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The "forever home" hypocrisy

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  • #21
    My boys are with me forever in my mind. But things happen, I could die tomorrow and I know my dh would keep them but what if something happened to both of us. I have expressed to family what I would want them to do for my boys and I only hope they will but there is no guarantee in anything. I have retired several horses thought we've bought over the years and they have died with us and that's my plan for all of mine but you never know. I guess there is a difference between people that plan on this being the last stop for a horse and those that knowingly are going to pass the horse along again. Maybe that's what they are trying to weed out but people lie so you never know. This is why I couldn't sell one of mine. I have great friends that if something were to happen they love my boys like me and have said they would take them in. My 2 retired boys I have expressed to be put down if they can't keep them for the fact that they are not sound for riding and are fat pasture puffs and I don't want them in the truck.
    Horses aren't our whole life, but makes our life whole

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    • #22
      Originally posted by HungarianHippo View Post
      Totally agree, I'm sick of the BS in ads about "forever home" and "He deserves someone who has more time to spend." (I'm actually sick of the whole "heart horse" thing too, but maybe I'm just feeling curmudgeonly today.)
      You go, my fellow curmudgeon!

      My friend has a pony looking for a free home - not a forever home, just a different home, to whomever shows up with a trailer first. They are kind of confused by the "resumes" they've been getting. They are definitely the "take him home & he's yours type"
      Visit my Spoonflower shop

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      • #23
        Lol also when we adopted a dog from the humane society ummmm about 13 years ago we were just starting out and lived in an apartment. I had to lie to adopt the puppy and give them my moms address because they wouldn't adopt a dog unless you had a fence yard. For 6 months he lived in the apartment with us, we went hiking in the mtns, we went to parks, we went to the lake for weekends and he had a great puppy life. We moved to a home fenced in the yard for him and our other dog, they were in and out and happy. Then we finally were able to buy our farm. He lived in hog heaven his whole life and spoiled rotten. I had to put him down at 11 years old because of bone cancer. It wasn't right for me to lie but I knew I could give him one of the best forever homes possible, and it would be forever. Family would take him for sure if something happened. I don't think it's fair sometimes the restrictions they put on people that want to adopt. Just because a yard is fenced in doesnt mean the dog is going to have a good life by no means.

        My friend also looked into adopting a horse from a rescue but because they don't have stalls to feed them in they wouldn't let her. The rules were the horses had to have stalls to eat in and be in when weather is bad. Look the horses she has (2) have a big nice run in to get out of weather and she stands with them to make sure everybody gets their on food until they are all done. I understand trying to be careful but they turned away a great home, forever home if possible because like me they won't sell a horse, because there is no stall
        Horses aren't our whole life, but makes our life whole

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        • #24
          "forever home" is just a buzzword phrase that has become de rigueur, that's all.

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          • Original Poster

            #25
            Originally posted by Anne FS View Post
            "forever home" is just a buzzword phrase that has become de rigueur, that's all.
            And it's nearly as credible as those disgraced politicians and CEOs who resign claiming they only want to spend more time with their families.

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            • #26
              Have to agree that I'm thankful to those who sell on as I typically look for at least a 10 yr old trained horse. No skill in training a baby.

              While we don't typically sell along, we did have one horse join us who was not a good fit. We realized that and found him a home that was a better fit and he and the new owner were great together.

              I typically would have agreed that someone looking for another person to take on their horse in his older age, we did have one experience that makes me at least give some benefit of the doubt. A local driver with an aging horse suddenly announced he was selling the horse. A lot of us were outraged as this horse had done all asked for many years and deserved a good rest of life. How dare that person. Well... the outcome was the original owner found a young family who wanted to learn and sold his schoolmaster to them. Horse was in a job he could do instead of being pushed in competition, people were super and took excellent care, and the horse got loads more attention than he would have retired. It's not always for the worst.

              So now I check to see if it's a dump my problems on you or find you a new job/retirement home where you are valued

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              • #27
                Eh, I can't get that worked up about it.

                Sometimes it's the case that the price is lower than market if the perfect match is found, with expectations for the long term. Sometimes it's the case that the owner will just not sell if the right situation is not found - that the horse will either be able to stay, or will be put down.

                Obviously any of us can get hit by a bus tomorrow. Or, the horse might not be a match. But there are deals of this nature that do work out. You just have to tread carefully, and verify.

