Would you feel comfortable letting your child take a lesson with a gay trainer?

[clearlyanalter]

Oh man! it ate the rest of my post:

Trakehner: I feel the need to say this to you, not to offend, but to make a point. I am sorry that you feel this way. Let me ask you a question, do you not have an "illogical fear" of gay people molesting your children? That
would make you homophobic by your definition. Also the word homosexual is considered offensive, but by your response I can see that you don't mind offending people.

A little education about child molesters. Statistically child molesters are middle age white men. 80% of children sexually abused are abused by someone they know. A friend of the family, a family member, etc. A person
who molests children is not a gay person but someone who in fact wants power
and control over someone. They abuse children because they are vulnerable.
If you are teaching your children that all child molesters are gay then you are setting them up to possibly be abused by someone they know. My friend is an educator who specializes in working with youth who are sexually abused.
If you have questions or do not believe what I am saying then I would like to give you some resources you can call the local Sexual Violence Hotline at 797-7740 and ask them the same question. Also you can go to the NYS website on sexual assault. http://www.nyscasa.org

If you would like to give quotes and continue in your narrow mindedness you are welcome to but I would like to also make you aware of the fact that most web sites are bias which is why it is important that you are getting
your information from a source that is not based on opinion but on fact.
Polls don't count. They are opinions.

As far as STD's are concerned thinking that gay people have a higher rate
of STD's is old fashion. 1 in every 4 Americans has Herpes. That includes straight people.


I am sorry that you feel that gay people are predators. But let me advise
you to watch out for not for the gay man you see at the store but for the
overly kind straight gentleman who "loves" children whom you don't mind your
child playing with b/c he's "such a nice man".

I am also sorry that you have such a negative opinion about LGBT people and that you have been misinformed. I will pray that you learn to be open and compassionate towards all people regaurdless.

[3fatponies]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by clearlyanalter:
My worry is, if parents find out I am a lesbian, as Im sure they will, especially the way things go in the horse world, do you think they will look at me differently or be afraid to leave their children with me? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

To be honest, I neither care nor worry about what others do in their free time, so it wouldn't be an issue for me on any level. Keep in mind that people who react badly are frequently projecting, and their response has everything to do with them, and not you.

Good luck, and don't let the small-minded get you down.

[2DogsFarm]

I could care less what my business contacts do in bed - personal choice in that part of their lives is off-limits to me, as is mine to them. That said:
I am sure you will run into parents who, like your trainer, will run screaming. Let 'em.
Just do what you do well and refuse to let the teeny minds get in your way.

[kelo]

To answer the question, yes I'd be comfortable.

I see absolutely no reason why sexual orientation would have any bearing on how I'd choose an instructor. I'm too busy being concerned about trifling things like the instructor's ability to teach and the safety of the barn, horses and general program. If those qualifications are met, and you guys aren't having sex in the barn aisle (I'm afraid this rule applies to straight instructors, too) then everything is a-ok.

And the person that thinks gay=child molestor You gotta be kidding me!

~~Kelo

[3fatponies]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by kelo:
And the person that thinks gay=child molestor You gotta be kidding me!
</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

You and me both--I thought that this thinking went out with the dark ages.... And, as the OP pointed out, this kind of faulty logic is MORE dangerous for children, not less....

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

YIKES! I didn't realize the word "homosexual" is considered offensive! Sorry! No offense intended!

[Jodes, Aefvue Farms Bartender]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Trakehner:
Homophobic...what a load of BS. Just because someone finds the homosexual behaviours as disgusting and not healthy and perverted...they are not "phobic". A phobia is an "exagerated usu. inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object or class of objects".

100% of male child molestors are homosexual males..is it irrational to not want boys around a sodomite who sees them as a sex object? One of the parts of "The Vagina Monologues" deals with a lesbian raping a minor...but this child rape is considered OK. Homosexual males and females die younger and have a high incidence of STD's.

It isn't phobic to not want your kids around a pervert adult who potentially sees them as a potential sex object and who's lifestyle is dysfunctional.

