Would you feel comfortable letting your child take a lesson with a gay trainer?

[beausgirl]

Well, I would have no problem letting my children take lessons from someone who is gay. As long as the person was professional and competent. THere should be no need for sexuality to enter the training ring.

[BelladonnaLily]

Absolutely. As long as they met my criteria for a trainer. Their sex life, whether I agree with it or not, makes no difference and it isn't my business.

[fototropic]

I have two children and would have no problem with a gay instructor of either sex. I care more about their attitude towards horses and what they are teaching/modeling for my daughter who rides. We're just leaving a barn because they use a lot of leased horses from a large horse dealer. The horses come and go practically on a weekly basis. If the horse isn't perfect off they go to whatever fate awaits them. I want my daughter to learn about developing a relationship with your horse and taking responsibility for your horse's well being as well as how to ride.
Pam

[FlightCheck]

No kids here, but when I had my farm I took students regularly to clinics with someone who is gay.

One parent was uncomfortable with that, and her kids missed out on a LOT of good clinics.

Good luck!

[IronwoodFarm]

Like most of the other posters, I understand that being gay does not make one a pedophile. I have a number of relatives, friends and colleagues who are gay or lesbian. It's no big deal.

I think the OP is seeking some balance in being comfortable in her own skin as a professional. She said "It's more like, if i was asked straight out, are you gay, I just dont want to deny it. Then Im sure the parents will start to talk."

I'd say that there are plenty of ways to not answer a question without denying anything. In fact, I don't think anyone has to divulge private information just because they are asked. As for parents talking, maybe they would, but they talk about everything anyway, so why lose sleep?

Basically if you act like professional and are comfortable in your own skin, then being lesbian is not going to be an issue.

I don't want to sound condescending to the OP, but I see her concern more of a reflection of being 22 and in her first serious adult relationship (I'm guessing here). Everything about life is so much more intense when you are younger. I'm sure this situation feels very intense and MAJOR. Honestly as you get longer in the tooth, most people find a place where they are comfortable with themselves and realize (to quote Mrs. Patrick Campbell) that most people don't give a d@#$ what they do in their private lives "so long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses!"

[jester1113]

Why does a person's sexual preference have to do with their ability to teach? Moreover, what do you mean by child? Do you think an 8yo would really even notice? Do you think most 15 yos these days would even care, since it's no longer so hush hush?

FWIW, I rode at a barn that had many gay and lesbian teachers. It was a lesson barn and was CRAWLING with kids (partly why I left! ).

I just don't see it as an issue. It's almost (to me) like saying "will be they be uncomfortable because I'm blond?"

Chin up, clearyanalter.

[sleepdeprived]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by clearlyanalter:
The owner of the barn that I am working at made it clear that while she has NO problems with gay male trainers or riders, it's a completely different thing to be a lesbian, which is gross and disgusting...
</div></BLOCKQUOTE>
clearlyanalter, what is gross and disgusting about being a lesbian as opposed to a gay male? Please refrain from gay-bashing yourself woman!

Louis Black, one of my favorite comics, was ranting about banning gay teachers and his response was: "Well, there goes the Theater Program!" But really, I could care less who someone chooses to sleep with if they're a horse professional and they are good at their job... as long as they're an adult human.

What I don't like are ignorant people teaching my kids. So Trakehner, who as usual is so wrong about everything, if you're a riding instructor somewhere please let me know.

[Trakehner]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jester1113:
Why does a person's sexual preference have to do with their ability to teach? I just don't see it as an issue. It's almost (to me) like saying "will be they be uncomfortable because I'm blond?"QUOTE]

Of course a sexual preference doesn't have anything to do with the ability to teach, nobody said it did.

a more accurate question is: would you send your young daughters off for an overnight horse show or camping trip with a single non-related to them guy? Why not? It's no difference than sending them off with a lesbian to the same thing.

P.S. Blond is a hair color (and a state of mind occasionally), homosexuality is a behaviour that can include preying on children as part of it's "lifestyle" (NAMBLA).

[clearlyanalter]

Good morning everyone! Now that the morning chores are done, i can sit down and respond.

Once again, thank you everyone for your replies.

Ironwoodfarm: you are right. This is my first serious relationship, and one that will *hopefully* last the rest of my life. I was pretty confident until my parents pretty much squandered any confidence I had left.

Im going to take it just one day at a time.

MistyBlue: I am giving my parents time, but Im pretty sure while my dad MIGHT be ok in the long run, my mother will not. She already told me shes not going to leave the church and her beliefs (Roman Catholic) just because Im her daughter. I have no extra bearing on her because Im her daughter...so yeah...if i type any more i might start to cry again

Please feel free to keep the comments coming thanks for making this situation seem ok!

[Aggie4Bar]

From my own perspective, the OP's concern is a little odd because I can't fathom asking anyone, "So, are ya' gay?" That's a subject I view as none of my business, and quite frankly, I don't care. What goes on in other peoples' lives behind closed doors really doesn't interest me.

Whether or not I'd be comfortable allowing my child to take lessons with a gay trainer depends entirely on the trainer's level of professionalism. (FWIW, I don't have kids.) Whether or not *I* would take lessons from a gay trainer depends on the same factor. Flaunting one's sexuality is not professional. Your personal business is your personal business, and no one needs to be privy to it. The question of concern is rude and intrusive and, IMO, not worth answering. Remember, you can always respond to a question with another question and turn the situation to your advantage.

