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Need help knowing what the right thing is to do. update pg 3

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  • #61
    So sorry, OP that your friend is expressing this. She is probably on the defensive about losing the farm, and thereby it being the time for your horse to go.

    So many people have not been able to keep up farms and pay for their animals.

    But this doesn't give her any right to dump on you. Just a wrong thought that you are supposed to sweep up behind her. The attack on you is absolutely unwarranted. You could have never left the horse there and done this a long time ago, when your horse first retired. If you ever speak to your friend again, and if it's the truth, tell her it's a separate decision about your horse, and that you're sorry she's losing the barn. You don't have any choice in the matter, other than the best one for the horse.

    But you deserve all the support you can get, and you have it here. Don't let someone in a bad place pull you down with her. More hugs...
    But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson


    • #62
      I think you have made the right decision. When your horse is concerned, remember that this is the last kind thing you can do.


      • #63
        It's not right for this friend to judge you on your decision.

        Having said that (and not trying to make excuses for your friend, just trying
        to make you feel better about it), perhaps she is feeling guilty that it is
        essentially her loosing the farm that is causing this to happen now. So,
        she is lashing out at you.

        It doesn't make it right that she said what she said - but it may help you be
        less angry about it. Don't waste your energy on being upset.

        Hugs to you !


        • #64
          Sorry to see that your post was quoted despite your request. The part I was going to quote until I saw your request was the part where your friend who is giving you grief is the one who owns the barn. My guess is her feelings are colored by her own situation so she can't see the reality of your position. Your mare has given you her heart and in return she is counting on you to make the tough decisions on her behalf. I know you won't let her down. Hopefully once things settle down your friend will come around. Godspeed.
          McDowell Racing Stables

          Home Away From Home


          • #65
            Deal with friend until the horse is PTS, you have to. After that, never again. Some words cannot be taken back and it isn't your fault her business failed. To even ask you to do that speaks of a using personality, she has some nerve.

            Rest easy at night OP... That mare is lucky to have you.


            • #66
              Originally posted by trubandloki View Post
              Sannois, did you miss the part where you were asked not to quote?

              OP, so sorry a very tough decision is being made more difficult.
              Huh, I thought she said Quote it, because she would come back and delete it otherwise. Really?? Oh damn, My bad. so sorry.
              Duuuh, Can't read I guess. Deleted!


              • #67
                I am so sorry, ABN. You're doing the right thing for your mare, and you've done the right thing by her for a long time, it sounds like. It's terribly sad that your friend is unwilling to look past her own current issues to see and recognize the energy and thought and emotion you've put into your decision, and how right it is for your horse.

                Perhaps you can be comforted by the fact it sounds like the only way to make your friend happy IS to buy the farm, which seriously? SOOOOOO not realistic. How could she have even considered that it was? That's nearing delusional. I imagine she would have had something just as acerbic and nasty to say if you'd chosen to move your horse to someplace nearby, or tried to move her to where you are.

                It sounds like only one answer would have made her happy, and that's the one thing that was never on the table at all.


                • #68
                  What a crappy thing for a "friend" to do! Your friends here will be with you in spirit even though we can't be with you in person. Please stay strong as you do what is the kindest thing for your mare. {{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}


                  • #69
                    That so-called friend just showed her true colors. I am so sorry that you had to cope with that on top of other things weighing heavily on you right now. Cyber hugs to you, you are doing the right thing.
                    RIP Sasha, best dog ever, pictured shortly before she died, Death either by euthanasia or natural causes is only the end of the animal inhabiting its body; I believe the spirit lives on.


                    • #70
                      I'd let her have this summer and put her down when the weather starts to turn or the farm is sold. I wouldn't move her at this point.
                      Every mighty oak was once a nut that stood its ground.

                      Proud Closet Canterer! Member Riders with Fibromyalgia clique.


                      • #71
                        A) That's not a friend. B) Having made the decision, and knowing what's going on at that farm, I'd consider performing option 1 sooner rather than later. I personally have in the past not been able to wait once I feel it is time. But maybe it is not exactly time yet for your mare, I don't know. Hugs to you, OP.
                        What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


                        • #72
                          I'm sorry your friend is being a jerk. You are doing the right thing. {{hugs}}
                          Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!


