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What do I do now? I lost the love of my life

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  • #21
    Originally posted by IdahoRider View Post
    I am so sorry for your loss. Be easy on yourself, and allow yourself to grieve. You have had a big loss.
    I second this. Allow yourself to feel sad. Grieving is a process....and sometimes a long one. You can't rush it. Perhaps when you feel ready you could volunteer at a local horse rescue. I have always felt that working to help animals in need is a great way to heal from loss.


    • #22
      I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my heart horse in 2000 when I was 53. He excelled in carriage driving, obstacles and driven dressage were his specialties. He was a home bred, I trained him myself and he lived at home with me. He was only 16.

      Impossible to describe the grief I felt then and still do. Today, I'm 66 and ride a sweet heart, western pleasure, due to health and agility problems. Life does go on...after a while. It's so hard, though.

      Many hugs and prayers for you.
      Ride like you mean it.


      • #23
        First, I am so sorry for your loss...it is so hard. Second, you will be able to move on, but it will take time. I lost a once in a lifetime mare very unexpectedly and traumatically, but after a bit, I was able to be around other horses and eventually find another horse for me..allow yourself to grieve and as much time as you need. Hugs to you.l


        • #24
          I had the horse owners nightmare of getting that early morning call that my horse had broken his leg in the field over night and they found him in the morning. Time, lots and lots of it. That is the only cure. And good friends that will listen to you when you want to talk and not push if you don't. It was 2 years before I bought another horse and I still get that knot in my stomach when I get a phone call from the barn owner. He has learned that the first thing he needs to say when I answer is "everything is ok" before anything else and it's been 6 years now.


          • #25
            I'm so sorry. You put one foot in front of the other, and somehow, one day, you'll find yourself in a place where you're "okay." It will hurt for a long time, but then one day, it won't hurt as much. I'm so sorry for your loss.
            Dapplebay - home of original equestrian clothing and accessories.


            • #26
              I'm so sorry for your loss. Tuck that piece of forelock away somewhere safe. When you are ready to bring it out, you'll cry. One day, you'll be able to touch that piece of forelock and smile, remembering all the good times you shared with him. What was his name, your lovely horse?
              "Anti-intellect and marketing, pretty, pretty, who needs talent
              Crying eyes, we're so outnumbered, fight for the right to remain silent" Buck 65


              • #27
                Originally posted by 2horseowner View Post
                I lost my horse last night during colic surgery. I am beyond devastated, and I feel so empty. I don't think I will ever get over the look on the surgeon's face when she came out of the o.r. to tell me. I will be 50 in September, and this horse was so sweet and trustworthy. I felt he and I could do some lower level eventing successfully. I trusted him so much. Please tell me how those of you who lost horses unexpectantly carry on. I am having such a hard time knowing I will not see his face looking for me when I walk into the barn ever again.
                Sorry, I couldn't read all the other posts, I was afraid of reading more sad stories and I already have some tears in my eyes.

                I lost the love of my life over 30 years ago and STILL think of him almost daily. Of all the horses I've bought and sold and whatnot with, not one horse held a candle to him. An appy gelding who taught me to be a rider. We did everything, from steer roping to dressage (and placing in low level shows) to WP to lessons to trail to younameit. Every horse has been put up against him and fallen short.

                But, life goes on, you have your memories of good times and treasure that. I'm not going to say it gets better or worse, it's still almost as bad for me as when I had him put down for cancer. He was THAT good.

                So, the best I can say is soldier on, you have to. Take your time and look at horses when you feel up to it. I had other horses to take care of and so was never really out of the game. You love horses, sounds like, and though the next one(s) won't be him, they'll have their own special attributes, good or bad, and one will single you out and you can have a special something with him/her. Won't be the same but you have to move on at your pace.

                Sorry for your loss.
                GR24's Musing #19 - Save the tatas!!


                • #28
                  Lots of hugs for you!

                  My Trakehner died 12 hours after I took him to Tufts . . . it took them three months to figure out he had a blood clot in his poll.

                  I cried for many days and felt terribly guilty until I learned what had caused his death and the vet told me there was nothing I could have done.

                  Unfortunately, the only cure is time. I already had a second horse but if I hadn't I don't know if I could have gone out and bought one because it was so painful.

                  The vet put aside hair from his tail but to be honest I still haven't been able to open the box. It's been three and a Eventually I'd like to have a bracelet made from it.

                  Give yourself time to grieve and try to remember the good times.
                  Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
                  EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.


                  • #29
                    Thoughts and prayers and (hugs)) & tears for you ~

                    Thoughts and prayers and ((hugs)) & tears for you ~

                    I, too will never forget the look on the assistant's face when they opened him up

                    I knew she would be coming my direction ``` she was with tears in her eyes

                    I, too have walked out of the clinic with only his halter and lead

                    I am so sorry you are feeling 'this' complete emptiness

                    I know your healing will be slow but I know you will heal as he is watching over you and waiting until you two meet again

                    Until then ``` one day at a time and slowly the memories will be locked in your heart and help your heart to heal

                    Be proud of your love for your grand horse ~ you'll carry it always

                    RIP ~ beloved gentleman knowing you will always be loved and remembered ~

                    again ((hugs))
                    Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "


                    • #30
                      Jingles for you heart.

                      Time will heal.


