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Divorce and horses

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  • #81
    Sketcher-from my extensive knowledge of the law (from watching all three Law & Orders--just kidding) I think having a third party present at the lawyer discussions might break the attorney-client privilege. The attorneys on here can advise about that.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    • #82
      FL is a 50/50 state. Marital property is anything acquired with joint funds, AFTER marriage. Anything acquired prior to marriage is individual spousal property. ANYTHING gifted, inherited, trusted is individual spousal property.
      IF you can prove horses were acquired prior to marriage, OR acquired with YOUR OWN SEPERATE ACCT, you will be able to keep them. IF they were acquired after the marriage, and paid for with joint finances, they are half his. AS ARE THE EXPENSES ASSOCIATED WITH THEM.
      His business will be half yours, regardless of who started it and whose money financed it, unless there's a pre-nup.
      I know a shark. If you aren't confident you have a great attorney, LMK.
      I\'m not crazy. I\'m just a little unwell.


      • Original Poster

        So horses are boarded. It is a private gated farm and the Bo will not release them.
        This is my first appointment with attn. I know him personally as he also has horses. Hopefully that will be helpful...
        Husband attempted to take kids today, brought the baby back after an hour because he was fussy.... Geez. Then bought the older boys 7,9 an extremely violent video game and an x box... To keep at his new house...
        I'm currently looking through my panties drawer for a pair of big girl panties! As I am pissed!


        • #84
          Originally posted by JanM View Post
          Sketcher-from my extensive knowledge of the law (from watching all three Law & Orders--just kidding) I think having a third party present at the lawyer discussions might break the attorney-client privilege. The attorneys on here can advise about that.
          You're right, it does. That Law&Order must be some good show! But anymore, hardly anyone shows up for a first appointment alone. But OP, if you want to favorably impress your attorney, show up by yourself.
          I'm not ignoring the rules. I'm interpreting the rules. Tamal, The Great British Baking Show


          • Original Poster

            Def going alone. It's super private to me. I will be strong when I'm there and probably break down as soon as I get in the car. A nice trail ride tomorrow may be in order .


            • #86
              Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
              Def going alone. It's super private to me. I will be strong when I'm there and probably break down as soon as I get in the car. A nice trail ride tomorrow may be in order .
              Good for you. And it's OK if you cry in front of your divorce lawyer. I bet s/he's seen a tear or two before.
              I'm not ignoring the rules. I'm interpreting the rules. Tamal, The Great British Baking Show


              • #87
                Originally posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' View Post
                Good for you. And it's OK if you cry in front of your divorce lawyer. I bet s/he's seen a tear or two before.
                I'm a lawyer (but I don't do family law) - I keep a Kleenex box in both my office and our meeting rooms... it happens all the time!

                You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng


                • #88
                  Good luck to you OP, this is an incredibly hard place to find yourself. I did go to the initial consult with my best friend, she wanted a second opinion while there. I did not go to any after she chose her atty.

                  For those who think attorneys don't work for you, I am sorry. I am not an attorney but was grateful to the one who represented me in my divorce proceedings.

                  All of this reminds me why I never want to get married again. The heartache and the struggle to get back on your feet financially is tough and a long road. I'm not ready to lose the other half of everything I own!


                  • #89
                    OP, my background is Paralegal in Family Law. Do write down all of your questions ahead of time, and leave space between the questions on your pad of paper so that you can write in the answers.

                    This will help you remember what the lawyer said once you leave the office. Also, if you repeat back what the lawyer says to you, or your understanding of what he/she said as you are writing it down, that will also help you remember.

                    Best of luck to you.


                    • #90
                      Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
                      Should have never married and attorney.
                      Well I think others should learn to always marry with a prenup!!! My husband and I had one drawn out and my lawyer & I included a lot of verbage that would prevent a situation just like the OP's.
                      I'm still mad at my dad for remarrying without a prenup because his new wife was being pissy about how it will "doom the marriage to fail!". No, it's the best time to discuss these things! My husband and I had wonderful conversations about things that we had never thought of before, while drawing up our prenup. It's like wills; does drawing up a will make you doomed to die?? No. It's just such a silly notion.

                      Originally posted by bellaalexander View Post
                      Is it true that the horses can't just be split? They are split by value? All of my horses are under 3. So are not broke. My one show horse did the gp but has had a few bad injuries in the past and is pretty much retired.
                      IME when drawing up my prenup (that was written to "travel" among states, because we do not foresee staying here) was that the horses were assigned a monetary worth (as was everything else, cars, etc). I had to assign a value to each of my horses (that my husband agreed upon). And then you work with numbers. So if it's split 50/50, and the horses are worth $20k (by an appraiser) and you and your husband have a total of $100k in assets, then you get the horses + $30k and he gets $50k.
                      That is also how it worked when my mom died without a will. Her current husband got 50%, my brother and I split 50%. Her horse was deemed to be worth X, so I got X taken out of my 25% share.


                      • #91
                        I am very glad that the horses are out of his reach at least.
                        America dialed 911. Donald Trump answered the phone.

                        Stop pumping money into colleges and start getting ready to earn money in the projected tradesman shortage of 2024. Make Trades Great Again!


                        • #92
                          If you're really worried about the horses being taken (let's say he comes in with the sheriff to recover "his" assets - the BO won't be able to stop them), ask your attorney to get a restraining order to prevent moving any assets before the divorce. Neither you nor he can move the horses, the expenses to be paid jointly until the settlement. And remember, he may have toys he wants to keep - so if he has an expensive boat or car, have that lumped in with the marital assets. That way he can't sell his boat or his Farrari to one of cronies for $1, either.

