• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Choosing horses over children?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • About whether you regret it as the door gets closer to closing, I've actually got "reverse biological clock."

    When I was a kid, I never wanted them. Not just neutral, but actively against the idea.

    When I was in my teens, I never wanted them.

    When I was in my 20s, I never wanted them.

    When I was in my 30s, I never wanted them.

    Now that I am on the cusp of turning 40, I am looking forward to that future day when it is no longer a biological possibility, not even by the minutest of chances, and I wish it would get here faster. When it is no longer possible at all for me, I will celebrate because I have escaped a (for me) horrible experience.

    No regrets whatsoever. What always surprises me is that most "I don't want kids" people can appreciate that others can be wired totally differently and love kids, but in my experience, very few people who love kids can comprehend how other people might feel differently.

    Comment


    • It's not that uncommon, nor is it pathological or "abnormal" to not want children. And it doesn't have to be horses vs. kids--plenty of people choose to not have kids for reasons other than having other passions. It's all good.

      I wish people would put half as much thought into becoming parents as those who struggle with the decision and ultimately decide NOT to seem to do! Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
      Click here before you buy.

      Comment


      • very few people who love kids can comprehend how other people might feel differently.
        I think it's a biological/hormonal thing. Once you have kids, you have these chemicals that start up that make you completely unable to imagine not having kids. If all the people who've told me that once they had kids, they couldn't imagine not having them is anything to go by. Or the people I hear who say "it's different when they're yours". And stuff like that. (Disclaimer: this paragraph is at least half tongue-in-cheek.)

        That said, I've never really been overly interested in kids. I like my space. I like not having to give up what I want to do for someone else. I'm grateful, of course, that my parents did for me but that doesn't mean I want to do it for someone else. I always figured if I got married some day and we wanted to have kids, I'd try to adopt.

        Frankly, the idea of being pregnant and giving birth terrifies me.
        The Trials and Jubilations of a Twenty-Something Re-rider
        Happy owner of Kieran the mostly-white-very-large-not-pony.

        Comment


        • I'm the OP. old thread is an understatement!! Just ask my four year old kid, lol!
          Now I'm LOL and reminding myself to check dates. I hope all is well for the OP and her 4yo kid. When I say "it's all good", sometimes that can also mean surprises. Or changes of plans. Humans have been coping with kids for a pretty long time, and still making advances in things besides horses all the same. Or not. Families come in all shapes and sizes. It's still all good.
          Click here before you buy.

          Comment


          • I think there's a lot of unthinking conformism at work in the pressure some of us are subjected to regarding having kids. Some people can't bear for others NOT to make the same choices that they do. Which is annoying and sad, but I don't get bent out of shape about it.

            I have been surprised at how little grief / nosy inappropriate comments I personally get. (thank you, mom) Hallelujah. I love being an aunt, I'm learning how to be a stepparent, and I can be a crazy animal lady to my heart's content. There are many other ways to contribute to a new generation's wellbeing and upbringing other than having them yourself. I try to increase the amount of turnout and activity they get and reduce the grain (and television) in their lives, as much as I can.
            I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
            I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              Originally posted by deltawave View Post
              Now I'm LOL and reminding myself to check dates. I hope all is well for the OP and her 4yo kid. When I say "it's all good", sometimes that can also mean surprises. Or changes of plans. Humans have been coping with kids for a pretty long time, and still making advances in things besides horses all the same. Or not. Families come in all shapes and sizes. It's still all good.
              well, the baby was a big surprise, to say the least, LOL! but we are doing well, and I agree families come in all different varieties.
              One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. - Virginia Woolf

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Lori B View Post
                I think there's a lot of unthinking conformism at work in the pressure some of us are subjected to regarding having kids. Some people can't bear for others NOT to make the same choices that they do. Which is annoying and sad, but I don't get bent out of shape about it.
                Very true! It is amazing how there is a well ingrained feeling that women should pop out kids, cook meals, and do laundry. Oh and work full-time, too. And not have any interests outside work or kids or home. The stereotype is alive and well regardless of how many people want to say it is long gone....

                I work two part time jobs but am essentially stay-at-home, as I work mostly out of my house. Other SAHM's cannot fathom the idea that I have a passion outside of my kid. I go to playgroup every week and they are chatting about the latest and greatest stroller or cloth diapers or something while I smile and nod and dream of a new girth and some monogrammed baby pads...
                We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.

                Comment


                • I put off a family (currently in my mid 30s) for a variety of reasons, including riding, but later found out it didn't matter because I can't have children anyway. I'm okay with it though!

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by mrs.smith View Post
                    I'm the OP. old thread is an understatement!! Just ask my four year old kid, lol!
                    This is so great


                    https://www.facebook.com/VoltaireDesign

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by FlashGordon View Post
                      Very true! It is amazing how there is a well ingrained feeling that women should pop out kids, cook meals, and do laundry. Oh and work full-time, too. And not have any interests outside work or kids or home. The stereotype is alive and well regardless of how many people want to say it is long gone....

