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Moving Sooner than Planned and the Problems that Go With That

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  • Original Poster

    #21
    Thank you for the support AlterN8tive.
    I would like to think I will die an heroic death...

    But it's more likely I'll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

    Comment


    • #22
      This is not a horse-related thread, and I would imagine sooner or later it will get shut down. Some thoughts here on your son and Job Corp. My brother taught there for years.

      Job Corp: the program accepts teenagers who have been referred there from a judge as a last resort stop before jail; they accept children from disadvantaged situations; they accept children from public trade high schools whose teachers refer them because the city's school trade program is inferior to Job Corps and they qualify financially (low-income). Some of these kids are far smarter than your son ever thought to be, as they have had no other choice but to learn how to survive in gang-controlled projects and out on the streets of these territories. Because many come from low income, inner-city situations, there are some pretty tough kids in there, some with active national gang affiliations. Sometime these gang activities go active within the program, and things get ugly, or beyond. Reading comprehension will be the least of your worries. Because your son comes from a more sheltered environment, he will not be up to streetwise speed to keep up with some of these kids, and will be an easy mark to take advantage of, or to target. A kid from money, with a GED, you do the math.

      By comparison, the Outward Bound program tends to get kids whose parents/sponsors can afford to pony up the money for them to go, so they are in a different element to start with. Because it is shorter in duration, they are only in that same-as-me, same-as-me element for a short while, and then they go home to their parents. Compared to Job Corp, it is a cream puff program. In Job Corp, you have eight months of exposure to kids that I am not hearing you want your son exposed to. If things are as bad as you feel they are, I am surprised his therapist has not pushed him harder into the OB program.

      While it breaks your heart that your son feels no better than some of these kids, it is perfectly understandable why he does so if he has emotional problems. They do too. But their parents can't afford the therapist to help fix them. Be proud that your son's heart and empathy are as advanced as his brain seems to be. That empathy will go a long way someday in helping another kid similarly fixed to move on with his life. Honestly, your heartbreak over your son feeling no different than disadvantaged kids with the same emotional problems as he has really ticked me off. You seem to have enough money to throw at this to help straighten this out. Those other kids don't have a dime. The help they have available to them, if any, is inferior at best, and more likely non-existent at all. And yes, if you think I've just given you a boot in the behind to get over this and move on, that's exactly what I've done.

      Good luck with your move.
      "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

      http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #23
        To be honest, I'm surprised I hadn't gotten this reaction from someone sooner. I read back my original post and it does sound snooty, at best. But I won't apologize for that because that's the way I feel and it's my son, no one else's. And he is my main concern.

        As far as there being kids in Job Corps with as much if not more smarts than my son, I'm sure that's true. The "friend" I refer to in the original post is one of those kids. He was raised by a druggy mother and beaten by his dad who finally left. He was living with his grandparents when my son met him and he was a very street-wise kid who got my son involved in stuff I was not happy about. But as you said, my son lives a very sheltered life so I thought as long as we were there to protect him if something bad happened (like when he was arrested for breaking into an abandoned warehouse) he'd be okay.

        I also had tremendous sympathy for said "Friend" because of he was dealt a really shitty hand in life and DH and I wanted to help. Which is why we let him live at our house. But has happened before with other people who try to help this kid, stuff we ask him to do is too much trouble and he leaves. I have no sympathy for someone who won't help themselves so I kicked him out. This is what triggered my son leaving.

        Our son has often accused us of being much too soft on him and spoiling him. We were afraid he was going to kill himself at one point so shame on us for going a little too easy on him. We don't think he's at that point any longer, but who knows? We've decided to take the hard line now. He called last night because his friend had gone to his girlfriend's house and he had no where to stay and wanted us to give him a ride home. We said no. Was it hard? Damn right! But we said we were going to be tough on him this time and we were.

        I realize this whole thread isn't exactly horse-related, but for the fact that a lot of us have troubled lives and horses help us through the rough parts. That's all I have to say about that.

        ETA: We don't have the money to "pony up" for OB, but would gladly put it on a CC if we thought it would help our son and he was willing.
        I would like to think I will die an heroic death...

        But it's more likely I'll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

        Comment


        • #24
          Glad you have taken a stand. I am PMing you.
          "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

          http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/

          Comment


          • #25
            The brilliance plus the other issues makes me wonder if he is on the 'spectrum' that ranges from Asperger's to Autism. If your therapist has not already given you some advice on possible structured programs he might be able to get into, because he still is under age, look into what may be available. Good luck and keep us posted.
            I did sone 'Googling' and found a few things that I hope will be helpful:
            http://www.aane.org/
            http://msppinterface.org/autism
            http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/
            http://www.doe.mass.edu/sped/links/Autism.html
            http://www.collegeautismspectrum.com...eprograms.html

            Disclaimer, I am not a medical or psychiatric professional and am not qualified to diagnose, treat etc....but just in case I am 'barking up the right tree' these may be useful.
            Jeanie
            RIP Sasha, best dog ever, pictured shortly before she died, Death either by euthanasia or natural causes is only the end of the animal inhabiting its body; I believe the spirit lives on.

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #26
              Thank you Saddlebredfan. We have had two therapists diagnose him with Asperger's, which is fine, but there's really no treatment for it. He isn't on any medication now and won't participate in the therapy he needs, so we're done. It's up to him now to figure it out.

              I would still like to send him to Outward Bound though if he is willing. When he's told he doesn't qualify for Job Corp maybe he'll reconsider. *shrugs*
              I would like to think I will die an heroic death...

              But it's more likely I'll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

              Comment


              • #27
                I suggest you seek family counseling if you haven't already

                Comment


                • #28
                  This kid is 16? In TN if you turn out a 16 year old you'll get a visit from Child Protective Services. Around here 16 is a minor. Turn out a minor and you've abandoned a child. Bad juju, that.

                  If the child has not committed any serious offenses then in many places you can have them declared "unruly." This is not a finding of "delinquency" (that usually only comes with a serious criminal act). Such a finding opens the doors to a bunch of state supplied services. In cases where staying in the parental home is not feasible then foster care would be used. I don't work the Juvenile Court as a rule, but I've had enough contact to know some of the rules. And one of those rules is that you don't turn out a 16 year old.

                  TN does not rank high on most scales when it comes to social services. MA usually does. If you've not explored the Juvenile system I'd suggest it immediately. If only to shield yourself from possible charges if the kid gets picked up for something.

                  From both personal and professional experience I've got a lot of empathy for your dilema. The steps you have taken have the potential to put you on "the hot seat." Call your Juvenile Court office first thing in the a.m. Yeah, it's Sunday. So what? The minions of the State sometimes have to work on the Sabath. If you don't get action then make sure you follow up first thing Monday morning.

                  This is not a small thing. Take action NOW.

                  G.
                  Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raça, Uma Paixão

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    The OP has gotten a chance to get some feedback on the situation here, but as the topic isn't horse-related, we're going to close the thread with our best wishes.

                    Thanks!
                    Mod 1

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