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I need serious advice - divorce pending, reducing herd

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  • Thinking of you and your daughter. Just think what a great and strong example you are for her. No matter how awful her dad has been, she is learning valuable life lessons from you about how to dig deep when the going gets tough. You are a terrific mom and more than make up for her crappy dad.

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    • I am sorry for the loss of your brother. You and your daughter are on my prayer list. I hope all turns out well for you.
      Peaceful thoughts and wishes,
      Chief2
      "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

      http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/

      Comment


      • Originally posted by hundredacres View Post
        I have an excellent lawyer. STEH going to crap his pants later today. Just saying. My attorney has been practicing law, twice as long as his attorney has even been alive.

        And-GUESS who will not be there to wash his skuzzy undies!

        A dumped wife's mantra...Get mad-then get everything!
        the NOT!! Spoiled!! Arabian Protectavest poster pony lives on in my heart

        Comment


        • Divorce is so tough...especially on the kids. When an ex has themselves so wrapped up in their own egos, and fail to be parents, it's not easy on them.

          But, then again, you just do what you can to hold up your end of the bargain.

          I'm saying this because 25 years ago tomorrow is my son's birthday. And he just came by yesterday to help pick up wood, work outside, and do errands...and to have one of our many nice long talks. It was such a nice day.

          While we were married, his father worked overseas 95% of the time, in an absolute affront to how we had agreed to live before we were married. And he's American! We stayed together 15 years before I filed - more than half that time living apart (we made the sacrifice to live "over there" with him). So bottom line is, my son and I are very close. But the last 2 years, since he graduated from college, son has been staying at his father's house - which is convenient to the city, and in an attempt to get to know his father better. Let's just say, his father hasn't really improved in his parenting skills. Everything is still about him.

          But when my son returns to visit me, I am the one that gives him responsibility. And I am the one he can talk to for hours. I am the one that has interest in his life as it is for him, not how it fits into my world. He's had a bumpy road of late - the whole household is full of crisis mongers - and he's sick of it. Ready to move on. Has buckled down and really hit the pavement to get a better job that will get him out of there.

          And as our conversations ended last evening, and he prepared to leave, it was obvious who he gives credit to for pointing him in the good direction he is in at the moment. It is too bad that that credit couldn't have been shared by a set of parents who did the right thing for him. But despite the heartache and struggles of divorce, there are moments like last night that make you realize your hard work pays off.

          Keeping you in my thoughts.
          But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson

          Comment


          • Hundredacres, you're a class act. I've been following your journey, and your tact, grace, and strength are quite evident. Once the dust settles and you can go back to being yourself, you're going to bloom.

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            • Original Poster

              Originally posted by crewgirl34 View Post
              Hundredacres, you're a class act. I've been following your journey, and your tact, grace, and strength are quite evident. Once the dust settles and you can go back to being yourself, you're going to bloom.

              I could tell she was down yesterday so we went out to eat dinner. \edited/
              (edited) as it stands, we will be in court for the provisional hearing on Wednesday at 3pm EST. Just in case you have time to jingle for us...it will surely be appreciated.

              CVP....thank you for that lovely post. I know exactly what you mean. I get many, many compliments on what a wonderful young woman my daughter is - it makes me beam with pride that she is so amazing, despite having a dad who can't relate to her at all.
              Last edited by hundredacres; Oct. 31, 2013, 08:48 PM.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by hundredacres View Post
                I explained that the courts may require her to stay with him every other weekend, and she cried. Talk about heart breaking.
                I don't know about your state, but in some states, the court will take a minor's wishes into consideration when deciding visitation. The minimum age for that is typically 14. The kid doesn't actually get to make any decisions, but they can at least be heard.

                Once an order of possession is established, my personal opinion is that kids should never be allowed to choose whether or not they obey it. I think that puts way too much burden on the child where pleasing one parent or hurting another is concerned, and it can facilitate alienation. However, your ex placed a higher priority on recovering an antique dresser than supporting his daughter at a big event. Not knowing anything else about his personality, that action casts doubt on how hard he'll fight for his visitation. And if he's got a girlfriend in place already, the presence of an unhappy 14yo girl every other weekend probably won't make her very happy. Every other weekend could morph into only one weekend per month or even less. Honestly, I don't know what sucks worse - being forced to visit the other parent or having the other parent be disinterested - but for now, it seems it could go either way.
                "I did know once, only I've sort of forgotten." - Winnie the Pooh

                Comment


                • HA, you sound like you've got it in the bag

                  Have put next Wed in my calendar to remind me to send all sorts of positive energy & jingles your way!

                  Mr. 2HG always said that I should be straight with my daughter about her dad and our divorce. I felt it was more important to take the high road + she was only 3 when we separated. Now, 10 years later, she can determine for herself.

                  For example: on her calendar in her room for the year, I marked my weekends pink, and her weekends with Dad blue, so she knows the schedule (it's always been on the house calendar, but I don't think anyone but me looks at that one ). So now when her dad asks to switch weekends (which he does all the &@^% time - including calling 48 hours before a Buck Brannaman clinic [which I told him he had to reimburse me for, at a cost $300 instead of the $100 it actually cost ] to ask if he had already told me that he + MrsEH were attending a wedding across the country!), I tell him he has to check with her first. So before when she was younger, she just knew that it got switched; now that she is older, she can see exactly how often he does it + realizes HE is the one initiating it, not me.

