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I need serious advice - divorce pending, reducing herd

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  • #21
    Originally posted by hundredacres View Post
    Thank you all. The input is helpful.

    Wendy, I am going from 2 incomes, to one. I have 7 horses. I'm not a doctor, I don't make six figures. The horses will need vet care that I will not be able to afford, and I always have emergency funds for my horses, and that will be divided up during this divorce. I know that on my income I can afford 3 at the very most, why is that so hard to understand?
    I have something else I could say to you but I think they would edit it, and ban me.
    No worries Hundred Acres , there are those of us with a brain and a heart who will say it for you !!!

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    • #22
      Originally posted by hundredacres View Post
      Thank you all. The input is helpful.

      Wendy, I am going from 2 incomes, to one. I have 7 horses. I'm not a doctor, I don't make six figures. The horses will need vet care that I will not be able to afford, and I always have emergency funds for my horses, and that will be divided up during this divorce. I know that on my income I can afford 3 at the very most, why is that so hard to understand?
      I have something else I could say to you but I think they would edit it, and ban me.
      That's OK, we're all thinking it.

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      • #23
        Those therapeutic riding programs give away horses that do not fit in. The one near here took 2 horses from a woman who worked at the barn where I used to board. They kept one and passed another on to whomever wanted it or they sent it to auction within a few months of getting the horses.

        I would rather mine be in the ground where I know they are not suffering or being abused, etc., than see or hear about them starving or suffering. I think the worse is NOT knowing what happened to the horses.

        Put down what you cannot feed and care for. I'm sure Wendy has never rehomed a horse and has every horse she's ever owned right on her place now? Otherwise, why would she say what she said to you? Or maybe she is going to take whichever horses you cannot keep? (I do think animals have conceptions about life and death and tomorrow and whatever. But I still say, better dead than abused. And perfectly good healthy horses cannot be given away now. I know, I acquired 2 1/2 yrs ago one of them and she's in her permanent till death home.)

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        • #24
          Originally posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
          Those therapeutic riding programs give away horses that do not fit in. The one near here took 2 horses from a woman who worked at the barn where I used to board. They kept one and passed another on to whomever wanted it or they sent it to auction within a few months of getting the horses.

          I would rather mine be in the ground where I know they are not suffering or being abused, etc., than see or hear about them starving or suffering. I think the worse is NOT knowing what happened to the horses.

          Put down what you cannot feed and care for. I'm sure Wendy has never rehomed a horse and has every horse she's ever owned right on her place now? Otherwise, why would she say what she said to you? Or maybe she is going to take whichever horses you cannot keep? (I do think animals have conceptions about life and death and tomorrow and whatever. But I still say, better dead than abused. And perfectly good healthy horses cannot be given away now. I know, I acquired 2 1/2 yrs ago one of them and she's in her permanent till death home.)
          You could always have a "first right of refusal" if the horses don't fit in or give it to them on free lease with the agreement that they'll send the horse back if it's not a good fit or when the horse has outlived its usefulness.

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          • #25
            Originally posted by wendy View Post
            I've never understood why people feel the need to get rid of animals just because their SO walked out? do people get rid of their kids when the SO walks out? hardly ever. So why the animals?
            Typical wendy

            hundredacres, I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. There's no doubt in my mind that you would be doing the kindest and most responsible thing for your horses, as heartbreaking as it is. It's part of the pact.

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            • #26
              Originally posted by yourcolorfuladdiction View Post
              You could always have a "first right of refusal" if the horses don't fit in or give it to them on free lease with the agreement that they'll send the horse back if it's not a good fit or when the horse has outlived its usefulness.
              Unfortunately many, many times people don't honor contracts or any kind of agreement. It's never a certain thing no matter how tight you think your contract is.

              And I do know this from experience, sadly.

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              • #27
                Originally posted by wendy View Post
                I've never understood why people feel the need to get rid of animals just because their SO walked out? do people get rid of their kids when the SO walks out? hardly ever. So why the animals?
                Wendy...wow...just wow...this is a heartless comment...people do what they HAVE to do to survive...! when you can't provide for them...you make hard choices! Obviously hundredacres LOVES those horses!

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                • #28
                  A mantra on this board when it comes to letting go those we love and care for: "Better a good day early than a bad day late." I've seen/read your posts before and know you've taken very good care of your horses. I am so sorry for what you are going through -- as well as your daughter. I think your option about euthanizing those in your care is pragmatic, realistic and very, very compassionate.

