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Dliemma...could use a hug(!)...do cother's even give hugs?!??

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  • Dliemma...could use a hug(!)...do cother's even give hugs?!??

    i have a dilemma and i could use some suggestions. My daughter has a horse. I don't have a husband(!) so all of this is pretty much on one income, just so you know. Last summer we took out a small car loan and purchased a pick up. My daughter and i split the loan amount (she's a teenager). I bought an older trailer (a 1992 to be exact). We live in a area that gets alot of snow. Had the trailer inspected by my mechanic and he said it was good to go. Mechanic started going through a midlife crisis, divorced his wife, he started becoming shady so i had the trailer reinspected (for safety reasons) the other day. News wasn't great. The guy that inspected it this time told me the floor boards are starting to rotbut that the trailer could probably last this coming show season, or longer (we don't show alot). It also needs 4 new tires. Above mentioned teenager is going to start college in the fall, she is staying local and will live at home. The truck we got probably gets 14 miles to the gallon...maybe. We can't be driving that thing on a daily basis or i will have to get a third job. So...here is what we are thinking and here is where i could use some suggestions...should we sell the truck and trailer (and find rides to the outings that we would like to go on) and purchase/lease a car so that we have two smaller cars or do we just sell the truck and keep the trailer until the end of this season and sell it "as is" and maybe rent a pick up from enterprise for the times we would like to go to shows or off property or do we keep the truck and trailer through this season and sell both of them in the fall? This whole thing just makes me sad. My daughter's riding is pretty much everything to her and i just feel like i'm letting her down (she has never, ever made any mention of this, it's just the way "I" feel) because i can't help her as much as i'd like to. This is where i could use a hug if anyone feels like giving me one. Anyway, thank you for reading and thank you for any advice any of you may have. Edit to add that we have since had the trailer inspected two more times by welders and mechanics and they said they have no idea what that guy was talking about. they both said that this particular trailer place is known for tyring to rip people off. I feel so much better now and am even thinking of keeping the trailer.
    Last edited by muffintop; Mar. 28, 2013, 12:58 PM.

  • #2
    You are a good Mom. So here's a hug from one Mom to another (((hug))).

    You have to give more information to get good advice. How much do you use the truck and trailer? Without knowing, I'd say get rid of both and catch rides with others, if that is possible.

    Good luck!
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    • #3
      yes, we give hugs!

      Well, if you don't trailer much, get rid of the rig and find rides.
      It will of course be a change in things, since you will depend on others, but even if you generously pitch in to cover expenses, you come out ahead, money wise.

      I am sorry to hear that the mechanic told you wrong and you are now stuck with a lemon.
      You probably have a better chance selling now, with the weather warming up 'as is'
      Hanging on to it is not worth it: you still have to address the problems, and when you can't do the work yourself, it will be very expensive!

      Good luck to you.


      • #4
        I'll give a ((hug))!

        One consideration is that, depending on your area, it could be difficult to find a rental truck that will allow you to pull a trailer.
        Selling both and getting a vehicle with better mileage might help offset the costs of paying someone to haul you to a show.
        I wouldn't risk my horse on a trailer that "should" get through the season.

        Here's another ((hug)).


        • #5

          Dont' feel like you are letting your daughter down! If you sell the rig (which I would... trailer accidents are nasty) then you are just giving her the tools to be resourceful by having to find rides.

          The money that you will save in gas with a nice smaller car will by far surpass what you'll pay to hop a ride with somebody else AND you won't have to worry about your rig 'maybe' holding up through the season. I'd unload it now, 'as is'.

          Many more ((hugs)) to you!


          • #6
            Sell the truck and trailer and be generous to the people giving your horse rides to shows - be on time with horse ready, teach your horse to be a good loader, offer to clean their trailer, buy them lunch, etc, etc (on top of gas money of course.) Best way to get re-invited and be assured a ride to the next show!

            "When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade."


            • #7
              Going to shows and riding off property are not necessities by any stretch. Dump the rig and get an efficient, well-maintained car. You are not letting your daughter down. You're giving her a very valuable demonstration about how to be responsible about finances.


              • Original Poster

                Thank you for the many hugs! I really, really appreciate them. In answer to the one question, if we go out 10 times a season that's huge for us. While i am the one doing to hauling, i am a very nervous nellie. It's not fun for me because i worry about every little thing but i am happy (and very thankful that i'm able) to do it for my daughter and her horse. They really, really do deserve it, she works her buns off at her job and her education. I do think selling both is the wisest (albeit not the easiest) idea. Boy o boy how i wish life could just be easy!


                • #9
                  Two things come to mind to me -- but first, here's your hug!

                  1.) Now that daughter is going to college, she can pick up some more hours at work, or qualify for a workstudy position at the college that will help offset some of the costs associated with the horse habit. College is hard, but not that hard.

