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I feel like I'm overstepping my boundaries...

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  • I feel like I'm overstepping my boundaries...

    I'll try to make this short!

    Moved to a new state & barn in the last 6 months, everything was great, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm overstepping my boundaries when it comes to my horse.

    A few examples: Trainer clipped Mare when she moved in. She needed it BAD. A few months later, she needed to be clipped again, my clippers had arrived at this point, so I went to it! Trainer seemed a little peeved that I didn't have her clip Mare again. I was sure to mention that she did a great job, but that I was glad to have all my horsey stuff back, as I missed being 'hands-on' when I was in a full care situation.

    Mare is off. Vet says 'give her X days off'. Mare is still off. After more time off, trainer does W/T says she's feeling better. I get on a few days later. Not 100%. I say let's hold off until vet sees her again. Again, she seems peeved, since I want to do something different than what she recommends.

    I understand that for most of our boarders, Trainer is GOD, she knows so much, she is a great rider etc. All of which is TRUE! But, I also know a lot about vet care/shoeing/training/riding. (Not saying I know everything, but I know a lot)
    And in specific, I know my horse's entire health history. I also think I have the right to say 'No let's not ride her' or 'I'm going to clip my own horse'.

    Am I overreacting? Overstepping my boundaries? Any suggestions on how to handle things in the future? I really like the barn and want to stay, but I don't want trainer to be mad at me when I make decisions on my own.

    Thanks

  • #2
    Your horse, your call! I would be peeved if someone tried to tell me what to do with my horse like that!

    Just curious--what kind of board are you paying for? If its full care (including grooming, clipping etc etc) then maybe that's why trainer was a little POed?
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.

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    • #3
      Overstepping your boundaries?! It's YOUR horse - you make the decisions. Period. Perhaps you need to have a sit down with the trainer and make sure you are both on the same page as to how YOUR horse will be handled? Good luck!
      “Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of Solitaire. It is a grand passion.” ~Emerson

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      • #4
        Definitely NOT overstepping. She is your horse. And your investment. And if you feel she's not 100% and shouldn't be ridden, then she shouldn't - afterall, it's YOU who would have to pay the bills if riding her harms her and she requires additional vet care.

        I actually am having similar problems at the barn, with my trainer pressuring me, a LOT, to do things that just aren't possible, like ride more than I can. I have outside responsibilities that she doesn't understand. But if I'm not on BOTH horses six days a week, she's not happy and the pressure is on. Dogs, garden, yardwork, housework, my f/t job, the work I do for everyone else to help cover the horse bills, schoolwork - all of that is just an "excuse" in her mind. It's very stressful. One horse has been sitting for a significant length of time now, and the other is for sale so I'm trying to keep working him regularly. I've been keeping my mouth shut about it all, but it's starting to breed resentment in ME and I Don't like that feeling.

        There really shouldn't be a reason why you can't clip your own horse, be active in your horse's care and work schedule and everything else. It creates less work for her, so really that should make her happy. She's YOUR horse. YOU'RE paying the bills.

        I have a hunch your trainer wants people to be extremely dependent on her and has problems with anyone who isn't.
        *&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
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        • #5
          Trainer is overstepping HER bounds unless you signed up for full training or training board. If not and you just board and use an in house trainer a la carte if and when needed?

          May have made a mistake selecting this barn and need to start looking for plan B.
          When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

          The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by AlterTops View Post
            Moved to a new state & barn in the last 6 months, everything was great, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm overstepping my boundaries when it comes to my horse.
            I didn't even need to read the rest of the thread before I had my answer. Overstepping boundaries when it comes to YOUR horse?? Absolutely not.

            If it were silly things like looks of the horse (pulled manes, etc) and you were heading to a show with said trainer, then I'd maybe cave a bit. But health decisions? Absolutely not. I've been in your shoes, OP. Stand your ground. If trainer/BM/BO has a problem with it, you may have to leave. Most of the time, I was able to come to an agreement with a "hey, I actually know what I'm doing, so I'll do it my way and the way my licensed vet tells me to". Most of the time the boarders couldn't pick out the hock if you gave them four legs.