                If you board, keeping the horse forever at the boarding barn or moving the horse to retirement and becoming an absentee owner have their pitfalls as well. Finding someone else who loves and owes the horse, and has a place to retire them, is not always so terrible. But, it really only works if the horse still has something to offer.
                If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

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                • #28
                  Originally posted by Lady Eboshi View Post
                  This is one problem I have with many "rescue" charities--they're just hoarding operations, stockpiling horses who could have a REAL home if not for their absurdly unrealistic requirements. The largest one closest to us specifies, among other things, that an adopted horse MUST have 24/7 turnout (which almost no one in our state has), and may never be shown. Really? It would harm him to go to a 4-H show with a little girl, or a local crossrail schooling show? This stuff is just plain STUPID and it makes me see red!
                  I know exactly which "rescue" this is, and these very provisions are the ones that drive me mad too! I guess there's an upside in a way, a woman wants to board her horse with me because I'm one of the few (only?) places she can find with 24/7 turnout anywhere near here.
                  https://www.facebook.com/SugarMapleFarm
                  Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peonyvodka/
                  www.PeonyVodka.com

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                  • #29
                    I agree that I dislike the terms "forever home" and "heart horse" ( I guess I am a curmudgeon too!). Why has "sell" become a dirty word? As long as you are responsible about it and check references and make sure it is a good fit, to me it is actually GOOD for the horse if you sell it to a more suitable home. Some people stay for years with horses that are a bad fit - both human and horse are miserable! Let someone else enjoy the horse - you are not the only one who can give affection. When I do sell, I will offer to take the horse back if it does not work out. I have had to do that once, and have had to rescue one that the person (a riding instructor no less) starved. That said, the large majority of the horses I have helped sell have gone on to have wonderful lives and I get great updates through the years.

                    I hope to never have to sell or rehome my riding horse and also the pony and 3 retired broodmares here, but another thing that bugs me is when people do not at least try to make it so that the horses can be handled and be useful if they did need to move on.

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                    • #30
                      classified ad statements that make me puke.

                      forever home, heart horse, in your pocket, loves to be groomed, loves attention, no time for them, just needs a refresher (but they want top$), will trade for (but what they will trade for is exactly what they are claiming the sale horse is.) and trained to level whatever in the latest fad of desensitization training program.

                      So I am a real crumundgeon. Sorry if this is a bit strong, I am crabby today.
                      Just like our eyes, our hearts have a way of adjusting to the dark.--Adam Stanley

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                      • #31
                        *shrug* The term 'forever home' doesn't bother me when it is someone describing what they intend to do with an animal. Because I don't know the resources they have at their disposal to provide for their critters if something happens to them. And I've given mine as close to a forever home as I can.

                        However it DOES bother me to see someone say: I cannot (or will not) keep this horse but I want YOU to take him and promise to love him forever and take care of him forever. It especially bugs me when it is a horse who has health or lameness issues. Because I hear: I don't want to deal with XYZ but you should.

                        We used to want forever homes for the rescue horses - well, I actually still want them. But we also know that life changes. That's why we take them back, no questions asked, and have set up a system for their adopters to rehome them (and we let the old adopter charge the new 'adopter' a fee, if they want to, and that fee is paid to the old adopter - not to us) if that's what they would prefer. Life happens, and sometimes people outgrow horses or change their focus or whatever. We just try to help make sure they go on to good homes.
                        Visit us at Bluebonnet Equine Humane Society - www.bluebonnetequine.org

                        Want to get involved in rescue or start your own? Check out How to Start a Horse Rescue - www.howtostartarescue.com

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                        • #32
                          Originally posted by GrayTbred View Post
                          Like a lot of you, I follow Craigslist and other sites for horse ads. More often than not, there's some variation on the phrase "forever home a must" -- and that's often attached to the description of a 20+ trooper who's given his whole life to his current family.

                          In other words, "I'm not going to give my old horse a forever home, but I expect you to."

                          Beyond the idea that an older or less-sound horse that's served you for years deserves better, don't the sellers realize that the other circumstances that may have prompted this sale -- job loss, illness, etc. -- could just as easily befall the buyer? Then what? Another "forever home" hand-off?
                          I don't have a problem with the phrase "forever home" or the concept of keeping a horse for the rest of its life, but I agree strongly with your disgust over those hypocritical ads which expect more of a stranger who will buy their horse than what the seller demands of himself. It seems reasonable that the only person who should use the term "forever home" is the one who is actually providing it.
                          "Random capitAlization really Makes my day." -- AndNirina

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                          • #33
                            Originally posted by rabicon View Post
                            My boys are with me forever in my mind. But things happen, I could die tomorrow and I know my dh would keep them but what if something happened to both of us. I have expressed to family what I would want them to do for my boys and I only hope they will but there is no guarantee in anything. I have retired several horses thought we've bought over the years and they have died with us and that's my plan for all of mine but you never know. I guess there is a difference between people that plan on this being the last stop for a horse and those that knowingly are going to pass the horse along again. Maybe that's what they are trying to weed out but people lie so you never know. This is why I couldn't sell one of mine. I have great friends that if something were to happen they love my boys like me and have said they would take them in. My 2 retired boys I have expressed to be put down if they can't keep them for the fact that they are not sound for riding and are fat pasture puffs and I don't want them in the truck.
                            THIS, but one thing needs to be emphasized here:

                            FAILING TO PLAN IS PLANNING TO FAIL.