                  Like Mr 2HG says (to paraphrase Trak): if he wants to hang himself, just keep feeding him rope with a smile.

                  The one thing that I did set her straight on was who initiated the divorce, and why. She came back from a weekend with her dad with the nugget that *I* wanted the divorce + when she asked him why we got divorced, he told her "Ask your mother." Oh HELL no -- to this day, he's never given ME a reason!

                  (to be fair, Mr 2HG is SUCH an upgrade, I have nothing to complain about )

                  pps -- we need a smiley that blinks innocently, especially for the divorce threads!
                  "Let's face it -- Beezie Madden is NOT looking over her shoulder for me anytime
                  soon . . . or ever, even in her worst nightmares."


                  Member, Higher Standards Leather Care Addicts Anonymous

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    Update: A TRP contacted me about the Haflinger. They are local (10 miles away), reputable, and I would be glad to let them use him as long as they need to, then I will take him back and make a decision for him then.

                    She'll come visit on Saturday, so keep your fingers crossed for us!

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                    • My daughters have survived a situation not unlike yours and came out shining stars in spote of the black cloud we lived under for years. Youngest finally got the courage to tell her dad exactly why she wants no relationship with him... of course, to him it is all my fault. I'll take all the blame he wants to send my way, even though I tried for years to excuse his inappropriate behavior, drinking, lying, cheating and maniacal temper. She knows the truth. She knows who raised her, loved her and provided her with all the security a heart needs to feel loved. And in the end, Daughter got her balls from me, not him. Yours will, too.
                      SPAY/NEUTER/RESCUE/ADOPT!
                      Little Star Chihuahua Rescue
                      The Barkalicious Bakery
                      On Facebook!!!

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by hundredacres View Post
                        Update: A TRP contacted me about the Haflinger. They are local (10 miles away), reputable, and I would be glad to let them use him as long as they need to, then I will take him back and make a decision for him then.

                        She'll come visit on Saturday, so keep your fingers crossed for us!
                        Sorry to ask a stupid question - what does TRP mean?

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                        • Original Poster

                          Sorry! Therapeutic Riding Center!

                          Comment


                          • Oh wow! That is great. I hope it works out.

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                            • Original Poster

                              Originally posted by moonriverfarm View Post
                              My daughters have survived a situation not unlike yours and came out shining stars in spote of the black cloud we lived under for years. Youngest finally got the courage to tell her dad exactly why she wants no relationship with him... of course, to him it is all my fault. I'll take all the blame he wants to send my way, even though I tried for years to excuse his inappropriate behavior, drinking, lying, cheating and maniacal temper. She knows the truth. She knows who raised her, loved her and provided her with all the security a heart needs to feel loved. And in the end, Daughter got her balls from me, not him. Yours will, too.
                              Love your last lines, so much. Thank you ~~~

                              Comment


                              • Fingers crossed on a good situation for the Haflinger!
                                If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

                                Comment


                                • . Say NOTHING to anyone about him other than FACTS.

                                  Do not tell even your best friend, your family, or your daughter anything negative about him. I've seen so many "rule nasties" as the judges call them, while waiting to try criminals, . You have to keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Yes you can say that he took the furniture and you can say any factual things. But you have to go into the woods and scream, or do so when driving alone in traffic, and not say one word about what you think of the dude.
                                  Judges hate divorce cases and think both parties lie all the time. Be very careful what you say and do before the divorce is final.

                                  OK mine is edited ok I think.
                                  Last edited by cloudyandcallie; Nov. 1, 2013, 02:28 PM.

                                  Comment


                                  • hundredacres, hang in there. 'This to shall pass'. Keep holding onto that, and onto your daughter, and spend time with your animals. They will all keep you sane.

                                    Cloudyandcallie is right. Until the divorce is over, be careful what you say and write. You can think all the evil things you want, but don't write them down until after it's final, LOL. Be careful.

                                    You sound like a person with a very good head on your shoulders. Your daughter is very lucky to have you, and you both will be fine. Stand strong!

                                    Thinking and praying for you-
                                    The truth is always in the middle.

                                    Comment


                                    • I have a great idea - let's introduce the ray of brown sunshine that is Wendy to the OP's jackwad husband.

                                      The sound like they are made for each other!

                                      (OP - Wendy delights in being ultimate queen of the assclowns in everything she posts, so don't even include her on your radar)

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        Okay...I deleted a few things....let me know if you guys think I missed anything. And maybe deleted references to my comments if possible?

                                        This is the only place I've given details. nothing on FB or anyplace else.

                                        Comment


                                        • Finally had time to read through all of this. Best wishes to you, and you and your daughter are going to get through this. I saw my mom go through two divorces with class and dignity, and you're obviously another strong woman like she was. We're all (well, almost all) pulling for you.

                                          OT, but it might give you a needed laugh. Talking about things you shouldn't say on FB coming back to bite you, I saw a hilarious story yesterday. This was actually on a local news station site, with names and town and statements from the police, so apparently really happened. Turns out that two drug dealers decided to advertise their drugs on FB. I'm serious.

                                          The police "liked" the idea. Appointments set up, dealers appeared with drugs and without a clue, and out came the handcuffs. Nothing like making law enforcement's job easy for them.

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