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Need help knowing what the right thing is to do. update pg 3

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  • #41
    Our job is not to keep them alive as long as possible, our job is to make sure they come to a good end. Only option 1 is a guaranteed good end. If 2 or 3 go wrong, you are still at 1, and not with a good end. From a practical standpoint, she is also at a place where you know you can bury her on the farm. You might not have that flexibility at your next location,

    You have been a loving and diligent steward.
    *****
    You will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of training.

    Comment


    • #42
      I too agree with option one.

      I see too many risks with a neuro horse and trailering--including to you if you haul her, risks with turnout in a new herd, worry on your part, running into a BAD boarding situation, etc.

      Right now, she is a happy horse. I really do believe that it's better to put them down when there's still a sparkle in their eye, they're happy, and all is well than wait until the bad days outnumber the good or they're in distress.

      Members from COTH contributed to making this vid few years ago...
      http://www.specialhorses.org/ThisItBeRight.asp

      Grab a tissue. But maybe it will help put it in perspective.

      I know that it was really really hard for me to choose a day for my BuddyRoo because he did have good days. Sometimes, I think it's easier when there's a terrible accident or illness because the choice is so much more black and white than when you are arbitrarily picking a day on the calendar. I know I agonized over my choice. I get tears thinking about it as I type and that was back in 2005.

      It's hard. It is just plain hard. Especially with horses you've had for years and years. So much of our life, memories, etc are tied to these horses and letting them go can feel like you're euthanizing a part of your life that no one else can remember with you. It was just you and the horse. That's tough stuff.

      But I'd go with number one. I think it's the kindest thing for the horse. It will be hard for you. ((hugs))
      A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

      Might be a reason, never an excuse...

      Comment


      • #43
        As soon as I read this, I thought option 1 was obvious. But reading further, have tried to identify with the feelings you must have being in this position. It sure isn't easy, is it?

        But considering the length of her having to be retired, her neurological condition, etc., I think the other two options sound too stressful for her. Even if the new owners bought the place and were willing to keep retirees, you don't know them, and would be worrying. And I say this as someone who just now removed her horse from a private barn that looked beautiful and seemed really good last spring. Unfortunately as the barn owner changed her mind about several issues, and was not of her word, things went south for my horse. What if that was the situation in your mare's new place? Could you take care of things and go through a change again?

        I commend you for all the good that you have done for her. What a wonderful owner you've been.

        When one of my dogs got cancer, and they wanted me to go through all the new extended treatments that would require a very stressful situation for her, I opted for doing nothing but everything that would make her happy.

        But exactly as Minnie said, "Horses do not live for the "future". They live in the moment."

        If you choose this option, and will be traveling there at the time, please set up some valuable time for yourself, maybe with others who "get it".

        Hugs from here, too.
        But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson

        Comment


        • #44
          Of course I had to watch the video and as I saw all those beautiful horses come up on the screen - thinking why am I tearing up?

          I know how much each one of those horses gave of themselves; how they allowed us to put them in OUR world, work so hard and never complain. I hope they know how much that means to us and that's maybe why it's hard to make that final decision.
          Live in the sunshine.
          Swim in the sea.
          Drink the wild air.

          Comment


          • #45
            Originally posted by doublesstable View Post
            Of course I had to watch the video and as I saw all those beautiful horses come up on the screen - thinking why am I tearing up?

            I know how much each one of those horses gave of themselves; how they allowed us to put them in OUR world, work so hard and never complain. I hope they know how much that means to us and that's maybe why it's hard to make that final decision.
            I think they did. And you know what they didn't have to know? Pain and suffering.

            We got to give them that gift.

            I wrote the post that ended up being the words to that video a few years ago on a post much like this. I still believe every word that I wrote.

            I have assisted in so many euthanasias over the years...dogs, cats, bunnies, rats and of course horses. For me and for family and friend and clients. I really do believe that we are so lucky to be able to give the final gift of peace without suffering. Having worked in hospice for people, I think that this is one place where we animals can be so much better off than people. They don't HAVE to suffer.

            So I believe every word that I wrote and I believe it's the right thing to do in this situation as well. So I wish the OP the very best during this difficult time. Having been there, as many of us who have posted have, we are with you OP.
            A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

            Might be a reason, never an excuse...

            Comment


            • #46
              I too would vote option 1. If she can't walk straight, even loading her on a trailer might present a considerable challenge, both to her as well as to the individuals handling her. Once loaded, is she going to be able to trailer and unload safely/comfortably? From what you're describing, I really am not convinced she'd be able to. It's a hard decision to make, but it's the best one in this case.
              Proud member of the Snort and Blow Clique

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #47
                Thanks for everyone taking the time to comment and share. I'd say that you can't imagine how it's helped -- but I bet that you all CAN imagine how helpful it's been to share my story and get so much emotional support from you all. I have yet to talk to my vet, but unless they have some serious concerns, I'm ready to go ahead with option one.

                There is no way that she could trailer for a day, and even assuming that I decided I was comfortable with her trailering for just a short period of time, I'm still not comfortable having her at a new place so far away. There really is no other option, so now the only goal is to make this as easy as possible on us all. The time is set for when we all need to be off the property, so the only question that remains is when to do it.