                      I work two part time jobs but am essentially stay-at-home, as I work mostly out of my house. Other SAHM's cannot fathom the idea that I have a passion outside of my kid. I go to playgroup every week and they are chatting about the latest and greatest stroller or cloth diapers or something while I smile and nod and dream of a new girth and some monogrammed baby pads...
                      Yes! I work in a corporate office and i am routinely made fun of because I play "horsey" and dont have nor want to pop out children. People ask me why all the time and in my head i say "because i dont want to end up like you" and out of my mouth comes "because i dont feel the need to populate the world with more humans, thanks."

                      To them, my life is not serious. i just got married, and they cannot believe my husband thinks my (ours...but to them its mine) is ok. when in fact hubby wants children less than i do, LOL. Add to it that i dont spend $$ on the latest fashions and i never have any clue as to what tv shows our celebrity gossip they are talking about. I just sit there quietly and listen (and think *thank god*)

                      Thankfully, my manager, who does not have children either but small pets with his partner, understands and treats my necessary time off to be the same as those of my co-workers who need time off to tend to their children.

                      I dont mind that they have kids, but what I do mind is that they think they are somehow better or special, requiring to talk ad nauseum about them expecting me to care. LOL sometimes i want to talk about my horses like they talk about their kids "my 3 yr old crapped in his bed last nite and bit his friend at day care"... but i restrain myself.

                      who knows, maybe one day we'll change our minds and have a kid or 2. but for now, life is good the way it is, and i hope for the same for everyone else.
                      My blog: Change of Pace - Retraining a standardbred via dressage

                      Comment


                      • Originally Posted by xeroxchick
                        There are a lot of things they interfere with.
                        Originally posted by gotabuk View Post
                        wow....that's kind of....heartless is the only word that comes to mind.

                        I was indifferent to having kids for a long time. If it happened, great. If it didn't happen, great.

                        But I'm currently 5 months pregnant with out first and I would NOT trade this experience for anything in the world. We recently found out that we're having a girl, and to see her little profile, her little fingers and toes on the ultrasound brought tears to my eyes.

                        And my horse...well, he's on vacation, fat as a tick and happy being a temporary pasture potato. I haven't ridden in about a month and yes, I miss it, but I'm also enjoying the vacation from it as well.

                        I'm 34 and have been riding since age 7, and I plan to continue riding, no matter how many kids we have. Where there's a will, there's a way. There is always a way to make it work. I know plenty of people who ride and have babies and kids and they all make it work. I have no doubt that I will too.

                        Horsey love is great, yeah, but I don't think it can be compared to the love given by a child. But that's just my 2 cents.

                        I don't think that's heartless, I think it's true. Face it - kids interfere with sleep, free time, your love life on occasion - basically the ability to do what you want when you want. Some people are willing to accept and even want the "interference" of children because they see it as a worthwhile trade off.

                        Personally I'm in the no-kids-for-me camp. I don't mind kids, I used to teach them even (and enjoyed it ), but I'm VERY selfish about my alone time and frankly some days even being married is a challenge. At 47+ I don't think I'm likely to change

                        I have many animals in my life, horses, cats & dogs. They are NOT surrogate children, they are dear friends and part of my family. Their love isn't the same as human love, of course, but again if I'd wanted childlike adoration from something I would have had kids. I don't. I prefer the companionship of animals, and their version of love. Far fewer strings


                        Congrats on your own pregnancy, and I'm happy for you. It's not my bag, as they say, but if it's what you want then heaven bless you and may you enjoy every moment of it (And I'm not being snarky or tongue in cheek saying that, I mean it, truly. That goes for all those who are moms now!)
                        Last edited by saje; Jul. 2, 2009, 05:41 PM.

                        Comment


                        • i'm 40 almost 41. my hubby is 44. We have been married for 14+ yrs of Childless bliss. NEVER wanted kids, either of us. But that is not in relation to my horsey hobby. i think if i DID have kids i probably could not afford a horse and i much prefer the company of my horse. when you have no kids, you have TIME, you have peace and quiet, take a nap if you need one, no running the kids all over for sports, etc.. I LOVE having no kids. While all my friends with kids are pulling their hair out, i'm relaxing on the trail.

                          Comment


                          • Put me with those that haven't ever really had the desire to have children. My brother is holding a huge grudge right now because "I dont like their baby". So untrue...how could I dislike a baby? But yes, I'm not overly intruiged by her or any baby. She's cute, but I have no idea how to interact with her. I dont fawn over her and bring them gifts every visit. But it's certainly nothing personal.
                            It's also not a matter of choosing horses or lifestyle over children. I've just never had an interest. I have the time off work, the financial stability, the whole bit, EXCEPT for whatever's missing in me that would make me want to raise a child. My 33rd birthday is coming up very soon and my mom was putting the pressure on recently. She says that once I have a child, everything will change, and it will be wonderful. I worry that may not be true! And if so, pity the poor child that gets brought into that sort of life. I'm sure I could do a respectable job if I had to, but I don't think I'm great parent material.
                            My mom says it's self centered/selfish not to have them, I think in my case it's practical not to, and she's the one being self centered- she just wants grandkids!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by fullmoon fever View Post
                              Me, me, me!

