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Choosing horses over children?

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  • #21
    I have never been fond of children. I was a horse crazy kid, before I'ld even seen a real horse, so it wasn't a concious decision. It was just a fact. Don't like em, don't want em. But I'll share this funny story: I moved inot my farm 10 years ago. (May, 1993). It's in a small farming community, about 2 hourse n/w of Toronto, so still in this galaxy. I met one of the local families, Mom, Dad, and 3 kids, the oldest of whom was 11, at the time. They came to see the horses, because NOBODY had horses, in this neighbourhood, until I moved in. The 11 year old asked where the kids were. I said, What kids? He said your kids, I guess they're out visiting with someone else with their dad. I replied, I don't have kids, I'm not married. He got the strangest look on his face, very puzzled, and blurts out, But, you're a grownup! All grownups have kids.
    I was quite the novelty, apparently, when I moved in. No husband, no kids, not divorced, and with horses! On a 100 acre farm, yet! And I worked in the city! As a telephone repairman! Yup, I guess I am one very peculiar woman.

    less hard work, more fine dining.
    www.dancinglawnhorses.com

    If guys can do it, how hard can it be?
    LESS HARD WORK, MORE FINE DINING!™
    complicate, obfuscate, prevaricate.

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    • #22
      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dancing lawn:
      I have never been fond of children. I was a horse crazy kid, before I'ld even seen a real horse, so it wasn't a concious decision. It was just a fact. Don't like em, don't want em. But I'll share this funny story: I moved inot my farm 10 years ago. (May, 1993). It's in a small farming community, about 2 hourse n/w of Toronto, so still in this galaxy. I met one of the local families, Mom, Dad, and 3 kids, the oldest of whom was 11, at the time. They came to see the horses, because NOBODY had horses, in this neighbourhood, until I moved in. The 11 year old asked where the kids were. I said, What kids? He said your kids, I guess they're out visiting with someone else with their dad. I replied, I don't have kids, I'm not married. He got the strangest look on his face, very puzzled, and blurts out, But, you're a grownup! All grownups have kids.
      I was quite the novelty, apparently, when I moved in. No husband, no kids, not divorced, and with horses! On a 100 acre farm, yet! And I worked in the city! As a telephone repairman! Yup, I guess I am one very peculiar woman.

      less hard work, more fine dining.
      http://www.dancinglawnhorses.com

      If guys can do it, how hard can it be?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>



      I would say you're one very smart woman.......

      Comment


      • #23
        <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by flbay:
        <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I respect the fact that there are people who love kids and want lots of them; but I find that same respect is frequently not returned for my decision not to have kids. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

        Bingo! Making an active/conscious decision NOT to have kids seems to raise the ire of many kid-chained acquaintances. Why do they feel the need to comment on or direct what others do with their private lives? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

        Well, I'll chime in here and say I respect either decision. I'll admit I've been guilty of making comments or jokes (to close friends ONLY) to newlyweds about when they're going to start baby-making, but I would never say anything rude or disrespectful to someone if they told me they didn't want kids. The world would be a much better place if only the people who WANTED (and were able to care for) children had them! I don't see anything strange about the decision not to have them. Perfectly acceptable life-choice, IMHO.

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        • #24
          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by creseida:
          I do not have the maternal instinct when it comes to hominids. Mr. Creseida and I both agreed early on that we have no desire to have our lives ruled by a child for 18+ years. I respect the fact that there are people who love kids and want lots of them; but I find that same respect is frequently not returned for my decision not to have kids. "How can you _not_ want kids?" Easy.

          <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

          What she said!

          Seriously. My husband and I don't want kids. I'm 28, he's 30. We have three dogs and a horse and would love to have at least one more horse. I have a job I love and am sucessful at. He loves his work. I respect people who want to share their lives with children, but I want the same respect for sharing mine with animals.

          At least my parents understand this and when I got my horse two years ago, my mom brought pictures of him to work so she could show off her new "grandchild". It really says something that she actually has pictures of my DOGS on her desk!
          Here Be Dragons: My blog about venturing beyond the lower levels as a dressage amateur.

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          • #25
            I don't want children, neither does Mr. A&A. We have a nephew and two nieces, which are plenty of children in my life, really.

            I'd like to send out a heartfelt thank you to the women on this thread who have children yet understand and respect the decisions those of us who don't want them. It's a pretty rare thing. I really hate the all-too common statement, "Oh, you'll change your mind" No, I won't.

            My mother-in-law and sister-in-law don't understand our decision, but my mother proudly displays photos of her "grandponies" and "grandkitties" on her desk at work. I love my mom!

