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THIS is how wrong it can go :( :( :(

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  • Flash--she needs to be outed. This could happen to another good owner like yourself. Easily. I know you said you reported her but if it were me, I would be a personal rampage to make sure everyone I knew would know who this person is and where she boarded. I would try to make sure she is not trusted with another living being, ever. And oh, yea, I would be watching. I'd be following up with whomever you reported it to. And I'd be all over the social network with her name. All over it. She did not protect your horse and I would not protect her.

    That said if she was in violation of your contract, then you have another angle to hit her with. In that case, the outing could wait. If you have a case, I would start documenting the special care your mare is going to need to get back on track...and then hit her with those $$$.

    Gloves off, hardhat on.

    Last edited by NMK; May. 31, 2013, 03:54 PM.


    • Originally posted by FlashGordon View Post

      ... and all she said was "sorry for wasting your time."
      Sorry for wasting your time?!!! How about "sorry for starving your horse."

      That is bizarre.

      May Fancy be back to looking sleek and well-fed soon.


      • Original Poster

        RDR, up to that point, I had maintained my cool... but when I got that, I sort of lost it.
        We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


        • Originally posted by FlashGordon View Post
          Both were conveniently "unavailable" when my trainer went to pick the mare up. I have not spoken to the lessee since yesterday morning, when I e-mailed her to tell her my trainer was coming to get the horse. She asked if she got better about feeding the horse every day, could she keep it? (W T F. So clearly, NO ONE had been FEEDING THE HORSE.)

          I said no... and all she said was "sorry for wasting your time."
          I shall open a new box of wine. This cannot be taken sober.


          Wasting your time?

          Did she expect the pretty white horse to grow a horn and live off air and butterflies?!

          I am thinking they are a load short of a load....both the leasee gal and the BO...


          • Originally posted by GotGait View Post
            There are good boarding barns. I have been at mine for over 20 years. And I haven't had to shoot one of my own horses even once.
            Yup. We have an elderly client that we talk to daily but who physically comes only once a month to check on her horses although we welcome (encourage, even!) spontaneous visits. Others who travel internationally for weeks at a clip. Their horses are worked and fed daily. Only shooting going on here is during vaccine season, with needles.

            OP what happened to your horse is beyond comprehension -- was there perhaps a feud between the leaser and the barn owner and the BO was taking it out on the horse? Or perhaps the leaser was supposed to be doing self-care (even so, the BO should have stepped in long, long ago). Jingles for a speedy recovery for your baby. At least it's warm so she won't be fighting the weather to get weight back on.


            • Seriously? "Can I have her back if I promise to feed her sometimes?" WTF.
              Against My Better Judgement: A blog about my new FLF OTTB
              Do not buy a Volkswagen. I did and I regret it.
              VW sucks.


              • Originally posted by FlashGordon View Post
                Both were conveniently "unavailable" when my trainer went to pick the mare up. I have not spoken to the lessee since yesterday morning, when I e-mailed her to tell her my trainer was coming to get the horse. She asked if she got better about feeding the horse every day, could she keep it? (W T F. So clearly, NO ONE had been FEEDING THE HORSE.)

                I said no... and all she said was "sorry for wasting your time."
                Sorry for wasting your time? She didn't apologize for starving a living, breathing, being?

                Oh my #$%$#@ goodness....


                • I literally gasped at the difference between the two pictures. IN ONLY TWO MONTHS.

                  I always like to think there's a special place in he** for people like this woman. That she can be so indifferent makes the whole thing worse, somehow. I understand why you don't want to out her on here publicly incase this goes further, but at least let all your horsey friends know about her and this "boarding barn" (to use the term *very* loosely).

                  I'm really sorry this happened to you and hope that your horse has a full recovery.
                  "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                  "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


                  • Ugh.
                    And it can happen to the best of owners.

                    I once had a horse that I needed to move temporarily for a variety of reasons, 1 of which I was massively preggy myself at the time and on bed rest - I couldn't take care of him and my DH worked out of town a lot.

