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Heart vs. Head when buying a horse.

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  • Heart vs. Head when buying a horse.

    Hey guys,

    Thoughts on heart vs. head when buying. There are those times when you fall head over heels for a horse at first sight. That's how it's been for me. Once it worked and once it didn't.

    I found a great horse that is a perfect fit for me under saddle and something to grow with yet when I met him I didn't have that 'OMG I have to have him feeling.' Yet when I rode him I knew he was a smart decision for me. I know bonding can take time. He has been moved a few times and when I tried him it was the first time at the new barn. I felt like he was more interested in where he was at than who I was.

    Thoughts?

  • #2
    Sadly there are a lot of 15 year old horses that have had 5 or 6 different homes because too many people buy with their heart instead of their head...

    Comment


    • #3
      I generally look to buy based on a combination of both, but probably buy more with my heart than my head.

      I think if you are going to buy with your heart, you have to be very committed to making it work with the horse you choose. For me, it is more about the journey with my horse than any specific competitive goal. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

      If I were aggressively pursuing a competitive goal and wouldn't be happy with him unless he met my performance expectations, I suppose he would have been a bad purchase. But as it is, I've experienced a lot of amazing things as a result of buying him (and learned a ton too).

      Comment


      • #4
        How do you mean he was more interested in where he was than in who you were? Was he looky? Spooky? Ignoring your cues?
        I'm not ignoring the rules. I'm interpreting the rules. Tamal, The Great British Baking Show

        Comment


        • #5
          I would say head. I am super logical though, and my husband has called me a vulcan (sp) more than once. The bond will come. Buy him! Live long and prosper!
          http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fentre...24774504235082

          http://fentressfieldsequestriancenter.com/

          Comment


          • #6
            I've learned over the years that it's easy to learn to love the horse who is a good fit for you. Love at first sight is not necessary.

            mpsbarnmanager, years ago I joked that I wanted to marry Captain Kirk, but I wanted to be Mr. Spock.
            "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything
            that's even remotely true."

            Homer Simpson

            Comment


            • #7
              I've only done the horse-search process once. I sat on a lot of horses I knew were a bad fit for my goals/needs and I felt pretty neutral about them in my heart. And then I sat on a horse that was actually kinda really good for me goals/needs, and I felt pretty neutral about him in my heart. I wasn't particularly bonded with him, even after the 3rd trial ride (seller said I could drop in as often as I wanted between my initial ride and the prepurchase we had set up), but I knew I liked riding him. So we bought him.

              I had no memory of this until a friend reminded me years later, but apparently I was pretty upset that my new horse had no real personality for the first month or two that I owned him.

              I have to laugh at this a lot now because he is a HUGE personality, and I can't believe there was ever a time when he wasn't. I love him so much, and a piece of me is a little upset that I've generalized my love for him into turning my head for *all* grey horses.

              I don't even particularly LIKE grey horses! They're so impractical!!!!! And yet... that horse that I was neutral about in my heart, that had "no" personality, but was a safe and appropriate choice for me has made me get a little grey crazy.

              Though I did sit on one or two other horses that would have been "good enough" matches, I knew I didn't want them. Part of that, though, was that I knew they were about as trained up and set in their ways as they were going to be given their ages and experiences.

              So I think that if you do want the horse and you're just a little underwhelmed by your emotional response, you should go for it. If there is a naggling voice that says "I'm not really sure I see myself enjoying riding this horse for the next X years", then pass.

              Comment


              • #8
                Definitely shop with your head. Heart will follow.

                Comment


                • #9
                  The mare that I looked at/rode once and thought "She'll do" was a good buy. She was a little little, didn't move fantastic, but she was better than anything else I'd seen, which wasn't saying much.

