Go NOW to your school's Student Health Services Department and tell them what's going on in your life. They won't judge you - they will help you. And if you don't get some help, it'll be a longer road ahead.

[Feenikks]

My best friend was about your age (College Age) when he chose drugs over LIFE... and I mean LIFE .. he was found DEAD in an apartment ... over dosed from coke and heroine... his body fluids drowned his heart...

I used to hit the pipe once in a while .. until my friend died from it. There on out I am so against people ruining or killing their selves all for a little "fun".

I say... GIVE UP YOUR HORSE, TRUCK & TRAILER TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS IT. You, go ahead - stay with the drugs... nothing I say here is going to change your mind but if you do stay with it look back into the archives here on this post (hopefully you will be alive to do so) and read me say "I told you so".

Flame me all you want...

[ProzacPuppy]

Forgot all about acid. Not really addictive but check out a few stoners who did a little too much 20 years ago. Many people never get back to normal once they quit taking acid.

I've got a brilliant brother who took a little too much acid during his ivy league days in the '60s. It has taken him almost 40 years to get his life under control enough that he only just recently became able to support himself, quirkiness and all. And he's an attorney. He gave up the drugs decades ago but the drugs had already done their damage.

Acid will mess up your hard wiring permanently- no joke, no old wive's tale or urban legend. And pot smoke appears to be much more carcinogenic than cigarette smoke.

If you become addicted you will end up doing things for that high that you would never have considered doing otherwise. And if you are lucky, you will live to regret it.

I know that when you are 20 you feel invincible and immortal. You are not. You will end up used up by drugs and die an ugly and lonely death if it doesn't kill you immediately. And your parents will be left to stand at your funeral and wonder what they did wrong and why you never asked them for help.

And I apologize for offending sensitive souls but drugs are ugly and cruel and hurt alot more people than just the drug user.

I have also worked as a drug and alcohol counselor during the '70s. I've seen the worst and heard all the excuses (hell, I once made those excuses when I was young, immortal and wiser than people giving me advice). Now that I'm old, my body is beginning to show the results of youthful excesses in many painful ways, I admit to being clueless and I'm looking down the barrel of my own mortality- I am always willing to try and save someone the painful lessons I learned the hard way.

If you are not trolling, you have gotten plenty of advice here- all that you should seek help. And whether folks admit it or not, alot of the advice comes from first hand experience. Take it or leave it.

You knew before you asked the question what the answer was.

[Feenikks]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Esmee:
omg, i totally went through this same thing and am now looking back on it from the ripe old age of 29.
Except I was 16 when my mom GAVE my beloved horse to the BO because I was suddenly disinterested. I still cry to this day that I was so foolish to be more interested in boys and going out and partying.
I've lived in fun cities, done lots of drugs, gone to lots of parties and for me, err...odd to say this but when I got back into horses it was like finding god. I'm not really religious but the analogy is apt.

It's not true that you only regret things are the things you don't do...it's the things you lose. I can't believe now that I've wasted over ten years of riding, lost the horse I loved more than any guy I've ever been with...current one excepted of course...

not to mention the fact that I'm f*cked careerwise but that's a whole other stupid story relating to not focusing on what is important when I should have. Which is at your age! Seriously. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Esmee - Are you my sister?? Maybe we were in the same part of the world at one time, or was at the same "bash" for a three day rant.. but, the reason for my above post was because Ive been there and see the bad of it all.. now at my ripe old age too.

I do pray for alter but I think your post is strong.

[Sansena]

You sound like so many junkies I've known...

"I've got the world by the balls, but look... I'd rather do this smack..."

pathetic.

[Bogie]

Go directly to the health services department at your college. Do not pass Go. It would be best if you told your parents, but if you do not feel comfortable with that route at this time, at least get some help from your college. Health care professionals at colleges and universities have a lot of experience helping students who are depressed and/or are taking drugs.

Good luck!

[Alagirl]

OK, for the obvious, drugs are bad, thus illigal...You need to deal with it, NOW before you get hurt!

No, I myself never did any drugs, heck I never smoked...BUT I have seen the devistation it can cause to the family members...