                  2.) Are you SURE the new mechanic is on the up and up? Did he show you where the frame is rotting? Did he show you why the tires need replaced (although they probably do)? Are you sure he just didn't see a single woman and think to himself "Ah, a quick few thousand dollars just walked in my door!"?

                  3.) If I read your post right, you and your daughter share the truck? There is no other vehicle?


                  • #10
                    If it were me, I'd sell and pay for rides. In the end you'll be spending less. And be the best passenger as possible. Pay for gas, clean the trailer spotless, wash it, clean tack, buy lunch, the whole nine.

                    It sure would be a release of a burden on your life!


                    • #11
                      You may be helping your daughter more by being cautious and sensible and doing what you can do, not by stretching finances until they squeak for goals that are not essentials, like one more show.

                      Good place and time to show that there are limits we self impose when that is what makes sense, goals that are adjustable.

                      Working within a stable system, with other riders and trainers that also show, that alone should get her rides to shows and help from those that can help.
                      At least that is the way it works here, some kids don't have quite the means to do much, but are so good team players, always helping, not expecting anything and guess what, someone, somewhere always has a place for them, an extra horse to show, etc.
                      Those kids really do very well also, their focus is in the right place, as it seems you are raising your kid to be.

                      That deserves a hug any time.:HUG:


                      • #12
                        You don't like hauling yourself, truck's expensive, trailer may or may not be safe (I agree with Alex and Bodie's Mom, are you sure the NEW mechanic isn't feeding you a line?), sounds like it would make more sense to unload the rig and get a smaller, cheaper car. If you're daughter's going to college soon, whether she's home or not, she'll have less time to show anyway, and for <10 outings a year, hiring or catching a ride is going to save you money and stress.

                        Make your daughter give you a hug, you deserve one for being a self-sacrificing mom!
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                        • #13
                          well, much of what the mechanic claimed can be checked even by laymen with nothing more than a screw driver:
                          Crawl underneath and poke all load bearing parts, see what happens. If you can penetrate floor boards and 'metal' pieces, you know where you stand.


                          • #14
                            Another option for a second vehicle is a used compact pickup, perhaps with a cap on the back. I had a 4-cylinder Datsun that served both as my car and to haul the "stuff" necessary for owning a horse. And yes, I lived in the mountains -- and knew how to use the 5-speed manual transmission and snow chains!

                            Since I did not show often, I never owned a trailer, but hitched rides. It's much cheaper to help pay for gas, pay for the truck/trailer owner's lunch and entry fees, and be as useful as possible at the show and around the barn.
                            Last edited by Frank B; Mar. 9, 2013, 06:02 PM.
                            The inherent vice of Capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of Socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
                            Winston Churchill


                            • #15
                              I was one of 7 kids. I showed horses from the time I was 11 until I went off to college. During that whole time we never owned a trailer - my dad either rented one that we pulled with our van or I paid to ride with someone else. My hug to you is to tell you that the fact that we didn't own a trailer did not diminish my love of horses one bit. It also did not diminish my love of my parents as I knew it was a stretch for me to have horses and I appreciated every little thing they did for me. I am sure your daughter feels the same way.

                              So, sell the vehicle and trailer and get something that works better for the two of you. Follow the great suggestions others have given you here and it will all work out. Your daughter will appreciate your support of her no matter what.



                              • #16
                                Hugs from another mom!
                                I think the only people who really "need" a trailer are those who keep them at home, for emergencies. Otherwise, it is a luxury. I would just start networking with other riders and hitch rides. Make sure you contribute gas money and clean the friend's trailer like it has never been cleaned before so you get invited back the next time.
                                where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                                  well, much of what the mechanic claimed can be checked even by laymen with nothing more than a screw driver:
                                  Crawl underneath and poke all load bearing parts, see what happens. If you can penetrate floor boards and 'metal' pieces, you know where you stand.
                                  That and use a flashlight also, no telling what else you may see under there.

                                  Too dangerous to go down the highway with a trailer that has a bad floor.
                                  If you are going to use it, better get a third opinion first, from a reputable trailer shop best.


                                  • #18
                                    (((hugs))) from a daughter who is extremely appreciative of everything my parents did for me so I could ride.

                                    Apart from that, I agree with most of the above. Sell the trailer and buy a car that is economical on gas. Your daughter will understand. RE: college, definitely look into work study and apply for FAFSA if you haven't already.

                                    ETA: If you post your general location I am sure there will be a COTHer who could advise you on a good, trustworthy place to get a 3rd opinion on your trailer.
                                    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                                    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


                                    • #19
                                      Here's a HUG and 10 times a year just doesn't t warrant the trailer..mine gets used more than 10 times a month!!!

                                      The money you will save in gas insurance tires and inspection servicing will cover 10 or so paid rides in a trailer you don t have to nervously drive..


                                      • #20
                                        Nothing to add, but here's your hug {{{{{Muffintop}}}}}
                                        ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
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