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Talk someone out of buying a horse? WWYD?

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  • Talk someone out of buying a horse? WWYD?

    Figured everything out. Thank you.
    Last edited by Phototoxicity; Jun. 3, 2014, 06:21 PM.

  • #2
    If asked, I would say that I thought it was a bad idea, and then change the subject. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    Most people don't want to be told something they don't want to hear, and if told, it probably won't sink in. Ethically, if I were in your shoes I would make sure I conveyed my disapproval clearly. On the other hand, she's under no obligation to take your advice. She's far from the first teen who is going to have to learn some things the hard way.
    Originally posted by HuntrJumpr
    No matter what level of showing you're doing, you are required to have pants on.

    Comment


    • #3
      You are completely right to be concerned. Whether you can do something about it is another matter. Chances are unless you are very good friends with her she isn't going to listen...and even then it might be a crapshoot.

      Your best bet is to tell her instructor what you've heard the girl talk about and hope he or she will help the girl out of a potentially bad situation.

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #4
        Thank you both for the replies. She does a lot of things without telling our trainer, like switching a horse's bit, not putting a martingale on the lesson horse, etc and stuff like that, I always ask her immediately why she's doing that and why isn't she asking first. It's always some sort of story. She has mentioned talking to the BO and my trainer about the mare but I know that they most likely won't say yes. Plus my trainer has already said to the other girl I lesson with that she can ride the mare because she just finished training a pony for lessons. That girl I at least know has a head on her shoulders and is a very good rider.

        Comment


        • #5
          First butt in about taking out a student loan to get a horse - hello that's OUR Tax money and last I heard it wasn't to rehab a horse... at least enroll in an equine college or something; but I'm not working my tosh off so some 17 y/o can fulfl some fantasy about rehabbing a horse on my tax dime. Other than that there's not much you can say or do does she have a clue about monthly expenses or is that part of "her student loan"

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          • Original Poster

            #6
            Originally posted by gottagrey View Post
            First butt in about taking out a student loan to get a horse - hello that's OUR Tax money and last I heard it wasn't to rehab a horse... at least enroll in an equine college or something; but I'm not working my tosh off so some 17 y/o can fulfl some fantasy about rehabbing a horse on my tax dime. Other than that there's not much you can say or do does she have a clue about monthly expenses or is that part of "her student loan"
            She plans on taking the loans out anyway for school, and not telling her parents she's taking out 'extra' to get a horse. I tell her all the time it's not a good idea, and how she really needs to think about things before doing anything. She's also said she has enough experience to handle a new horse a train a horse. She's been riding about 7 years, I've been riding about 17 now and I always consult someone before doing anything. I was thinking about talking to my trainer about it when it comes time. Right now it's mostly all talk, hoping it doesn't get out of control.

            I'm glad I got a few COTHer's opinions on the matter.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by gottagrey View Post
              First butt in about taking out a student loan to get a horse - hello that's OUR Tax money and last I heard it wasn't to rehab a horse... at least enroll in an equine college or something; but I'm not working my tosh off so some 17 y/o can fulfl some fantasy about rehabbing a horse on my tax dime. Other than that there's not much you can say or do does she have a clue about monthly expenses or is that part of "her student loan"
              Uh, with student loans at an interest rate well above mortgages and non-dischargable in bankruptcy, taxpayers won't really take a loss.

              However, I might try to figure out how to have a conversation about how dangerous student loans can be and how important it is not to use that money except for education. If she uses this money to have a horse now, she'll incur substantial debt and maybe have a lot harder time being able to support a horse later. Her ability to get loans will not be unlimited, and she may need it simply to finish her degree.

              I might in general talk to her about the future, ask her what she's going to do in school, where she wants to live, where does she see herself in 10 years, what is her ultimate riding goal, let her get thinking about that and help her think about what decisions she can make now that will help her get to those places.

              I think you'll find this more productive than trying to shut down her current short term plans.
              If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #8
                Originally posted by poltroon View Post
                I might in general talk to her about the future, ask her what she's going to do in school, where she wants to live, where does she see herself in 10 years, what is her ultimate riding goal, let her get thinking about that and help her think about what decisions she can make now that will help her get to those places.

                I think you'll find this more productive than trying to shut down her current short term plans.
                She doesn't have any career or school plans, just to take the loans out. I've mentioned how much debt she could be in since she doesn't even have a job or a car right now. She depends on friends to drive her to the barn because her parents don't. I'm currently helping her in a saddle situation more or less. She doesn't have much of her own tack, a saddle being the biggest, and last I checked you usually need one of those when owning a horse. I'm eventually buying a new saddle so I said I'd sell her mine cheaply since the tack store would be too much for her to afford with what little money she actually has. Lately I've also tried talking to her about other horses, but she's set that she can train this horse and make her non-stall aggressive and things like that. I've also mentioned how that won't be entirely possible when she's only able to go to the barn once, maybe twice a week if she's able to get a ride. I'm just afraid that she's going to get way in over her head and she's not thinking things through in the big picture. Buying the horse is the cheap part, the upkeep is the hard part.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hopefully it's a pipe dream....

                  It's a very bad idea to take out student loans. And that's when you actually need them for school...

                  Other than that it's a 'I wouldn't do it' proposition.

