• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Trainer Issues

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Trainer Issues

    I need some advice.

    All throughout the time I have owned my horse, my trainer has always given her a lot of grief. I would regularly get calls about bad behavior my mare had been up to, how she had broken a fence board, played too roughly with another horse or something else that all horses do. Even though I've been a paying customer all this time, I regularly get phone calls about things my mare has done. Recently, I decided I was going to sell my horse as I didn't have much time for her anymore. Even though my trainer helped pic her out for me initially, she insists my mare in dangerous, regularly calls her mean names and embarrasses me and my horse in front of crowds of people by calling her an ***hole and not caring what happens to her. It's beyond me why I continue to maintain this relationship with my trainer, because I could find the same quality of riding without the burden of going home feeling like garbage all the time. Not only did it make horse ownership a nightmare, it has also made the selling process a nightmare. I'm paying full price (what everyone else pays) for training and still I have to hear lip and excuses that other customers don't.

    I guess I should relay some history, that I have been riding with this trainer for my whole riding career and that as a kid I would help her out at the farm doing manual work in exchange for lessons. She has always been a bit pushy and I can take her pushing me around, but I can't take her being mean to my animal. it really upsets me and makes me want to just quit riding all together! I know as the owner I need to stand up to her. I'm an adult now, no longer a kid, and though our 'friendship' and business relationship has gone back many years, enough is enough.

    I just wanted to know am I exaggerating the situation or is this something I really need to address? Do all trainer treat their clients like this? Is it normal for me to get calls about how 'bad' my horse is when I am paying full board at a full care facility? I guess I should mention that she really ins't a bad horse. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body...and my trainers horses are a lot more burdensome or dangerous than my horse is. I often have issues with her horses when I'm looking after them and never do I call up to complain or say "you have to do something about it". I feel that if I were in this situation I might tell the student/boarder/client the issues with their horse, but as the TRAINER that is being PAID exponential amounts of money per month I ought to take it upon myself to figure a strategy to deal with it.

    I feel like if she couldn't handle my mare, then she should have told me years ago and if my mare is such an ***hole then why is this the horse she ultimately picked for me to consider buying in the first place?

    I'm just puzzled, upset and in need of a good shoulder, but as I can't get that here, I am in desperate need of someones advice

  • #2
    Honey - Find a new trainer..NOW. My trainer is like a second mom to me. All of my students are like my kids. I would never, ever, make them embarrassed or call their horse names as you have said about your "trainer". I on occassion call the mares evil, but it is 90% joke...most mares are evil!

    If you dont like the way she is treating you, stop it. Stand up for yourself and your horse. Enough is enough.

    Find a new trainer!
    Boomer's Hopes & Dreams
    On Facebook
    Tia - The Rescue
    RIP Boomer - May 21, 1989 - November 3, 2010

    Comment


    • #3
      If you need a trainer then I suggest you ask some other horse owners who are happy with their trainers and move your horse. The trainer keeps your horse because that is money coming in every month. Can you handle your mare? Do you like her? It might be dealing with your trainer is taking the joy out of your riding. I would find a new place and just leave. You could confront her, but what would that accomplish except bad feelings? If she asks you why you are leaving then tell her honestly why.If you still want to sell find a trainer who will work with your horse and help you sell her.

      Comment


      • #4
        I wouldn't pay someone to treat me like that, personally. And I don't think you should, either.

        Sounds to me like your trainer has gotten way too familiar and comfortable with you, to feel that she can say such things and yet expect you to smile, take it, and keep stroking her checks.

        The next time she pulls that sort of behavior, I would calmly say, "You know, your constant habit of belittling and denigrating my horse really puzzles me, since you were the one who picked her out and recommended I purchase her. And since I've been paying you to train her for (x) months/years, frankly I'm surprised you think she is still such a train wreck, but I'm not interested in hearing it anymore."

        Frankly, people like that just tend to suck the energy right out of the room and life is too short to put up with that kind of nastiness. I'd just arrange to move to a different barn and a more professional trainer. You can tell your current so-called pro that you are tired of paying to be treated so poorly.

        Good luck.
        **********
        We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
        -PaulaEdwina

        Comment

        • Original Poster

          #5
          Thank You for your response. I know it's what I need to do, but in the middle of selling my horse with her, how can i go about that? I'm hoping once my horse is sold it will be the perfect opportunity to bail. She was my first horse and the whole experience has been so horrible for me that I am considering whether I want to go into horse ownership again. There's nothing worse than going home in tears because you feel like you are being blamed because your horse is a horse.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by horsecrazy12 View Post
            Thank You for your response. I know it's what I need to do, but in the middle of selling my horse with her, how can i go about that? I'm hoping once my horse is sold it will be the perfect opportunity to bail. She was my first horse and the whole experience has been so horrible for me that I am considering whether I want to go into horse ownership again. There's nothing worse than going home in tears because you feel like you are being blamed because your horse is a horse.
            Tell the trainer that since she thinks so little of the horse, you don't feel that she can represent her well, and you've gotten to the point where she's made it clear to you that the whole situation is just not working - so you've arranged to have someone else take over. Hopefully she hasn't gotten you locked into some super restrictive contract.
            **********
            We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
            -PaulaEdwina