                            None of us like to think about tornadoes, car wrecks, the train wreck we had last week (!) or other epic fails. But DO YOUR PAPERWORK for the sake of your peace of mind. My superstition is, if you have it, you won't need it. Here are some ideas:

                            (1) Make sure you have a WILL so the State won't seize your assets for Probate. Even if your horses are worth a goose egg, they might legally have to be run through a sale otherwise and you know how that one ends.

                            (2) Leave INSTRUCTIONS on file in an accessible place that people know about, with complete, up-to-date directions for feeding, meds and care of every animal on your place, and what your wishes are for disposition of each animal in the event you are not coming back for whatever reason--or are merely indisposed temporarily.

                            (3) Have enough MONEY in an accessible, liquid account or in cash to enable your designated caregiver to feed and care for the animals for a minimum of three months. This should also be sufficient to cover possible euthanasia/disposal of those who can't be out-placed if that is your wish.

                            (4) Post EMERGENCY NUMBERS of all pertinent people like alternative caregivers, veterinarians, farriers, feed stores, hired help, and trusted friends in a prominent place like by the tack-room phone--and keep it updated along with your wishes for your animals which are also prone to change over time.

                            Take this from one who came into my predecessor/mentor's farm with an 11:00 AM phone call at my office 20 years ago--from the police, telling me he'd dropped dead on the barn floor. We didn't even have a list of his current boarders . . .

                            I'm really anal about all this stuff because I know what it's like to be the people flying blind when it happens.

                            Oh, and be careful out there, folks . . . for your horses' sake.

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                            • #34
                              Originally posted by SMF11 View Post
                              I know exactly which "rescue" this is, and these very provisions are the ones that drive me mad too! I guess there's an upside in a way, a woman wants to board her horse with me because I'm one of the few (only?) places she can find with 24/7 turnout anywhere near here.
                              Yep!

                              There's also a local small-animal rescue who believe it or not rejected me as not PC enough to adopt an INDOOR CAT because I use Invisible Fence for my exclusively-outdoor DOGS. Figure that one out . . . I can't!

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                exclusively-outdoor DOGS.
                                That's the reason, trust me.

                                You keep your dogs outside, therefore you are a heartless animal abuser. Dogs are part of the family. How can they be part of the family if they don't share the den? Outdoor dogs are ALWAYS chained to a stake and neglected by heartless owners. The shelter people have seen it a million times. Sure, you might be different, but it's not worth investigating. Dogs and Cats are NOT ALLOWED TO BE OUTDOOR ANIMALS.

                                Those are all direct quotes, BTW. From our publicly funded SPCA.
                                Lifestyle coordinator for Zora, Spooky, Wolfgang and Warrior

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                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by rugbygirl View Post
                                  That's the reason, trust me.

                                  You keep your dogs outside, therefore you are a heartless animal abuser. Dogs are part of the family. How can they be part of the family if they don't share the den? Outdoor dogs are ALWAYS chained to a stake and neglected by heartless owners. The shelter people have seen it a million times. Sure, you might be different, but it's not worth investigating. Dogs and Cats are NOT ALLOWED TO BE OUTDOOR ANIMALS.

                                  Those are all direct quotes, BTW. From our publicly funded SPCA.
                                  My dogs are laughing their butts off! They are WORKING dogs with a job to do, and they take it very seriously. They also have a palatial kennel containing a pack-sized shed. None of them want to trade places with the local Golden Doodles . . .

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                                  • #37
                                    Originally posted by goneriding24 View Post
                                    A while back I did a horse blog and was asking this very question. Several people said they asked that to weed out less desirable buyers, that was the only reason. All of them said they didn't think it was really possible but wanted it out there questions would be asked.
                                    Doesn't bother me much either. My assumption is that the real meaning is "not for sale to a home that wants to resell immediately." I also think it's an easy thing to say to convey (honestly or not) that the owner cares that the horse goes to a good home.
                                    __________________________________
                                    Flying F Sport Horses
                                    Horses in the NW

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                                    • #38
                                      "Forever home" ads kind of bother me, at least most of the ones I've seen. Like others have said it's usually for older horses. Well if such and such horse has given you so many wonderful years in the saddle, why don't *you* hack it for another year or two before it retires? It sounds hypocritical.

                                      Just be honest and say you are looking for a loving home where the horse will be able to do job X, whatever that may be.

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                                      • #39
                                        I call that stuff tantamount to putting your grandma up for grabs when she can't bake cookies anymore but needs to go in a nursing home. Put 'er on CL, why knot?

                                        I've been known to express it to HO's in exactly those terms. Shamed at least 3 into keeping "Grandma/pa" to the natural end. Arrrgh!

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by Angela Freda View Post
                                          LOVE your OP and the above as well.
                                          I see that with dog ads alot and it's a real head scratcher.
                                          I had the worlds smartest, most dastardly Beagle ever. EVER.
                                          And with 2 sessions of 15 minute walk/training sessions a day he was very easily made into a less dastardly dog. And he was my first dog.
                                          "I don't have time" is code for any of the following words and actually means, I don't have: gumption, motivation, talent, experience, smarts, energy, interest.

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