            No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

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            • #26
              Well, at this stage I think it's safe to say no kids in my life. I've always known I didn't really want kids of my own. I'm happy having two neices and one nephew. Although, when they were little, my sister used to try to get me to change diapers. I told her that if I wanted to change diapers, I'd have my own kids. My other sister is non-horsey and also doesn't have kids but she is blown away at what I will do to take care of the horses but still refuse to do diapers.
              Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe

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              • #27
                My ex-in-laws (would that make them outlaws?) were absolutely obnoxious on this point. They didn't seem to realize that not only did I not want children, but their precious son wasn't pleased with the prospect, either. The nagging and comments ("Isn't it about time you got pregnant?") continued until one day at Sunday dinner, I'd had enough. My FIL had just said "You know, you ought to get rid of them cats and that horse and have you a baby." I replied "Fine. Just so long as I can drop it off with you and (MIL) and pick it up when it's eighteen. This should be old hat for you guys by now" (they had raised four). I thought MIL was going to swallow her tongue! Her "Oh, no you don't!" put paid to most of the comments.

                I like kids. When they're someone else's. Most of my friends are childless, so it's easy for me to socialize with people who are like-minded where the child-rearing is concerned. And when the specter of a "childless old age" rears its head, I pat it and rejoice. Let's face it; how many parents do you know whose grown children ignore them for the most part? And this is what's supposed to comfort you in your golden years? Boy, I'd have to be senile already to believe that stuff.............
                In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                A life lived by example, done too soon.
                www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

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                • #28
                  Me, Im 45, no kids, well my critters, those are my kids...knew as a teenager I wasnt going to have human children...dont regret it at all.

                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by basset:
                  "I don't _want_ children. Only horses" - Velvet from the book "National Velvet"

                  At our recent barn party, I was looking around the room and noticed that there were a number of professional women who have chosen to dedicate their lives to their horses instead of having children. I am amoung the childless with a horse. I am satisfied with this, even though my family thinks I'm a nut.

                  Are there any other women here who have decided to not have (or delay having) children in pursuit of riding? There have been a bunch of "how do I juggle kids/horse threads, but not a "I'd rather just ride" one.

                  Anybody?

                  " I didn't really say everything I said "--Yogi Berra

                  Member of the Olde Farte Clique<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                  Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves for we shall never cease to be amused.--Erin Mack
                  Any man who can render himself unconscious with a pretzel, isn't smart enough to lead the Free World

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                  • #29
                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Holly Jeanne:
                    I'm happy having two neices and one nephew. Although, when they were little, my sister used to try to get me to change diapers. I told her that if I wanted to change diapers, I'd have my own kids. My other sister is non-horsey and also doesn't have kids but she is blown away at what I will do to take care of the horses but still refuse to do diapers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    I'd sooner clean fifty stalls than change one diaper. Ecchhh.
                    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                    A life lived by example, done too soon.
                    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      what esg said.

                      however, in my defense i have to say that i do seem to be good at dealing w/ adolescents - b/c i genuinely like them - just about the age their parents start hating 'em!

                      ______________

                      sorry about lack of caps. i'm typing one-handed.
                      "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief

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                      • #31
                        <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by War Admiral:
                        what esg said.

                        however, in my defense i have to say that i do seem to be good at dealing w/ adolescents - b/c i genuinely like them - just about the age their parents start hating 'em!

                        ______________

                        (<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                        Wow, me too! I was a substitute teacher for a while and loved the middle school kids. Elementary were just too immature, and the high school students thought I was one of them (I'm rather petite ) but the 6-8 grade bunch were cool. Old enough to reason with, young enough to make them respect you pretty easily, as long as you treated them fairly.

                        Hey, sounds like a horse. Maybe that's why.............
                        In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                        A life lived by example, done too soon.
                        www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          I haven't made a concious effort to not have children because of my animals. I have just put the idea out of my head because Ithink that I would not be a good parent.

                          I've noticed that many kids around me (neighbors, friends, relatives) have not so happy lives because their parents don't do a good job. It's not that I pass judgement against the parents or tell them how to raise their kids... I just see from an outsider's perspective that the kids and parents are not happy.

                          I don't want to put myself in that sort of situation by having children. When I do things in my life I put 110% in all the time and I don't think I can do that with kids. I love my neices and nephew - they mean the world to me. But that's as far as I think I can emotionally take it.

                          My husband blames my feelings on my horse. It has been hard for me to explain to him that it's really not the commitment to the horse - it's all the other things in life.

                          ~ Riding... the art of keeping the horse between you and the ground. ~

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                          • #33
                            I have a lot of respect for people in general, with or without kids and don't hold any group above the other.

                            I am curious if anyone actually *chose* not to have kids to pursue their riding? By that I mean actually wanted kids, had an oportunity to have kids, was physically able to have them but decided NOT to so they could dedicate their lives to horses.

                            Otherwise it sounds like there's little "choice" involved. Perhaps I'm being picky about "wanting" and "not wanting". Choice to me means you want both and have to chose one over the other.

                            I did want both and chose to have kids. I'll admit sometimes I regret not being able to ride more and will probably never own a horse (or will be ancient when it happens). The good times far outweigh any regret and I love my kids no end, but would REALLY understand and respect someone who said "Horses first".

