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another no good deed thread, advice?

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  • #21
    Originally posted by retrofit View Post
    Get her horses off your property, and off your feed bill ASAP.

    Without a written boarding contract, and with your son in the middle, I doubt you will recoup anything. Just hope that he gets sick of her entitled whining ass and dumps her before he knocks her up.

    this x 10000000000000000000000000000
    Draumr Hesta Farm
    "Wenn Du denkst es geht nicht mehr, kommt von irgendwo ein kleines Licht daher"
    Member of the COTH Ignorant Disrepectful F-bombs!*- 2Dogs Farm


    • #22
      Send her certified mail that you consider her horses abandoned, and that if they are not off your property within a certain time frame that you will sell them to recoup hay/feed/time expenses...

      and detail the current bill, and let her know weekly what is accruing. You may want to let your attorney know, just a heads up... and get his/her advice.

      Sucks, I had a "friend" do something similar but on a much grander scale and have learned this lesson at great expense.

      Hind sight is always 20/20


      • #23
        Upon re-reading the OP it isn't clear to me that her son moved out with the "girl friend". In fact, it sounds to me like the son is on his mother's side.
        "The captive bolt is not a proper tool for slaughter of equids they regain consciousness 30 seconds after being struck fully aware they are being vivisected." Dr Friedlander DVM & frmr Chief USDA Insp


        • #24
          Originally posted by ptownevt View Post
          Upon re-reading the OP it isn't clear to me that her son moved out with the "girl friend". In fact, it sounds to me like the son is on his mother's side.
          I want to clarify that I wasn't trying to say the son is a bad kid or is currently working against his mom. I hope my post didn't come across that way. As I said, I'd forgive his bad judgment as a mother-son kind of thing (after all, he is dealing with his father's illness too) but I still say leave him out of the business/legal matter at hand.


          • #25
            I agree with those who have said to get the ponies off your property/feed bill & cut your losses ASAP. You aren't going to get any money from her now or in the future.

            She has shown her true colors so do not ignore that! Hopefully your son will see her less than honest behavior not to mention craptastic way she treats his parents & get himself out of the situation as well.
            "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"


            • #26
              Originally posted by Bogie View Post
              I'm not sure what you would do if they don't leave!
              Begin legal proceedings to place a stableman's lien on them. Once they are hers, dispose of them as the law allows in her state.


              • #27
                wow. just wow.

                talk about kicking a gal when she's down. get rid of those ponies pronto and schedule a big sit down with your son. anyone who thinks that treating you like this, taking advantage of you when you are at your most vulnerable, is NOT a nice person. not someone you want in your life at all.

                i am so sorry you are having to endure this. i am hoping your son gets the (flashing neon) message about this girl.
                * trying hard to be the person that my horses think i am


                • Original Poster

                  thanks for all your replies!! I definitely feel better, all of your responses have lifted me up !!

                  My son has NOT moved out, I don't think he will, as he is very family oriented, and I don't think he would leave us in the midst of this crisis.

                  Stupid girl-- she sent me an email trying to claim I said "don't worry about Dec." ugh, like I would EVER agree to pay for her ponies. And that this is all because I am having issues with her and son's relationship.

                  keep in mind the "issues" started when she (and him) were told point blank (cuz all my subtle hints were falling on deaf ears) that they needed to start paying upfront for her ponies.

                  any way to say I hit the roof after her email is an understatement, and of course it led to an arguement (and subsequent repair discussion)

                  bottom line is ponies have until noon tomorrow to be removed from my property, then I'm calling animal control and reporting them as abandoned.

                  done being the door mat, for sure.


                  • #29
                    Good God I hope he gets rid of her. What a little witch.


                    • #30
                      Sorry you have to deal with this when you already have enough on your plate.

                      It seems to me that you are a no nonsense, take action kind of woman...with a huge heart that exposed you to being taken advantage of. Hope all goes well. And if she doesn't give you any $$ for the time she's been there, it should be a huge warning to your son.

                      Jingles for your family.


                      • #31
                        Good for you! I hope getting this resolved soon takes a load off your shoulders. Even if you dont get the $, it will be great to have this conflict out of your life.
                        Hang strong!!


                        • Original Poster

                          uphill, you said it best! :-)

                          my son is seeing her with new eyes, for sure,and I'd like nothing better than if he never spoke to her again, but I know he has to work it out for himself, poor kid.

                          her biggest problem is that he helps us too much. he goes to get hay once a month and sawdust. the two things we can't do right now, physically. and other things of course, but those are her "points".

