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On money, sacrifice & never feeling like I've done enough

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  • #41
    FYI, math hounds, I think one kid funded all the way through college** costs more than feeding a horse for a lifetime##. It may not be more than the cost of two. Just some factz to inform the kid vs. horse vs. childless life for the couple discussion.

    ** IMO, birth to at least a bachelor's degree seems "the minimum standard of care" for the HO/Momma who would feed her retired horse until his last day.

    ## I have priced out the cost of a horse for the whole length of his life. Assuming board of about $400/month on average, no training and nothing really expensive happening to him, you could spend $250K in 30 years.

    And I think 4 years at an Ivy paying full freight is about a quarter million right now. Who knows what that dollar figure will be when the 2013 foal crop is 18.

    Have a nice day, math hounds.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat

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    • #42
      I read somewhere, that "the greatest success in life is being able to live your life the way you want to." I love that. Hope you get it all figured out, OP!
      Jigga:
      Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**

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      • #43
        Originally posted by Lady Eboshi View Post
        I'm sure there are some major regional variations in play. I speak of the suburbs of NYC where there is a LOT of conformist pressure on parents--of the doing it all, having it all or your letting down your kids sort. The academic and extra-curricular demands are very extreme. Most of the moms I know feel more like taxi drivers and maids for their kids than adults with a life of their own. They never get a "day off." Good to hear it's not like that everywhere!
        Since I read the New York Times every day to have something other than the local news rag for current events, and they often have articles about parenting that make me go , I believe what you say. But it definitely definitely does not represent the country as a whole.

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        • #44
          Originally posted by Lady Eboshi View Post
          Don't have kids unless you really, REALLY want to be "Mom in the Minivan" as the Number One priority in your life more than anything else in the world. Because if you have them, that's exactly what your life is going to be. The world of Mom's is now "child-centered" to an unprecedented degree, and if you are NOT involved in each and every moment of their lives, you will be found wanting by your new peer group. Whom you should go and watch. Go sit with Moms at a "Travel Soccer" game (the Dads, too!) and ask yourselves really hard if that's where you want to be at all costs in 5 years.

          If the answer is still "meh," then DON'T.
          Eh...that's only reality if you have children for competitive reasons . I've got two of them and that's never been my life, because I don't give two you know what's about what my "parenting peers" think. There are plenty of them who behave in the way you describe, but I don't believe it's good for anyone...not the parents, and, more importantly, not the kids.

          My kids are doing just fine with their independently thinking Mommy who pursues her own interests on the side (and yes there is a "side" besides being a parent or you're doing it wrong)...the older boy is graduated from a good college, with a tough major, now living halfway across the country and paying his own bills. No travel soccer ever .

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          • #45
            Kids do not have to be as expensive as the figures that people throw out there which are based on all new everything. I didn't pay for child care, kept new clothes to a reasonable level (hand me downs and thrift stores), made our own meals, didn't feed them formula, didn't put them in expensive preschools or classes at a young age, didn't buy all new books and everything else. Practicality goes a long ways when you have kids. Or horses, or dogs, or a household. Or pretty much anything.

            Our kids will go to college if they choose to; that will be our big expense into them but we also did them the favor of qualifying for student aid! LOL I paid for a portion of my college; several friends paid for all of theirs, and many of my friends didn't go to a four year but did an associates or other path and avoided it altogether-we're all successful in some degree. I think it's baloney if you can't pay for a full ride to Harvard in 17 years you don't have kids.
            “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

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            • #46
              Why did you edit your original post?

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              • #47
                My horse is an air fern and lives 10 mins away on field board, which I pay for by doing evening chores for the BO on the weekends, and he is barefoot. He costs me $40 every two months or so for a trim and $3 a week for carrots Plus, he gets his teeth floated once a year and routine vaccines.

                It can be done!
                Barn rat for life

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                • #48
                  Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
                  Why did you edit your original post?
                  I'm late to the game here. I read most of the responses but would have preferred to read the original post to get a better idea for what the issue is! Sigh.

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                  • #49
                    Originally posted by TBPONY View Post
                    I'm late to the game here. I read most of the responses but would have preferred to read the original post to get a better idea for what the issue is! Sigh.
                    I agree. The original post had insights to the situation the OP was in. She changed it for some reason. Maybe she didn't like some of the answers or her husband didn't like it. If you are going to post on a public bulletin board, be prepared for all kinds of answers.

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                    • #50
                      maybe she just had her chocolate and did not feel as bad anymore.

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                      • #51
                        Originally posted by oldernewbie View Post
                        Since I read the New York Times every day to have something other than the local news rag for current events, and they often have articles about parenting that make me go , I believe what you say. But it definitely definitely does not represent the country as a whole.
                        New York City and the NYT just THINK they represent the country as a whole...
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                        Steampunk Sweethearts

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                        • #52
                          Yep--that's one of the big fat things I keep learning here on COTH!

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                          • #53
                            Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
                            I agree. The original post had insights to the situation the OP was in. She changed it for some reason. Maybe she didn't like some of the answers or her husband didn't like it. If you are going to post on a public bulletin board, be prepared for all kinds of answers.
                            The original post was, as someone else has already pointed out, kind of "whiny". With, in my personal opinion, a bit of entitlement attitude thrown in. I think OP must have realized that, after some responses and/or some further thought and gone back to clean it up.

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