                            Member, Equine Artist Clique
                            Member, Equine Artist Clique

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                            • #34
                              I really respect a person's decision to not have children. Having children is not for everyone and it is great when someone decides that it just isn't the right choice for them.

                              That being said- I have a three year old son. I was one who never wanted children, but after I got married, that changed for me. Having a child is/was/will always be my most challenging job. After my little one was potty trained this year, I rewarded myself with a horse. (I had sold my high-maintenance jumper when I was pregnant with him and felt like a giant piece of me was missing.) Because my son is getting older, I am CONSTANTLY bombarded with "When are you going to have another?"- like having two is a requirement. "You can't have just one, they will turn out screwed up." Honestly, I couldn't be happier. I am the parent of one and I have a horse. I can't imagine going back to the restrictions of infancy and not being able to give my horse enough attention.

                              GA Clique/Drafties Clique
                              Live Large- Ride a Drafty!

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                              • #35
                                Well I'm almost 24, have been married 3.5 years, and am turning into my mom's biggest nightmare: a daughter who will probably have horses instead of children.

                                She never quite understood why the boarding barns were full of happily married, healthy women with about 2-3 horses each and zero kids. It was easy for me to see: they didn't want to have kids.

                                Now I admit I've been through some strong maternal urges phases, but on the whole, I don't think I'm cut out for motherhood. I like my sleep too much. I'm not as patient as I'd like to be. I don't like to be tied down. I don't know what we'd do about me working. We live two hours away from all family. Another biggie is that up until this fall my husband and I have had a rocky marriage. While we are doing wonderful now and will be fine, I'd rather not bring a child into the equation

                                My husband is as lukewarm as I am on the whole deal. I had always heard that when it comes to making the decision to have a baby, it takes two yesses and one no. At this point, we have TWO nos. Yes, we are both quite young and could change our minds, but I have some health issues that could significantly impact my ability to get pregnant and have been advised it could take a while.

                                To those that ask that question "So when are YOU TWO going to have a baby?" I think it's incredibly rude and nosy. For my husband and I, that is a very personal, intimate topic that we discuss carefully and very much in private. It's none of anyone else's damn business, even my parents'. I've even had new parents force me to hold their newborn when I have insisted I'd rather not, just to egg me on, and then laugh when I appear uncomfortable. It's just like anything else: if you don't know the whole story, keep your questions and comments to yourself.

                                ***
                                The hardest to learn was the least complicated.
                                ***
                                The hardest to learn was the least complicated.

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                                • #36
                                  well, I long ago decided not to have children, but it has nothing to do with choosing horses over children. I just have no interest in children, and don't understand why anyone would want to have one.

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                                  • #37
                                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kt:
                                    I've even had new parents force me to hold their newborn when I have insisted I'd rather not, just to egg me one, and then laugh when I appear uncomfortable.

                                    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


                                    This happens to me all the time! When my brother-in-law and his wife had a baby, the baby was constantly forced on me as if holding him might make me see the error of my ways!

                                    Here Be Dragons: My blog about venturing beyond the lower levels as a dressage amateur.

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Interesting discussion.

                                      I have never wanted kids, and so won't have any. I think you should only have children if you desperately want them, and (very non PC, I know) can afford to take care of them - not just financially but in terms of personal time and effort as well.

                                      When I was married, and people were rude enough to say "oh, you'll change your mind," I am afraid that I was often equally rude back... "well, if I do... I can have some. If you change YOUR mind... you are screwed!"

                                      That usually put an end to the conversation.

                                      **********
                                      "It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that
                                      matters, in the end."
                                      -Ursula K. Le Guin

                                      **********
                                      We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
                                      -PaulaEdwina

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                                      • #39
                                        Well this is certainly relevant... I'm in the middle of breaking off a 4 year relationship because I don't want the same family things that he does. I'm a very maternal type person, and do want a kid someday. But I need horses and critters and such to be happy. It was implied that horses were something I would grow out of, when it came time to grow up and get responsible, and start popping out the younguns.

                                        I was already being told I was spendign too much time at the barn with the horses, that it made him feel neglected. Meanwhile I felt I wasn't spending ENOUGH time there.

                                        So, among other things, it's time to move on and make my life something worthwhile. And I really hope he finds a nice girl who wants nothing more than to have 3-5 kids, two dogs, and a big house on a hill.

                                        _____________________________
                                        "It takes a whole lot of testosterone to wear a beret and not look fruity"
                                        **
                                        formerly known as grog
                                        "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

                                        My CANTER blog.

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                                        • #40
                                          kt you took the words right out of my mouth... well put.

                                          At this point, if I had to give up my horse to have a child I would be horrified. I've been married almost 6 years and I used to be in the frame of mind of "I'll be ready for kids in a few years or so" but now it's more like "I don't think I'll ever want to commit to kids". I feel very guilty for this and everyone around me makes me feel worse! I guess I never think of good come-backs to the attitude people give me.

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