A friend of mine is in dire straights because her son was on meth...it just about killed her! Not to mention the factual damage he did in $$$ while strung out, it is virtually killing her, mind and spirit!

Get counseling! Get into treatment! NOW!

[Emryss]

Alternamen2 - I, along with hundreds of people on the board thought about you over the night. I sincerely hope you decided to get help rather than get high after your one post. As a mom, I would die for my kids - no exaggeration. At least go to your folks. After they kill you, they will help.

FrenchFry, most words here have been exceedingly kind and encouraging. Even the ones you might think are "discompassionate and heartless" can be useful - it's called Intervention. Every ex-addict I know knew Drugs were Bad; they knew their lives could be ruined; and they knew rehab was available and that it was hard. None of them say that kind words brought them to rehab - it was being b****-slapped by reality that did. Examples: one left her baby in the snow because she was too stoned and tired to carry it (babe is safely adopted), one nearly died of liver failure, others went to jail, and some died of suicide and/or overdose. All had families and friends who loved them, wanted to help, and were shoved away by the selfishness of the drugs. It was only when they started giving of themselves, and not taking from the kindness of others, that they started making a real recovery to the point that drugs were no longer attractive to them.

I can guarantee no one here wants to see any of that happen to anyone. We cared enough to read the problem, and we cared enough to post. And we care enough to check in for a progress report.

Get help. Give of yourself. The gift you receive in return is amazing.

[Alternamen2]

Thank you guys...a lot to think about. I've considered rehab but get scared by it. Not so much because I'm scared of not being able to quit...I'm actually scared of the stories I've heard of rehab. I've had a few friends go through rehab and each one of them has told me that most of the time its just a place for people to get more drug connects.

I guess i'm also simply afraid of failing at quitting too. I always hear ppl say that you'll quit when your ready and at that point when your ready its easy, but I guess I don't know how to tell if i'm ready or not? I know i'm sick of feeling like I do, so I would think that would constitute being "ready" but for some reason I still feel like quitting all together is almost unrealistic.

Thanks again for your feedback!

[Jasmine]

Bull Manure. It's never easy to quit. That's why they call drugs ADDICTIVE. If it were easy to quit less people would do drugs. If you're asking the question "should I stop?" then you're probably ready to stop.

GET HELP NOW. From a friend or two who don't do drugs, a preacher, anyone. Heck, your parents sound like they love you. Go to them for help. They might be helpful.

Good luck.

[HorseProtectionLeague]

You won't just be able to quit 'when you're ready'- that is saying the same thing as smokers who say, "I can stop whenever I want." It will be incredibly difficult, but I think it is a decision you have to make for your health and the people who love you- and I am sure there are lots of them!

[MSP]

You are not loosing interest in horses you are loosing interest in life. Find out why you are so attracted to drugs and deal with it. When you get your life back in order you will resume the things that gave you joy like horses.

The drugs are not making you happy, they are just an escape!!! You shouldn't need to escape from your own life.

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

don't be fooled by the misconception that when you're "ready" it will be easy to quit. Recovery is never "easy"...it takes work...and in order for it to work, you must be willing. There are different types of "rehab" - in-patient, out-patient, group, individual...the first step is to be evaluated by a professional to see what your specific needs are. Do you need to be de-toxed? If so, that should be done under the care of a doctor, as detoxing can be dangerous on your own.
As for rehab being a place to make more connections, well, hell, you already have connections...just stick with the people who are obviously ready to begin recovery and forget the ones who are there because they are mandated by court, parents, etc.
But definitely seek assistance. You don't have to be living out of a box on the street to hit bottom...get help before you do. VOE, here.

[Alagirl]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Alternamen2:
Thank you guys...a lot to think about. I've considered rehab but get scared by it. Not so much because I'm scared of not being able to quit...I'm actually scared of the stories I've heard of rehab. I've had a few friends go through rehab and each one of them has told me that most of the time its just a place for people to get more drug connects.

I guess i'm also simply afraid of failing at quitting too. I always hear ppl say that you'll quit when your ready and at that point when your ready its easy, but I guess I don't know how to tell if i'm ready or not? I know i'm sick of feeling like I do, so I would think that would constitute being "ready" but for some reason I still feel like quitting all together is almost unrealistic.

