• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Divorce and horses

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
    I really am so thankful for all the help and support from everyone. This is such a shitty situation, and I am so thankful for everyone's advice and helpful comments.
    Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
    I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

    My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole.
    Ugh.
    Yep. Well, sad and lacking in any fight is exactly what he wants. Sorry, he can tell you he wants everything but the real world does not work that way and I would love to see the look on the judges face when he presents that.

    So, let him and his lawyer continue to make asses of themselves and get angry that he thinks you will be so easily beaten down.
    Family judges have seen it all and they will certainly know of his scumbag lawyer and any judge worth his/her salt will size your soon to be ex up before he ever opens his mouth in a courtroom. So, you just make sure that lawyer of yours fights back just as hard. You want the house, alimony (if applicable), child support, the horses, half of any retirement monies, oh yeah, half of anything he bought overseas for his girlfriends and your portion of the law practice. Also, if he is the main bread winner, you want him to pay for college. You can make demands which are just as asinine as his, in the end he cheated on you so who do you think it going to garner the least sympathy of the court?

    And remember, he is the one who cheated on you and squandered money on girlfriends. He has a sleazebag lawyer who is going to be paid to grind you down and screw with your head. So, yes, let your lawyer deal with it and spend your energy on making sure your lawyer is doing right by you.

    In the end, it will work out ok for you. He is actually scared shitless that you are going to own his balls in the end - as he should be.

    Comment


    • OP-sisterfriend- you can't be tired and out of fight yet.

      Find a way to put the Feelings in one compartment and the Divorce in another or you're going to let down your kids and horses and yourself. You gotta get some gravel under your tires.

      Remember what I said about depression.

      Please don't be someone that wrings their hands about "how can this be happening" the whole time that it's happening and never saves themselves. Roll in it as you need to but then get up and fight otherwise he's going to take you to the cleaners.

      Get a doctor/therapist, get a box of wine, get some girlfriends with attitudes and get fired up. It's going to suck but lots of people end up going to battle when they didn't want to be there and won.
      “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

      Comment


      • Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
        I really am so thankful for all the help and support from everyone. This is such a shitty situation, and I am so thankful for everyone's advice and helpful comments.
        Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
        I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

        My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole.
        Ugh.
        First - BIG giant hug for you. This does suck but you will get through it - I promise.

        Without going into all the crazy details (b/c it was like something off TV it was SO WHACK), ExH asked for EVERYTHING at the get go. He had all these "reasons" to justify his claims & requests. Part of this tactic is emotional warfare, another just negotiating - ask for way more than you expect to actually get. Don't let this beat you down and DO let your attorney go to the mattresses for you...that's what you're paying for. Your kids need your energy way more than you need to be spending your energy on the soon to be ex. Letting your attorney fight isn't giving up the fight...it's fighting SMART.

        It is SO hard to believe that someone who promised to love you forever could be such an ass and so deceptive, etc...it just destroys you piece by piece if you focus on that part of it. So don't focus on it. (I know easier said than done.) Like others on here, my divorce was a 3 ring circus of lies, deceit and treachery....my ex did everything he could to try and tear me to pieces and hang me out to dry. I had done nothing wrong either...he was the one with multiple affairs, hidden lives... the list goes on. Break down when you have to but don't be afraid to lean on good friends and make sure you don't forget about taking care of yourself through all this. Even if it's just a girls night out to see a movie and eat a $40 bucket of movie popcorn.

        Again, BIG hugs to you!!

        Comment


        • My sister-in-law divorced a lawyer (and got the largest divorce settlement in Illinois history, at the time!) but since then her husband has appealed the settlement three times and she's ended up paying $$$$$ in legal fees to respond.

          I wonder if there's a way to put in your settlement that your legal fees in any appeal will be borne by your husband, or failing that, if your husband appeals and loses then he has to pay your legal fees.

