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Choosing horses over children?

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  • #81
    I waited, because I sure as heck was not ready in my twenties and I wanted to hit the show trail heavily. I had a blast showing, got into my thirties and decided I wanted children. I agree with those of you who choose not to have children hats off to you. Now I have decided to take the next five yrs off from showing and raise my family. It also makes it nice that hubby is also crazy about the horses and helps run the farm. My horses have always been my kids so I just added to the herd.

    Flying Horse Feathers
    Flying Horse Feathers

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    • #82
      I found this really great Christmas card, a couple of years ago. On the front, are two big, green monsters. One is saying to the other: You know, when you get right down to it, Christmas really is for kids.
      On the inside, the other one says: Yeah, you're right. Too bad we ate them all at Hallowe'en!

      It was interesting to note, that most of the guys at work (the ones with families) found it really offensive. The secretary, who also had kids, and some of the other women in the office, thought it was hilarious.

      less hard work, more fine dining.
      www.dancinglawnhorses.com

      If guys can do it, how hard can it be?
      LESS HARD WORK, MORE FINE DINING!™
      complicate, obfuscate, prevaricate.

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      • #83
        Never wanted kids. Remember not wanting them when I was in kindergarten. I do see where they'd come in handy at times - here's a list of reasons I'd have a baby:

        1. slave barn/farm labor
        2. haul my butt to shows when I'm old and can't drive anymore
        3.take care of my horses and pets when I die and/or am too old to do it myself


        So I guess I DON'T fit into that category of people who really really want a kid - I have always known that I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't.

        Comment


        • #84
          I just described your "monstrous Christmas card" to my husband, and he laughed harder than I did. Wish I could get hold of a box of those; I think it's priceless!
          In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
          A life lived by example, done too soon.
          www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

          Comment


          • #85
            TCgelec.... how truly amazing of you to take your niece into your life.

            I really love these threads, and this board. Its amazing how many differing opinions can be shared in such a respectful and accepting manner.

            Growing up, I didn't think I'd ever want kids. Like many others here, I adore animals. I seem to seek out the ones that need the most support and I enjoy nursing them along and watching them grow and develop into happy, healthy beings. I guess I'm maternal in that sense, but I've always felt akward around babies and small children.

            My sister is 32 and a single mom. She and the baby's father had a casual relationship and I think my sister, who has a successful career and has travelled the world, thought it was time to "do the mom thing." So she got pregnant. Sadly, her baby seems to be little more than the ultimate accessory. My heart breaks for her as she is carted around the world (literally!) with my sister, who is too wrapped up in her own drama to give her baby the emotional attention she needs.

            Watching how unsuccessful my sister is at motherhood has made me realize that no one has any business having kids unless they can commit their life to them and fulfilling their needs.

            And there's nothing wrong with choosing to NOT have kids. Its really ok to say, well, I like my lifestyle, I don't want to give it up. Really, more people should do it. Why have a baby just cause it's the thing you should do?

            So I dunno what I'll do in the end. Some days, my biggest fear is not being able to have kids. Other days, I'm not sure I could cope with being a mom. And while I am barely 22, my hubby turns 30 this year, so unconciously I guess I feel some pressure to make a decision within the next few years...

            Anyway.... very interesting thread, and some many great people on both sides of the issue.

            Comment


            • #86
              I just came in from putting a blanket on my 5 month old mini colt. I told my husband it was "just like trying to put a diaper on a 7 month old infant who was having a huge giggling fit."

              When my oldest child was an infant I kept all her bath stuff in a very nice fancy bucket, just like you do for a horse. A "city" girlfriend was "concerned, she was thinking a pretty wicker basket would be more suitable.

              For me, having horses as a kid made me a better organized mom! As a Mom working w/ few little horses, having my own kids makes me a better horsewoman!

              SLW
              "The horse stopped with a jerk, and the jerk fell off."

              Comment


              • #87
                Here's a link to a really good article from a Buddhist magazine for anyone who thinks it's selfish to NOT want kids.

                http://www.fwbo.org/articles/not_having_children.html

                The emphasis in Buddhism is on self-lessness and ridding oneself of the illusion of a permanent ego, but you can take the example in the article of the 'spiritual life' and apply it to the 'horsey' life too

                Why is it that when my horse does something right, the judge happens to be looking the other way??
                You'd think I'd know better.

                AQHA Clique, Pony Club Clique and Member/Co-founder of the Boot to the Head Clique! (Members NOT wanted)

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                • #88
                  I am in my mid-30's and still not a twinge of the ol' clock ticking. I am perfectly content in my life where I'm at. And I really have no baby urge, but feel that I had better get cracking if I ever want them as I'm getting old (or at least my eggs are!)

                  And it doesn't help that none, and I mean NONE, of my friends has children. People in 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's - none of them ever had kids. This is not very inspiring here people! I figure I should have one because that's what you do and I don't want to be an 80 year old woman spending Christmas with my cats, but with no one I know spitting any out I have no inspiration. I need a horsey mom role model that I can pattern myself after. I need proof that you can do the horsey thing, compete actively while raising a kid. At the moment I just don't see the logistics. Arg!