                    I didn't lease it out - my DH set him up at a well recommended private barn - where he even brought his hay and feed. all they had to do water him and feed him thats it - and get paid to do it. Mmhmm

                    About 3 weeks later, my DH (who isn't horsey*at all*) said - I know you are on bed rest, but I need to come with me - I think your horse isn't being fed right. So I hauled my waddling hiney out to the truck and up to this awesome 'barn'. My 16.1hh horse was about 200 lbs lighter and all his hay & feed we'd brought - sitting right outside his pen still. Takes all kinds. The horse got moved home - that second. I didn't even bother to leave a note to those asshats.
                    Originally posted by ExJumper
                    Sometimes I'm thrown off, sometimes I'm bucked off, sometimes I simply fall off, and sometimes I go down with the ship. All of these are valid ways to part company with your horse.


                    • Can she have her back if she "gets better" about feeding her every day!?!?! OMG. Is this person mentally handicapped? That is the kind of question only a very small child would ask in this situation.

                      Yes, just a slight improvement in the starvation situation and you can for sure have her back.

                      It would have been very hard for me not to lose it.


                      • Original Poster

                        Originally posted by amastrike View Post
                        Seriously? "Can I have her back if I promise to feed her sometimes?" WTF.
                        Yeah my jaw dropped.... because we had had SO MANY conversations about feeding. That's why when she told me a week ago the horse looked "skinny" I went huh? Cause as far as I knew she was getting 8qts of feed a day.... plus oil..... or so she had told me.
                        We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


                        • Wow - I gasped as well. And just moved my horse to another, farther place once recent BO was obviously not providing enough hay. This place 20 minutes away got worse and worse as I gently pointed it out to the BO - she of the kind who can do no wrong - so even when I offered to pay extra for more hay - my horse then was turned out into a very deep muddy pasture as a response.

                          The end of this winter was tough, but I was shocked at how poorly he still dropped while I was looking for a new place - even though I started coming out daily and stuffed his hay net each time. I was embarrassed by how slender he was when sent to the new place. TG within a month he's almost back up to snuff. Oh, and it's well over an hour's drive. In fact, this is place #3 in 18 months - with each place progressively farther away, but increasingly better. What some try to characterize as adequate care. Yup, when you have a half dozen old packers who put weight on with 2 flakes a day, the same formula applies to all, right?!?

                          For the life of me, when reading this thread, Flash - I was thinking "WHY?!?" when you were willing to take her back in a heartbeat...

                          But then answered my own question - the hoarder mentality. Just before leaving my last place, that BO - who has just been riding a couple of years - and had 4 horses already - was adding 2 more - also thin ones.

                          Just ran into an old friend who was up here, had had a farm, even offered to let mine stay, but I declined. She also was so swept up in their cute horses. They had them by the numbers, and then they'd change their mind - who knew where they all went. Both of these are city types who are hard working - but they sure love to brag when speaking in volumes about their horses. Know it can happen with us hicks as well. But really, it is about the quality of care, not how many you have.

                          So then when asking that "WHY?!?" question again - it's because they just don't think the same way...

                          I am so upset looking at the pictures. Jingles that she comes back 100% as soon as she can.
                          But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson


                          • Originally posted by Laurierace View Post
                            Glad you got her back. It does seem as if you did your due diligence, sorry it didn't work out. Sound horses are hard enough to place, unsound ones are almost impossible. Retirement board or euthanasia is the only way to insure their safety.
                            Laurierace is right; from the point of view of your decisions and actions, I think you, OP, actually did a good job. You really did everything right in an awful situation.

                            -You wrote a detailed contract.

                            -You took photos when the horse left your care/documented her condition.

                            -You stayed in touch with the barn owner.

                            -You asked for photos.

                            -When photos weren't forthcoming, you had someone go to the site and check on your mare.

                            -You immediately pulled your mare from that situation.

                            -You documented her condition when you retrieved her.

                            -You filed charges against the criminal.