[monstrpony]

I don't think any parent would want their child in a situation where they're exposed to a sexual predator. But hopefully it wouldn't matter that much what the predator's orientation was; it's the predatory behavior that's objectionable.

But sexual orientation and being a predator are two different things. As long as you keep your private live out of the barn, it shouldn't be a big deal.

That said, I believe there might be some parents who would feel differently about their daughters (and face it, a majority of young riders are female) being trained by a gay man, who, by definition won't be "hitting" on the girls, compared to a lesbian woman, who, until proven otherwise, might be seen to consider the daughters as fair game. (lordy, I do love a good run-on sentence!). So, unfair as it may seem, I think you have to hold yourself to an even higher standard in order to get and keep your good reputation. Nobody ever said life was fair.

I have a good friend who's brother came out recently. Their mother's reaction was the same as your mother's for about the first year. Then, ironically, the mother, son, and son's partner got stuck in an airport together due to bad weather, and the only sensible thing to do was to go to the couple's home and wait out the storm. Since that episode--where Mom was forced to face the reality, and find out that it was...not so bad, in fact, remarkably "normal"--things are much better. The mother is coming to terms with the conflict she feels between her religious beliefs and her love for her son. Give it time.

And good luck.

[Emryss]

I don't give a fig about anyone's sexual orientation. Gay or straight. It is not my business at all, nor is it other people's business what goes on in my marital bed, thank you very much.

Now, provided you give a good lesson, maintain a safe environment and don't have any dangerous people hanging around my kids, teach 'em what you know!

Funny aside: My grandmother, who is one of the most straight-laced and proper people I know, has a gay nephew who has been with the same man for nineteen years. One of those open secret kind of things. When they were having the marriages in SF, she aked him, "Well, are you finally going to get married to Bill and do this right?"

Poor lady embarrassed herself that she asked such a forward question, but she honestly had more trouble morally that they have not taken vows than the fact they are gay!

This from a lady who was born in a three-room house long before women could vote and who has yet to miss a Sunday at church.

[Tom King]

We're involved with horses, showing dogs, and theater. We also have children. Some of our closest friends are gay. Of course it wouldn't bother us. If it does let it bother them, not you.

[CYF]

I've always held that what happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of their own home is their business so I just don't much care what your orientation is.
Would I let my child take lessons from a gay trainer? Personally? Yes.
But then, because I'm a very private person and tend to accord others the same courtesy, it would probably never occur to me to THINK about someone else's sex life!

[clearlyanalter]

Aggie4bar: I posted on this board because I knew Id get all different opinions which is what i wanted. I also know that I am a competent, good trainer, with nice horses, and hopefully soon, a good list of students, child and adult.

It's people like Trakehner that make me worried, and felt that I needed to ask this question, and I didnt think it was odd. Like I said, its not that im going to openly tell anyone my personal business, it's when people find out, that Im worried about. When my partner comes down to the barn with food or an extra drink, or just to watch because she loves horses too, I want to introduce her as my partner. If someone's husband came down to the barn, he would be introduced as such. Should I not introduce her like that?

[naters]

I dont think its any of the parents business really, or the kids.

I don't tell my students parents if I spend the night at my boyfriends house, why should you tell them if you spend the night at your girlfriends house?

Basically, I think everything done in the bedroom should stay there.


It should be a non issue, for both gay and straight alike.

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

I would have no problem with it. Never have.
edited to add: Trakehner's view that homosexuality = pedophilia is just plain wrong, IMHO. Sadly, as we can see, there are many people who share that view...misinformed and ignorant.

[Astraled]

Trakehner, I was going to ignore you but I don't want anyone to assume that silence is agreement. You are hate-mongering and it is disgusting. NAMBLA is a lunatic fringe group and about as representative of gays and lesbians as a nazi group would be of white people.

[Just My Style]

If an individual behaves in a courteous and professional manner, then you wouldn't know if they were gay or straight anyway. I am opposed to anyone behaving inappropriately or displaying any PDA around the barn (and this goes for EVERYONE). Honestly, in all of my years of riding, I have seen more inappropriate activity with the hetero crowd. Don't get me started on the "relationships" between junior female riders and male trainers that went on in plain sight at finals one year.

If you are a good trainer, respect the kids in barn and behave professionally & appropriately, then it doesn't matter who you choose to be with in your personal life.

[DMK]

clearlyanalter, no matter who you are, what you do or where you go, there will be people who are ignorant, clueless and quite possibly horribly misinformed and yet entirely comitted to staying that way because anything resembling the truth could rock their little world and that would seriously threaten the core of their pathetic little lives.

Willful ignorance is a separate issue from sexual preference. Quite frankly that sort of person is just as likely to get it in their head that teaching evolution is eeeeeevil, and if you were a science teacher you were eeeevil too.. Well... you get my point right?

Anyway, I don't have kids, but I have a nephew and I personally would not mind who he took lessons from (and neither would his mother), as long as they were good at their job and a good, fair person. But its obvious some people will have a problem. There's no getting around that. You will never please everyone, but if the people you aren't pleasing are cut from trakhener's ilk, then I think you are probably OK.