                          what I think is that she's threatened by the fact that we are a really close family, and hers is one of "those" -- wealthy and completely dysfunctional, --so she wants him to "choose" her.

                          I wish I could send her the email I originally wrote-- that would definitely send her and her own type of crazy into a tailspin, LOL


                          • #33
                            Wow, what a miserable excuse for a human being that girlfriend is!! It's a good thing your son has found out what she's really like early on.

                            I suspect that you are right that she's upset about your son helping you because she wants things to be "all about her"...she must be incredibly insecure. My husband's ex-wife was like that...always trying to make him choose between her and his family, to "prove" how much he loved her. Yuck. One of many reasons she is EX.

                            Geez, there are sooooo many girls out there who would consider themselves lucky to find a guy who is there when his family needs him, pitches in and takes responsibility. That's the kind of guy healthy women want . Hopefully your son has learned a lesson from this one and will be better prepared to weed out the crazies right at the start.


                            • #34
                              Originally posted by gabby.gator View Post
                              bottom line is ponies have until noon tomorrow to be removed from my property, then I'm calling animal control and reporting them as abandoned.

                              done being the door mat, for sure.

                              You go, girl.

                              No advice, you are doing great.

                              I'm just sorry you are having to deal with this when you have more important issues at hand. In the scheme of stuff that really matters, this little piece of work is a small bump in the road. Your son will figure it out. And like you said, poor guy while he's doing it. That can't be fun to watch either. But it sounds like your son is a good man, and knows what's really important too.

                              I'm sorry she found you guys. But you are doing great. Keep it up.
                              "Aye God, Woodrow..."


                              • #35
                                OP, I think you have gotten very good advice and encouragement here. I have one observation about the girlfriend - she may have been the cause of the unhappy family situation that she just had to escape. When someone likes to cause this much drama, you can be sure they have done it before and they will do it again.


                                • #36
                                  Good for you reporting them as abandoned and having them removed by law enforcement. I hope your son is able to understand this is the only real option available to you at this point since while the horses are under your care, custody & control in many states, you are liable for providing proper care which is not only feed, but routine matters like farriery & necessary vet care.

                                  You also might want to consider investing the $25 or so to file a claim in small claims court. Once you get a judgment, you can then garnishee her wages by filing a claim with her employer.


                                  • #37
                                    Girls are bi*$&@$. I think giving someone life and raising them to adulthood is a pretty big deal. Going and getting hay once a month or once a day doesn't repay that debt but it sure is a nice gesture.
                                    McDowell Racing Stables

                                    Home Away From Home


                                    • #38
                                      Your son sounds like a good kid, it's a shame that he got mixed up with this nutter. I hope that he sees the light, so to speak, soon.

                                      I have no other advice for you, other than great job! Your COTH 'family' is here for you... I'm sure there are a few in your area who would be happy to deal with this beeotch for you.


                                      • #39
                                        When I was doing chemo, I had a well known, national rescue with two horses fostered here. I asked for $50 a month for feed. They agreed and then never gave me a dime. Luckily, I was able to personally rehome them. People suck.
                                        Jingles and a hug.


                                        • #40
                                          There is no such magic bullet as "reporting them abandoned" and then the guys in the white hats ride over the hill and save the day. The girl can just say she has a boarding agreement, verbally, and that she has 30 days, or any variation thereof. That is why you need to file the lien asap unless she actually comes and gets the horses tomorrow. If so, all done and fine, but no animal control, police officer, sheriff's deputy, etc. in any county in any state in the USA (I hope to be wrong but do not think so) has the authority to do this. Boarding contracts, verbal or otherwise, like services rendered in businesses like mechanics shops, have a process that must be carried through, I have never heard of any state or county seizing animals on the basis that they have been abandoned in one day for the simple reason that these processes to gain possession must be adhered to for the obvious reasons.

                                          I also would not waste emotional energy or time fighting with your son over the obvious problems with the girlfriend and creating a divide that does not exist. If he cannot figure out how she is manipulating him against you, and why (attention creation disorder), then he better learn fast. Probably you are already kicking yourself over this, but why did you let a teenage girl who was a recent girlfriend, move into your house in the first placed? You need to take ownership as to how you were maneuvered into creating this too, which you alluded to with how happy you were that he was for the first time interested in a "horsey girl" and that you have come to depend on him to take care of your horses now, these are your horses and not his right? Think about that please, and he will become less of a part of this problem. He is still a teenager himself isn't he, is he in school or working outside the home?
                                          Last edited by Calamber; Jan. 15, 2013, 11:05 PM.
                                          "We, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit." JFK