                          • #73
                            Not a nice added twist but people will say and do things that are hard to understand in situations that aren't working out to their benefit. Remember, it's your horse, and your decision to give her a peaceful transition or choose to move her. I was, and still am an Option 1 voter, due to the risks of the other options to her quality of life. Sorry you're going through this-and that all goes well with whatever you choose to do.
                            "Those who know the least often know it the loudest."


                            • #74
                              I'm sorry you are going through this.

                              I missed whatever was said about the barn owner and that whole post, so if I missed something that would be pertinent to my post, I apologize.

                              Have no doubt, you are doing the right thing and are protecting your dear mare. Clearly you have her best interest at heart. It is up to us to help ease their passage. So many people keep animals around for THEM and how THEY feel.

                              I have made the same decision with my dear old man, the difference is I own the farm. I will let him enjoy the summer than say good-bye in the fall. My experience has been different than CrewGirl. I watch him munching in his pasture and am at peace with the decision. Spring and summers are easy on him and I cherish the time with him. I honestly would cherish ANY time with him. It just depends on your personality.

                              The reaction from the few friends I have discussed was "I'm sorry. You know I will support you either way. You have always loved him so."

                              It's easy to know the right thing to do, the hard part is doing it. Stay strong.
                              Come to the dark side, we have cookies


                              • #75
                                I thought I was going nuts as I reread this thread several times and I could not see mention of said 'friend'. Was the post deleted?
                                As hard as it is to put a horse down in these conditions... imagine how you would feel if you chose one of the other options and something did go wrong? Can you at least visit her and be there at the time?
                                Hugs to you ... it is hard, but you are thinking of your mare first.


                                • Original Poster

                                  I added the bare bones details back into my previous post. I probably said too much in the original post, but now the essence is there. Sorry for the confusion.

                                  I called the vet yesterday and am waiting for a return call today.

                                  I had actually forgotten that one of the other boarders there is a (small animal) vet, and I heard through a friend that it had seemed obvious to that vet that I would put my mare down. It's reassuring to know that someone used to people having to make these decisions thinks that I'm making the right one.


                                  • #77
                                    Having worked for a vet all through college I will tell you with absolute certainty that most vets WOULD NOT look down on you for your decision and actually applaud your selflessness - you would be amazed how many people put their feelings before their animals' well being.


                                    • #78
                                      A real friend wouldn't have been so selfish or cruel.
                                      A real vet would honor your decision and offer their services.
                                      <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.


                                      • #79
                                        I have a 25 year old that you wouldn't know anything is wrong with him, until you halter him and he resists. Twice now, he's fallen over. The lady I keep him with told me about the first time and thought he was being bad. (He's never done anything like that before.) Next time I was there and saw exactly what happened. He's not a good loader and has been known to resist and back off the trailer. I would not risk putting him on a trailer and having him resist and flip and tear himself up and the trailer, so he's on the "if it can't be fixed on the farm, he's PTS plan.

                                        Also a few years ago I bought a mare and had her shipped up from FL. Was told she had a stifle issue but I just wanted something to putz around on. She refused to get on the trailer, and when she was there, kicked the living crap out of the door. When I saw her stagger off the trailer when she got to VA, she could barely walk. Turned out she was a Wobbler (after testing for EPM and doing chiro, etc, then neuro exams and xrays). I would never wish that sort of trip on any horse.

                                        Long story short, you are doing the right thing...


                                        • #80
                                          The barn closing is expediting a future that you know is certain...it was a matter of "when".

                                          I wouldn't blame you if you tried to move her, but I definitely think you have her best interest at heart, making the decision you made. And in your situation, would make the same one.

                                          I moved my elderly horses 10 hours when I relocated. The difference was one was old with only one eye, but damn healthy. He was in a different setting, but with his herd.

                                          Do not torture yourself with guilt and what if. Know you gave her the safest, most comfortable end.
                                          Come to the dark side, we have cookies