                  I hope order and happiness are restored post haste in your life, and the board (with the exception of Wendy, apparently) understands the upheaval you are going through and all of us have you (and DD and horses) in our thoughts.
                  AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012

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                  • #29
                    I'm so sorry for you and your DH. No specific advice horse advice for you, but I would counsel you to wait a bit before you make ANY decisions about your animals. Get all the information and advice you can, then make a plan and stick to it. Don't doubt yourself, forge ahead with confidence and with a goal in mind. Make a list of pros and cons about reducing the herd, then file it away somewhere where you can look at it for reference in case you start second guessing yourself. This is a confusing, scary time and no doubt at some point you will question your previous decisions. Waiting a bit and then being able to reference the whys and wherefores of your decision will help you navigate the bumpy road ahead. Wishing you strength and courage!
                    Riding: The art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

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                    • #30
                      I don't see any problem with putting them down if it spares them from possibly being passed from home to home, ending up at auction or slaughter or in a neglectful situation. In fact, far more people should not be afraid to do that. There are so many pasture puffs out there and so few good homes for them.

                      That said, I wouldn't do anything until you have consulted with a lawyer. You don't really say anything about the tone of the divorce, but putting horses down could possibly be seen as trying to remove assets (even though we know they don't have any real monetary value). I wouldn't do it unless you are sure the husband won't make it into a problem for you, the lawyer/judge/whoever says it is okay, or until you divide up belongings and officially have the horses as only yours.
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                      • #31
                        Hugs

                        I would also advise to "let the dust settle" just a little. I am so sorry you are going through this. What ever decisions you make, they are yours and you know what is best. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

                        And, Wendy, wow.
                        www.Somermistfarm.com
                        Quality Hunter Ponies

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                        • #32
                          Hugs. Lots of hugs.

                          When I was 12, my special pet cow had difficulties with her first calf. We had to call the vet, he pulled the calf with mechanical assistance/leverage. We were lucky the calf survived, next the cow prolapsed her uterus. Vet stuffed it back in, sewed things up, and counseled us that while the cow probably wouldn't need subsequent calves pulled, she would very likely re-prolapse. So she should mother and raise her calf, then wean him, and then never have a calf again- in other words, she was going to be beef.

                          My mom knew I was attached to my cow. I knew the cow could no longer pay her way, and would suffer if she had another calf.

                          Now, I also had a pony. I rode the pony, and really enjoyed him.

                          Mom let me know that if I really, really wanted to, we could sell the pony and keep the cow for my pet.
                          It ended up that my cow was put in the freezer (yes, I ate her knowing exactly what it was) and I kept the pony to ride. I was out of town when she was humanely euthanized (shot with her face in the grain bucket) and butchered.

                          But my mom did a lot to make sure I knew the whole story, the financial choices that made sense, and that if I REALLY wanted to, I could do something different. But it was a 'budget' type choice- either/or.

                          If your daughter is privy to an overview of the financial realities (not necessarily the specifics), and the likely outcomes of 'rehoming' versus euthanasia, she may feel less helpless. She may also choose to give up marching band for a paying job that lets you keep one or more of the 'unadoptable' horses. Or she might choose to really put effort into finding real homes for the unadoptable horses.

                          In any case, my opinion is that at 14, including your daughter at some level in this process (since she loves the horses) will be helpful to both of you.

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                          • #33
                            Originally posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
                            Those therapeutic riding programs give away horses that do not fit in. The one near here took 2 horses from a woman who worked at the barn where I used to board. They kept one and passed another on to whomever wanted it or they sent it to auction within a few months of getting the horses.

                            I would rather mine be in the ground where I know they are not suffering or being abused, etc., than see or hear about them starving or suffering. I think the worse is NOT knowing what happened to the horses.
                            I completely agree with this. There's a theraputic riding program that one of my friends works for, and those horses most definitely do NOT have a "forever home." Don't want to go into specifics, but I definitely would never place a horse w/them.

                            I can't imagine going through this. But I think it's best for the horse to be put down, while they're with you, and loved, and well-cared-for, and in good shape. They live in the now, and they don't fear death; so this will definitely be harder on you than it will be on them.

