• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

I must be utterly passive-aggressive.

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I must be utterly passive-aggressive.

    I cannot fathom why many of us – myself included, who, in our ‘regular, income-producing lives’, function as consummate professionals in our chosen fields, and routinely tolerate the following behaviors:

    1. Continue to employ farriers who are technically brilliant and kind to our horses, yet fail to show up on time 100% of the time (and who are either pathological liars or are utterly useless at time management). Also interesting, they seem to forget how to utilize the telephone – either in text or voice form – from time to time; typically during a shoeing emergency.

    2. Buyers who email approximately 3 dozen questions and demand a host of details – from the type of extender used when shipping semen to radiographs taken within the last month (for SEMEN service) – and then, when pressed to submit a signed contract or ANY amount of money in form of a deposit, disappear into thin air… Only to resurface 6 months later with the SAME LIST OF QUESTIONS.

    3. Tack/equipment dealers who never – and I do mean never – seem to have any item that is urgently needed in stock, but who are willing to order it for you. Timeframe? 8-12 weeks – and you’ll need to email them at least 3 times to inquire about an ETA.

    4. Hay dealers who show up with 100+ bales of what appears to be second cutting from 2 years ago and bears no resemblance to the sample bale they dropped off the previous week. ‘Oh no; that’s the same stuff’.

    5. Trainers, who are rational, mature, sane human beings suddenly morph into ‘mean girls’ when even a hint of consulting another pro about a training issue arises – and all the ensuing hostility/drama/tears/ foot-stomping begins.

    Is this just me? Or is the entire Equine Industry rife with nincompoops, nutcups, and a complete lack of basic business sense? I’m seriously considering getting out; selling our stock and moving into a condo. This is just not worth the effort. (Tongue in cheek). Rant over; thanks for the vent!

  • #2
    I think they are the ones who are passive-aggressive. You are just the enabler!

    Been there, done that! I am trying very hard to get toxic people out of my life.

    Comment


    • #3
      To answer your questions: 1) probably not and 2) it's maybe about half and half!

      The good news is that you can *fire* all of the people in above scenarios once you find a rational substitute. They do exist. To keep on with incompetence isn't passive/aggressive, it's just silly.

      (Of course I can say that - wait until the next incident happens to me and we'll see how well I follow my own advice! )

      Hugs, today will be better!

      Comment


      • #4
        It is not only a horse thing.
        Plumbers and such do the same thing. They tell you that they will be there at 3pm so you take the whole day off to wait and they don't show up. Nice.
        It does seem to be more prevalent in the horse world though.

        Comment


        • #5
          I can see sometimes having no choice - I'm a bit in the boonies now and there's not much to choose from in terms of farriers. My farrier travels to all the small towns on a route, so shoeing emergencies...well, the BO knows how to pull shoes. Then the horse must wait until farrier is in the area *shrug* Thankfully he is punctual for set appointments.

          The trainers are, I think, grossly enabled by the customers. I'm not sure where that comes from, possibly because so many people start as children and the trainer becomes an ersatz parent figure? The service provider/customer relationship is very distorted in such cases, it's more like a school coach with "their" player than a "customer."
          I started riding as an adult, so my interactions with my instructors were always on the service provider/customer level. I did take classes with other instructors if I wanted to check them out; I let my main instructor know just so they'd know what horse and I are up to in case if affected our riding, but there was never any hint of a question of asking their permission or getting their blessing or anything silly like that. But I did observe that the interaction with me was different that the interaction with their child/teen students.

          I also understand that there is a difference when a student is in a training program and showing under a trainer's name, because how they do impacts the trainer's business. But even so, there should be no drama if the student wants to try a lesson with someone else.
          Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

          Comment


          • #6
            There are tons of jerks and clueless twits in EVERY business. But they get weeded out more quickly other places, possibly because of more competition. I know of dozens and dozens of horse people over the years who made a brief "splash" in the business locally and then were never heard from again. At the end of the day, it's about making a profit you can live on. Half these "non-businesslike" people's businesses tank extremely quickly because they just don't "get it" about what it means to work in a service profession.

            So be Darwin's friend and vote 'em OUT--with your checkbook!

            Comment


            • #7
              that's why I so appreciate my farrier. Always shows up the week he says he will and calls the BO the night before.
              My BO grows his own hay... my vet is punctual and communicates via phone or FB. I am only a boarder... but so lucky to have these great people in my horsey life!

              Comment


              • #8
                I put up with #1 because it's either a) deal with the lateness and no shows, b)pay 4x as much + mileage fees for the other good guy, or c)risk having the horses crippled by a complete idiot whose only good quality is showing up on time and who is totally unable to stop from screwing with the horse's feet because they're gaited.

                My farrier is getting way up there in years and starting to have more and more health problems, and I might cry when he retires. More farriers than you can shake a stick at in this area and I hate 'em all.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Well, Farriers who are technically brilliant, and handle horses well, can be REALLY rare beasts.