So, nope, don't want kids around deviants who have time alone with them apart from the parent (lesbians at overnight horse shows, homosexual scout leaders at camp outs, paedofile priests doing their "thing"). </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

wow, clearly living in the dark ages...check your stats before you post things like "100% of all child molestors are gay" That's absurd and quite offensive..

To the OP..more power to you. I think it's very brave to do what your doing. I have a couple of friends who have had hard times w/ the whole "coming out" thing..and it's a tough decision. We're all here and support you, no matter your preference..be strong, and things will work out fine!!

[PiedPiper]

Wow, trak, that is one scary a$$ world you live in! Boy, what other "statistics" do you have on human nature and pervertions? I am assuming you can post links to your stats since otherwise what you are spouting is your own perverted and twisted opinion. Any, got to say that gave me a great laugh for the morning. Biggest amount of bs that I have heard in an non election year. So in your logic, what are males who molest female children?

To the OP I find that it is so sad that you are still having to worry about the "world" finding out about your personal life and judging the whole you by it. We have come so far but clearly not far enough. So to answer your question, quite frankly, no I wouldn't care for me, or any kids I could have. You have the cred, you produce, and you aren't abusive and I say more power to you! Lol, I had a trainer who I thought was a lesbian and was shocked to find out later on she wasn't. lol. My husband just said that for those that care about, well you don't want them as clients. Good luck to you!

[clearlyanalter]

Saehorsefarmtobe: No offense taken. Yes it is considered offensive, because it was used in the DSM to say that it was a medical condition, it's not longer used because being gay is NOT a mental disorder...but most people do not know that and don't realize how it could be taken.

I know who meant to use it to offend, and I didnt get that from anyone except one person who posted

Once again, thanks to everyone for helping me get some confidence back! I had a mother come up to the barn yesterday to look around and sign up her daughter for lessons, so its starting slowly and Im excited!

[Eclectic Horseman]

clearlyanalter-
I've been around the block a bunch of times, and I think that the answer really, honestly depends on where you are. In some places, being a lesbian might almost be considered an asset. No kidding. It is just so trendy, and the ultra-liberal set all like to have token gay and lesbian friends. Gay is definitely the "new black."

In other places, let's face it, you are considered evil and deserve to die.

So as a very wise gay man once told me, everyone thinks about WHAT they want to be when they grow up, and not many people think about WHERE they want to be when they grow up. The WHERE is probably more important to your ultimate happiness. If you are a groundbreaker and love to create controversy and consider it a challenge, then, you go, girl. But if not, find some more tolerant section of the world to live in.

Personally, I wish that there were more openly lesbian riders and horse trainers that can serve as role models, the way that the George Morrises and Robert Dovers do for gay young men coming up. But the main handicap you have in being a successful trainer is that you are a WOMAN, and probably an AMERICAN woman. For some reason, sponsors and monied clients just seem to gravitate to foreign men, particularly in dressage, but also in the other disciplines.

[JustJump]

I think you will find that the horse world is generally quite tolerant of a wide variety of lifestyles.

There are indeed the &lt;&lt;willfully ignorant&gt;&gt; to be found in every walk of life, however, but I think that on the whole, we might have less than what might be considered our fair share of that type.

[Aggie4Bar]

The oddity is not so much that you asked as it is that you have a justifiable reason to ask. People are rude. Period. It's inappropriate, IMO, to ask someone about their sex life.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by clearlyanalter:
Like I said, its not that im going to openly tell anyone my personal business, it's when people find out, that Im worried about. When my partner comes down to the barn with food or an extra drink, or just to watch because she loves horses too, I want to introduce her as my partner. If someone's husband came down to the barn, he would be introduced as such. Should I not introduce her like that? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

This question presents a stickier situation to me. I imagine there are many people who won't care, but on the other hand, there are parents who won't be ready to answer questions from their kids regarding your partner and gay relationships. Likewise, I imagine it'd be offensive to you and your partner if those same parents, in an effort to shelter their children, downgraded your partner to a "friend" and sugarcoated your relationship into non-existence. If you encounter that situation, you need to recognize that it is better off for you and also for them that you not train that particular child.