          Pass this point on to your lawyer -- I imagine you have a lot on your mind!
          https://www.facebook.com/SugarMapleFarm
          Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peonyvodka/
          www.PeonyVodka.com

          Comment


          • I did not have a difficult divorce, went to mediation. Interestingly, the mediator asked about the horse. Since we got him when we were married and I expected to care for him while married, XH (unfaithful #$%^) had to agree to split any vet bill over $500 for the next 7 years (half of the period of time we were married). A little unexpected bonus for me. He was not happy and said to the mediator, “Do you know what colic surgery can cost?” She did not care. I smiled.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Beau's mom View Post
              He was not happy and said to the mediator, “Do you know what colic surgery can cost?” She did not care. I smiled.
              Good thing I did not have a mouthful of coffee or my monitor would be wearing it now.

              Nicely done!!
              You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something… S. Jobs

              Comment


              • Document the behavior with the kids. Document document document - and anything else you can think of.

                Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
                So horses are boarded. It is a private gated farm and the Bo will not release them.
                This is my first appointment with attn. I know him personally as he also has horses. Hopefully that will be helpful...
                Husband attempted to take kids today, brought the baby back after an hour because he was fussy.... Geez. Then bought the older boys 7,9 an extremely violent video game and an x box... To keep at his new house...
                I'm currently looking through my panties drawer for a pair of big girl panties! As I am pissed!
                The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.
                H. Cate

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Finzean View Post
                  Part of this tactic is emotional warfare, another just negotiating - ask for way more than you expect to actually get. Don't let this beat you down and DO let your attorney go to the mattresses for you...that's what you're paying for. Letting your attorney fight isn't giving up the fight...it's fighting SMART.

                  Again, BIG hugs to you!!
                  Ugh. So depressing reading about the OP’s and other’s breakups. Giant hugs to all of you! You’ve shared some amazing advice as well.

                  A friend of mine is in a situation that mirrors yours almost exactly. Her not-soon-enough-to-be-ex is waging “emotional warfare” on her. After commiserating with friends who have gone through divorces, we have found that this is not uncommon. But, as Finzean said, let your attorney fight this battle. At $500/hour, he should be doing the heavy lifting, not you. You already have enough on your plate Take care of yourself and your kids and follow your lawyer’s advice to avoid finding yourself on the wrong side of any important issues. It sounds like things are going to be ugly for a while but, in the long run, you will be better off. This is not the type of person you want in your life or raising your children.

                  It’s none of my business, but have you asked yourself what he would do if you capitulated and agreed to give him custody of the kids? It is pretty telling that just one hour with the baby pushed him over the edge. Also, would the “girlfriend” want custody of all 3 kids? Something to think about. He’s trying (and succeeding in scaring you). Maybe you should turn the tables on him. If nothing else, let him see how it feels.

                  Comment


                  • How utterly pathetic of your husband to do this... Keep your head up. Take care of your kids and yourself and let your attorney fight the fight. I am so very angry for you and I hope your attny does what needs to be done...

                    Comment


                    • First of all, you are not defined only by your marriage to XX.

                      You are a wonderful, valuable person whose input during this marriage earned you the right to 1/2 of everything that grew or benefitted from that.

                      Certainly there is no monetary value for your children, but EVERYTHING else in your marriage has a pricetag/ net value and you earned 50% of that.

                      Set aside your emotional response to this and address the finances of the property.

                      If you haven't asked for bank statements and company balance sheets going back as far a you can, do so or have your lawyer do so immediately, get appraisals and net values on all property including real and personal acquired or paid for during your marriage.

                      Start with this, and think of it as protecting your children if that gets the momma bear in you going.

                      This is your new job, get busy.

                      Comment


                      • I didnt read the whole thread, so forgive me if this was said. Everyone always looks for recommendations for a lawyer, and rightfully so. But sometimes what is overlooked is this:
                        Find the friend or coworker or whomever that got SCREWED - and then find the ex-spouses attorney. THERE is your shark!

                        Comment


                        • Honey, he's just effing with you with those demands. His lawyer knows that. They all ask for the sun, moon and stars to just mess with your head, they will settle for a lot less.