                  Bad idea all around.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    For sure.

                    She sounds pretty mixed up.

                    With someone like this, I try not to make it about them, but more in cautionary tales about other people, ideally myself, if possible.

                    I might start talking about how hard it is when you're dependent on other people's schedules. See if you can nudge her into a car as her first goal. Maybe as she starts to realize the cost of gas, insurance, etc, it will help her get a better understanding of her finances.

                    But I'm also going to say... as you know, this is a wreck waiting to happen. Say your piece, but don't own it. Don't let her suck you in to her impeding doom. It's a mean thing to say but I see it already... the saddle. Don't sell her a saddle unless it totally works for you and is exactly right for you at a price that is sensible for you.

                    Maybe she can make this problem horse a project WITHOUT buying... hard to say.

                    Talk to her about your own bills casually. Encourage her to work up a budget before she starts if you can.

                    But at some point, you may just have to watch it happen, and sigh.
                    If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Student loans for college will never touch her hands. If she applies and if approved, the college she's accepted to will receive the funds from the lender to disburse against her accounts receivable with them -- the only money she'll get is either via work study or if she specifically applies for a loan that covers living expenses.

                      It sounds like she's big on dreams and slim on reality.

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #12
                        Originally posted by VaqueroToro View Post
                        Student loans for college will never touch her hands. If she applies and if approved, the college she's accepted to will receive the funds from the lender to disburse against her accounts receivable with them -- the only money she'll get is either via work study or if she specifically applies for a loan that covers living expenses.

                        It sounds like she's big on dreams and slim on reality.
                        This is the most wonderful quote I've ever heard about this situation haha not a very good situation but pretty much sums it up!


                        Thank you everyone for your input, it is very much appreciated! I think i might make small hints as to the impending doom, but just try and sit back. It's a disaster waiting to happen, hoping maybe something else pops up that gets her distracted, in the meantime I'll just grin and bear it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Not to hijack the thread, but regarding student loans, back in my college days, a friend of mine got a note saying that her student loans were denied. Reason was, according to the school, that she had already graduated!

                          So she was like, ok then give me my diploma. lol.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Again, if she's counting on student loans to make this work, you don't have to worry about a thing. Like VaqueroToro says, the money is not paid to the student, it's paid directly to the college.
                            The way your posted is worded, you may be overly invested in this girl and in cataloging everything she does wrong. Say your piece once about owning a horse, and then butt out.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Sigh.

                              I grew up in a family that was a tad like your friend's, though perhaps a bit less dysfunctional. When parents offer you nothing in the way of guidance, support for what you want to do, or hope that you can get there, you have just two choices: You buy the hype, curl up and die, or you dream with abandon and without realism.

                              There are so many parts of the puzzle your barnmate is missing-- from the money, to a feasible plan, to good taste in horses. It will be hard for her to hear reason from you, or NO. What works better is helping her set attainable goals, listen to the big goals without dissing them and helping her figure out how she can work toward those.

                              I think that selling her your saddle is a great place to start. It's a small amount of money (in comparison the the horse or car), with no continuing bills and it's one step closer her goal of being a HO.

                              If she really is about to step off the ledge and buy a horse (and for some reason, you think it's your place to try and stop her), you have to choices:

                              Tell her that you wouldn't do that in her spot and why. Then leave it alone.

                              Ask her to get her trainer's input.
                              The armchair saddler
                              Politically Pro-Cat

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #16
                                Originally posted by HungarianHippo View Post
                                Again, if she's counting on student loans to make this work, you don't have to worry about a thing. Like VaqueroToro says, the money is not paid to the student, it's paid directly to the college.
                                The way your posted is worded, you may be overly invested in this girl and in cataloging everything she does wrong. Say your piece once about owning a horse, and then butt out.
                                I agree with myself being overly invested and mentioning many of her flaws, if you will. I think because I'm just sick of hearing about the same thing every week and her grand scheme of things that I took more negative out of it then I had to. I was in no way trying to bash her entirely, just her idea of thinking it's so easy to own a horse. Caught up in the moment more or less of the post.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #17
                                  I think I might just try and take a step back and just watch whatever unfold. I should be less invested in her life choices and more in my own. If it comes to a big decision I'll try to invest my input but leave it at that. She doesn't listen much to myself or our trainer so kind of at a disadvantage. Guess I'll just have to see what happens with time.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Should've added this to my other post!

                                    Thank you ALL for the input. I'm going to try and take a bit from each since everything seemed to be helpful. Can only see in time what will happen.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Well, it certainly sucks watching someone self-destruct in your presence, especially if she's nice to be around otherwise. I feel for you and hope you will have the influence to nudge her even a little bit closer to a better path.

                                      Best of luck to her.
                                      If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by poltroon View Post
                                        Well, it certainly sucks watching someone self-destruct in your presence, especially if she's nice to be around otherwise. I feel for you and hope you will have the influence to nudge her even a little bit closer to a better path.

                                        Best of luck to her.
                                        A lot of the people at the barn don't actually like her for this reason and being a bit 'two-faced'. I just happen to get along with everyone at the barn and she seems to be nice to me so I have no problems. I feel bad for her but the situation just seems to be getting out of control. Just have to sit back and hope for the best.

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