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A story my DH wrote about COTH

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  • A story my DH wrote about COTH

    Okay, I'm using an alter, just in case (you'll know why in a minute). While my DH is not a regular COTH reader, and is non-horsey, I sometimes share interesting threads with him, and he plays along and listens like a good hubby. He absolutely loved the recent grammar thread because he shares the passion of many COTHers on that particular subject. So one day this week, he took a break from work and wrote a story he thought many of you would enjoy. He included some familiar characters he's learned about from listening to me read other threads in the past.

    Enjoy!

    Of Grammer and Horses: An Original COTH Tail

    [Enter: Liza Tangerino, sitting on a fold-out lawn chair in the middle of the barn’s isle, and Jane Blurdett, grooming a shockingly skinny horse behind her.]

    Liza, looking up from her latest issue of Practical Horseman, which happens to be a year-and-a-half old: "I heard your horse has Lyme's disease. Sorry about that."
    Jane, nonchalantly: "Eh, I’m not that worried. It doesn’t seem to really phase him."
    Liza: "What makes you say that? I thought all horses with Limes' disease had to be put down or left alone in a field or something..."
    Jane: "I don't think so. I lounged him this morning in the outdoor."
    Liza, standing and then moving in for a closer look: "Really? But my vet said Lymes' is an expecially bad disease. But I guess he looks alright."
    Jane: "Yeah, he does." Aside: "Wait, isn't that heresay?"
    Liza, trying to view the horse from the side but struggling in such a narrow aisle, all while pretending she isn't trying to look anyway: "Why didn't you use the indoor? I drug it yesterday, you know?"
    Jane, shrugs.
    Liza, squinting: "Eh, I don't know. He's standing a little funny, or is that just his confirmation?"
    Jane: "Yeah, he's a good Catholic, though I don’t think he much appreciated the ash's I rubbed on his head a few week's back."
    Liza, puzzled: "That doesn't make alot of sense."
    Jane, increasingly angry and pointing to the picture on the wall to her right: "Look at that picture of him and I. Are you telling me that horse--out of Whitewhine, the finest stallion America has ever known--has something structurally wrong?!?! Your being rediculous!"
    Liza, genuinely surprised: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't take that tone with me. I'm a history professor! I wasn't trying to say anything was wrong, per say. I was just trying to offer some friendly advise."
    Jane, calmly: "I suppose there are worse things in the world then that. I shouldn't of snapped at you."
    Liza: "It's okay. And if there is something wrong, you can always sale him."
    Jane: "That's a seperate issue."
    Liza: "Sure. How long have you been lessoning with him?"
    Jane: "Oh gosh, we've really been threw it all. It’s been almost three years now. I loved him from the first time I saw his perfect gate. It really was the most unique I've ever seen."
    Liza: "Oh, really? How did you get him?"
    Jane, peeved at the personal nature of the question and incredibly terse: "I saw an ad on Craigslist, responded, had to go and see him once, and wala, he was my horse."
    Liza, without laughing: "That is literally the funniest thing I have ever heard."
    Jane, wanting desperately to end the conversation: "Definately."
    Liza, having finally satisfied herself that the horse would be fine and wanting to declare it to all: "So, I think you have everything under control here."
    Jane, under her breath: "I could care less what you think."
    Liza, leaving: "My friend is coming out tomorrow to go horseback riding for the first time. See you than!"
    Jane: "Alright...?"
    Liza: "And if you try to stop her, I'll sue you."
    Jane: "Uhm..."
    Liza: "Well, as soon as soon as I can find an attorney who matches my ethics."
    Jane: "Aight."

    Scene.

  • #2
    Your DH spends way too much time "lounging" on COTH!! That was brilliant!

    Comment


    • #3
      Or, rather: You're DH spents way to much thyme lunging on COTH. That waz brillient.

      Comment


      • #4
        He went all out, no breaks to his imagination.

        Comment


        • #5
          wow that's hilarious!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            To funny! Love it!

            P.
            A Wandering Albertan - NEW Africa travel blog!

            Comment


            • #7
              Very nicely done!!!

              G.
              Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raça, Uma Paixão

              Comment


              • #8
                Love it.
                You know why cowboys don't like Appaloosas?" - Answer: Because to train a horse, you have to be smarter than it is.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Siriusly, ROFL! Makes me want to print it out and circle the misteaks!!
                  "Oh, sure, you may be able to take down one smurf, but mark my words: You bonk one smurf, you better be ready for a blue wave."---Bucky Katt

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Frightening to see all those misspellings, wrong words used and poor grammar all in one story. OP, your hubby did a brilliant job!!! Loved it!!
                    Founder of the Dyslexic Clique. Dyslexics of the world - UNTIE!!

                    Member: Incredible Invisbles

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I enjoyed this! In return, would you share this song with your husband- I think he'll like it. The fourth song in the list called "Mispronouncements" and be sure to open the lyrics so you can read as your listen.
                      http://themispronouncer.bandcamp.com/

                      If he likes this music and wit- don't skip the song "20 questions"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        That's hysterical!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Alot of laugh's!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Wow, for all intensive purposes, that was better then what ev's else I've red in a long wile

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              U forgot txtspk!

                              XLNT!

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                              • #16
                                Taken back by the talent

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                                • #17
                                  Oh, I'm so disappointed he didn't get my two peeves in! The horse should have been gifted to her from a rescue!
                                  I have a Fjord! Life With Oden

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Love it! Well done
                                    Piaffe Girl -- Dressage. Fashionably.
                                    http://piaffegirl.wordpress.com/
                                    https://www.facebook.com/PiaffeGirl

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Wat no housegeusts??
                                      Beyond the Ring-para dressage, training, coaching
                                      www.facebook.com/btrparadressage

                                      Proud Team Four Star Minion! Renegade for Life!

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                                      • #20
                                        LOL!
                                        “Pray, hope, and don't worry.”

                                        St. Padre Pio

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