Thanks again for your feedback! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


A journey of a million miles starts with a single step!

Off course, put a bunch of addicts in one room and they will share how they get the stuff.

But you have to make the decition in your head that you will get clean and beat this. Much of addiction is ingrained habbits that must be broken, once out of de-tox and rehab and returned to your environment that fueled your habbit you have to battle again. But you can get help for this. From your parents and non0using friends and I stretch the non-using part or all is for nothing, change schools if you have to!

BUT DO IT NOW!!!!! One step in the right direction!

[ProzacPuppy]

What drugs are you doing?

Type of drugs has ALOT of influence on type of rehab, length of rehab etc.

From a parental point of view, I think your parents should know about the situation so that they can help both emotionally and financially (the more you pay, the nicer the rehab center).

[*MCR]

If you have already thought everything throught, and just can't make the decision, what are you asking for our help with? We can't make the decision for you. Obviously, if you have thought it through like you said you have, you know that you are being incredibly selfish and stupid by doing drugs, and that giving up riding would be the only *right* thing to do until you sort things out. There will always be other horses, and it sounds like your parents are very supportive. If you can't decide, give horses up. They will be there if you decide to go back to them.

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

yeah, well the more expensive rehab is not always the BEST rehab...going to a country-club setting should not be the first consideration...

[GreyDawn]

Rehab is NEVER easy. Drugs will not just help you lose interest in your horse. Drugs will help you lose interest in everything and everyone in your life except getting the next "high". AND THOSE FRIENDS WHO DO DRUGS WITH YOU OR SELL YOU DRUGS OR TELL YOU REHAB IS JUST A PLACE TO FIND OUT ABOUT USING MORE DRUGS....ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!! My brother just began a serious attempt to free himself and his life of drugs. He did detox, inpatient counseling and is now very active in Narcotics Anonymous.
He has been clean now for 5 months after a 10 year drug use. He still has a long way to go but the immediate changes are a blessing. He is like a new person and his life is already changing for the better. The wake up call came when my brother realized he was giving up everything and everyone he loved for drugs, going into financial debt and feeling like "crap' all the time physically, spiritually and emotionally and getting nothing positive in return. Thank goodness he did not lose his family or his job which could have become a reality if he had not sought help. You sound like you have so many positives at this point so ask someone, anyone for help NOW. I think you would be surprised how many people are out there that would help you. Just look at the people on this BB who are concerned about you and they don't even know you. As for your horse..you are not losing your love for your horse. You are are not functioning as the person who once rode and loved that horse without mind altering substances and all the depression and other baggage that comes with drug use. Hopefully you will seek help and once again feel your passion for riding again.

[shade]

Your so-called friends that told you that rehab was nothing but a place to find connections ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS..and I suspect are still using. There are many many excerllent rehab's out there that will help you get your life back on track..it's not too late..actually it's never too late but the sooner you start the sooner your life will improve 100%...you are so young..don't throw you life away..it's much too short for that..I know, been there done that..been drug-free for over 25 yrs now..thanks to rehab..

[equest]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Bogie:
Go directly to the health services department at your college. Do not pass Go. It would be best if you told your parents, but if you do not feel comfortable with that route at this time, at least get some help from your college. Health care professionals at colleges and universities have a lot of experience helping students who are depressed and/or are taking drugs.

Good luck! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good advice. This will be a confidential experience and no one will have to be the wiser, not your parents and not your friends. But you will have to turn your back on your drug-abusing friends. Tell them why, and explain to them that you will be there to support them after they decide to clean up.

Drug use may be considered by most people to be some sort of rite-of-passage of the college years, but when someone realizes that the drugs are consuming them, as the OP has apparently realized, it is time to seek help.

I partied during my twenties, not unreasonably, was never "addicted" but was looking for something, maybe I was depressed. I lived in a big city and wasn't riding during those years. After I moved away from the city and the group of friends from college/grad school, I got into riding. Whenever I have an exhilirating ride, I think about how much much better I feel riding than I ever felt when partaking of any substance. To me, riding is the best natural high there is.