                              I decided when I was 12 that I didn't want any children; got a tubal ligation at age 25
                              You can do this?? I've heard that most doctors won't allow this if you haven't had a child... shoot, they won't even let you have Mirana (sp?), that IUD. I'm interested because I'd be all for it!

                              I have no desire to have kids... I like my life the way it is. I feel like I am just too selfish.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Reynard Ridge View Post
                                Two questions:

                                1. WHY was this thread raised from the dead? It began and ended (until a few minutes agao) in 2003.

                                2. How many of the avowed childless from 2003 now have little bundles of joy dangling from a Baby Bjorn?

                                Inquiring minds want to know.
                                Answering #2
                                Avowed childless then- still childless today- I am 100% positive it will stay that way
                                "As soon as you're born you start dyin'
                                So you might as well have a good time"

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by Reynard Ridge View Post
                                  Two questions:

                                  1. WHY was this thread raised from the dead? It began and ended (until a few minutes agao) in 2003.

                                  2. How many of the avowed childless from 2003 now have little bundles of joy dangling from a Baby Bjorn?

                                  Inquiring minds want to know.
                                  I don't think I was on this thread - pretty sure I wasn't a member in 2003 - but I would have said no kids then. Today, my belly is in the way of my laptop. My horse loves to nuzzel my growing belly - he even has sympathy belly.

                                  Comment


                                  • Originally posted by mrs.smith View Post
                                    I'm the OP. old thread is an understatement!! Just ask my four year old kid, lol!
                                    I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!!



                                    Congrats, mrs. smith.

                                    By the way, my official position on the topic is that if you don't want kids, don't have them. They are huge time suckers, cost centers not to mention that they barf frequently. And unlike dogs, there's no chance they'll clean up the mess if left alone with it long enough.

                                    That said: I was one of those people who KNEW they did not want children. Ever. Ick. Ew. I grew older, met the person I married at age 36, did a 180, and had two children when I was age 38 and 40. So forgive me if I snicker quietly when I read all of these young whippersnappers insisting that they will never, ever have children. I was you once, y'ung un!
                                    Chronicles of the $700 Pony
                                    The Further Adventures of the $700 Pony
                                    www.blithetraveler.com <-- My Blog

                                    Comment


                                    • Originally posted by Reynard Ridge View Post

                                      That said: I was one of those people who KNEW they did not want children. Ever. Ick. Ew. I grew older, met the person I married at age 36, did a 180, and had two children when I was age 38 and 40. So forgive me if I snicker quietly when I read all of these young whippersnappers insisting that they will never, ever have children. I was you once, y'ung un!
                                      I was too! I never in my life thought I would EVER want kids. After a miscarriage several months ago, DH and I can't wait to pop one out. If you would have told me a year ago I would have these feelings, I would have said you were nuts. Funny how things change as we grow older.
                                      #JusticeForSunshine

                                      Comment


                                      • Originally posted by Mudder View Post
                                        You can do this?? I've heard that most doctors won't allow this if you haven't had a child... shoot, they won't even let you have Mirana (sp?), that IUD. I'm interested because I'd be all for it!

                                        I have no desire to have kids... I like my life the way it is. I feel like I am just too selfish.
                                        Even younger.

                                        Don't feel very comfortable disclosing medical info but since we're all having a frank girl talk....

                                        Mr. JSwan and I discussed various options and procedures and decided that a vasectomy was the best choice. He was 20 - maybe had just turned 21.

                                        Neither of us have ever wanted children.

                                        We eloped at 19. Really.

                                        That was over two decades ago.

                                        I think we had been married about 13-14 months when he met with the doctor. Dr. asked to speak with me and Mr JSwan gave his permission - Dr asked me in and barely got the question out when I started yammering.

                                        Congrats to the ladies who got knocked up in the intervening years this thread has lain dormant - and congrats to the ladies who are knocked up now. Shame on you - I know what you've been doing!

                                        But for me - I am content.
                                        Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
                                        Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
                                        -Rudyard Kipling

                                        Comment


                                        • Man...I'm 27 and my doc won't even consider a TL for me. Oh well.

                                          I don't want kids. I ADORE children, but I have no desire to be pregnant, to push something out of my uterus, I don't like infants. I like to leave when I want to leave, sleep when I want to sleep, etc. I'm in a fairly dangerous and busy profession and won't want to leave for a long time. I like my new pony. I like my new BF. My life is full and happy and won't be changed for the better by a child.

                                          No thanks.
                                          COTH's official mini-donk enabler

                                          "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X