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #7
              Originally posted by candyappy View Post
              Can you handle your mare? Do you like her?
              I love my mare. She is the sweetest thing in the world, but the last time I rode her we were having some serious problems. That, mixed with the time I had, caused me to decide to sell her. It's too late for me to want to re-neg on that. I've made the emotional breakup and decided she will be better with someone who can challenge her more on all levels, but I often wonder how I would have done with her if I had taken her elsewhere when our problems arose. If a more positive trainer would have been able to help me.

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #8
                That's such a great way to put it! And no, we are on a month to month training and boarding contract. As long as I give 30 days notice we will be square.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Take Lucassb's advice and move on. Take your horse to another professional and as that professional to market and sell the horse for you.

                  In general, I think it is healthy to move on from one's childhood trainer. In my own personal experience, the trainer will often have difficulty treating the adult they trained as a child as...well...an adult. I think the relationship is therefore much more prone to abuse and disregard.

                  That said, even if this person were not your childhood trainer, she is treating you poorly and that is reason enough to move on.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Move your horse and get a good trainer. You may be suprised how fast your relationship with your horse will turn around with the right person teaching you.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by horsecrazy12 View Post
                      Thank You for your response. I know it's what I need to do, but in the middle of selling my horse with her, how can i go about that?
                      Pull the horse now and sell it with somebody else. Aside from the fact that this person doesn't deserve your business, how on earth is someone who only trash talks a horse going to sell it?

                      Perhaps in a new environment you may even like your horse again and not sell after all.
                      The Noodlehttp://tiny.cc/NGKmT&http://tiny.cc/gioSA
                      Jinxyhttp://tiny.cc/PIC798&http://tiny.cc/jinx364
                      Boy Wonderhttp://tiny.cc/G9290
                      The Hana is nuts! NUTS!!http://tinyurl.com/SOCRAZY

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by meupatdoes View Post

                        Perhaps in a new environment you may even like your horse again and not sell after all.
                        I kind of had the same thought. I wouldn't be surprised if this trainer has just burned the OP out in general. She (the trainer) sounds like an exhausting, unpleasant individual!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          D

                          Originally posted by horsecrazy12 View Post
                          I need some advice.

                          All throughout the time I have owned my horse, my trainer has always given her a lot of grief. I would regularly get calls about bad behavior my mare had been up to, how she had broken a fence board, played too roughly with another horse or something else that all horses do. Even though I've been a paying customer all this time, I regularly get phone calls about things my mare has done. Recently, I decided I was going to sell my horse as I didn't have much time for her anymore. Even though my trainer helped pic her out for me initially, she insists my mare in dangerous, regularly calls her mean names and embarrasses me and my horse in front of crowds of people by calling her an ***hole and not caring what happens to her. It's beyond me why I continue to maintain this relationship with my trainer, because I could find the same quality of riding without the burden of going home feeling like garbage all the time. Not only did it make horse ownership a nightmare, it has also made the selling process a nightmare. I'm paying full price (what everyone else pays) for training and still I have to hear lip and excuses that other customers don't.

                          I guess I should relay some history, that I have been riding with this trainer for my whole riding career and that as a kid I would help her out at the farm doing manual work in exchange for lessons. She has always been a bit pushy and I can take her pushing me around, but I can't take her being mean to my animal. it really upsets me and makes me want to just quit riding all together! I know as the owner I need to stand up to her. I'm an adult now, no longer a kid, and though our 'friendship' and business relationship has gone back many years, enough is enough.

                          I just wanted to know am I exaggerating the situation or is this something I really need to address? Do all trainer treat their clients like this? Is it normal for me to get calls about how 'bad' my horse is when I am paying full board at a full care facility? I guess I should mention that she really ins't a bad horse. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body...and my trainers horses are a lot more burdensome or dangerous than my horse is. I often have issues with her horses when I'm looking after them and never do I call up to complain or say "you have to do something about it". I feel that if I were in this situation I might tell the student/boarder/client the issues with their horse, but as the TRAINER that is being PAID exponential amounts of money per month I ought to take it upon myself to figure a strategy to deal with it.

                          I feel like if she couldn't handle my mare, then she should have told me years ago and if my mare is such an ***hole then why is this the horse she ultimately picked for me to consider buying in the first place?

                          I'm just puzzled, upset and in need of a good shoulder, but as I can't get that here, I am in desperate need of someones advice
                          You need to start by selling your trainer. Then the rest you will figure out as you go, and it'll be easy as pie.
                          Originally posted by ExJumper
                          Sometimes I'm thrown off, sometimes I'm bucked off, sometimes I simply fall off, and sometimes I go down with the ship. All of these are valid ways to part company with your horse.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Oh, OP...I feel your pain. I just ended a 10-year relationship with my trainer...who sounds very much like yours. Very emotionally abusive to me, and made my mare out to sound like just an awful horse. I would be in tears leaving her place, and I literally would have panic attacks before our lessons.