                  The mare that took your breath away - ongoing disaster. Although in fairness, she wasn't exactly a "heart" buy. It will be the last time I listen to Dad suggestion for a horse though. (he hated the first one). If it didn't cost so much to change the papers, her name would be Heartbreaker.
                  Visit my Spoonflower shop

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    As much as I hate to say it, when I listen to my heart with horses, I usually end up getting screwed over.
                    Don't fall for a girl who fell for a horse just to be number two in her world... ~EFO

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Definitely head. The only way heart can work is if you 1) get lucky or 2) truly have no expectations and no goals.

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #12
                        Originally posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' View Post
                        How do you mean he was more interested in where he was than in who you were? Was he looky? Spooky? Ignoring your cues?
                        He wasn't spooky at all. He was looking around and curious. He seemed maybe a little lost...? He did everything I asked of him under saddle, though that wasn't much. He didn't put a foot wrong. He looked at some goats but it wasn't in a OMG way it was curiosity. I walked on a loose rein, trotted with some contact and a ridiculously long rein, cantered him both directions and jumped a 2 foot vertical. He was a saint. He is cute enough to be competitive at the shows I hope to attend and sane enough for my mom to take him out on a few trail rides.

                        He is off the track. He didn't know what an apple is so I'm guessing he may not be used to an overly doting owner? Not that I think he was abused or anything but he has been in more of the competitive world, he will be more of a pet with me. He did after our ride put his head down against my chest which I thought was super sweet but that was the only affection from him.

                        I'm just used to overly lovey horses. My old guy who passed was a licker. He licked everyone and was a big teddy bear. My guy now, when I'm at the barn he wants my undivided attention. But I bought him with my heart and talked myself into too much horse. After trying to make it work for three years I've finally decided I need a horse I want to ride and can accomplish some goals with.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          My head usually doesn't steer me too far off course. But my heart is a complete idiot.
                          Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my blade.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by PrimoAmor View Post
                            Hey guys,

                            Thoughts on heart vs. head when buying. There are those times when you fall head over heels for a horse at first sight. That's how it's been for me. Once it worked and once it didn't.

                            I found a great horse that is a perfect fit for me under saddle and something to grow with yet when I met him I didn't have that 'OMG I have to have him feeling.' Yet when I rode him I knew he was a smart decision for me. I know bonding can take time. He has been moved a few times and when I tried him it was the first time at the new barn. I felt like he was more interested in where he was at than who I was.

                            Thoughts?
                            Forget the " head over heels feelings". Those same feelings can vanish to be replaced with " i hate this horse" feeling when you buy a horse who isn't right for you. It is that way in romance relationships too most of the time :-)

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Jaideux View Post
                              I've only done the horse-search process once. I sat on a lot of horses I knew were a bad fit for my goals/needs and I felt pretty neutral about them in my heart. And then I sat on a horse that was actually kinda really good for me goals/needs, and I felt pretty neutral about him in my heart. I wasn't particularly bonded with him, even after the 3rd trial ride (seller said I could drop in as often as I wanted between my initial ride and the prepurchase we had set up), but I knew I liked riding him. So we bought him.

                              I had no memory of this until a friend reminded me years later, but apparently I was pretty upset that my new horse had no real personality for the first month or two that I owned him.

                              I have to laugh at this a lot now because he is a HUGE personality, and I can't believe there was ever a time when he wasn't. I love him so much, and a piece of me is a little upset that I've generalized my love for him into turning my head for *all* grey horses.

                              I don't even particularly LIKE grey horses! They're so impractical!!!!! And yet... that horse that I was neutral about in my heart, that had "no" personality, but was a safe and appropriate choice for me has made me get a little grey crazy.

                              Though I did sit on one or two other horses that would have been "good enough" matches, I knew I didn't want them. Part of that, though, was that I knew they were about as trained up and set in their ways as they were going to be given their ages and experiences.

                              So I think that if you do want the horse and you're just a little underwhelmed by your emotional response, you should go for it. If there is a naggling voice that says "I'm not really sure I see myself enjoying riding this horse for the next X years", then pass.
                              Thank you! This is exactly what I needed! I do feel like he is perfect for what I want, goal wise. I was just underwhelmed by his personality. I am setting up a Pre Purchase and hopefully all goes well!