                            In addition, you did not wait an inordinate amount of time to act. You mare is horribly thin, but she is (looks like, I'm not a vet) still at a weight sufficient that she will recover fully. I would go easy on yourself and direct all your anger at the dirtbag who mistreated your horse. To lose this much weight in a few weeks is beyond what any reasonable or vigilant owner could anticipate. You encountered about the worst-case scenario in bad care.

                            Good luck. I am so happy your mare is back in your good care.
                            "Random capitAlization really Makes my day." -- AndNirina


                            • She's clearly a few fries short of a Happy Meal. She asked you if she fed the horse if that would be better! That is so insane I laughed out loud. Just... wow. Did she even notice the horse was a rack of bones? Does she think horses are air ferns? And the BO needs to be outed. She's just as guilty.

                              Originally posted by FlashGordon View Post
                              Both were conveniently "unavailable" when my trainer went to pick the mare up. I have not spoken to the lessee since yesterday morning, when I e-mailed her to tell her my trainer was coming to get the horse. She asked if she got better about feeding the horse every day, could she keep it? (W T F. So clearly, NO ONE had been FEEDING THE HORSE.)

                              I said no... and all she said was "sorry for wasting your time."
                              You are what you dare.


                              • This makes me SICK. I am so sorry FG.
                                "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"


                                • Originally posted by GotGait View Post
                                  And the BO needs to be outed. She's just as guilty.
                                  But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson


                                  • Original Poster

                                    I'd actually been concerned she was going to founder or something from OVER feeding, because of the amount of grain, oil, free choice hay and lush spring grass I THOUGHT she was getting.

                                    That is why, when I got the email last week saying "well she seems a bit skinny" I alarm bells went off in my head, I started chasing down photos. The photo she sent me was from when the horse first arrived, based on foliage. Chased down more photos, got those Thursday AM, and the rest is history.

                                    She even had the nerve to say she looked skinny in the pics "due to the angle and the lighting."

                                    I'm not lying, I have this all in email. I couldn't make this crap up.

                                    Part of me thinks she really believed that everything was ok. Part of me thinks she was in huge denial. I do think she is perhaps not all there. I think she took the horse on, got bored or lazy, stopped taking care of it.... Suddenly realized I would find out at the 90 day mark, and started getting weird. I do think she "loved" the horse but you're right CV, maybe in a dysfunctional hoarder type of way.

                                    I have not yet outed the BO or the lessee because I want to let the authorities do what they need to do and frankly, I know how COTH can go, and I don't need being stuck with a "slander" charge even though everything single thing I have said is TRUTH and I have the photos and documentation to back it up.
                                    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


                                    • I know wikipedia is not an Authority - but the page on animal hoarding (and this has been my experience) states one of the causes:

                                      Evidence suggests that there is "a strong mental health component" in animal hoarding, though it has not been firmly linked to any specific psychological disorder. Models that have been projected to explain animal hoarding include delusional disorder, attachment disorder, obsessive–compulsive disorder, zoophilia, dementia, and addiction. Direct evidence for most is lacking, however.

                                      Delusional disorder
                                      Animal hoarders display symptoms of delusional disorder in that they have a "belief system out of touch with reality". Virtually all hoarders lack insight into the extent of deterioration in their habitations and on the health of their animals, refusing to acknowledge that anything is wrong. Furthermore, hoarders may believe they have "a special ability to communicate and/or empathize with animals", rejecting any offers of assistance. Delusional disorder is an effective model in that it offers an explanation of hoarders' apparent blindness to the realities of their situations.
                                      APPSOLUTE CHOCKLATE - Photo by Kathy Colman


                                      • Holy dear Jesus, HOW does someone do that in a mere 8 weeks!!??!??!?!??!

                                        Hugs and jingles for both of you. I know you will have her looking better soon. Good on you for checking up on her. Some people are just nuts.


                                        • Flash I am so sorry you and your mare had this happen. I know you to be a kind and generous person.... I hope those responsible suffer some consequences and the other horses in their "care" can survive. I hope this is not close to my town, we've got enough problems already...... Wish I could do something for you. Jingling......