                            Best of luck, hundredacres.
                            Topline Leather -- Bespoke, handwoven browbands & accessories customized with Swarovski crystals, gemstones, & glass seed beads. The original crystal braid & crystal spike browbands!

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                            • #34
                              yourcolorfuladdiction, we all know how good a "first right of refusal" can be/go----re the Mill Creek situation and Max

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                              • #35
                                I am so sorry op. ! Y heart goes out to you. Do what you feel is right by your horses and be damned second guessing. I cut wemdy some slack because I have that knee jerk reaction. And that is only because I find it sad that an animal's life is so closely predicated on the circumstances of its human lifeline. I am living with regret and that colors my response.

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                                • #36
                                  I probably would make an effort to rehome the horses before deciding to euthanize. I agree there aren't many good homes, and it can be hard to figure out who's ok and who's not. But you have to concede, there ARE good homes out there -- you were/are one!

                                  I would list them on your local regional pony club list. The standardbred in particular sounds like she'd be perfect for a pony club kid. Only after trying and failing would I euthanize, knowing I had done everything I could for the horses.
                                  https://www.facebook.com/SugarMapleFarm
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                                  • #37
                                    Originally posted by yourcolorfuladdiction View Post
                                    You could always have a "first right of refusal" if the horses don't fit in or give it to them on free lease with the agreement that they'll send the horse back if it's not a good fit or when the horse has outlived its usefulness.
                                    Read Lynwood's post about her horse @ Mill Creek. Unfortunately, first right of refusal doesn't really mean much.
                                    Topline Leather -- Bespoke, handwoven browbands & accessories customized with Swarovski crystals, gemstones, & glass seed beads. The original crystal braid & crystal spike browbands!

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                                    • #38
                                      A first right of refusal a. isn't always honored and b. doesn't guarantee that the OP can take the horse back at that time.

                                      I had to sell a stallion during my divorce. It was a total fire sale, price less than a quarter what I paid for him prior to two years of training, etc etc. Couldn't be helped, but I wasn't going to euth a six or seven year old sound horse with papers and top notch breeding. But I also couldn't keep him...absolutely no way I could afford to board a stallion.

                                      The guy who bought him contacted me a couple years later to see if I wanted to buy him back. I absolutely couldn't, I was barely scratching by, so I sent him a ton of links for places to advertise, horse contacts that might be interested in a stallion of his caliber, on and on with as much help as I could. He opted to starve the horse instead... I was contacted by a farm that rescued him and a mare and foal, because the guy never transferred papers. He was probably BCS of 2, had a scar on his leg, it was rough. They fed him, put some dressage training into him (no idea if he was sound for jumping), and sold him. I almost wish I had euth'ed him, and I'll probably do that from now if I think I won't be able to take an animal back.

                                      And this was a young sound horse with papers. I think OP is on the right track with opting to not put horses through that.
                                      COTH's official mini-donk enabler

                                      "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

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                                      • #39
                                        Hugs!! So sorry to hear this. All in all you do what you need to do to keep food on your table. Don't let the negative nellys get into your head. If it was me I would work on find therapys for the 2 BUT if I couldn't then yes I would put them down. It's not mean it's the kind thing for them.
                                        Eyes up, heels down, shoulders back, straight ahead, breathe, smile, love the feel, savor the ride.

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                                        • #40
                                          I cited a Kentucky case on a similar thread here a few years ago where someone gave away 2 horses (I think 2, maybe 3?) to someone with the written right of first refusal. New owner within a short time sent the horses to slaughter. Former owner sued, and won in court. The judge was great. Of course it was a pyrrhic victory because the horses had been hauled on one of those crowded trucks to a slaughterhouse and had the bolt gun and then their throats cut and slung up by a hind leg to drain out. A hard lesson for their previous owner.

                                          If you do ever given away with a "right of first refusal" make sure it is in writing and that there is a monetary penalty for violating that right. That won't keep your horses from being disposed of by unscrupulous people, but it will require them to pay out whatever amt of money you specified in the contract. I'd rather have my horses than a penalty of thousands of dollars.

                                          OP, if people give you grief, they should offer to take and care for your horses. Do get a lawyer, see how much you will get in child support and in division of your property and assets. If you have paid off the mtg on your property, you may be able to sell off all or part and get a smaller place t o keep all or most of your animals.

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