                              Thank you all for your advice.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by candyappy View Post
                                Forget the " head over heels feelings". Those same feelings can vanish to be replaced with " i hate this horse" feeling when you buy a horse who isn't right for you. It is that way in romance relationships too most of the time :-)
                                Agree with this. I often compared my horse and I to an abusive relationship, lol. She is one I was instantly in love with and we would be good together but then also so very, very bad.

                                I have since moved on to more even keeled horse relationships and while I don't feel the high highs I got when riding my mare, I also don't experience the extremely low low's.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Well....I say both. I try to buy something good-brained, sound, good-moving and put together well, but also one I can fall in love with. I am done buying horses because they are "marketable" -- this time I decided to buy a horse for me, because I loved him. I'm the one that goes out there and climbs on them every day, why not pick one that makes me light up inside to see his face over the fence every morning? That means I bought the kind of compact, big-moving TB that *I* like to ride. Fingers crossed. Check back in a year to see if it worked out.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    This was a first date..And he didn't ask you out: .why would he act like he's interested in you? You two don't even know eachother yet! You have to earn it
                                    Your description sounded like he was completely reasonable for a youngster off the track who does not know what sort of relationship is possible with a human. You can show him.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Agree with arlosmine 100%.

                                      Of the 5 I've owned not a single one made me go OMG! at first, but every single one gave me a gut feeling of This Is Right.
                                      And not a one of them turned out disappointing.
                                      So maybe trust your gut and tell your heart to sit it out?
                                      *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
                                      Steppin' Out 1988-2004
                                      Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
                                      Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by PrimoAmor View Post
                                        He wasn't spooky at all. He was looking around and curious. He seemed maybe a little lost...? He did everything I asked of him under saddle, though that wasn't much. He didn't put a foot wrong. He looked at some goats but it wasn't in a OMG way it was curiosity. I walked on a loose rein, trotted with some contact and a ridiculously long rein, cantered him both directions and jumped a 2 foot vertical. He was a saint. He is cute enough to be competitive at the shows I hope to attend and sane enough for my mom to take him out on a few trail rides.

                                        He is off the track. He didn't know what an apple is so I'm guessing he may not be used to an overly doting owner? Not that I think he was abused or anything but he has been in more of the competitive world, he will be more of a pet with me. He did after our ride put his head down against my chest which I thought was super sweet but that was the only affection from him.

                                        I'm just used to overly lovey horses. My old guy who passed was a licker. He licked everyone and was a big teddy bear. My guy now, when I'm at the barn he wants my undivided attention. But I bought him with my heart and talked myself into too much horse. After trying to make it work for three years I've finally decided I need a horse I want to ride and can accomplish some goals with.
                                        He sounds great.

                                        Here's the thing: you can allow some older horses to take liberties like you describe, but if you do the same with the younger fellows they can really get the wrong idea. Like the idea that they are in charge!

                                        It's taken me a long time to learn this. But horses really like you best when you give them work and firm directions and constant reminders that they are not the top man on the totem pole (cause really, that position entails a lot more stress for them). And by constant reminders I mean backing them out of your space if they try to put their big head on your chest (or any other body part).

                                        Now, I believe in pats and praise and even the occasional cookie for a job well done. But I am a reformed and recovered snuggler of horses. I wound up with two horses who turned out to be too much for me. After buying at least one horse who really wasn't. I finally figured out what that common denominator might be. Then I got myself and my current horse to a trainer and she, after a year and a half, convinced me of what I'm trying to tell you.

                                        I know this wasn't exactly what you asked, so to return to the topic - yes, I think this horse sounds great. But I think you may have a problem with unrealistic expectations. If you want a horse you can snuzzle with, you really need an older broke-to-death type. If you want a horse you can grow with, you need a horse like the one you describe, but don't go untraining him!
                                        Last edited by pAin't_Misbehavin'; Nov. 20, 2013, 04:42 PM.
                                        I'm not ignoring the rules. I'm interpreting the rules. Tamal, The Great British Baking Show

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