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I Am the "Husband-Safe" Horse

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  • I Am the "Husband-Safe" Horse

    Nope, not that one over there with the bell boots and the banged tail.
    Yep -- here I am. Hanging by the gate that overlooks the mares' pasture. Yep -- me with the hooves like pizza pans and the profile of a pro football.
    Hay. How's it hangin'? Well, I think there's some shavings caught in it right now, and some kind of twig or something I just ... can't .. quite ... see ...
    But hay. It's my tail, dude, and that twig means I can hit the horseflies, the really big suckers ...
    Ow! Hay! Muck, that hurt!
    OK, you get that twig out. What are fingers for, anyway?
    Oh. Yum. Mmm. Yeah. Holding apples is something fingers are good for. Just ... no ... hold it right there, where I left it, if you move it a quarter of a hand you'll put the whole setup out of alignment and I'll have to readjust my teeth and your hand and ... oh, but yeah, cold apple juice just really hits the spot on a hot day ...
    OK, what are you doing now? Oh, yeah, that's my halter, the one with the three-ply triple-stitched black heavy-duty thread and the three-gauge brass hardware. Yeah, those suckers shine, don't they? ... yeah, I know, gotta work on that bull snap, but hay--what else are fingers for?
    OK, open it up ... no, you gotta ... you gotta push that bar this way, and then lift with your foot, and pull on the hasp, and ... OK, you got it. Yeah, I know, gotta oil that hinge ...
    Sigh. Yeah, I know she said she wanted to ride with us today, yeah, it's OK, Siegfried told me ... nah, he's cool, man, he just talks that way, but hay ... he's a cool red-blooded warmblood, which is just a draft-cross with an accent ...
    OK, so just brush that gritty stuff off my back, don't worry about getting every single little speck of dirt ... except ... there's ... this ... thing ... stuck under my shoe .. feels like the Rock of Gibraltar under there ... no, the other shoe ... hay, check out that nail, is that loose? ... feels a little loose ... you know, she got that new farrier out here last week and I don't think he had a clue, he used some new kind of rasp and he didn't tweak the shoes enough while they were still hot ... you know you gotta work on 'em when they're red-hot and not just that sort of yellowy-orange glowy color they get if you let the temperature drop one single degree below ...
    Hay, dude, that's my back, man -- that saddle's a real kidney-buster. You gotta lay it on me, not slam-dunk it ... oh, hay, watch it, that tickles ... whatta you mean, blow it out? You're always telling other people to suck it up ...
    OK, OK, over the teeth and past the gums, and on the bars and behind the ears ... buckle that ... hay. Not so tight. It's a throatlatch, not a necktie ...
    OK, here we go ... yeah, I guess you better grab the helmet ... you know what she'll say if you "forget" it ...
    OK, just drag it up just behind my front foot ... on the level ... nope, still not quite steady ... you turn your corner this way and I'll take a step over that way ... get it all aligned ... little bit more ... just about a hair ... hay, beats trying to tweak my trot once you're up here ... watch the ribs, watch the ribs ... watch your ...
    Sheath! Man ... !
    Yeah, I know, buddy. But hay. You're on. We're cool, dude.
    Here she comes. Lookin' good, Siegfried!
    Here we go.
    Yeigh!
    Last edited by Wellspotted; Jun. 17, 2013, 11:42 AM.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique

  • #2
    Very good!
    www.ayliprod.com
    Equine Photography in the Northeast

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    • #3
      Love it! Wish I'd seen it yesterday, it would have been perfect to share for Father's Day!

      I will share it now with my fave fathers!
      "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." -- George Bernard Shaw

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      • #4
        Great! My husband and his horse do understand each other, despite my attempts to educate and interfere!

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        • #5
          I love this! Do you mind of I share it on my hsaband's Facebook page? Will attrubute with your COTH username, or however you wish.

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          • #6
            Very funny!!

            I trained my husband's horse so when hubby lets him graze under saddle, they both get scolded! My husband's horse likes him better. He lets him get away with stuff now and again, but they have fun.

            Men were riding in this country long before women. When men moved on, women took over. Sometimes, I fear that sexism is partly to blame for the lack of respect horses have these days. Everyone seems to know a "nutty horse woman". Sometimes, it's like we are on the same level as crazy cat ladies. Get more men involved to create more sympathy and interest from other men.
            “Pray, hope, and don't worry.”

            St. Padre Pio

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            • #7
              Originally posted by microbovine View Post
              Sometimes, it's like we are on the same level as crazy cat ladies.
              Only sometimes!?
              Pisgah: 2000 AHHA (Holsteiner x TB) Mare (lower level eventing, with a focus on dressage)

              Darcy: 7? year old Border Collie x Rottweiler? Drama Queen extraordinaire, rescued from the pound in Jan 2010

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              • #8
                Originally posted by emirae1091 View Post
                Only sometimes!?
                LOL!
                “Pray, hope, and don't worry.”

                St. Padre Pio

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                • Original Poster

                  #9
                  Originally posted by KLS View Post
                  I love this! Do you mind of I share it on my hsaband's Facebook page? Will attrubute with your COTH username, or however you wish.
                  Thanks, KLS. I sent you a PM.
                  Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
                  People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
                  "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique

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                  • #10
                    PM received, story ccopied and shared. Thank you for wonderful imagery and laughs as i read this!

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