                I think that I knew that it was always the right decision, but I needed to hear it from people who know what it is that I'm feeling right now.

                I come back to this thread numerous times a day to re-read the responses because they make me feel so much better about the whole thing - I'll definitely come back to share how the experience went and get some more support from you wonderful people.

                Thanks so much.

                Comment


                • #48
                  Originally posted by AmmyByNature View Post
                  Thanks for everyone taking the time to comment and share. I'd say that you can't imagine how it's helped -- but I bet that you all CAN imagine how helpful it's been to share my story and get so much emotional support from you all. I have yet to talk to my vet, but unless they have some serious concerns, I'm ready to go ahead with option one.

                  There is no way that she could trailer for a day, and even assuming that I decided I was comfortable with her trailering for just a short period of time, I'm still not comfortable having her at a new place so far away. There really is no other option, so now the only goal is to make this as easy as possible on us all. The time is set for when we all need to be off the property, so the only question that remains is when to do it.

                  I think that I knew that it was always the right decision, but I needed to hear it from people who know what it is that I'm feeling right now.

                  I come back to this thread numerous times a day to re-read the responses because they make me feel so much better about the whole thing - I'll definitely come back to share how the experience went and get some more support from you wonderful people.

                  Thanks so much.
                  God Bless! It is the right thing, and you will know the rest of your life you did right by her!((((((((HUGS))))))) All our hearts are with you, as we have all been there!

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Having just gone through this on Friday with my beloved old kitty, I am happy to hear you are choosing option one. The right thing to do is usually a hard thing to do. Bless you for caring so much for your girl and being a wonderful horse owner. You won't regret your choice, I promise you. {{{{{{Hugs.}}}}}}
                    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Originally posted by BuddyRoo View Post

                      Members from COTH contributed to making this vid few years ago...
                      http://www.specialhorses.org/ThisItBeRight.asp

                      Grab a tissue. But maybe it will help put it in perspective.
                      ((hugs))
                      Hadn't seen that before. It was lovely.
                      But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #51
                        For continuity's sake: I posted details about some issues I've been having with a friend. I deleted it because I probably posted too much.

                        In a nutshell: I have a friend who is now accusing me of choosing to put my horse down because I am heartless and don't want to pay for her any more.

                        Thanks so much for the posts, everyone - you're all the best.
                        Last edited by AmmyByNature; May. 7, 2013, 12:35 PM. Reason: I'm managing.

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          I would suggest your friend's emotions are equally raw at the moment, if she had some fantasy that your purchase of the barn would save her. Your decision about your mare showed her in very stark terms that her personal dream is not going to happen and she struck out at you. Give her some space, do not discuss your own choices with her until you have to, and trust that you have made the right choices on several fronts.

                          *star*
                          "Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit."
                          - Desiderata, (c) Max Ehrman, 1926

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            Well what a slap in the face. You've just discovered that your friend isn't really a friend.

                            Sounds as if she is so emotional from losing the farm that she isn't seeing very clearly. Maybe so desperate that she thought as long as your mare was there you'd buy it and she would remain there, too. Not realistic thinking.

                            I'm so sorry you have this piled on you now, too.
                            You know why cowboys don't like Appaloosas?" - Answer: Because to train a horse, you have to be smarter than it is.

                            Comment


                            • #54
                              I had a similar situation, I had a horse that needed to be put down in the near future, but it wasn't something that needed to be done immediately. So I decided to give her the month of May- I thought it would be nice to give her a nice month, lots of love, some grass, etc. Turned out to be a horrible decision, and it was a month of agony for me. So now that you have made your decision, get it done. It was such a big relief when it was over. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. As for the naysayer friend, you know why she is giving you the guilt trip, so recognize it for what it is, and know that you are being true to yourself and your mare.

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                I'm so sorry that someone is making things worse.. Of course you can't listen to that. You have to do what is best for your horse, and you and we all know what that is. Hang in there!

                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  Just sending hugs from Kentucky. I have a 21 yo will have to deal with this at some point with her.
                                  Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    "Friend" is yet another example of what was really just a friendly business relationship masquerading as a true friendship. Plus that, she has her own issues as that business goes belly up so put that aside and don't be hurt by her words. But she is right that mare gave you her heart. Now you need to give the mare your heart and make the way easier for her, not keep her around in pain to make it easier for you. If she is telling you it's time? Grant her a peaceful departure...and spoil the crap out of her in the meantime, maybe some nsaids for those last precious days. I waited too long with an old cat last year and regret making her wait until I was ready, won't do it again.
                                    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                                    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      My guess is that she - "friend" - is feeling a lot of guilt that you're really only considering PTS because she cant afford to keep the farm and is, in turn, turning her feelings into aggression at you - probably indirectly - because she cant deal with the truth.

                                      Sounds like you guys need some space.

                                      You're making the right decision.
                                      Barn rat for life

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        Aw, you need hugs OP! What a nasty way for a friend to behave. I'm sorry for this predicament - but doing what is best for your mare will trump everything else. Your friend isn't much of a horse person if she's laying guilt on you for weighing your best options and considering everything in advance .

                                        Comment


                                        • #60
                                          Sannois, did you miss the part where you were asked not to quote?

                                          OP, so sorry a very tough decision is being made more difficult.

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