                          BTW, if you have a Facebook or any other social media account, delete it. Be careful of what you say on the internet. You don't know how many times I've used a parents' Facebook account against them.
                          I'm a second hand Vegan. Cows eat grass. I eat cows.

                          Comment


                          • Show him your middle finger ! He must be an awful lawyer.
                            ... _. ._ .._. .._

                            Comment


                            • Do not act or speak in any way that you would not want a judge or jury to see or hear. This means on the phone, in private, or in emails, etc. You can videotape your husband when he is with you. And he can videotape you and yours conversations when he is with you. Never give him ammunition to use against you. In atlanta, parties in divorce cases were always taping each other, and catching each other acting like idiots. Turned off judges and jurors.

                              The problem with a lot of women in divorces is that they get upset, and react to what the husband says and does. You have to have a plan and act on it. This includes as others have said, documenting everything. And recording, via cell phone or tape recorder, everything that you are a party to.

                              And as someone said, hire the lawyer who screwed everyone else in divorces. There were a few in Atlanta who were relentless. I saw them in court, and they were the ones that I recommended to people. And too many divorce lawyers, male and female alike, do not care about their clients. You want someone with such an ego and drive to win, win, win, that he will represent you well. Not because he likes you, but because he wants to win for himself.

                              You have to quit worrying about why your husband is doing this, and start thinking about helping your children and saving your animals and making a living. The court will order child support, but you will have to work to make enough to take care of your children and your animals and yourself. Get some counseling too. You cannot collapse because of your children. You have to be strong. Get support from family and friends.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Equibrit View Post
                                Show him your middle finger ! He must be an awful lawyer.
                                He's not an awful lawyer, he's just a lawyer. If he were representing the OP, he'd ask for the same thing on her behalf. Its what we do. You start off making big demands knowing you aren't going to get them and negotiate from there. Its called horse trading. But as Cloudy said, you do want someone who likes to win and isn't a pushover. A shark or a pitbull. She also gave you good advice about watching what you say and do. Don't give the jerk any ammo.

                                My niece is going through a similar situation, minus the horses. She put her asshat husband through pharmacy school and now that he's finished and is making good money, he started cheating and now wants a divorce. To add insult to injury, she had a stroke right after the birth of their child and can't work in her profession, dental hygiene. But she won't get mad and fight because she still "loves" him and doesn't want to make him mad. I think she's still wanting him back. I say BS get his balls, have them bronzed and use them for paperweights.
                                I'm a second hand Vegan. Cows eat grass. I eat cows.

                                Comment


                                • You guys are scaring me.... Ignorance really is a bliss...Yike

                                  Comment


                                  • Originally posted by Gloria View Post
                                    You guys are scaring me.... Ignorance really is a bliss...Yike
                                    Yup. It is scary. I hope you never find yourself in the OP's position, but at least you know where to come for good advice and genuine support.

                                    Comment


                                    • Just another general FYI while I am thinking about it, beware of social media! I am amazed at how many cases I hear these days where a spouse's social media is brought up. Honestly, it would not hurt to totally eliminate it altogether. I continue to be amazed by what people insist on putting out there for the whole world to see or read.

                                      Comment


                                      • Originally posted by quarterhorse4me View Post
                                        Just another general FYI while I am thinking about it, beware of social media! I am amazed at how many cases I hear these days where a spouse's social media is brought up. Honestly, it would not hurt to totally eliminate it altogether. I continue to be amazed by what people insist on putting out there for the whole world to see or read.

                                        YES! YES! and YES! Don't provide him with any ammunition.

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
                                          Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
                                          I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

                                          My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole. Ugh.
                                          Divorces bring out the worst in everyone...nature of the beast (and the lawyers and some friends just make it worse).

                                          We've only heard one side of this...and there are always 2 sides.

                                          Forget about Pre-nups...the courts keep negating them using all sorts of weak excuses.
                                          "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X