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            • Original Poster

              #7
              Not full-care. Had that in my former barn, and while it was great, I missed grooming/tacking my own horse.
              There's 3 levels of board, mine includes 8 rides/lessons per month, as well as laundry and a mane pull/whisker clip 1x/month. There is no option to NOT have lessons included.

              BoldChance- I understand your frustration as well. New job = way more time than I expected, and I don't get to see horsey as much as I'd like (still a minimum of 3x/week). I can't tell you how many times I've had to say "No, I can't make the group lesson at 9am Wednesday, I work 7-4 remember?"

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              • Original Poster

                #8
                Originally posted by morganpony86 View Post
                I didn't even need to read the rest of the thread before I had my answer. Overstepping boundaries when it comes to YOUR horse?? Absolutely not.

                If it were silly things like looks of the horse (pulled manes, etc) and you were heading to a show with said trainer, then I'd maybe cave a bit. But health decisions? Absolutely not. I've been in your shoes, OP. Stand your ground. If trainer/BM/BO has a problem with it, you may have to leave. Most of the time, I was able to come to an agreement with a "hey, I actually know what I'm doing, so I'll do it my way and the way my licensed vet tells me to". Most of the time the boarders couldn't pick out the hock if you gave them four legs.
                Exactly, most of our boarders are like that- couldn't point out a hock. I, on the other hand can point to the hock, the three joints in the hock, the two that can be injected, and I can tell you the last 3-4x he's had it done, and who did them.

                And yes, I understand about showing etc. If she wanted Mare's mane 1/2 and inch shorter, legs clipped, ears trimmed etc, I would get that, I'm showing under her name, and I'm fine with that.

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                • #9
                  Wow. I abide by what my vet says regarding lameness and rehab. Trainer is NOT the expert in that case!

                  Other than that, to you LIKE this trainer? I'd be suspicious of the control issues...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think you are looking at this the wrong way...its the trainer who is overstepping in my opinion.
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                    • #11
                      Wow...Just Wow! Trainer has some ego problems and seems happy to not be the "be all and end all" of the barn.

                      Your horse, your decision. Maybe the trainer's pissed she's losing some fees for doing your horse stuff (e.g. trimming).

                      As Nancy Reagan said, "NO!" is a complete sentence.

                      It's very sad how "modern" riders depend so much on experts....whether on videos, TV shows or in clinics. So few riders have any sort of bedrock of horse experience, either through Pony Club or being a barn rat learning the ropes, they give up all control to the supposed expert. Seems like a lot of these experts really don't have much bredth or depth either...just attitude or snappy patter that impresses the natives.
                      "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

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                      • #12
                        In my barn, we have a lot of control over the client's horse. We schedule farrier, dentist, routine vet (and emergency vet) when needed. We clip a lot of the horses but some people clip their own horses. We suggest supplements. Not taking lessons is not an option. However, when it comes to the care of the horse (amount of work scheduled, changes in shoeing, changes in feed, changes in turnout) there is always a conversation with the client. When it comes to a lameness issue and a return to work, we are always more conservative than the client. What gain is it for your trainer to push your horse back to work if you say it's still NQR? That simply makes no sense. One could argue that the trainer needs the money from your training rides but if she breaks your horse and your horse needs lay up time, there will be a lot less money for the trainer to make! Or if it's so bad that the horse needs to be moved to a lay up facility, then the trainer loses the income from board and all of the services. Again, that makes no sense.

                        Stick to your guns. Even in a "managed" situation, the customer still has the ultimate say.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Since trimming is included, perhaps the trainer was irked because you will be showing under the trainer's name and she wants all the horses to be groomed a certain way for the show. THAT part I get.

                          However, the vet is the expert on the horse's care, not the trainer. The fact that she dismissed the lameness is concerning to me. I would watch her closely and make sure you agree with her show ethics. Remember that owners are culpable for any ethics violations.