[LongLeaf]

A trainer I worked for for many years (and was also VERY good friends with) was in an extra-marital affair. Her boyfriend lived at the barn, he was constantly around, there were times when he accompanied us to overnight events, he was never far from her side. Many of the students and parents at the barn thought that this fella was her husband and were surprised to find that he wasn't and that she actually went home to her husband every night.

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would much rather them experience a healthy gay relationship than an adulterous straight relationship.

That said, if I had the choice between trainers of equal ability, equal success, equal talent, but one way gay and one was straight...I'd use the cheaper of the two!!

[horseyfolks]

OK ladies.... here is the male point of view. I am also going to try and explain my opinion as a father in this regard.

First of all, clearlyanalter, I really believe you are setting yourself up for problems that you don't need. I like to think that your worry about your sexuality (I do not believe its a lifestyle) is more concern to you than others. I think that if you are professional, have respect for yourself, and realize that you can never please everyone you will do just fine.

I do not believe that anyone chooses to be gay. I don't believe you can "catch" gayness (hows that for a new word?) from someone else, and I don't believe being gay will rub off because you spend time with someone who is gay. I would have no problem with my daughter training with someone who happened to be gay, all other things being equal.

Now what I am going to say may sound very strange so I will try to explain. Given the premise that being gay will not rub off, there are things my daughter can benefit by being around women who are gay or bi.

I believe that a young woman today needs to be strong, needs to have confidence, and also needs the mental ability to follow through on a goal. They have to believe that they can accomplish what they set out to do. Some of the most successful women in business that I know are lesbians. If my daughter spends time around these women and learns that she also can do what she wants to do in life it is not a bad thing.

We have no problem with the overnight horse show because as responsible parents she goes alone with no one until we know them very well. Until that time one of us goes with her on overnight trips.

Anyway.... that gives y'all my opinion. Fire away ladies... I can handle it!

Don

[libgrrl]

Of course I wouldn't have a problem!!

People are so silly...

And to the folks that suggest that "it would be okay as long as you don't *flaunt* it," -- what do you mean, exactly? It's apparently just fine to ask people if they are married, have children, etc. If you answer in the affirmative, are you "flaunting" a conventional, hetero lifestyle?

[ToolTime]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by clearlyanalter:
Aggie4bar: ........
It's people like Trakehner that make me worried, </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

People like Trakehner make a lot of us worry

[clearlyanalter]

Horseyfolks: I also believe that being gay is not a lifestyle, it is who I am. I understand that i can never please everyone, Im just going to go about doing what I do best, train horses, teach lessons to the best of my ability, and take it one day at a time.

If the issue of an overnight trip ever came up, I will take that when the time comes. I never went to an away show with just my trainer, one of my parents always came with me, so I didnt even think of that being a problem.

If i could be a role model to even one person, then what im doing is worth it.

thanks again for your replies, and who knows someday Ill probably even meet some of you guys at the shows...or already have, lol

[Penthilisea]

I would rather have a trainer in a healty realtionship ( non abusive, committed long term, happy) no matter what orientation. The worst sin i have seen with underage feamles were done by overage married male trainers. Thankfully thats the exception. In high school I worked with a TERRIFIC trainer whose partner lived and showed with her. My mom let me go up to Cape Cod for a big multi day show with her and all her students. Did we share a bed? Heck no! She shared a nice cottage with her girlfriend and I slept with the rest of the riders in a much less nice cottage on the beach ( the other riders BTW were all a few years older and we all sat up late drinking.... but thats another story.)

It certainly isn't like this in all parts of the country. But in this part of NJ you can choose if you plan out your day to only work with and use the services of gays. From buying a car, to your students school teacher, to where you get your dry cleaning done, and even your riding trainer. Yay! Why not? Why notice?

[mzpeepers]

I most certainly would not have a problem with it. The day I'll choose my friendships, as well as my business contacts, based on sexual orientation is the day I want someone to put me out of my misery...

[Bogie]

Gee, I used to see the straight male trainers/barn owners hitting on the women of all ages, all the time!

I don't believe that any rider or boarder should need to put up with that behavior. If it's not occurring, I have no problem with an individual's personal sexual preferences.