                            I need you to trust me on this...LEAVE NOW! If you don't have a buyer currently for your horse, I would wait to sell her until after you have moved. My mare made a huge change when we moved barns. She became calmer, quieter and visibly more happy in just a couple of weeks of leaving the old place. I don't even recognize her personality...it has been that drastic. If your mare senses that your trainer "hates" her (which, I'm guessing the mare does)...her issues may be stemming from the anxiety she is feeling from the trainer.

                            You say that your mare is lovely, and that you have a good relationship with her...don't throw that away because this trainer has ruined it for you. It sounds like you have outgrown what this woman has to offer, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It happens.

                            My new trainer, empowers me...she gives me tools to handle my horses, and she has improved my riding in several short lessons...in what took years for my past trainer to get to. Moving on is healthy, and it's growth.

                            Please feel free to PM me if you need help. I literally just went through this, and I'm so glad that I did. It was one of the hardest breaks I ever had to make, but definitely worthwhile.
                            Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
                            CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Thank You Blkarab. It is very hard, but I agree with you. Only I can make the moves to stop this. I just hate seeing my horse being treated so poorly, it tears me up. She shouldn't be punished for doing things that come as instinct or just as normal horse behavior. Thank you to everyone for all the responses. It's nice to know I'm not making a mountain of a molehill and even more refreshing to know that maybe I can rekindle that 'horse-fever' we all know so well once again

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #16
                                I do have a large amount of people interested in her, so I will continue to sell her. I need a bit of a break myself. Time to re-establish my finances, figure out my career path and some time to travel and explore a bit. If these potential buyers I have right now fall through, then I will definitely be moving her to another barn with another trainer

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Blkarab View Post
                                  I need you to trust me on this...LEAVE NOW! If you don't have a buyer currently for your horse, I would wait to sell her until after you have moved. My mare made a huge change when we moved barns. She became calmer, quieter and visibly more happy in just a couple of weeks of leaving the old place. I don't even recognize her personality...it has been that drastic. If your mare senses that your trainer "hates" her (which, I'm guessing the mare does)...her issues may be stemming from the anxiety she is feeling from the trainer.

                                  You say that your mare is lovely, and that you have a good relationship with her...don't throw that away because this trainer has ruined it for you. It sounds like you have outgrown what this woman has to offer, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It happens.

                                  .
                                  I agree with waiting to see if you change your mind regarding selling your mare! A change of barns and trainers may well fix your issues with her. Give your notice, move barns and give yourself and the mare a couple of months to adjust, and then decide if you still want to sell her.

                                  I've seen several threads on here about whether to buy/keep a horse who's talented and a great ride, but the owner simply doesn't care for the personality. You already have the sweet personality, see if the behavior can be controlled or retrained in a different environment with a new trainer.

                                  As long as the mare isn't *dangerous,* I think you'll really regret not giving her a chance if you sell without first trying a change of venue and trainer.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Yes we did it too. DD had been with same trainer at same barn for 8 years. Our horse always got blamed for ripped blankets, bites etc yet when we went out there she was always the one who was being picked on. BO would also put all the new horses (including ones from the auction) in her field without quarantining them. We finally had enough and moved her. She is so much calmer now and is so happy with her turnout buddies.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      What training should feel like

                                      There have been other posts recently about trainers who left the rider questioning their horse and questioning their feelings about riding. I want to make sure and say, "That is not how it is supposed to be."

                                      I think many of us have days (or several days, or a week, or...) when we don't have huge motivation to ride. But, in four years of lessons with my trainer, lessons leave me feeling, "I love my horse, and I love this stuff." My trainer may occasionally gently tease me about my entrenched habits left over from learning to ride 40 years ago, or may gently joke about my horse's opinionatedness, but she has never, ever, ever made me feel badly about my riding or about my quite mediocre but perfect in my eyes horse. Again, she always, always makes it feel positive, fun, and constructive. If we're not getting anywhere, she tells me what's going on and how and when we'll get past it. I am not a great rider and she has students who are way more advanced and have way nicer horses, but she is absolutely behind us, regardless. That is what a trainer should be.

                                      Come to think of it, why am I on the computer? Where is the phone? I gotta go call her and sign up for two lessons a week instead of one. :-)

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Years ago I removed my mare from a barn where the owner was embarassed to have TB on the property. No one abused her, but my mare was uncomfortable because of the attitude directed her way.
                                        In fact that year I was moving from GA to NH and had to locate a place before moving her. So rather than leave her at that farm, I moved her to another farm for about a month before moving her north with me.

                                        Move both of you to a barn where the trainer will treat both of you properly. You will find it more enjoyable when emotions are not at play.
                                        "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
                                        Courtesy my cousin Tim

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X