                          BTW, you are speaking a foreign language to me as far as the conditions in which you board. I started out at self-care and only did full care when I was deployed. Not tacking up your own horse? Sounds quite odd to me. I suppose it works for some, but I am way too controlling for that.
                          “Pray, hope, and don't worry.”

                          St. Padre Pio

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by BoomerButt View Post
                            I think you are looking at this the wrong way...its the trainer who is overstepping in my opinion.
                            Ditto this. Sounds like she wants to make all the $ on things like clipping, hence discouraging owners from doing their own. I would sit down with her and clearly state your preferences and ask her if they fall within the acceptable under the barn's rules; you should be under no obligation to purchase additional services unless that's the deal you signed up for. As for her (or anyone!) riding your horse when you have stated she's out injured--ABSOLUTELY NOT, and non-negotiable! If thinking she's God is a pre-requisite for boarding there, time to move!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by AlterTops View Post
                              I'll try to make this short!

                              Moved to a new state & barn in the last 6 months, everything was great, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm overstepping my boundaries when it comes to my horse.

                              A few examples: Trainer clipped Mare when she moved in. She needed it BAD. A few months later, she needed to be clipped again, my clippers had arrived at this point, so I went to it! Trainer seemed a little peeved that I didn't have her clip Mare again. I was sure to mention that she did a great job, but that I was glad to have all my horsey stuff back, as I missed being 'hands-on' when I was in a full care situation.

                              Mare is off. Vet says 'give her X days off'. Mare is still off. After more time off, trainer does W/T says she's feeling better. I get on a few days later. Not 100%. I say let's hold off until vet sees her again. Again, she seems peeved, since I want to do something different than what she recommends.

                              I understand that for most of our boarders, Trainer is GOD, she knows so much, she is a great rider etc. All of which is TRUE! But, I also know a lot about vet care/shoeing/training/riding. (Not saying I know everything, but I know a lot)
                              And in specific, I know my horse's entire health history. I also think I have the right to say 'No let's not ride her' or 'I'm going to clip my own horse'.

                              Am I overreacting? Overstepping my boundaries? Any suggestions on how to handle things in the future? I really like the barn and want to stay, but I don't want trainer to be mad at me when I make decisions on my own.

                              Thanks
                              Ummm...I'll be blunt, which I am known for. Whose horse is it, yours or the trainer's? If it is still yours, you are not overstepping any boundaries...unless you've signed yourself and your horse over to them, which I doubt (and hope) you haven't.
                              America dialed 911. Donald Trump answered the phone.

                              Stop pumping money into colleges and start getting ready to earn money in the projected tradesman shortage of 2024. Make Trades Great Again!

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                              • #16
                                Originally posted by BoldChance View Post
                                Definitely NOT overstepping. She is your horse. And your investment. And if you feel she's not 100% and shouldn't be ridden, then she shouldn't - afterall, it's YOU who would have to pay the bills if riding her harms her and she requires additional vet care.

                                I actually am having similar problems at the barn, with my trainer pressuring me, a LOT, to do things that just aren't possible, like ride more than I can. I have outside responsibilities that she doesn't understand. But if I'm not on BOTH horses six days a week, she's not happy and the pressure is on. Dogs, garden, yardwork, housework, my f/t job, the work I do for everyone else to help cover the horse bills, schoolwork - all of that is just an "excuse" in her mind. It's very stressful. One horse has been sitting for a significant length of time now, and the other is for sale so I'm trying to keep working him regularly. I've been keeping my mouth shut about it all, but it's starting to breed resentment in ME and I Don't like that feeling.

                                There really shouldn't be a reason why you can't clip your own horse, be active in your horse's care and work schedule and everything else. It creates less work for her, so really that should make her happy. She's YOUR horse. YOU'RE paying the bills.

                                I have a hunch your trainer wants people to be extremely dependent on her and has problems with anyone who isn't.
                                All I gotta say is, you and the OP sound like you need to get away from these unhealthy sounding people.
                                America dialed 911. Donald Trump answered the phone.

                                Stop pumping money into colleges and start getting ready to earn money in the projected tradesman shortage of 2024. Make Trades Great Again!