                  -----------------------
                  Finnegans Wake
                  1992
                  Irish Sport Horse x Hanoverian
                  16.1hh
                  bay
                  -----------------------
                  Finnegans Wake
                  1992
                  Irish Sport Horse x Hanoverian
                  16.1hh
                  Finn's photo album http://community.webshots.com/user/finnegan24100

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                  • #89
                    [QUOTE]Originally posted by caballo_saltando:
                    Never wanted kids. Remember not wanting them when I was in kindergarten. I do see where they'd come in handy at times - here's a list of reasons I'd have a baby:

                    1. slave barn/farm labor
                    2. haul my butt to shows when I'm old and can't drive anymore
                    3.take care of my horses and pets when I die and/or am too old to do it myself

                    You could also add to that list;
                    4. someone to get you drinks from the bar "go get mummy a vodka/orange juice"
                    5. apparently limiltess excuses to "work from home", leave work early/arrive late due to sick kid, kids dr. appt, etc......
                    n/a

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                    • #90
                      how on earth can anyone think it is "selfish" to not have children, or feel guilty about not having any?

                      the world is serioulsy over-populated, so we certainly don't need more children. You should feel guilty about every child you create. Such a burden you have brought into the world.

                      Children cost a fortune to raise, and who do you think pays for most of that-- certainly not the parents, if my last school-tax bill is any indication.

                      Comment


                      • #91
                        <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by wendy:
                        You should feel guilty about every child you create. Such a burden you have brought into the world.

                        Children cost a fortune to raise, and who do you think pays for most of that-- certainly not the parents, if my last school-tax bill is any indication.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                        Whoa, whoa, whoa. That is quite a statement there! People who are living in poverty and totally surviving on government assistance most likely do not need to bring bunches of kids into the world, as they don't have the financial resources necessary. But in general we are talking about people who are financially and emotionally prepared... In that case, who are you to tell them not to have kids, if that is what they want and can support?

                        And I find it extremely hard to believe tax-payers foot "most" of the bill for kids. I bet there are quite a few parents willing to provide their own monthly bills to prove otherwise.

                        ***
                        The hardest to learn was the least complicated.
                        ***
                        The hardest to learn was the least complicated.

                        Comment


                        • #92
                          I have to laugh a bit at this, because I sat in a meeting about 2 months ago, where we were looking at demographic data from a survey of horse women, thet showed a tiny percentage of people ID'ing themselves as parents.

                          Every other person in the room was convinced it was a mistake--that either they hadn't understood the question (as in they are parents, but the kids are older and out of the house) or had had a hanging chad style misunderstaing of which box to check.

                          I was certain, given the fact that I know hardly any horse women with kids, that it was a correct %. Everyone else basically told me I was crazy and wrong and they dcided to toss that question out of the survey. I'm feelin a bit vindicated here, LOL.

                          I am 30 and childless and contented. I expect I will remain that way, but between age and physical problems, the only kid I could potentially have one would be of the adopted variety anyway, so I don't feel a big time rush. I have this odd dichotemy of knowing mostly horse woman, who are by and large childless (and most of them aren't married either) and coming from a big family of reproducers. SO I feel both sides of the pressue, LOL.

                          Comment


                          • #93
                            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dancing lawn:
                            I found this really great Christmas card, a couple of years ago. On the front, are two big, green monsters. One is saying to the other: You know, when you get right down to it, Christmas really is for kids.
                            On the inside, the other one says: Yeah, you're right. Too bad we ate them all at Hallowe'en!

                            <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                            Oh cr*p! Where was that box of Christmas cards when I was shopping?

                            Comment


                            • #94
                              But to get back to the original poster's question about if anybody has made this decision. I'll tell you that I definitely have made that decision and consciously. Although I always knew I didn't want kids, when it got to the baby-makin years, I had to really think on it in a serious way.

                              When I thought about it I could not see how on earth I could hold down a full time job, a full time marriage, take care of a baby, AND do horses. And as irrational as it may be, I also resented the fact that I'd be the one who'd have to go through 9 months of pregnancy, and also have to do the birthing process, while the SO just got to have sex and sit back and wait for the baby to come and then hold it - not even have to produce it's food. I resented that I'd be the one who would have to give up my life and my body, which would mean giving up my horse (at least for a while). So if the hubbie was the one to have to get preggers and delivers, then maybe I'd have been somewhat OK with doing it - but just caving in to societal/familial pressures.

                              I also could not imagine how on earth I'd be able to ride competitvely, work full time, AND have a baby. I know some women who do it, but I don't know how. I know of at least one woman who has a full time nanny - that's how she does it. Well, that ain't part of my reality.

                              So yes, I did make a decision not to have children - or chose horses over kids. Maybe I'll regret it someday; but in 30+ years of living I've not wanted anything to do with 'em, so I don't imagine that'll change in 30 more years.

                              My sister has two babies - one is almost 12 mos, the other is almost 3 years. They are very cute kids, but when I talk to her and she is telling me about having to take the three year old here and there, dealing with diapers 24/7, and constantly having to feed them, etc, my decision not to have kids is re-confirmed every time. However, I completely relish the idea of taking my horses on "field trips," and taking care of them in general (though I still wouldn't mind having a kid around sometimes to help with stalls, LOL).