                          He brings a knife, you bring a gun. He puts one of yours in the hospital, you put one of his in the morgue. J/K - that's a quote fromThe Untouchables



                          • #93
                            Not much advise here, but stay strong! Don't roll over and give him anything; it seems to me that you have the stronger position going into the divorce since he was cheating and he's leaving you. Go after half of everything, and DON'T leave the house. Go after spousal, child, and whatever other support he owes and you can get.
                            *OMGiH I Loff my Mare* and *My Saddlebred Can Do Anything Your Horse Can Do*


                            • #94
                              I can only imagine how overwhelmed you feel. For some reason, I am the Font of Knowledge about Divorce among my friends -- no idea why, as EH and I were fairly amicable about the whole thing.

                              No advice re: the horses, but some general advice I give everyone who asks*

                              *Prefaced by saying -- this is how I got through mine. This may not work for everyone, and certain things may not apply in your state, but FWIW...
                              • Try to take emotion out of the divorce discussions as much as possible. This is dollars and cents business - who gets the house, amount of support, who pays what bills, etc.
                              • Make copies of everything, and store them where he cannot access them. Everything from vehicle title, property deeds, mortgage documents, income tax returns, bank statements & check registers (i.e., whose handwriting is in the check register proves who pays most of the bills (unless you do it online)), wills, precious photos, horse registration papers + vet bills, etc.
                              • Go back through old calendars, planners, credit cards, journals, etc. - if he was never involved with the horses (who is listed on the board contract? Would your BO even recognize DH if he showed up?), then there is little precedent for him to get them in the divorce proceedings.
                              • Start a journal regarding how much time he spends with the kids from separation date forward: who takes them to practices, who signs them up for activities and weekend parties/playdates, who attends games/concerts/competitions/school events, conferences & field trips, etc. Photos are also handy - if Dad's not in any photos other than the "staged" holiday + birthday ones, it's pretty clear he doesn't hang with them.
                              • Document every missed phone call, cancelled visitation or dinner, late support payment, etc.; if you produce a "diary" in a notebook or journal that shows a steady record over a period of time (which means daily/weekly record-keeping vs trying to recall specifically a weekend several months ago right before a settlement meeting) that he doesn't operate under the 50/50 rule now, will he really change his actions in the future? **BE PREPARED to account for YOUR actions as well! No sir, no dating, no bar hopping. Two trips a week to the barn with kids and a lunch with college girlfriends, that's about it. Yes sir, he hasn't spent a Friday or Saturday evening with the children in ___ months.
                              • What childcare arrangements does he have in place? Will the kids be dumped with a babysitter so he & Chickie-Poo can go pursue their personal pleasures instead of being a supportive father during this confusing time in their lives?
                              • Document what he has at his new home for the kids - i.e., do they have a room of their own, or are they sleeping on the couch during overnight visits? Does he have clothing there for them, or do you have to send clothes + diapers + car seat, etc (and do you get everything back after the visit?). If they are sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags every other weekend, it could be chalked up as an adventure; 50% of their lives should not be spent in sleeping bags in the office/guest room & living out of a backpack.
                              • Document what the kids say about the Chickie-poo. Does she hang with them, or disappear when they are there for the weekend? If his new "partner" is not participatory, that will eventually affect the quality of his relationship with them. (This is not a judgement about any of the step-parent threads that appear on here on OT days.)
                              • What do they do with him? If, like my EH, they allow the kids to stay up til 3am playing on the computer for 18 straight hours, and they skip practices or parties because Dad won't take them on HIS weekend, that's not parenting; that's being Uncle Buck. Like the video game - what is the rating on it? Could show lack of parental judgement.
                              • No matter what, do NOT badmouth him to your kids.
                              • Make sure the school, daycare, babysitters, etc. know that you are separated and have his contact information (if appropriate), and make sure he gets copies of report cards, school newsletters, room parent requests, etc. All the 20,000 details that you just 'handled', start cc'ing him. Chances are it will drive him batshit crazy in about 2 weeks
                              • Document what it will cost you to hire out all the little things he did around the house (if any - I was way handier than my EH). When he pushes back, explaining that doing all of that yourself will leave NO time to spend with the children, who are your PRIORITY during this confusing time in their lives.
                              "Let's face it -- Beezie Madden is NOT looking over her shoulder for me anytime
                              soon . . . or ever, even in her worst nightmares."

                              Member, Higher Standards Leather Care Addicts Anonymous


                              • #95
                                I was in your shoes....do take care
                                This website helped me
                                Mine was having a lengthy affair,,now he realizes what he lost...I have forgiven him,
                                My life is much better, still have the farm,,,and a new horse shipping business
                                We have a semi and four smaller rigs......it's hard but it will get better.


                                • Original Poster

                                  I really am so thankful for all the help and support from everyone. This is such a shitty situation, and I am so thankful for everyone's advice and helpful comments.
                                  Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
                                  I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

                                  My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole.


                                  • #97
                                    A thought - if he somehow gets the horses, you'll probably be able to acquire them cheap afterward. If they have to go to auction, you can buy them. If he sells them, you can have a friend or COTHer buy them for you. Unbroke horses shouldn't go too high, I think.



                                    • #98
                                      Pain't-I not only watch Law & Order, but watched LA Law a lot too years ago. My legal knowledge is almost as good as my medical info. from watching ER before work a lot, of course that one went off TV years ago.

                                      I hope the OP and kids come through this, and find happiness and peace.
                                      You can't fix stupid-Ron White


                                      • #99
                                        I have no advice, other than I'm very sorry for what you are going through. Your soon-to-be-ex-husband sounds like a scumbag.
                                        Go have a glass of wine. Or a bottle of wine. Or a box of wine.
                                        Stay strong and keep your head.
                                        As Peter, Paul, and Mary say, a dragon lives forever.


                                        • No advice. Just lots of hugs. Stay strong.
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