                      • #31
                        It hurts.
                        A lot.
                        But eventually, as someone once told me, you will stop remembering the horse that died, and remember the horse that lived.
                        "It's like a Russian nesting doll of train wrecks."--CaitlinandTheBay

                        ...just settin' on the Group W bench.


                        • Original Poster

                          Again the kind words from everyone makes me cry harder. Chase was my once in a life time horse. I am trying to focus on not what I lost, but what Chase has gained-no more pain. I am sure my heart will heal, but it will be a long time. Thank you all for being here for me. It means so much.


                          • #33
                            You will have a PM shortly. Unfortunately far too many of us have endured the pain you are going through. Time does heal...but there is so much to work through in the mean time. My heart and thoughts are with you....hugs!!!!


                            • #34
                              I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my heart horse of 20 years unexpectedly in December. I know how you feel. It has taken a lot of time to talk about him without crying, but now we talk about the rotten stuff he used to do. I have other horses, one of which I am very close to as well. I felt I had to be out in the barn the next day to be with them, and I kept moving forward. The empty stall was the worst and I had many many moments of just sitting in the barn sobbing, but it had to be done. I spent a lot of quiet time with my other horses. I felt the need to move on and take everything he taught me over the past 20 years. I recently took in a 2 year old rescue horse and decided to put him in that stall. I spent many evenings just laying on the couch staring at the tv. Take care of yourself. I understand how much you are hurting right now. In addition, people on this board were so awesome to me and it really helped.


                              • #35
                                Keep coming back here to CoTH as much as you need. There are (sadly) many of us who know your pain, have walked your path and can help guide you along when you need it.

                                I lost my best friend last August, and I don't know how I would have gotten through it without all of the support I found here.

                                Sometimes it still just overwhelms me, as I cannot believe I am still breathing without him. But I am. King worked really hard to make me happy, make me laugh and fill my life with joy. I try to remember that my happiness is his legacy -- my smiles honor him more than my tears.


                                • #36
                                  No suggestions.... just jingles and hugs.

                                  I know what it is like to lose one, only from afar, which is a different kind of hurt.

                                  I pray for love, light and comfort for you in hopes that you find respite in the fact he is no longer suffering.



                                  • #37
                                    I am so very sorry for your loss. Please allow yourself to take the time you need to grieve.

                                    "Do not stand at my grave and weep
                                    I am not there. I do not sleep.
                                    I am a thousand winds that blow.
                                    I am the diamond glints on snow.
                                    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
                                    I am the gentle autumn rain.
                                    When you awaken in the morning's hush
                                    I am the swift uplifting rush
                                    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
                                    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
                                    Do not stand at my grave and cry;
                                    I am not there. I did not die."
                                    -M. E. Frye
                                    "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep." - Harry Dresden

                                    Amy's Stuff - Rustic chic and country linens and decor
                                    Support my mom! She's gotta finance her retirement horse somehow.


                                    • #38
                                      Talking about him is good therapy. Remember his special traits, the things you did together. How he just fit. Give yourself whatever time you need. Don't try to rush the process. You're still in shock. You may well feel worse before you feel better. But it WILL get better. EFT (meridian tapping) can help take the edge off so that you can function.

                                      When you can, think about finding another. Not to replace Chase, but to have a different relationship with. Allow another to come into your life and bring you joy and wonder. It will not be the same, but it will be special in its own way.

                                      Sending you healing energy.


                                      • #39
                                        Originally posted by Renn/aissance View Post
                                        I am so very sorry for your loss. Please allow yourself to take the time you need to grieve.

                                        "Do not stand at my grave and weep
                                        I am not there. I do not sleep.
                                        I am a thousand winds that blow.
                                        I am the diamond glints on snow.
                                        I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
                                        I am the gentle autumn rain.
                                        When you awaken in the morning's hush
                                        I am the swift uplifting rush
                                        Of quiet birds in circled flight.
                                        I am the soft stars that shine at night.
                                        Do not stand at my grave and cry;
                                        I am not there. I did not die."
                                        -M. E. Frye
                                        Good one. I have heard this sung by a Native American with musical accompaniment, and it is almost impossible to hear and not cry.

                                        One thing I did was: my first horse that died had been awarded his national championship two days after he passed; when I traveled out west to go to accept his award, I bought a Native American made (not one made in China) dreamcatcher and I put a lock of his hair, my good old horse's hair, and mementos of several other cherished pets (a baby tooth, a couple of feathers, etc) into the leather strands of the dreamcatcher. It hangs in my truck as my own personal medicine wherever I travel with the truck and trailer. Many truck drivers have their own talismans for luck or protection on the road, and this is mine.

                                        The grave marker I chose for my old horse reads:

                                        If tears could build a stairway
                                        And memories a lane
                                        I'd march right up to Heaven
                                        And bring you home again.
                                        America dialed 911. Donald Trump answered the phone.

                                        Stop pumping money into colleges and start getting ready to earn money in the projected tradesman shortage of 2024. Make Trades Great Again!


                                        • #40
                                          As others have said, talk of him often, even if it's just you alone in your car. The more you tell the story the more you speak of him, the easier it will be to get through the day. Decide if you're the kind of person who gets through things with another horse right away, or whether you need to take a break. Do not think of replacing him (you never will) but you CAN find another equine friend who takes a different horse size piece of your heart.
                                          ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                          Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                          "Life is merrier with a terrier!"