                              Comment


                              • #95
                                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Finnegan:
                                I am in my mid-30's and still not a twinge of the ol' clock ticking. I am perfectly content in my life where I'm at. And I really have no baby urge, but feel that I had better get cracking if I ever want them as I'm getting old (or at least my eggs are!)

                                And it doesn't help that none, and I mean NONE, of my friends has children. People in 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's - none of them ever had kids. This is not very inspiring here people! I figure I _should_ have one because that's what you do and I don't want to be an 80 year old woman spending Christmas with my cats, but with no one I know spitting any out I have no inspiration. I need a horsey mom role model that I can pattern myself after. I need proof that you can do the horsey thing, compete actively while raising a kid. At the moment I just don't see the logistics. Arg!
                                <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                You can't do all at once unless you have enough money to pay people for the things you can't do. But there are lots of threads on how people do it.

                                I love my daughter. I take her everywhere - she is fortunately angelic out in public with strangers, even if she ran around the bedroom this morning screaming the Grandma Mambo song (from Bear in the Big Blue House) at 5:30am at the top of her lungs. But she has changed my life for both good and bad. I don't ride quite as often, my tack suffers, I haven't been to a movie in forever and we never eat out. On the other hand, I doubt that we'd have taken the plunge to buy a farm if it wasn't for her. (Reading Jean Slaughter Doty makes me all misty-eyed, thinking about riding around the countryside on a pony. )

                                BTW, we're aware that when she's a teenager she will be furious about living in the middle of nowhere with "nothing to do."

                                I see having a kid as being analogous to being left at a horse show with no stall and no trailer and no place to tie while you wait for a ride at the end of the day. The first hour of grazing is really quite pleasant, and you're glad you went to the show. But after that, you're thinking of all the other things you need to do ... clean the tack, make dinner, do the laundry... etc and you'd like to use the potty! Where is that trailer anyway? Having kids is pretty much the same.
                                If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

                                Comment


                                • #96
                                  Oh my, I LOVE this thread!!

                                  I like kids, and I'm an okay aunt, but as I near my 40th birthday, having been divorced for almost 8 years, with no children, I don't even want a boyfriend anymore because they complain that I'm either at the barn or at a horse show!!!

                                  The new man in my life is tall (16.2+ and growing), gray, young (only 4), handsome, and always gives me a GREAT ride And besides, he was a true champion last weekend (he moved up to the 3' in the pre-greens, and I was champion with him in the a/a hunters!).

                                  So, what's the question???

                                  Comment


                                  • #97
                                    LH - I loved your post!

                                    I think kids are fine, as long as they're not mine! Seriously, I'm a very good aunt, but I'm an EXCELLENT animal mother. There are some wonderful children & I love talking with them, especially about animals. (Someone's got to teach them...)

                                    There's another woman at work like me & since we work with mostly women who have children, we feel like we have to keep our preference for animals under wraps - as if they'd think we we're abnormal or something.

                                    Anyway, her friend fosters puppies for the SPCA, & often brings them here to work for a puppy break for all of us. Ahhhh. We get all googly-eyed & warm when we see the puppies & our "pet-ernal" instincts kick in, but we barely look up when someone brings a baby in.

                                    One day, her friend had made a date to bring some puppies to visit. I was in my office & heard a commotion of oo's & ah's. I dropped what I was doing & rushed out to see the puppies, only to find myself smack in the middle of women cooing over, drat it!, someone's baby! Well, I couldn't just walk away. I had to do the expected oo-ing, then made my exit as fast as possible. That was some dirty trick!

                                    Comment


                                    • #98
                                      killian~
                                      i can totally identify. i cringe in my office when i hear those oooh-aaah sounds - that could mean only one thing one of the employees brought their kids in. they, on the other hand, think i'm ridiculous b/c i express concern over a bird that flew into window pane in my office, or the ground hog grazing next to the road, or even the old pigeon who hangs out in front of the building.

                                      "It appears we are being transformed from an information
                                      society to an informant society." Rep. Dennis Kucinich
                                      http://www.eponashoe.com/
                                      TQ(Trail Queen) \"Learn How to Ride or Move Over!!\" Clique

                                      Comment


                                      • #99
                                        Ah, Killian, you fell for the old bait-n'-switch! That was definitely below the belt.
                                        If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

                                        Comment


                                        • As I type this I have my 3 month old daughter attached to my left boob.
                                          Addi was a surprise, but I have to say is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me!
                                          Having said that, I completely agree that those people who consciously choose not to have children should be respected a lot more then they are!
                                          I think we're going to stop here at the one baby, she's cool, but man, I don't get to ride very much and she's expensive! My daycare costs more then my board! I could have another horse for what I pay!
                                          By the way, are there any women who live in Vermont that would like to meet 2 very nice bachelors who do not want children (one lives in NH on the Vermont border)! They're having a hard time meeting women who do not want kids!
                                          Grab mane and kick on!

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