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                                • #17
                                  I think you need to have a lighthearted conversation w/ the trainer. Let them know you enjoying looking after your horse and most of the time, you want to and don't mind clipping/trimming your horse - and you enjoy looking out for your horse, hopefully this isn't an issue. I'd like to give the trainer the benefit of the doubt - and maybe OP is reading more into it that it is having been at a full service barn prior to this one, and might be a bit more self-conscious because of being at a new barn. have a nice chat w/ trainer so things don't fester.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by microbovine View Post
                                    Since trimming is included, perhaps the trainer was irked because you will be showing under the trainer's name and she wants all the horses to be groomed a certain way for the show. THAT part I get.

                                    However, the vet is the expert on the horse's care, not the trainer. The fact that she dismissed the lameness is concerning to me. I would watch her closely and make sure you agree with her show ethics. Remember that owners are culpable for any ethics violations.

                                    BTW, you are speaking a foreign language to me as far as the conditions in which you board. I started out at self-care and only did full care when I was deployed. Not tacking up your own horse? Sounds quite odd to me. I suppose it works for some, but I am way too controlling for that.
                                    Trimming of the whiskers/muzzle is included, as is mane pulling. I don't touch her mane, as she throws a fit with me and is a darling princess for others.

                                    I wish it was just that we were showing soon and she wanted Mare to look presentable (which she more than does, as always), from when I clipped princess mare to the date of the next show we were planning on attending was over 2 months. And it's a local show-- no rated shows right now as I've got wedding planning eating up the budget and my crazy job eating up all of my time
                                    Thanks for the advice guys!

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      She is the one overstepping, not you. First, I can't imagine being in a boarding situation like that. I do all my own grooming, tacking, bathing, etc. Some horses are clipped, some not, some have pulled manes and/or banged tails. I like the long, natural look and never clip whiskers. But I digress...

                                      My mare was NQR the summer of 2011, nobody could really see it but I felt it. I know there were some rolling eyeballs about the over protective owner (me!) but I gave her a couple months off (canceled lessons, which cost BO/Instructor $) and when she hadn't improved called the vet. She ended up having surgery to remove a keratoma from her foot. If I had listened to the advice I was getting to "ride her thru it" I could have done permanent injury.

                                      Nobody knows my horse like I do and you know your horse better than anyone else, especially since you've only been at this barn a short time. Stand firm and if you have to, find another barn.

                                      Good luck!

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by AlterTops View Post
                                        I'll try to make this short!

                                        Moved to a new state & barn in the last 6 months, everything was great, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm overstepping my boundaries when it comes to my horse.

                                        A few examples: Trainer clipped Mare when she moved in. She needed it BAD. A few months later, she needed to be clipped again, my clippers had arrived at this point, so I went to it! Trainer seemed a little peeved that I didn't have her clip Mare again. I was sure to mention that she did a great job, but that I was glad to have all my horsey stuff back, as I missed being 'hands-on' when I was in a full care situation.

                                        Mare is off. Vet says 'give her X days off'. Mare is still off. After more time off, trainer does W/T says she's feeling better. I get on a few days later. Not 100%. I say let's hold off until vet sees her again. Again, she seems peeved, since I want to do something different than what she recommends.

                                        I understand that for most of our boarders, Trainer is GOD, she knows so much, she is a great rider etc. All of which is TRUE! But, I also know a lot about vet care/shoeing/training/riding. (Not saying I know everything, but I know a lot)
                                        And in specific, I know my horse's entire health history. I also think I have the right to say 'No let's not ride her' or 'I'm going to clip my own horse'.

                                        Am I overreacting? Overstepping my boundaries? Any suggestions on how to handle things in the future? I really like the barn and want to stay, but I don't want trainer to be mad at me when I make decisions on my own.

                                        Thanks
                                        Trainer's opinion is to be considered and generally speaking respected (depending on the trainer) but its your horse and ultimately that horse is your responsibility (physically and financially).

                                        As such its YOUR decision not the trainers.

                                        If the trainer is unable to respect that then maybe its time for a new trainer (or no trainer).

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