                  I am way, way out in the boonies, where most ranch cowboys are expected to shoe their own horses. (Yes, frightening shoe jobs are the not unusual.)

                  There are two local farriers. One is great with the horses, but any fresh (within the week of new shoes) jobs I've seen, are so long that they look to me like they need a reset, pronto.
                  The other local farrier is OK if the horse is really good to shoe. And he does a pretty decent job. Not technically brilliant, but adequate. I call him if a horse throws a shoe, or if I can't pull shoes and trim myself.

                  So I import someone from 2 hours away, or I trailer my horses 2 hours to meet the farrier.
                  I find it in my best interest to tolerate an occasional non-returned phone call, to get someone out here in the boonies that does a fabulous job. But said farrier really does have to show up sometime on the right day! Though he can shoe horses without me holding them, there will be four or five to do and $$ for traveling, so he never schedules other horses to do that day.
                  And I always have some yummy lunch for him!

                  My farrier is getting way up there in years and starting to have more and more health problems, and I might cry when he retires. More farriers than you can shake a stick at in this area and I hate 'em all.
                  Yeah, there are areas that are really lacking in GOOD farriers. Friend was looking for a horse in a particular area, holy cow I NEVER saw a good shoe job on any of the many videos or photos I saw, and I saw lots and lots. Best was sort-of adequate, won't ruin a good-footed horse...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The only field I'm outstanding in is the cow pasture but I don't generally deal with any of those things.

                    Granted-my husband became a farrier so that whole aspect is largely averted.

                    But we buy hay and not only do we not take crap hay but we weigh it ourselves and bring the weight slips back to the hay guy if necessary. We don't get hosed on hay very often and I am the quality control department.

                    We don't hire trainers but I did have a trainer giving lessons to my daughter and she was a joy, always on time and always gave a full hour's lesson and taught my daughter a TON. Very happy with her.

                    We don't generally waste a lot of time with buying and selling anything. I hate to order things; we have fairly decent places to shop so that I don't need to order much even in the boonies of Montana. I usually hand pick whoever takes one of our horses on the rare occasion that we sell them.

                    I think it makes a whole lot of difference that my husband is involved. I've heard enough behind the doors conversations among vets, farriers, trainers, and hay guys to know that there can be a real rift between those folks and your average horse lady. I've seen whackadoodles on both ends and I think they each generalize about the others and treat them unfairly and accordingly.

                    If you get a good professional in your corner treat them like gold and keep track of them!
                    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      OP, your post made me laugh as I often tell my SO that the ONLY horse pro that has never cheated, lied, overcharged, or totally f'd us over in some way is my farrier. He's done my horses for over 15 years and I dread the day he retires. I might just quit too when that happens! I just wish one other horse pro in my life would have te work ethic, honesty, and ability of my farrier. Guess I'm lucky to at least have one superstar among the rest!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I see a whole lot of passive here but not much aggressive.
                        "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple” – Barry Switzer

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I just voted with my wallet and left my trainer that couln't keep her appointments. It's the only way to do it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Totally not just a horse industry thing. There are nutjobs and nincompoops everywhere, in every industry.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The one we had in SC (back before cell phones) was a good enough farrier, but with the above mentioned challenges telling time or estimating time. Add to that he couldn't read. Really. So I really HAD to be at the barn from before the time he SAID he'd be there until he really showed up. Or it got dark.
                              www.ayliprod.com
                              Equine Photography in the Northeast

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Posted a similar thread a while back about a lunatic yard owner and got told that I was completely wrong so relieved to see this one! Personally I will not be shaken in my belief that there are more nut jobs and people who let you down on service/common courtesy in the Horse industry than anywhere else and as you say, we put up with it!
                                Horse Selling Hell
                                My Writing
                                People who think they know everything about horses know nothing

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  the problem may be you

                                  Since this is your "first post" even though these concerns are valid you cannot post them without concealing your self.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    I don't put up with any of the above.

                                    My farrier is prompt and does a good job.

                                    The farmer I buy hay from is honest.

                                    And when I had a trainer who was always 20 minutes late, I found another.

                                    Of course it's easier when you live in an area with lots of choices.
                                    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
                                    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      100% on time is unrealistic. Particularly when you know that the service provider is coming to you and may have things come up that are urgent. Asking for communication about being late is not unrealistic.

                                      i have a super reliable set of professionals. Maybe it is because the area is packed with horses and related professionals, and competition has made the standards rise. There are some who are known to be unreliable, but that doesn't work for me.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I've worked hard to build a team of horse pros around us and I trust them and like them - hopefully it is mutual. I'm quite sure every one would go over and beyond for me and my horses...and they have.

                                        OTOH - on the post of the border from hell, I can see I would be the type of person who would go for the easy fix and avoid unnecessary nastiness ...
                                        maybe taking a risk, but cannot say since we don't know the people involved.
                                        Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X